The rule is not written, but it is an unspoken truth in society. It is the duty of the first son to take over the family’s business when the time is right. It is the responsibility of the first son to produce heirs to continue the family’s wealth and prosperity into the next generation.

 

As the first-born son of the noble Lee family, this was a fate that Howon knew and accepted to be his own. It was a future that he had never questioned, something that he in fact looked forward to; that is, until he met Jang Dongwoo.

 

The Lee family made the majority of its money in the trade of silk. It was a luxury fabric that sold well domestically and with the foreign traders throughout the year. The process had always fascinated Howon, even from an early age. Sometimes when he was troubled he would watch the workers weave the strands together until it began to take the shape of something beautiful. He loved to watch them experiment with colors, to see the transparent thread become the richest reds or the deepest blues. His favorite color is created from the juice of the nightlock, a bold purple that makes him feel alive. The color is rare, as the berries are poisonous and using them for dye can be dangerous. But when Howon sees the hypnotic color on a beautiful person’s skin, he understands why sometimes the risk is worth it.

 

He was often grateful that he was born into this family, because of his appreciation for the creation of silk. The other noble families had different ways of acquiring their wealth; the Kims had the real estate of the land, and the Nams ran the export of goods through the trade routes at the seas. And then there were the Jangs.

 

The Jang family was the opposite of everything the Lees held dear. They had found their power through the military; they were responsible for the nation’s army and the protection of the land. It was a position that deserved respect, but their values did not match with the Lees. If anything, the Jangs always looked down on them for their obsession with fabrics and opulence. Howon had heard their sneers countless times before; how his family would never survive a war, how their fabrics were useless against the weapons of the Jangs. They turned up their nose at his family, and called his kin weak.

 

Howon didn’t let it get to him much though. He was more of a passive person; he understood that much of a person’s ideologies came from where they were born. If he were reborn as a Jang, wouldn’t he think the same way about his family too?

 

Or maybe it was more than that, Howon’s little secret. While he did enjoy his family’s business, there was a part of Howon that burned brighter than the rest. A certain kind of energy that he only knew how to dispense through one practice: fighting.

 

While it wasn’t in his destiny to serve in the military, Howon appreciated the amount of skill and hard work it took to be a soldier. He admired the way soldiers trained their bodies, pushed themselves to the brink to become stronger.

 

Howon wanted to be stronger too, to be taken seriously by his peers. He trained on his own; he rose early in the morning to increase his stamina by running, or helped the laborers carry to heaviest equipment to build his muscles. He watched the soldiers perform their drills sometimes; memorizing the way their bodies moved so he could repeat them later in the privacy of his compound. The men occasionally practiced with weapons, but mostly sparred with one another using their fists. Howon was addicted to watching the way the men would dance together in the heat of a battle, precise punches and kicks traded until one man was forced to yield. Howon often wondered if he would ever be strong enough to make a man yield to him.

 

And he did become stronger, with time and patience. No one that looked at him could call him weak, the definition in his body silencing even the most outspoken Jangs. But the one who questioned him steered his life into a direction he could not have foreseen.

 

---

 

It was the night of the fall festival, and the people were rejoicing the bountiful harvest of the year. All of the noble families and common folk were celebrating in the streets, thankful to the gods for another year of prosperity.  It was also a time of abundance for his family, as their business increased during the seasons of celebrations; the noble men and women trying to outdo one another with the latest fashion and clothing. His father had even let him have some wine, and it made him feel warm all over.

Perhaps that was why he wasn’t watching where he was going, accidentally bumping into another man. The momentum caused the other to spill his own drink over himself, and he cursed in anger. Howon tried to apologize but the guy didn’t want to hear it.

 

“Ya! Look what you did! This was my favorite jeogori!” The stranger snarled, looking at his ruined clothing offensively.

 

“I apologize sir. I assure you that I can get you a new one of even higher quality…” Howon tried to appease him, but his words were cut off when the man grabbed him by his own top.

