It's been awhile since I last wrote a one-shot and I'm happy that the recent TaengSic moments inspired me to come up with this one shot. I just hope you guys will enjoy it on your Christmas.

 

This is my gift to you guys. I crammed until I finished, so I'm just glad I did. 

 

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

 

 

 

UNWRITTEN

 

TaengSic

Non-Alternative Universe

 

 

 

I couldn’t believe that I called her ‘Byuntaeyeon’ on stage.

 

I sighed at the thought as I laid on my bed. I really didn’t expect that to just spill out, especially when there were people - thousands of them - in front of us. I played it cool as I rested my elbow on Hyoyeon’s shoulder, but inside I didn’t really know what to think or how she would feel. That was why, after accidentally slipping, I just stuck with Yoona like usual. Since it wasn’t really out of character for me to spend time with my best friend, the fans at least might forget about me calling their idolized leader a ert. Actually, I didn’t only call her a ert; I joined the word with her name and said it when my microphone was on. Really. How could I be so stupid? I was finally able to be around Taeyeon without being awkward or feeling as though she didn’t really want to be in the same room as me, but how could she bring up first experiences in front of so many people? Sometimes, for a leader, she lacked some sense of decency; I really didn’t understand how people could pass her airheadedness as something trivial like it was because she was the kid-leader. But thanks to their love, Taeyeon was able to act as silly as possible - sometimes, even more so than she was in real life. Maybe because our fans already viewed her as such, she couldn’t really get out of it. But even with pretending to be this jolly person on stage, that didn’t help our friendship even for display. She made it clear to everyone, even to our managers that she didn’t want to be scheduled with me. It was as though I had something contagious, and that didn’t help with life at the dorm. That was the very reason why I just purchased my own place and asked Krystal to live with me. At least I know my sister wouldn’t judge me for whatever I had done. Unlike Taeyeon. Actually, the others were completely fine with me; however, I really still, until now, couldn’t put my finger on why Taeyeon was disgusted with whatever wrong I did. Weird enough, Yuri was in the same shoes as I was, but I didn’t see her react so negatively with Yuri’s relationships.

 

I closed my eyes as I sighed, remembering it now still brought pain to me even though we somehow managed to get past that just recently. I couldn’t help by sigh again. Why did this happen… why to us… my best friend?

 

She seemed to abhor the fact that I brought someone over the dorm before. I was pretty sure it was more than two years since she witnessed my first experience with my close friend, MinYoung unnie, and ever since then, she hadn’t talked to me or looked at me the same.

 

****

 

MinYoung unnie just left the dorm without forgetting to kiss me on the lips as she smiled at me after, and then she exited my room. After exploring each other’s bodies, I told her that she should leave since there were other people staying at our flat. She didn’t have a problem with that since whatever we did was simply out of curiosity. Sure, it was wrong for us to do something like this without proper affection, but, to some degree, we did love each other; it must not be what one would feel for a lover, but it was enough for us to share one evening together.

Frankly, I think she did it simply because she knew I was curious and wanting verification if I truly held feelings for someone of the same gender. MinYoung unnie always did things for me, even if it meant agreeing to sleeping with me. Actually, I had five shots of vodka earlier, maybe that was why I was able to ask her without fail, and to my surprise, she actually agreed with a soft smile on her face. I just couldn’t forget that beautiful smile on her and what kind of feeling it gave to me; it was as though it told me that everything would be fine, and she would be there for me regardless. I just knew how much she loved me, and I loved her as much - just like the irreplaceable friend that I was to her and she to I. The kiss on my lips felt like it was somehow to seal back our friendship, or maybe a charm so that I could finally realize if it was the female warmth that I wanted, but, honestly, I didn’t know what to feel at this moment. It wasn’t like I hated it, but, at the same time, it wasn’t like I loved it either. Was it because it wasn’t with the woman I think I love? I mean, that was essential to lovemaking, right? But it wasn’t like I could do the same thing I did with MinYoung unnie - just drink alcohol and suddenly build the guts to ask her to sleep with me. I wish it was that easy.

 

Not wanting to think anymore, I got out of bed and headed for the kitchen for a glass of juice, but before getting there, Taeyeon appeared from the corner and held my wrist as she whisked me away to the balcony. “Jessica, we need to talk,” she said sternly as she pulled the curtains, covering us and then shutting the door behind her.

 

I looked at her, surprised. It was as though she was confronting me with something - she wasn’t this type of person. Most of the time, she would just wallow everything in - and I wondered what it was about. Since I knew I didn’t do anything wrong, it must be something that concerned her. “What’s wrong?” I asked as I looked at her slightly worried.

 

“What was MinYoung doing here?”

