Kyungsoo doesn't remember his parents' faces anymore.

But he could remember his mother's long black hair; whenever she bowed down to peck on his cheeks. A lone wavy strand would inevitably get into his eyes and he would tear them out. By the time she was done smooching her three-year-old son, his eyes would be watery and red, and she would chuckle warmly at this, leaning down once more to kiss the pain away.

He remembers his father's broad shoulders; everytime he carried his son in his arms, and let the boy sleep on his shoulder. The older Do would then hum out old lullabies his father used to sing to him, and those lullabies are now the only remnants the younger Do has left of his late father. Everything else is long gone: pictures, childhood memories, scents, voices, and faces....

The doe-eyed male shuffles uneasily around his living room, taking in deep breaths as he registers the words conveyed to him by the hospital earlier. He's itching to leave his apartment and rush straight to Jongin's side, but a small doubtful part inside tells him to stay put.

Jongin is very ill, and Kyungsoo's presence will just aggravate his condition.

He checks his watch once more, while his free hand clutches tightly to his phone, almost breaking it in half because of the intense worriment coursing through his every being. A part of him has begun to regret meeting Jongin two years ago. He suddenly wishes that he never met the younger male, never accepted Jongin's request to be friends with him, never kissed back the soft plushed lips brushing against his, never had with the younger male a month later, and never...fell in love with him.

Because then Jongin would still be alive right now, roaming the streets with his friends and enjoying the life given to him by God. He would be happy and free, living a blessed and painless life. Never knowing how it's like to be on death's door.

It's funny how ironic that sounds. Because Jongin has already stepped through death's door the day he entered Kyungsoo's apartment. The older male had warned him, but he didn't want to believe those unrealistic mumbo-jumbo Kyungsoo had spurred. Knowing me will kill you sooner, making me remember you will lower your chance of survival, but forgetting me now might extend your life, and that's all I can promise because it's my fault that you've already known me.

"How is this your fault when I wanted to befriend you in the first place?" Jongin asked after that, leaning closer to the older male.

"It's my fault for allowing you." A painful knot formed in his guts as he stared at the younger male. Kyungsoo knew that Jongin didn't heed a word he said, but he had tried his best to warn the lanky male and there was nothing else he could do. It would have been downright ridiculous if he had admitted that he was Death.

Jongin's mouth twitched into a smirk then, before reaching down to scoop the petite boy up into his arms. "If you want to blame yourself so much, then it's your fault for making me love you. It's your fault that I can't stop thinking about you. But you know what, I'm glad you did all those mistakes, because then I wouldn't be here right now, holding you in my arms."

"I'm serious..." Kyungsoo muttered weakly, pursing his lips. What could he do to make Jongin realize the dire situation he was in?

The lanky teenager was about to take a step forward into Kyungsoo's apartment when the doe-eyed male stopped him. "Wait, Jongin ah, if you take one step through this door, there's no turning back." He was in love with Jongin too much to kill him, and his heart hurt knowing what fate rested on the other end of Jongin's lifeline. Bringing Jongin over to his place would shorten his life span by a decade. Probably two. And he'd rather face a million heartbreaks before he could watch the boy die before his eyes.

Death, Grim Reaper, Murderer...those are the names Kyungsoo had learned to live by since his parents' death. They died in an accident, he heard. Thirteen years ago, three days before he celebrated his fourth birthday, his parents were unfortunately caught in between an accident that had snatched away their lives, consequently snatching away all the love and care Kyungsoo would have gotten for the past thirteen years if his parents were still alive.

He began to be a witness of more gruelsome deaths as the years passed, as he grew from a child into a boy, and eventually, into a teenager with raging hormones. He began to notice abnormal signs of all the incidents occuring around him, because those who died were always someone he knew, and they had been someone he was close to, or at least, close enough to grieve over their passing. The people he remembered, whether by name or by face, would eventually shrivel up and die a few years later, either through an accident that may or may not make sense, or through a sudden inability to wake up. 

Dead. Just like that. Not a moment's warning or a heartfelt farewell to mark their passing.