 

“Are you deaf? You ruined my favorite jeogori with your clumsiness. I can’t just replace it. And now you’re going to pay.”

 

Howon once again attempted to make the man see reason. “Sir, I am truly sorry for the inconvenience. But I am from the Lee family, I can assure you that I will provide you with the highest quality of clothing for your troubles.”

 

The man’s face broke into a fierce grin. “A Lee? Figures. Let me teach you a lesson boy. The next time you walk down a street, make sure you don’t bump into a Jang. We don’t settle scores with lovely handkerchiefs flower boy, we settle with fists.”

 

The man threw Howon to the ground, and swiftly kicked him in his side. “Get up and fight back pretty boy. Or are those fingers only good for touching silk?” He laughed, a shrill sound that hurt Howon’s ears. He decided that it would only be right to shut him up.

 

He got up quickly and squared up, raising his fists to take the stranger on. The man rolled his eyes, not taking him seriously, but Howon made him regret that. It was amazing how natural it was for Howon. He saw the openings the guy left, making it easy to connect his fists with the man’s body. When the stranger realized he had a true opponent on his hands, it only made his grin wider.

 

The fight was savage, almost instinctual as the two of them tried to land the most hits and cause the most damage. And even though Hoya was strong and quick, he wasn’t as experienced as the Jang. Soon enough the man had him on the ground and was looming on top of him. Howon was disappointed that he had lost, but he was proud of himself for having the courage to fight back. The stranger lifted his fist back, and Howon was sure that this was going to be the blow that ended it all.

 

“That’s enough Jonghyun.” The sound of a new voice had Howon’s head turning. The new man moved closer, observing the two of them with a look of extreme curiosity. “It’s supposed to be a celebration you know.”

 

The man on top of him, Jonghyun apparently, chuckled. “Nothing like a good fight to make a party more interesting. And surprisingly, he was a good opponent, especially for a Lee.”

 

The new man’s eyebrow quirked in interest at Jonghyun’s declaration. He ordered Jonghyun away with firm instructions to not cause any more altercations, and Howon wondered for the second time why Jonghyun followed this stranger’s orders.

 

But then the guy was reaching out his hand, a clear offer to help Howon up from the ground. Howon was skeptical but he took it; after all this man had stopped the fight for his benefit. When he got to his feet though, the man didn’t let go. He pulled Howon’s body closer to his own, and even though he was shorter, Howon felt like he was staring him down. The Jang’s eyes looked almost wild, his gaze unyielding as he took in Howon’s appearance up close.

 

“I watched you two for awhile, and a thought occurred to me.” The man brushed Howon’s bangs out of his face. “You were enjoying the fight, I could tell by the way your eyes light up. A Lee that likes to fight, admittedly not well, but who knew such a thing existed?” He chuckled, but Howon snatched his hand away.

 

Howon’s fingers tightened into fists again, ready to strike in the event that this man was going to start something. Instead, the man lightly laughed, rising up his hands in gesture of goodwill. “You misunderstand. I’m not mocking you; I’m just stating facts. You aren’t a good fighter, but that’s due to inexperience. That was probably your first fight, am I right?” Howon looked away, which was an answer in itself. “That’s what I thought. But what you lacked in experience, you made up for with instinct and strength. Jonghyun isn’t weak, and yet it took him awhile to take you down. With the right training, you could become great.”

 

The man titled his head at Howon, letting his eyes rake over him inquisitively. “What’s your name?”

 

Howon felt apprehensive; even though the man had helped him he was still a Jang. “….Hoya.” The man’s gaze looked amused, almost as if he knew Howon was being dishonest.

 

Howon looked away, feeling small under the man’s scrutiny. “I could teach you… help you realize your full potential.” The man offered, and Howon couldn’t fight the feeling of excitement running through him at the prospect. “Could you sneak out without being noticed? Meet me at the river at midnight?”

