Jiyong's POV

As I'm driving to the YG building for work, I came across a stop light.  I slow down my car and wait for the light to change green.  To pass the time, I start bobbing my head to the radio and softly singing whatever song is playing.  I'm thinking of the theme for my new album and which song should be my lead single when I see movement from my rearview mirror. Someone was walking down the street with a child.  The man looked so familiar.  My mind is racing to remember him as i stare at his features.  His raven black hair that are in soft curls on top of his head.  His body was well built, not too thin but a slight build of muscles that shape through his white shirt.  His lips were thin and kissable with a tender smile that I used to know so well.  What made my heart clench in recognition though was his eyes, warm chocolate brown eyes with dark circles underneath that made him look like a cute panda...my cute panda.  They're the very same eyes that can make me drown in them over and over.  I would get lost looking in them and never want to be found.  Those eyes with the black circles that can overwhelm me with beautiful emotions at once.  That can arouse the dragon within with just one look.  Everytime I look into those eyes I can't help, but fall in love with that person again and again.  Those mischievious eyes that held my whole universe.  The only man that I knew who had those adorable eyes were HIM-Seungri, my ex-lover.

We used to be so in love with each other.  I used to be so in love with him.  Before my career as a singer took off, before all the fame came in and ruined it all...ruined us.  We were lovers.  He was my everything, my handsome panda, my life.  I thought he was the only thing I ever needed..and he was until I was discovered by YG.  It was a dream come true.  Everything I worked for was finally going to pay off.  All those nights that I would sing at clubs and hotels, those demo tapes that I would send in to different companies with no call backs.  Finally, I could fulfill my dream of being an artist and producing my own music.

I started training for a year and then they had me debut as a solo artist.  I was known as G-Dragon.  My popularity started to rise.  I was on top of the world.  I had my career, my dream, and my Seungri.  There was nothing else that could make me even more happy.  I thought I had everything, but then YG CEO discovered that I was in a gay relationship with another man.  He told me that my being with Seungri would ruin my career if the public found out, so he made me choose: my career or Seungri.

It was the hardest decision that I ever made in my life.  The love of my life or my dream that I worked so hard for.  I couldn't possibly choose.  It was impossible for me! As I was tearing myself apart over this for days, Seungri discovered what was happening and chose for me.  He wanted me to choose my dream over him.  He had always supported me for so many years-since high school.  He believed in my dreams when no one else had. He never wanted to hinder my dream or become a burden to me.  "Hyung, I'd rather you live out your dream than live to regret not doing it.  I don't want you to end up resenting me later for being unfullfilled.  I know you love me, but in the end, disappointments and regrets will kill us. I don't want that to happen.  I never want to be the one holding you back. I love you so damn much, hyung, that I see letting you go is for the best-for your happiness...and...I want you to let me go..."

We talked it over, I tried to stop him from leaving.  I tried to find a way for us, but in the end Seungri left without a trace.  I couldn't find him no matter how hard I searched.  In time, I learned to pick up the pieces of my life without him.  My career started to soar and I became the infamous G-Dragon, the top singer/rapper in Korea.  Everyone wanted to be around me.  I had many lovers that loved G-Dragon, but none of them loved Kwon Jiyong like Seungri did.  None of them could compare to him, no matter how much I tried to forget about him.  They were all just temporary muses for my music and then thrown away like garbage when inspiration has dried.  Deep in my heart, I knew that Seungri was still the only one for me; although, I haven't seen him since the day he moved out of our apartment.

Seeing him now brings back all those sweet memories of us together.  All those feelings I used to have for him came flooding back.  fell in love with him all over again.  The overwhelming strength of it knocked me back taking my breath away.  Just looking into his eyes made me tremble all over.  I want him-no, I NEED him!

He was walking by my car as I watched him stroll down the street.  I was going to roll down my car window to call to him-to reclaim him-when I noticed the child that was holding his hand.  The child was a little boy with dark black hair-the same raven black hair as my Riri's.  The little boy even had the same dark circles under his eyes like a cute baby panda.  He was the spitting image of the panda bear next by him.  I would have found this adorable if I wasn't so shock at the sight.  That can't be his son! Why did this little boy look so much like my Seungri?  It can't be...'maybe he's his nephew'  I tell myself over and over again, trying to deny the awful truth.  I can't deny it though, he looks so much like him.  Those panda eyes are definitely Seungri's.

I felt desperation creep down inside of me as I watched them turn the curb into a residential area.  I snapped out of my reverie and decided to follow them.  I slowly drove behind them making sure to keep my distance, so they wouldn't notice me.  They walked down the street then ended up at this small, quaint, but very pretty house.  It must be their house.  It was white with large windows.  White curtains were pushed back to the sides, so I could see perfectly inside.  There was a lovely rose garden in the front of the house by both sides of the door steps.  The house looked like something that Seungri and I used to discuss when talking about our future.  We always used to describe a house like this if we ever got married.

I parked my car across the street and as I saw the lights inside the house flicker on.  Since the windows were quite large, I could see Seungri perfectly moving around the house doing little chores.  Things that he used to do when we lived together.  I felt warm watching him and chuckled a bit when he clumsily set up the table.  He is still so cute and adorable, I just wanted to barge in there and kiss him so thoroughly until he is unable to breath anymore from the pressure of our lips smashed together.  I felt myself get hard at the thought of this and remembering how he used to taste...how we used to make love.  Damn, I miss him so ing much!

I watched Seungri place the food on the table with his pretty hands.  Those hands that used to hold me and caress me.  The same hands that never failed to arouse me when touching my body; even now, I can still feel his hands on me.

Suddenly, I see a car turning into his drive way.  A woman steps out with grocery bags and walks her way up to the house.  I watch as she goes in and greets my Ri.  I see Seungri smile at her.  That smile used to belong only to me.  I watched the person that still belongs to me kiss someone else, someone who isn't me.  I feel the jealousy and possessiveness consume me.  How dare that stupid woman kiss and touch my panda?!  He's mine! He will always be mine! Doesn't Seungri know that?  Doesn't he know that he still belongs to me?! That I still think of him as mine? 'He's mine,' I yell in my head as I clench my fists.  The fact that he's another person's husband, that child's father was just out of the question, yet all I could do was sit here and watch from a far.  Watch another person love him.  Doing the things that I want to do with him.

Seungri, my dear Seungri, are you truly happy? Do you ever feel that something doesn't feel right to you? That something or someone feels out of place.  Does this life seem right to you? Is that smile to her sincere? Do you still think of me?

Oh Seungri, that house that you live in,

That car that you drive,

The food that you make,

Even the child that you have,

All those should have been mine.

That woman's place by your side should have been mine.  All those things-ALL OF IT-should. have. always. been. mine.