Chapter 2

Living With Death

Credit of this poster goes to MonHyunWooYoung2010my ever so amazing dongsaeng. I still think you should open a shop. Seriously. 

 

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It turns out forgetting Kris is like asking Death to stop being...well, Death. It's difficult to forget that beautifully sculptured face now embedded in his memory, with that sharp jawline, pearly set of white teeth, high-bridged nose and piercing dark eyes. The blond hair accentuates his masculinity too, an added bonus for a guy who already looks like a Greek God whenever he strides by.

 

And when Kyungsoo sneaks a peek at him for the first time since their last encounter, he could feel something stirring inside him, a dangerous swirl of emotion threatening to spill forth at any given moment. It could have been an innocent gut-twisting knot of admiration for a good-looking blond-headed man that stole his attention a few days back, but for Kyungsoo, it's like writing down a death note to someone, telling them the exact time of their death and how they're supposed to die, except that in his case, he doesn't know exactly when and how.

 

He just knows that Kris will eventually die if they end up spending too much time together. And too much could actually be too little to an average person.

 

Kyungsoo had known Jongin for three years before the younger male's death. And though he didn't regret a single moment spent with his ex-lover, he blamed himself enough to feel sick over his own life. He wished he could just die for the sake of not seeing another soul slip from his grasp. But what happens then? Death will still happen, whether he dies or not. Someone else will have to suffer the same life he suffered.

 

So instead of taking his own life, he ended up living for a noble reason of not pushing aside his deadly responsibility towards someone else.

 

Noble. Self-less. But completely and utterly stupid of him, really. And now he's stuck playing the lonely knight.

 

The older male finally notices him a day later while he quietly enjoys his lunch under an old cedar tree near the campus' main field. Kyungsoo could, of course, sense him way before his nose even pokes out from around the corner. He expects to meet the blond sooner or later anyway, knowing that they would end up meeting even if he tries to avoid Kris. After all, studying in the same university, no matter how ridiculously big it is, would not be able to separate them forever. It could have been a fated coincidence, but Kyungsoo is somewhat skeptical about that. There is a strong connection afoot between them that day which had not been there before.

 

"It's you." Kris trails off, stopping short in front of Kyungsoo when he suddenly spots the doe-eyed male. But the latter doesn't stir from his lunch when the lanky male takes a seat beside him on the bench.

 

"I didn't know you study here." He says in a cheery voice. "I think my campus life just got a whole lot better."

 

Kyungsoo doesn't answer. He takes another bite from his sandwich and silently watches the rugby team on the field, tackling each other into a messy pile, with profinities echoing a mile away. It's amusing sometimes to see people living out their lives so freely, without any worries of death and unprecedented illnesses. They always strive to give it their best, no matter the circumstances.

 

Kris is watching the game by then too, mouthing a soft ooh and ahh whenever someone gets tackled over. His eyes follow the ball when it flies across the field, before a player catches it for a touchdown, and he lets out a small cheer. Kyungsoo can't help but chuckle at his reaction.

 

"Omo, did you just laugh? I like it. You should laugh more often." Kris says, scooting closer to Kyungsoo.

 

"Why are you always so noticeable? You attract people like flies would to a plate of salted fish."

 

"It's part of my job." He suddenly leans forward a little too closely to Kyungsoo, much to the latter's surprise, and whispers into his ear. "But they can't know that I'm Superman."

 

Kyungsoo ignores the pounding of his heart when he could practically feel Kris's hot breath against his ear. For a split second, a small part of him wonders if Kris has a mental disorder. But he plays along regardless. "I thought the whole point of being Clark Kent is to avoid unwanted attention?"

 

"I don't see anything wrong about being in disguise and awesome at the same time." Kris shrugs, leaning back lazily after that. Kyungsoo mentally sighs in relief. This is too much contact in one day. And they haven't even touched! Well, save for the almost-backhug a week back, Kris has not attempted to hold his hand yet.

 

But feeling his breath against cold clammy skin is enough to make Kyungsoo tremble with mirth. Holding hands would probably give him a . 

 

"Should I call you Clark then?"

 

"Just Kris, please. Or Yifan. I'm part Chinese, mostly Canadian and quarterly Korean. I can speak three different languages and I love sweet and sour pork. What about you?"

 

Kyungsoo quirks an eyebrow. He's never met anyone so randomly amusing in his life thus far, and Kris is slowly creeping into his interest list, comfortably building a nest somewhere in his mind. Kyungsoo thinks that he might never be able to hate the lanky male, as much as he dreads to. How could anyone despise this man?

 

"Ravi de vous rencontrer." It's nice to meet you. "Je m'appalle Kyungsoo. Or you can call me Soo. I'm 70% invisible, 20& Korean, 5% shorter than the average young male in Korea, and 5% less seductive too. Are you older than me?"