 

It was a risk, but when would Howon have a chance like this again? “Yes. I could manage it.”

 

A smile broke out on the man’s face, toothy and almost overwhelming. “Perfect. It will be our little secret.” He finally stepped away from away, moving down the round at a leisurely pace. He turned around abruptly. “Tomorrow night… and you can just call me hyung.”

 

---

 

In the beginning, Howon could hardly walk after his midnight liaisons. He thought he was in shape, but he had clearly never conditioned like a true soldier, or with one for that matter. His mentor did not hold back with him, he expected the best and that’s what he got. Howon liked it this way, as opposed to being treated like he wasn’t strong enough by the Jang. He felt like he had something to prove to the elder, but he wasn’t exactly sure what.

 

His hyungs words were always the same when they began each training session. Make me yield and you will be rewarded. Howon wasn’t exactly sure what said reward was, but he tried his hardest to win every time.

 

Howon wasn’t exactly a model student. He would complain if he felt like his hyung was going easy on him in a fight, or even if the other used a dirty trick to win at sparring. The latter complaint always caused his hyung to laugh. All’s fair in love and war Hoya. He would say the mantra with that silly grin on his face, as he held a pinned Howon to the ground in forced submission. Then he would let the younger one go, the fire in Howon’s eyes burning at the humiliation of another loss to the elder. Maybe next time, he would tease before leaving Howon by himself to contemplate what he could have done differently.

 

Each loss at his hyung’s hands only made Howon more eager for victory. He was a competitive man, and it hurt his pride to find himself face first in the ground at the end of every fight. It only made him angrier that his hyung didn’t seem to need to fully concentrate during their sparring. He felt like a toy being played with, until the elder decided to end the fight to put him out of his misery.

 

And once after Howon failed yet again he asked his hyung why he did this; why he even bothered to train him when the result was always the same. Why did he waste his time sneaking out to meet up with the Lee? Why did he put so much effort into trying to make Howon better? And the other man smiled, but this time it looked different, almost secretive and his response was just as cryptic. I live for the night.

 

And Howon didn’t understand his words then but they stuck with him anyway. He wondered if maybe he would understand them when he finally beat his hyung at his own game. But his hyung was the type that that was always rambling off ancient sayings and things that didn’t quite make sense, so Howon let go of the words and focused on his training. Figuring out his hyung was something that he would probably never be able to do.

 

---

 

It wasn’t long before he was making his hyung break out into a sweat; forcing him to actually fight for real to keep Howon at bay. The strange thing was that it only made his hyung’s smile wider. You’re getting better. It pleases me. It made Howon want to punch that smile right off his face, and when he told the other that, he just grinned harder. That’s good. Use that anger to make yourself stronger.

 

And Howon did. With each training session he was getting closer and closer to besting the other. He could feel it; he could taste the victory on the tip of his tongue. He could see the respect building in his hyung’s eyes; he recognized that the other was proud of how much progress he was making. Once after a particular rough altercation where Howon had managed to get the other underneath him, even if it was only for a second, his hyung had broken into that crazy laughter that only he was capable of making. It will be soon Hoya. Sooner than you think.

 

And it was. The fight started just like any other between them. They were sparring by the river, exchanging quick blows when his hyung landed a particularly harsh kick to Howon’s side that made him lose his balance. It happened too quickly, and before Howon could right his footing he was tumbling into the water. The shock of the cold river, the anger at leaving himself open for such a fatal blow, set his determination ablaze.

 

He attacked the other with a renewed sense of urgency when he pulled himself out of the river, launching himself at the other man with an intensity that startled even himself. He tackled him to the ground, and the two began wrestling immediately. Perhaps it was the shock of Howon’s quick movements, or the fact that the water made him hard to hold onto; neither could be sure what tipped the scales. But after awhile it became apparent that Howon was gaining the upper hand. His hyung tried to fight the inevitable, but he couldn’t stop the younger from pinning him to the hard ground beneath his strong build.