Kyungsoo curls himself up into a ball on the couch and sniffles quietly against a pillow. He checks his watch one last time before his arm flops down limply against the side of the couch, quite sure that Jongin might never turn up in front of him again. The most he can give to his dying boyfriend is another hour or two, but he's quite sure that if he turns up, Jongin would only have a few minutes left on this earth.

A sudden vibration on his phone jolts him out from his thoughts and he sits up on the couch quickly, fumbling to check the message.

From: Jonginnie

To: Kyungie poo

I need to see you. Please.

Six words. It only takes six words to have Kyungsoo on his feet a second later, grab his coat and rush out the door, not bothered to even lock it behind him before he left.

Hospitals never cease to make him sick. Those white-washed walls, the smell of disinfectant lingering in the air, and the faces of people Kyungsoo had never seen in his life, lying on their death beds: are the reasons why he hates hospitals with a passion. He would never step into one unless he has to, and the last time he had to was almost three years back, when he lost his two best friends, Baekhyun and Jongdae, in a hit-and-run. 

Doctors and nurses rush by as he makes his way to Room 143, and there, clad in the hospital's blue garment, is Jongin, a shade paler than he had been yesterday. Who knew that their last date would end up falling on their second-year anniversary? Who knew that Jongin would die a day later, suddenly falling sick with a fever above 42 degrees? Who knew that Jongin would die at all, considering how healthy he was before he met Kyungsoo?

Of course Kyungsoo knew, and yet he still stupidly accepted this boy into his life.

"Jongin..." He calls out weakly, approaching his boyfriend slowly. He spots Jongin's parents sleeping on the couch at the side, probably tired from staying up whole night to take care of their son. The heart monitor reads out a steady heartbeat, and for a moment, Kyungsoo almost believes that Jongin would be alright.

The younger male opens his eyes then, and carefully turns his head at the sound of Kyungsoo's voice. His lips curve upward into a tired smile, but his eyes are anything but. He's happy to see Kyungsoo, urging the older male to come closer.

When Kyungsoo takes Jongin's hand into his, it's cold. Not ice cold, but it could certainly use a little warming. He starts rubbing the hand between his two palms and leans down to kiss his boyfriend's forehead. "How are you feeling?" He asks. A fruitless question, considering how tired Jongin looks.

There's a small nod to assure him that his boyfriend is okay. But Kyungsoo is still skeptical.

"You should go to sleep now, baby. I'll be here when you wake up."

Jongin nods again, and smiles one last time before he closes his eyes.

He never wakes up after that. And eventhough Kyungsoo had expected this, his heart still clenches at the sight of his boyfriend drawing his last breath, and when the monitor finally beeps into a straight line to mark his passing. He hurries out of the room before the doctors start rushing in, before Jongin's parents wake up, because they will ask him questions, and they will remember his face. He doesn't want anymore people to suffer the same way Jongin did.

To die the same way his parents, Baekhyun, Jongdae, Chanyeol and Joonmyeon did. They all loved him, and they promised to remember him, and death was what he had bestowed upon them. The thought makes him depressed and lonely. But then again, for the sake of those around him, he would rather remain a lonely life.

The apartment feels empty without Jongin, but his smell still lingers in all the corners he touched and sat in, the bedroom especially. It reeks of the night before, when they end their anniversary with three rounds of steamy hot . The scent of sweat on the bed only makes Kyungsoo choke on his sobs. Tears stain the white pillow Jongin used every night, as he rests his head on it, clutching his chest tightly to numb away the pain now pulsing through his body.

He has no one he could call to comfort him because Jongin is gone now.

And Kyungsoo is, once again, alone.

______________________

Four years later, Kyungsoo is finally pursuing a degree in Literature. It's a dream-come-true for him, really, because he's the kind of guy who prefers flipping through pages of a good novel at home anyway, rather than spending his time outside, where he could inevitably kill someone who notices him. Admittedly, a book may not be the best companion as opposed to a pet (or even better, a person), but it keeps him occupied, and he doesn't have to feel guilty about going out.

