"Honestly, Son Dongwoon, have you been crying when I was away?"

Even the makeup the writer had been stealing from the bathroom, where Junhyung kept all his powder and other men cosmetics, could not hide the fact that he had been crying all night. If only he did not let traces of powder scatter everywhere, everything would probably be just fine. He felt like cursing himself for being forgetful enough to not leave any clear evidences of him caking his face, especially eyes, with makeup.

"No," Dongwoon tried to deny. "I was working on my book, as usual." It hurts, Junhyung, it hurts, he mentally screamed, despite himself being aware of their inability to communicate telepathically. His hands were wrapped around a pillow, his face looking gloomier than ever. He tried to ignore the huge wave of memories that came to him as he remembered what was written in his old, dusty journal.

Maybe one day, he would erase the indefinite breakup date with a bitter chuckle, finally writing an actual date.

Maybe one day, his old, naive writings will follow him around like a shadow that he will throw the black book on a fire, leaving it to turn into ashes.

"Huh." Junhyung snickered in slight disgust, causing the younger to wince slightly. "Guess some rat decided to put some makeup on and left trails of powder," he added with obvious sarcasm in his voice. His expression turned serious, and for one moment there, Dongwoon thought that he would actually punch him. "I'm serious, Dongwoon, is something bothering you?"

Dongwoon shook his head quickly and barely managed a weak smile. "I'm... I'm good," he said slowly, when in fact, he was still sniffling when he heard Junhyung's faint footsteps outside. He threw all the tissues he had wasted on his tears quickly and pretended to go back to his laptop when he heard the rustling of the keys. "How was the party?" he asked, trying to change the topic.

"Don't try to change the topic, Dongwoon," Junhyung snapped, causing the other to wince again. "I still want answers: what were you crying about? What the hell happened to you when I was away?"

Dongwoon tried to fight back the tears that were already threatening to fall. "People get teary-eyed when they're extremely sleepy," he said, manipulating the fact to tell another lie. He caught the sharp glare Junhyung gave him and felt weaker. "Okay, I was crying. Happy?" It was his turn to be slightly pissed off now.

"I know that already," Junhyung pointed out. "I will repeat that once again: what were you crying about?"

At this point, the writer felt extremely stupid. Of course Junhyung knew that he was crying. Even oblivious people would probably suspect that he had been shedding tears of great pain. The actual reason was already at the tip of his tongue, waiting to be spat out. However, even his dysfunctional brain had sensed that everything would be very awkward if he just blurted it out. He decided not to give an answer.

"Answer me!"

Dongwoon shook his head violently. He bit his lips as a drop of tear rolled down his cheeks, followed by more tears. Soon, the makeup he wore around his eyes was stained, and he was all teary again. He didn't dare to look at Junhyung: the empty cold marble floor felt calmer to stare at. He saw his tears fall to its surface, and was actually amazed on how kind it was to be stained by those stupid, useless teardrops. "Stop it, Junhyung." His voice was shaking. "I don't want to talk right now. Leave me alone."

That angered Junhyung even more. "What?" he said in disbelief. "Honestly, what is it that you want? You know, I've hated our relationship for the past few months. It's like we're so distant now. Do you know why I drown myself in alcohol? Because you left me for your ing books! I think it is fair for the two of us, and I don't know, you're like a ing stranger in my ing apartment. Where has our relationship gone? I don't know."

"Stop it!" Dongwoon yelled, finally getting up. His eyes were fixed to Junhyung's. It was amazing how his drunken soul could spit out sober, honest words. The writer might have forgiven him for being drunk, if he wasn't already hurt since before. "For goodness sake, Junhyung, stop yelling at me like that. These tears, no matter how much I hate to say it, is my hatred towards myself. Stop reminding me why do I hate myself these days, just stop it. Have I not realized everything you say? Are you that foolish to not see the pain I try to endure every day?" Of course, you idiot, Dongwoon immediately thought to himself, he's drunk.

With that, Dongwoon shoved past Junhyung and went to his room. No, not to get some sleep: he wanted to cry all night. He didn't care if the other would ransack the whole flat, he just wanted to have some time alone with himself and release all the emotions he felt for the past few weeks.

"Honey?"

Dongwoon woke up to his boyfriend's soft coo. He slowly opened his eyes and blinked for a few times. He saw Junhyung on his right, wearing a worried expression on his face. "Oh my God, your eyes are so puffy," he said hysterically. "I must have done something bad last night. Oh my God, Dongwoon, I'm so sorry."

The younger did not say anything for a few moments. Yes, the drunken Junhyung had hurt him so badly, and so did the sober Junhyung, but the sober him was not present last night. He needed the time to think whether Junhyung should be forgiven or not. But then, the answer was obvious. The older had said what he had in mind, and his sober self was just deceiving both parties. "If you're sorry," he said weakly. "Tell me what did you say last night."

Junhyung raised an eyebrow. "But I was really drunk last night," he protested. "There's no way I could remember what I did, or said. Was it really terrible?"

"It's what you're keeping from me all along."