 

Howon pushed his knees into the other’s thighs, the elder’s wrists gripped in one of his own as his other arm pushed into the man’s neck. “Submit.” After all this time, after all of his training, he was finally in control. He felt the other man try to move, but it was futile; there was no way for him to escape from Howon.

 

He pushed his arm harder into his neck as a warning. “Yield.” He ordered this time, and he felt the other man’s body go limp underneath him, his head nodding in defeat. He had finally beaten him; he had finally won.

 

His hyung stared at him unflinchingly, his eyes burning with respect and maybe something else that Howon couldn’t place, a look that he had never seen before. The elder opened his mouth to utter a single command, his tone harsh and desperate. “Take your reward.”

 

The words lingered in the air between them, both of them panting hard after the exertion of the fight. A drop of water from Howon’s hair fell onto the other’s lips, and suddenly Howon understood.

 

Late night sessions between the two of them became something different, something better. Sure they would start with conditioning, strength training, and sparring like they used to. But now it would end with the two of them were training in an entirely different subject; learning the ways to pleasure one another with fingers and hands and mouths. They were beginning to spend more time tangled up in the heat of an embrace than in the heat of a fight, and neither of them really minded the change.

 

Suddenly things like colors and fabrics and silk were becoming less and less important to Howon. Now his only concerns were for his hyung; how to make him smile, how to make him laugh, how to please him. That’s all Howon ever wanted anymore; to please his hyung in every sense of the word. He would hold his hand, he would touch his skin, he would kiss him all over because that’s what made the elder happy more than anything. And when Howon stared into his hyung’s eyes it felt like nothing else mattered, like the world didn’t exist; it was only the two of them, in love, making love, with only the sound of the running water and their moans to break the silence.

 

And it was easy, so unbelievable easy to get caught up in the other’s big eyes and soft mouth. To pretend that things like responsibility and duties and the burden of his family name didn’t exist anymore when he was lying with his lover underneath the moonlight. The truth of the matter was that loving his hyung felt more right than anything else he had ever done, and it was the most natural thing in the world because his hyung loved him back.

 

---

 

It was Howon’s nineteenth birthday, his coming of age ceremony, and it was a big affair due to his status in his family. People traveled from far and wide to see the new Lee heir’s official introduction to society at their luxurious compound. Fathers brought their daughters and gifts, hoping to gain favor with the family and maybe a chance at engagement if they were lucky. A year ago Howon had dreamed of this day, but now the only thing Howon dreamed about was his hyung.

 

He smiled, waved, and socialized to make his parents happy, but his heart wasn’t in it. But then when he thought he couldn’t suffer the party for one more moment, he saw the form of someone who he knew all too well, before the person disappeared back into the mass of people. His eyes searched the crowd wildly until he saw those chocolate brown eyes he loved so much, and before he even realized he was standing to chase him. He made an excuse to his parents, promising to come right back, before he pursued his hyung.

 

He was being led deeper into the compound, following the other down winding hallways and dark corridors. Just when he thought he had lost him, a hand reached out and pulled him into an empty room. His mouth opened up in shock, but the soft hand that covered his mouth felt too familiar to be threatening. It was exhilarating, in all of these months this was only the second time he had seen him away from the river, and the first had been the night they had meet. Seeing his hyung in the flesh, in his house of all places, made his heart beat faster and his passion burn brighter.

 

“You didn’t think I would miss the moment you became a man, did you Howon?” The elder teased, lips pressing against his ear as his fingertips ghosted across Howon’s fancy outfit for the occasion. Howon laughed, lacing his fingers together with the other man’s, his real name sounding strange on his lover’s lips. “I think you helped me become a man a long time ago, and I guess you know who I really am now.”

 

“Yeah. Who would’ve thought that my star pupil was none other than the silk prince himself? I didn’t realize I would have to fight off so many suitors to win your favor.”