He would go out when he has classes, but only for that. And occasionally for groceries too, because a man has to eat after all. Being 22 doesn't make him feel any different that he was four years ago, because life to him is moving in a slow pace. At least he hasn't killed anyone so far, not that he knows of. People will still die eventually, it's just a matter of time. And Kyungsoo is sure that being an angel of death doesn't make him immortal. He would shrivel up someday and kick the bucket too.

Sure, he hasn't grown an inch since Jongin passed away, but his maturity level has certainly changed. He used to think that living is about spending the most of your time doing stupid things you wouldn't be able to do once you're an adult. For a teenager, that makes sense. But for a young adult like Kyungsoo today, living is about survival. He doesn't have anyone to support him and keep him company.

He tried his hands in a number of part time jobs after he graduated from high school, in order to make ends meet. Someone has to pay for the rent and settle the bills, someone has to put food on the table, someone needs a new coat once the old one worns out....and Kyungsoo only had himself to do it all back then.

After four years of struggling to keep a balanced checkbook, he finally saves up enough to enroll himself in SNU's literature program. His intelligence during high school was, after all, above average, so the university readily accepts him into their program, assuring a guaranted job once he graduates.

He skips home excitedly after that, buying two new novels along the way as a pat-in-the-back good-job present for himself. It's a different change to the depressing lifestyle he's been living up until now. And he's starting to warm up to it.

That is, until he arrives home one night to a man sleeping outside his apartment door.

On a normal day, Kyungsoo would not have hesitated to ignore this man, because the man could be drunk and dangerous for all he cares. He's not worried about having the man stab him so suddenly in the chest. Rather, to be precise, he's concerned about the possibility of shortening the man's lifespan if they so much as brush their arms together. Drunkards tend to be unpredictable after all, and the last thing he wants is to witness another death in front of his door.

This particular man, however, doesn't look like a drunkard. In fact, there's no hint of alcohol lingering anywhere near him. He's holding an empty blue mug in his hands, and he's just...well, sleeping there, with half of his face cosily hidden behind his large red scarf, and a pair of fluffy white muffles covering his ears. His large black coat seems too expensive for him to be called a hobo, which Kyungsoo had inexplicitly ruled out a moment ago. So either he's just sleeping sleeping, or he's passed out sleeping, but he's definitely not drunk sleeping.

Kyungsoo pulls out a celery from his grocery bag and uses it to poke the man's face.

There's a slight stir, but the man doesn't wake up. Kyungsoo then kneels down beside him and gives him a quick glance from head to toe. He has a light blonde hair, resting on his head like a tousle of bird nest, and his eyebrows are quite neat. Everything else on his face is hidden behind a scarf though, so out of curiosity, Kyungsoo reaches out to tug on it a little.

Unfortunately, the slight tug ends up waking the man, and a second later, his eyes flutter open to the sight of Kyungsoo's face staring at him with those large, curious black orbs of his. He jolts upright in an instant, and his neck feels sore from leaning against the wall too long. "H-hi." He greets out awkwardly, stumbling slightly as he gets up from the floor.

"Hello." Kyungsoo says, quickly stepping back from this stranger.

"Uh, I'm sorry if I scared you. I'm Kris, and I live three floors down. I know this may sound weird, but do you think you could spare me some sugar? I'm a little short of cash this month, and I can't survive without my coffee, you know."

Kyungsoo raises a questioning eyebrow at him. "Why did you have to come all the way up here just to ask for sugar?"

"Well, it's either I ask my horrible landlady for it, or the psychopath living on my left..." He trails off with a huff. "OR I could ask you, the cutie I've been noticing a lot lately." Kris remarks with a smirk. "MInd if I know your name?" It's amazing how the question rolls out from his tongue so smoothly, like waves rolling through the sea. And to boot, he has a deep voice that could make anybody swoon over him in an instant.

But not Kyungsoo. Oh no. His eyebrows are now furrowing into a tight knit, suddenly unsure of how he should handle this.

"You've been...noticing me?" He frowns. This is bad. Really bad.