 

"Y-you can speak French?" Kris stutters in surprise, and Kyungsoo simply shrugs in return.

 

"I'm majoring in Literature. It's compulsary to take an extra language, besides English."

 

"Oh, uh, okay. Yeah, I guess I'm older than you. November 6, 1990. Currently majoring in Law, fourth year."

 

"January 12, 1993. I guess I should call you hyung then." Kyungsoo smiles.

 

"Kris, please." The older male insists. "I don't have many close friends. In fact, you're the only one I'm comfortable speaking to. So I'd prefer keeping it simple between us, thank you."

 

Kyungsoo actually finds this a shocking discovery. Kris is always so sociable, easily slipping into conversations with random people and they actually enjoy talking to him. He has that easy-going, friendly aura that radiates around him, always able to make people feel at ease when they're around him. And eventhough his casual expression tends to give off a very cold look, it doesn't hinder anyone from approaching him. To think that he has no close friends, it's like looking back to find your ice cream melted off from the stick and for a moment, there's a dumbfounded silence while your brain tries to process how it happened. Or why it happened.

 

"How come you don't have any close friends?"

 

"Because I don't like friendships to be based on sympathy or sorrow. People have a tendency to change when something so significant suddenly crashes into their lives and gives them the option to opt for a way out. Not everyone would bail, mind you. Some would stay, and care for you...but it still won't be the same, you know. In the end, it makes you wonder if they're doing it because they want to, or they're just sorry for that poor soul. I'd prefer a normal friendship that wouldn't change no matter the circumstances, someone who would still hold my hand even though I'm six feet deep in . Hypothetically speaking of course." Kris gives out a small sad smile and Kyungsoo suddenly wonders if he ever experienced a painful past with bad friendship before.

 

"And what makes you think I'm any different?" Maybe this is Kyungsoo's chance for an escape, to show that he could just as well feign pity over a friend if the situation demands it. After all, he learned a long time ago just how frail human hearts could be.

 

"I don't think you are." Kris somehow states, reaching over to place a hand on Kyungsoo's shoulder. The sudden contact sends shivers down his spine and he closes his eyes for a second to regain his composure. Fortunately, Kris doesn't notice anything odd as he continues. "But for some reason, just looking at you makes me feel like it's okay to tell you all these. I guess I can't really tell if you would change someday, but I'm pretty sure we'll get along well. I can't really put a finger on it...there's something about you---" He rubs the area between his eyebrows with his thumb and thinks hard for a second.

 

Kyungsoo simply stares at him, ignoring the fact that Kris looks absolutely adorable when he's thinking so hard. His eyebrows would knit into an angry line and his nose scrunches up cutely. "AH! Maybe it's because you have this air of mystery hanging around you, like you have so much to say but you can't say it, and let's pretend I'm Sherlock for a second. I feel the need to find a way to unravel these secrets of yours, but not in a dutiful way....Ugh, what the hell am I spouting? I bet I lost you somewhere in Sherlock."

 

"I'm sure I understood until 'secrets'." Kyungsoo says, chuckling slightly. Kris is just too amusing at the moment. He nods his head and the older male does a sound that crosses between a groan and a spit behind his throat. He thinks hard again and Kyungsoo waits.

 

Finally he says, "You're like a....uh...PINATA!"

 

"A pinata?" Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow for the second time that day.

 

"Yeah, because when you hit a pinata, you get candy flowing out from it. Not saying that I would hit you. There's no way I would ever do that. But I'm sure there's a way to unveil all the candy inside you without violence, you know."

 

Kyungsoo almost facepalms at the remark. Is he serious about this? A pinata, for Christ's sake! Ok, taking Jesus's name in vain may have gone a tad too far. But still, a pinata. "I'm starting to think you're mentally unstable. What if I don't have any candy inside me?"

 

Kris pouts at him. "It may have also been an affectionate attraction towards you. I think you're cute. An eye-candy. And I like your voice. It's so warm and deep, like the ocean."

 

"On second thought," Kyungsoo thinks a pinata makes absolute sense at the moment. It's better than being refered to as 'cute'. It's ironic, really, because he's Death. But Kris doesn't know that. "I like pinatas better." He gets off the bench afterwards, and stalks away into the campus building, with Kris following him from behind, whining noisily about the similarities between pinatas and cuteness.

 

Maybe Kris had been right about one thing. They would get along well, it seems. But Kyungsoo is still worried. Being around him too long would definitely speed up the sand in Kris's hourglass. Sooner or later, the taller male would die, and Kyungsoo would have to figure out a way to get over his sorrow once more. It's a vicious cycle of painful emotions for him. But after knowing the older male, and dreading to feel his touches once more, there's no way he could ever let go of Kris---or Yifan. 