 

“As if anyone else stands a chance now that I’ve met you.” It was honest, more honest than they could afford to be, but things like politics and society seemed so trivial when he was in his arms. Howon wondered how he could have ever thought that a life full of fake smiles and relationships could ever be as satisfying as this. Now he knew the truth, now he knew he would never truly be happy unless he was by this man’s side, loving and feeling every emotion to the fullest.

 

“So are you happy to see me?” The elder teased, running his hands over the taller man’s back as he pushed their bodies close together.

 

“Always.” Howon whispered, tangling his fingers in his lover’s soft black hair. “I just can’t believe you are really here.”

 

His hyung laughed, a light honest sound that made Howon feel warm all over. “I had to make sure you got all three of your gifts tonight. I need to ensure that the silk prince enters adulthood the right way.” Howon swatted him jokingly, forbidding him from calling him that ridiculous nickname.

 

Howon grinned in that way that showed all of his teeth, bending down to connect their foreheads together. “Well my mother gave me flowers and my father gave me incense…” His hyung buried his head in his neck, inhaling deeply to take in his scent.

 

“You do smell wonderful, I could almost eat you.” He nipped at Howon’s neck, biting the tender flesh playfully as the younger tried to squirm away begging his hyung to be serious.

 

“I’m still missing a gift hyung.” The other man looked thoughtful, purposely teasing the other.
 

“What is it? A pretty new hanbok for the pretty Lee heir?” His hyung pushed his back to the wall, with his arms trapping him against the hard surface with his hands on either side of his head.

 

“No.” Howon stressed, tightening his grip on the other man. “I haven’t got my kiss.” He leaned back so he could stare into the other’s eyes, the wild-eyed gaze just as hypnotizing as it was all those nights ago.

 

“Hyung… I still haven’t got my kiss.” He repeated, his breath ghosting over the other’s lips, as he waited for the elder to make a move.

 

Howon tilted his head up, giving the other more access to his body as the elder moved closer to pin him to the wall. “Happy birthday Howon.” He whispered, before leaning in to finally lock their lips in a kiss.

Howon closed his eyes, waiting for that moment when the soft full lips would press against his own, but it never came. One second he was in his lover’s arms, and the next he was being pulled away. His eyes flew open in shock, but men were pulling his hyung away from him. It seemed like the noise in the room was deafening, people shouting and his hyung trying to break free. Howon reached out for him desperately, their fingertips touching briefly before he was wrenched away from him. The last thing Howon heard was his hyung screaming his name before the world faded to black.

 

---

 

Howon woke up in his room, with teary eyes and a pounding in his head. He sat up abruptly, but a pair of hands held him down.

 

“It’s okay hyung. You’re safe now.” Howon turned at the voice, seeing the face of his little brother.

 

“What the hell is going on Sungyeol?!” He demanded, too confused to try to timidly approach the subject.

 

“Hyung, you don’t have to worry anymore. That Jang confessed to everything. I’m so sorry for what he did to you.” Sungyeol said, eyes full of pity.

 

“What he did to me?” Howon questioned, puzzled by a supposed confession from his lover.

 

Sungyeol looked away, eyes troubled and clearly uncomfortable with the conversation. Howon grabbed his brother’s hand, desperate for information. “Yeol-ah, please. I need to know.”

 

Sungyeol bit his nails, a habit he had when he was nervous. He squeezed Howon’s hand, his voice trembling as he explained. “You disappeared from the party, and we thought you’d come back soon but you didn’t. Mother and Father grew worried, and then Jonghyun approached us.”

Howon interrupted. “Jonghyun?! I met him at the fall festival. What did he want with them?”

 

“He said his brother convinced him to come to your celebration. He said that he was nervous that his brother had bad intentions for attending, and he noticed that the two of you disappeared from the party at the same time. And with his brother’s reputation, well it was no surprise that our parents heeded his advice.”

 

“His brother? I don’t understand...”

 

“The man that attacked you hyung. His older brother is the heir to their clan, Jang Dongwoo.”