"Yeah, I don't mean to sound like a creeper, but I can't find another way to talk to you without making a fool out of myself. I guess I already did, huh?" He chuckles. "It's so embarrassing of me to fall asleep in front of your doorstep like that. It's really cold outside, and I didn't get enough sleep last night." Kris says, looking down at his feet as his face turns red. "Sorry."

Kyungsoo would agree about the cold, because it's been snowing pretty badly nowadays. But it's still stupid for someone to sleep outside another person's house just for some sugar. He could have gotten a cold, a fever, hypothermia, and a number of other cold-related illnesses Kyungsoo couldn't think of, which could have resulted in death. Technically, the last part isn't exactly an exaggeration.

He sighs.

Oh well, might as well give him some sugar. Or else, he would just come back to ask again later.

"Give me your mug and wait out here for a moment."

The man lets out a small pout. It would have been adorable, but he's nobody to Kyungsoo right now, so the latter simply waves it off as childishness. He unlocks his door and steps into his apartment. Everything is as he had left them an hour ago; clean and neat. He shuffles across the living room to the open kitchen nearby, and picks out the sugar jar from one of the cabinets. After filling up the mug to its brim, he walks back to the front door and is surprised to find the man missing.

"Where the hell is he?" Kyungsoo mutters to himself, peering out at the corridor outside.

"Boo!" A sudden surprise attack from behind literally scares the living hell out of Kyungsoo, and he drops the mug of sugar in his hands. Thankfully, Kris catches it before it hits the ground, reflexively lacing his arms around Kyungsoo's waist just in time.

Time stops for a moment as Kyungsoo breath hitches in his throat, suddenly aware of an unfamiliar-yet-comfortable warmth now pressed up against his back. He's also aware of a familiar strong fragrant that's been missing from his life for the last four years. The smell that reminds him of none other than Jongin. And for a moment, Kyungsoo almost believes that it's Jongin.

But an unfamiliar deep voice breaks through the momentary silence between them when Kris asks, "Are you okay?"

Kyungsoo immediately squirms out from his embrace and turns to stare incredulously at the tall man standing inside his living room. "Who ing gave you the permission to enter my apartment?"

"It was cold outside." Kris says bluntly. "I can't stand cold."

"Well, you've been sleeping in front of my door for god knows how long, I'm sure you could stand a few more seconds."

Kris pouts again, and it simply deepens the frown on Kyungsoo's face. Who does this man think he is, trespassing into another person's home as if he owns the damn place?

"Well, I'm sorry for being a . I'll just go now." The blonde male smiles, holding his mug of sugar up to thank Kyungsoo before taking his sweet time to step outside the apartment. "Maybe I'll see you around another time?"

"Maybe not." Kyungsoo snorts, practically shoving the man out now. He closes the front door with a slam before sliding down against it, and takes in a few deep breath to calm his pounding heart.

To think that four years is sufficient time for a person to forget that warmth he misses so much; to forget how it's like to embrace another human being and bask in the warmness that ensues as they embrace you back.

Apparently, it's not enough. But oddly, Kyungsoo doesn't remember Jongin's face as well anymore.

Just like his parents. He could recall all the insignificant moments, but their faces along with their voices are lost in his mind. In the end, it's like waking up from a coma with amnesia. You can only recall certain moments if something (or someone) accidentally triggers it.

It pulls on his heartstrings, knowing the effect of being a monster that could rip people's life apart.

Maybe he's just overthinking things---he would like to believe that strongly----but even a man would be scared to witness 300 deaths for the last 22 years of his life. Kyungsoo has gone beyond the point of fear by then, but he still takes precaution to avoid the people around him as much as possible. It turns him into an individual that is socially inept with the world.

And now another one had just fallen prey to his deadly 'occupation' (if he could even call it that), or is likely to fall prey, considering how he yearns to see Kris again. That's the problem with being him. Once he remembers someone, and is interesting enough for him to continue remembering them, the chances of turning away are usually slim.

It's like Death, coming to fetch you to your graves. And the thought shivers him. No, he has to stay away from the outside world for a while, at least until Kris finally forgets about him.

It's for the best.