For a moment, Junhyung stayed quiet to think. His expression changed right after he thought of it, and seemed to get the answer. "Oh no." He looked horrified. "Oh no. Did I say that last night?" He seemed to have zipped his mouth after that, because Dongwoon had known everything. Junhyung slowly drew back, hoping that his boyfriend would forgive him sooner. 

Junhyung's eyes were fixed on the book he had opened last night, originally intending to give it to Hyunseung. The first few pages had intrigued him, as much as he hated to admit it. His eyes were fixed to the title: Invisible Barrier. He still could not forget how strangely deep the first few pages were. He slid it against his table and opened it from the very first page, and to the next.

Dedicated to Yong Junhyung, the guy who has always been supporting me since day one.

A bitter chuckle escaped from the corner of Junhyung's lips. If only he had seen and read this book earlier, he would have overwhelmed the writer with words of gratitude. But now, knowing how much he had accidentally hurt Dongwoon when he was drunk last night. What did he actually say, until the younger cried right in front of his drunken self? He turned to a random page and scanned through it. Soon, he found himself turning the pages of the book, skipping to a few more chapters when he had realized it.

Invisible Barrier; written by Son Dongwoon

Chapter Ten

I wrap my arm around Archie's shoulders, sending him telepathic comfort though I know that he could not sense it. I steal a glance at him. He, surprisingly, is still keeping a straight face. Poor guy, I say to myself quietly, it must have hurt a lot. Well, if seeing your beloved ones happy with another guy does not hurt or even shake your heart just a little bit, what will?

"Are you alright?" I ask him. He nods and smiles at me, as if nothing just happened. He is a strange guy, to be honest. I mean, he is supposed to be the one feeling sad and all that, but why am I the one feeling sad for him? Why is he just shrugging everything off like that?

Then I remember something. He is a ghost: a ghost who could not rest in peace before he finds happiness. Technically speaking, his heart is not really functioning anymore. Thus, he could not actually get hurt, nor could he easily find happiness. It must have for him to have minimum emotions. Maybe, at this point, he wants to cry, but there is nothing but emptiness when he tries to do so. "If you think you should be 'happy' when you see your ex-girlfriend happy," I say, trying to break the silence. "Aren't you supposed to rest in peace now?"

I don't know how, but my words seem to have kept him quiet for a moment. "You're right," he finally says, "I am happy; I am supposed to go back to Heaven right now. Maybe I am not happy yet? Ethan, am I deceiving myself?"

I shrug. The only thing that comes to my mind is a Korean music video, in which the guy is facing almost the same thing as Archie. Difference is, that man is really happy, and does not bother the girl (or the singer of the song) anymore. "Man," I say with a slight chuckle. "This is like the plot twist or alternative ending of Ailee's music video. Or maybe Ailee's Heaven two point zero." 

Epilogue

I continue taking orders from the customers, the memories and impression Archie left on my head still lingering with the recipes of the drinks the coffee shop serves. I still feel him beside me whenever I rush to the creams and toppings to finish the drinks, his voice reminding me what ingredients should I put next, or how many teaspoons of sugar should I put for the hot chocolate. Thanks to him, a smile always plays at the corner of my lips whenever I go back to work.

Archie is the reason you would scream because of his floating legs, but he will walk normally on public places. He is the one that will piss you off at first, but then leaves a deep impression on you, making it hard for you to forget him and move on with your life. I love him, and I would not be ashamed to declare that I love him to the whole world, because I do. And if you love someone, should you be afraid to tell everyone that you love him/her?

"Hey, Ethan!" one of my workmates, George, calls after my shift is over. I turn to him and see him wave a piece of paper to me. I come to him and squint my eyes, trying to read the scribbles on the small paper. He gives it to me, and I read it. My heart suddenly feels like it is shrinking once I finish reading the short, yet beautiful words of gratitude.

'Thank you for being my happiness; from: Archie.'

I ignore George's question, asking who Archie is and what the note means. I chuckle and grab my backpack, getting ready to head home and call it a day. On the way home, I keep on re-reading the note over and over again, smiling to myself and ignoring the weird stares I get from other people on the subway.

Archie is not mine and I am not Archie's. For someone who loves him to much, it hurts at first. It's like taking coffee away from people who are crazy about them. But then, it takes away the addiction, until we finally could accept life without it. For me, I am still in the process of getting my normal life back, but no matter what, he and the memories would always follow me around like a shadow of mine.

But we must always remember to not look at the dark shadows at all times, for there is always the bright sunshine above us.

Though Junhyung had only read the first, middle, and last chapters of the book, he could feel the emotions Dongwoon was trying to convey through the book and characters. It's somewhat bittersweet, and the party animal regretted not reading this earlier. Or maybe, he was meant to read it now, for some sentences of the book is what he needed to read right now, with Dongwoon staying away from him.

Ethan, am I deceiving myself?

It seemed to have awakened his senses. He had been deceiving his boyfriend and himself all along by pretending that their relationship is still at its peak and is not breaking apart. If he were to change 'Ethan' with his name, the answer would obviously be yes. The note in the story's epilogue was also a reminder at least thank Dongwoon once. He remembered how grateful he was back in high school, when the two of them were good friends. He had always thanked the introvert for being the 'base' of his popularity, and now, it seemed like he had forgotten the start of everything.

He would thank Dongwoon once everything is resolved.