 

Howon felt like all of the life was being out of him. His hyung was Jang Dongwoo?! The name was feared and respected by all. He was young, but he was responsible for helping protect the land in the last war. He was one of the most skilled fighters in the army, and many argued that the war couldn’t have been won without him. Just call me hyung. Why hadn’t he told him who he really was?

 

“Jang Dongwoo… what do you mean he attacked me?”

 

Sungyeol’s grip on his hand tightened, and he couldn’t bring himself to look at Howon. “They found the two of you together. He had you trapped against your will. They were able to get there in time before anything happened tonight, but once they got the Jang alone he confessed that this wasn’t your first meeting. Jonghyun admitted that his brother had been sneaking out repeatedly, and we know that you often disappear at night. Dongwoo admitted that he used his reputation to scare you… that he forced you to meet up with him by threatening our family. He confessed that he used your body those nights… that he was planning on taking you again tonight without your consent…”

 

“No! Sungyeol no! You don’t understand it’s not true! He gave himself to me. I wanted him! He never took advantage...” Howon was frantic, this could not be happening. Why would his hyung lie about this?

 

Sungyeol cut him off. “Howon it’s okay. He told us that he messed with your mind... that he threatened you so your instinct would be to protect him.” Sungyeol’s eyes were so sad, and it just made Howon want to scream in frustration.

 

Howon shook his head, anxious for his brother to believe him. “Sungyeol, please listen to me. It wasn’t like that. I’m in love with him, and he loves me back. I need to see him. I need you to help me.”

 

Sungyeol looked so distraught. “Hyung… You don’t have to lie anymore. Not for him.” Howon grabbed his face, staring deep into his eyes.

 

“Yeol-ah. You’re my brother. I need you to trust me. I need you to help me find him. Please, I just need to see him.”

 

“They’re going to kill him hyung. For what he did to you… for touching you… they won’t let him live.” Sungyeol’s words were harsh, but the truth was still in them.

 

“Then please help me see him just one last time. Tell me where he is. I’m not asking you as my brother, I’m asking you as my best friend.”

 

Sungyeol looked uneasy, but he nodded anyway. “Promise me you’ll be careful? If what you are telling me is true… if you truly love him back and they catch you…”

 

“I know. I know.”

 

Sungyeol stood up abruptly. “I’ll distract Mother and Father. That should give you some time to… make your amends. They are holding him in the east wing of the compound under guard.”

 

Howon grabbed Sungyeol, pulling him into a tight embrace. “Thank you. Thank you. I love you Yeol-ah.” Howon felt the tears on his shoulder as his brother hugged him back.

 

“I love you too. Goodbye brother.” Howon gave him a sad smile before he made his way out of the room. Sungyeol had always been smarter than he seemed.

 

---

 

Howon got what he needed and made his way to where they were holding his hyung, Dongwoo, prisoner. His stomach was tied up in knots, he had so many questions, but most of all he was so scared for him. It was late, so there were only a couple of guards outside of the room. Howon approached with his head held high, and tried to enter the tent. The men tried to stop him at first but with a fierce stare and a declaration of wanting to face his attacker head on the men stepped back. He closed his eyes, trying to prepare himself for what he would find inside.

 

Dongwoo was kneeling, his hands tied behind his back attached to the main pillar of the room alone. His head was hanging down, his eyes unstaring at the ground beneath him.

 

“Dongwoo.” Howon groaned out, and the man raised his head to look at him. Howon rushed to his side falling to his knees to gather him in his arms. “Dongwoo. Oh hyung, are you hurt?” He was crying, he couldn’t stop the tears from falling down his face even if he tried.

 

Dongwoo shook his head, trying to calm down the younger man. When Howon pulled back, the other had that big grin on his face. “Why are you smiling?”

 

Dongwoo just grinned harder. “My name. You called me by my name. I never thought I would get to hear you say it, but it sounds so beautiful when you do.”