 

And that's bad. Really bad.

 

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Kyungsoo stares at the luggages piled up behind Kris and wonders if the world is finally coming to an end. Well, that would mean he'll be wrecked with nightmares by tonight, but he's quite sure the apocalypse is still ten times better than what he thinks he's about to hear. And it runs along the line of, I'm moving in so start dividing boundaries.

 

But Kris breaches the subject in a more subtle way. "D-do you t-think you could take a poor guy like me in? I-I had a little problem with my rent and I don't really know where to do go next." He says with his head bowed.

 

Kyungsoo decides that he doesn't like this side of Kris. It's too depressing. The Kris he knew is someone who would barge in without a second thought, and eat up a whole jar of cookies in a heartbeat. The Kris he knew would definitely know that Kyungsoo would say yes. But this one looks worried and defeated, with slumped shoulders and arms hanging limply on each side, as if he's carrying the weight of the world on each shoulder.

 

The doe-eyed male moves away from the door without saying anything to Kris, recalling how he dislikes being sympathized and looked down upon. Funny how it's been two months since Kris said that, but it still rings as clear as day in Kyungsoo's head. The relationship has certainly changed into something...more than friends. But they can't really call themselves lovers either. If Kyungsoo had to give it a name, he would probably think of Kris as a close friend. Definitely not a family, because losing a family later would hurt him three times as much than losing a friend. But they're the sort of close friends who wouldn't mind spending some nights cuddling on the couch and singing aloud to Usher, without questioning their closeness. It's not something both of them had taken to discuss yet, but Kyungsoo is sure he would not leave Kris outside.

 

He had begun to notice something odd about his close friend. The minor things such as his inability to recover faster from a cold unlike everyone else, or the random days when he would turn up in campus looking paler than a ghost. And then his hair started falling in thick strands. Kyungsoo never really tried to pull on it, even if he's curious to check how easily that blond mop would fall apart if he did it hard enough. He figures that hair would be a sensitive topic to Kris, noticing how the older male frowns everytime another handful of strands twirl around his fingers and come loose when he combs his fingers through his hair.

 

"Soo....?" Kris's voice comes out in a low squeak. And Kyungsoo doesn't even bother to look at him when he replies, "You better get in before I change my mind. You can sleep on the couch but only after I retire to bed. Otherwise, you take the floor."

 

He hears a soft chuckle from behind and before he knew it, heavy footsteps approach him in three long strides before a pair of arms envelop his small frame into a tight embrace. Kris buries his face against the crook of Kyungsoo's neck and inhales deeply. "Thank you, Soo. Thank you so much. In return, I'll do anything you ask. Anything at all, as long as I'm capable of it, and it's affordable. I'll find a job to save up for another place, but I'll pay you something too. I don't want to be a burden to you."

 

"I'm not letting you stay here out of sympathy, Kris." Kyungsoo mutters, gently untangling the arms around him. "I do it because it's you. I like having you around, no matter how annoying you tend to be sometimes. I enjoy seeing you do things for me out of gratitude, eventhough I always end up completing those tasks for you. And most of all, having you around makes me feel a lot safer. It makes the apartment feel a lot warmer. And it makes me happy. So you don't have to pay me back or anything. Just do what we normally do."

 

Kris pulls him in for another hug and after letting go, he brushes his chapped lips against Kyungsoo's plump ones softly, kissing him ten seconds longer than the usual random kisses they share. Kyungsoo is quite certain by then that they have taken their relationship to a whole new level, but he doesn't question it. It leaves him hoping for more, eventhough he knows that Kris would eventually express his feelings. For now, it's nice to just hope for more. 

 

Hope gives him strength. Hope makes him forget pain for a moment. So he kisses the older male back, fueling the fire inside his heart.

 

When they pull back, Kris cups his face with a gentle squeeze and asks, "How bout we watch a movie in our jammies and make out some more on the couch?"

 

"The movie would have to be an animation or else you're not touching my ."

 

Kris lets out a low purr and Kyungsoo shivers in pleasure. It's amazing what the older male could do to him without even trying. Just listening to that deep y voice echoing through his ears is enough to stir his excitement. There would definitely be a lot of touching later, that's for sure. Kris's hands are like the morning mist outside during winter, long fingers ghosting through thick fabric and over exposed skin eventhough one is fully clothed. It leaves a warm sensation in its wake though, but the fingers are always cold at first. And pleasure creeps in like ivy as seconds turn to minutes.