 

Howon let out a choked sound, pulling him in even tighter. “Dongwoo, Dongwoo, Dongwoo. I’ll say it as often as you want. Why wouldn’t you tell me who you were?”

 

Dongwoo chuckled. “If I remember correctly, you were the one who gave me a false name first Hoya. I wanted to train with you, and I feared my reputation would keep you from saying yes. I just… I didn’t want you to be scared of me.”

 

Howon scoffed. “Scared of you? If anything I would have been honored that the Jang Dongwoo saw potential in me. I could never be afraid of you hyung. I love you Dongwoo.”

 

“And I love you too Howon… that is why I have to let you go.”

 

“I just don’t understand how this has happened… why would your brother tell them such lies? Why would Jonghyun do this to you?”

 

Dongwoo took a deep breath, as if contemplating his words carefully. “Some people aren’t… happy being second in line Howon. Especially when their older brother doesn’t care about his title or his responsibilities. Sometimes the desire for power is greater than the bonds of loyalty.”

 

Howon wiped his tears angrily. “So he betrays his own brother to become next in line? Why would you play into his hands? Why would you let his plan work? When they caught us, you didn’t have to say what you did. You could’ve denied it!”

 

“I could have, but I am your hyung. It is my responsibility to take care of you. So I let them believe that I used you, that I hurt you.”

 

Howon shook his head at the words. “Why? Why would you tell them that? Why would lie about our love?”

 

Dongwoo smiled at him, but this time it was sad. “Because this way I know you’ll be safe. If they believe that I am at fault, then they will not suspect you. You’ll be able to keep your title, your life. You can take over your family’s business, get married…”

 

“No! I don’t want any of that! Don’t you understand? You changed me! You changed everything! I cannot just go back to the way things were, I will not pretend that you aren’t the one that I want. You even made them believe that you brainwashed me. Now I can’t go to them with the truth, they won’t believe me! How could you do this Dongwoo? How could you give up on our love hyung?”

 

For the first time, Howon saw tears forming in the elder’s eyes. “Do you remember when you asked me why I helped you learn how to fight? Do you remember what I said?”

 

Howon nodded. “You told me that you live for the night.”

 

Dongwoo smiled at him through his tears, pleased that he remembered. It took him a couple of seconds to catch his breath. “I lied to you then. When I said that I live for the night, what I really meant is that I live for you.”

 

The weight of his words made Howon breathless. His grip on his tightened, and the reality of the situation hit him full force. All this time, Dongwoo had wanted him. He had waited for Howon to figure out his feelings on his own. He had never rushed him into being with him. All he had done was be there for Howon, in any way that he needed it, since he had met him. Dongwoo had let himself indulge in midnight rendezvous and secret kisses under the moonlight because he was desperate for anything when he came to Howon. He knew that he was putting his position in his clan at risk, but he didn't care because all he wanted was Howon. Dongwoo was admitting that since he had met him, his world had revolved around him. He had let his focus shift to Howon, and without him there was no reason to go on.

 

Howon looked at his hyung, the tear marks making his face shimmer in the moonlight. “They would never let us be together. Not in the way you wanted.”

 

Dongwoo shook his head. “No, they wouldn’t.”

 

“And you knew? That this could never work, but you pursued me anyway. You made me love you anyway.” Howon stated.

 

Howon could see the heartbreak on Dongwoo's face. "All is fair in love and war."

 

"You never did play fair hyung." Howon replied, not bitter, just honest.

Dongwoo voice was shaking now, and he looked away to hide his guilt. “I know. I wanted you from the moment I saw you, and I was selfish. That is why I must pay the price.”

 

“Because if you live for me….” Howon started but Dongwoo finished the sentence for him.

 

“Then I die for you.”

 

Howon held his face between hands, staring deep into Dongwoo’s eyes. “You’re overlooking one thing hyung.” Dongwoo looked at him questioningly as Howon reached into his pocket. “You’re forgetting that I live for you too.”

 

Dongwoo followed Howon’s gaze to his hand, and then he looked back up at Howon. Something changed in Dongwoo’s eyes then, and Howon knew he understood. He placed it on the ground, before using the knife he brought with him to cut the ties holding Dongwoo open.

 

The thing about love is that it can be all encompassing, blinding, and it makes people act in ways that they normally wouldn’t. If the two of them hadn’t been so in love, so crazy for one another then nothing would have ever gone wrong. They would have been more careful; they would have seen the signs, the suspicions from those around them. They would have stopped meeting one another, or focused their interests back on their familities. The problem was that now all they could see was each other, and everyone else had faded away.

 

That night under the stars back when Howon had experienced the taste of victory and his hyung for the first time, it had felt like the start of something new, something wonderful, a transition from boy to man with someone beautiful to stand by his side. But in reality, it was the beginning of the end, the catalyst that would make his world collapse around him. And the problem was that there was nothing he could do to stop it, because he was too caught up in experimentation and desire and Dongwoo to even see it coming.

 

Dongwoo's hands found Howon’s face, wiping away the tears from his soft cheeks. “Rumor has it that you haven’t got your last gift.” I want to be the one who gives you everything you've ever wanted.

 

Howon laughed, a sound he didn’t even know he was still capable of making. “That’s right. I still haven’t gotten my kiss. I was saving it for someone special.” Once I have felt you, I could never want anyone else again. My life could never be the same.

 

Dongwoo brushed his bangs out of his face. "I'm sorry that you'll have to settle for me." I'm sorry that I couldn't stop myself from loving you.

 

Howon's response was quick. "No one else could compare." I'll never find anyone else that I will love as much as you.

 

Dongwoo smiled, and this time the sadness was gone. “Then I might be able to help you.” All I've ever wanted was to make you happy.

 

Howon smiled too, the teasing tone back in his voice. “Yeah? What will it cost me?” I would give up anything for you.

 

Dongwoo’s hand moved down to his chest. “Your heart.” Your body, your everything.

 

Howon traced his finger over his hyung’s full lips. “I gave that away a long time ago.” The moment that you choose me. The moment you decided that I was worth it.

 

Dongwoo laughed, gazing up at him through long, wet eyelashes. “Yeah, me too.” It has always been you.

 

Their gaze was locked, neither of them breaking eye contact as their hands found the tiny berries between them. Howon was surprised by the sweet taste, but he shouldn't have been. The things in life that you aren't supposed to have are the things that make you feel the most alive. And yet Howon knew that it would taste even sweeter on Dongwoo’s tongue.

 

The kiss was rough, desperate, and absolutely perfect. Howon kissed him like he was starving, and the only thing that could sate him was the touch of Dongwoo on his skin. And when Howon pulled away, he realized that the bold purple had never looked as beautiful as it did on Dongwoo’s lips.

 

And as their world collectively faded to black, Howon's lasts thoughts were that the risks had never been more worth it.

 

 

---

 

OKAY GUYS.
you probably all hate me for killing them both off. but i just had no idea what to do! my writing is always a mix of and fluff, and the prompt specifically stated that none of that was wanted.

i feel like in ancient korea gayness was absolutely not tolerated, so if two men were to get caught together it could only end in death. but i really liked the idea of howon getting so wrapped up in the excitement of his first love, that he was too careless to protect himself from his own demise. i also wanted it to be a decision that the two of them came to together, instead of one person sacrificing himself. i wanted to stress that since they were so in love, neither of them could see the point in living without the other.

but i am a er for happy endings, so having to write this was really hard (i totally cried, tbh). i really, really struggled writing this story, and i am really nervous to see what you guys think. i hope that even though it was sad, that you still maybe liked it? i don't know. just know that i tried really hard. so i'm sorry if it wasn't good. :/

take angel dongwoo as my apology.

until next time.. bye darlings!!