 

They cuddle on the couch, with Kris spooning Kyungsoo from behind and his large arm protectively encircling around the younger male's waist. Kyungsoo wears his usual purple jammies with penguins printed all over. And Kris doesn't bother to cover up his chest and stomach when he's lying next to Kyungsoo. An old gray sweatpants is all he has to shield away his manhood from the cold. But even that would soon disappear. He prefers to sleep with Kyungsoo after all.

 

"I'm jealous of Rapunzel." Kyungsoo says midway through the movie. Kris questions back in a muffled, "Mmh?"

 

"She sings and her hair glows. It heals people instead of killing them. I'm jealous of her." Kyungsoo explains. He hasn't told Kris about his 'occupation' yet, thinking that the blond guy would only wave it off as a joke. Jongin had done so seven years back. It was a normal human reaction, it seems.

 

"Do you want your hair to glow?" Kris asks, a little amused to hear Kyungsoo's innocent ranting now. It's that unexpected side of him, Kris had noticed, and it's cute.

 

"No, I want to heal people instead of killing them all the time."

 

Indirectly, he has said it. The damnation of his life. The reason why he couldn't love and live normally. He's a killer; a murderer; taker of souls and all of those who are dead or about to be deemed dead to the world. He hates it to his bones, but it's not a choice he could opt out from.

 

Kris suddenly turns him to his back and hovers above him, pinning Kyungsoo in between his arms. His face is serious when he asks, "What do you mean, Kyungsoo?"

 

As much as he wants to put on a fake facade and joke about it, he couldn't. It's been killing him from inside for years, eating him away bits by bits. And soon, there would be nothing left of him to be eaten away, and he would only be an empty shell, stripped from all his reasons to live.

 

So with tears streaming down his cheeks, he tells his close friend everything. Every single detail of his life from the day his parents passed, to the day Jongin took his last breath. He tells Kris about the heart-wrenching loneliness he had to live with, the pain of having another person slip away from his grasp, the urge to kill himself every now and then, and most of all, the guilt of allowing himself to be close with Kris.

 

"You don't deserve me, Kris." He mutters softly. "You should leave me and live a longer life."

 

Kris doesn't say a thing. He hovers above the younger male for a moment longer and suddenly their lips are brushing softly. Salty tears could not stop his urge to deepen their kiss, delving in to out all the sorrow and pain inside Kyungsoo. But kisses could only go so far. And when Kyungsoo opens his eyes, he realizes that the tears wetting their lips are not only his but also Kris's.

 

"H-hyung..." He cries out, panting for air.

 

"Don't, Soo. Don't call me that. It's Kris. Always Kris. And I'm not going to leave you. Ever. So don't ask me to do that anymore. Ever." Kris says hoarsely, his voice cracking at the end. Both of them are a sobbing mess now, one hovering above the other while the other stares back with swollen lips and puffy red eyes. "I love you. God I love you so much, and I don't think I could hold back anymore. You're the only who accepted me unconditionally when I told you about my family. You're the only one who didn't change your impression of me when I shared all my secrets to you. You trust me to touch you eventhough you're uncomfortable with it. And you're the only one I could ever trust the same way. I never had anyone in my life who was proud of me. I never had my dad telling me how well I did in my exams, or how proud he was to see me growing into a man that he was. And maybe because both of us never had parents for too long...that we ended up understanding each other. I love you for that; for getting me. I just can't...leave you, Soo. I can't....because I love you." He chokes on his sobs, and Kyungsoo pulls him down for a tight hug.

 

"I'm sorry, Kris. Don't cry....it's okay. I'm here. I'll always be here." He soothingly mutters, rubbing Kris's back while the older male sobs bitterly against his shirt.

 

Deep down inside, Kyungsoo dreads to tell the Kris that he loves him too. But he couldn't. For now, he couldn't. Or maybe he would never be ready for it ever again. Death is always more painful when love is involved, and Kyungsoo doesn't want to experience it again. He couldn't.

 

 

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icarus_fly #1
Chapter 2: This is going to be painful..I guess.. ;;.. but this is beautiful..
MonHyunWooYoung2010
#2
Chapter 2: Lol hahahaha, how many chapters do you plan for this one?
Ow that's quite sad... So my plot or your plot in the end?
Me want more angst *^* teehee

Well thanks for your greetings, but you shouldn't have, lol. I mean i already put my name on the poster. Hehehe.
So anyways! GREAT AS ALWAYS! And update soon!
Good Luck \o/
nano_nano #3
more more more pleaz!!!hehe
HYC1999 #4
Chapter 1: Update soon! It's so good><
MonHyunWooYoung2010
#5
Chapter 1: Omaigat unnie! This is your first fic *nudge nudge* I'm so proud of youuuu<333
And what is this the first chapt already contains sadness?
So baekhyun, jongdae, chanyeol, joonmyeon and jongin is D.O's boyfriends? Talk about .............

Okay, update soon*confetissssss*