 

Huh? MinYoung? Since when was Taeyeon this rude to someone who was our senior. They had met a couple of times before, and I recalled that she addressed her respectively. Plus, was it bad that my friend was in our dorm? We do this all the time, and that was never an issue. What difference did it make that I brought my friend home after drinking? “Is there a problem with that?”

 

“It’s bad when she brings you home and you reek of alcohol,” she said as she crossed her arms on her chest. “What if someone sees you? You should think about your status as part of Girls’ Generation, Jessica. You don’t need a scandal so act like the idol you should be.”

 

Wait a minute. I rarely got in any scandals; actually, if I remembered correctly, it was pretty recent when a scandal about Taeyeon and Yoona came out about being at the bar and getting smashed. It wasn’t like I said anything that would limit their fun since they were both humans like me. A little fun wouldn’t hurt, and our fans would understand that we need to let our frustrations out from time to time.  And after being always on her side, she reprimanded me? “Really? Taeyeon?” Because she was the last person I wanted to hear this from.

 

“Yes, really!” She glared at me and that caught me off guard. I really didn’t understand where this anger was coming from since I always took MinYoung unnie here.

 

I looked at her, scowling. This wasn’t the time to be yelling at me since I had a couple of shots in. I didn’t want to start a petty fight simply because I brought unnie home. If that was the case, then why did we allow for her to bring Leetuek here? It was tough enough that I had to pretend I was happy for them, but now, she wanted all this privilege to herself? “Don’t even start with me, Taeyeon.” Because the reason MinYoung unnie was with me was because of you, I wanted to say this outloud, but I couldn’t. The woman I thought I had feelings for was non other than our leader. Yes. Her. But she was already dating someone else, so I know I didn’t have any chance to tell her that I love her. Especially that we were part of the same girl group.

 

“I’m telling you this as your leader,” she said as her eyes narrowed. “You shouldn’t be doing things that would disgrace you or our group. What would the others think? Your fans!”

 

I stomped my foot and then said, “You’re not the boss of me, Taeyeon! And if my fans really think that alcohol consumption is that bad and they’ll leave me because of that, then they really aren’t my fan. So stop.” Disgrace, eh? Had she known what MinYoung unnie did to me, she probably would just throw me out of the balcony, twenty-eight floors down, and just tell the media I committed suicide, but she wouldn’t do that. She would probably say it was an accident since committing suicide would stain our precious group’s name so much.

 

I was one of the people who separated whatever life I had on stage or in front of the camera, acting perfect, while the other half of me remained human, who was vulnerable with whatever it was the media thought of me or wrote about me. Imagine, on top of trying to be a normal human being, I fell in love with someone forbidden. What would everybody think of me? What would be left with the girl I established? Nothing, right?

 

“I’m the leader of this group, of course I’m the boss of you,” without any emotions, Taeyeon spat this as though she was really disgusted.

 

I raised a brow at her. Never was she the type to use this on us. So did this really upset her that I was out at a bar with a friend? She did this all the time, so why would she try to stop my fun? “So you’re pulling the leader card? Well, Taeyeon, you know what, you don’t write my paychecks. So it.” I really didn’t need this right now since my head was starting to hurt and my ear started to buzz.  “If you’re just going to tell me to---”

 

“I’m telling you to stop hanging out with MinYoung!”

 

I really didn’t understand what she meant by that, but that was still unforgivable. To stop talking to the only person who actually understood me and loved me even though she knew what I really was? Was she serious about this? I looked at her, meeting her gaze, just by that I understood that she was serious. I didn’t understand what happened, but I just couldn’t do what she asked. Even if she was the woman I loved, she still wouldn’t be able to separate me with MinYoung unnie. I sighed and said, “I can’t do that.”

 

“Do you love her that much?” She looked at me, her eyes were still unfazed. It seemed like she didn’t even have any emotions.

 

“Of course!” I said. “You’re not kidding, right? You know she’s my best friend, right?” She was my best friend, and I wouldn’t drop her even if it was a request from Taeyeon. Not now; not ever. Taeyeon was important to me, but MinYoung unnie was family; I just couldn’t let family go just because of her. Plus, there wasn’t anything wrong with being friends with MinYoung unnie anyway. “I don’t even know why you’d ask something like this. Did she offend you or anything?”

 

Taeyeon’s facial expression was unreadable. I didn’t understand if she was angry or confused, but one thing was for sure, she wasn’t happy with me. After a few seconds of staying silent, Taeyeon gathered her words together and then said, “Don’t do disgusting things here at the dorm. Especially with MinYoung.”

 

Disgusting? Just that one word pulled all my senses together. As though it was a great cure for a hangover. I could hear my own heart beating loudly like they were drums close to my ears. I didn’t understand if what hurt me more was the fact that she knew about what we had done or the fact that she called it disgusting. Was being with a woman, falling in love with a woman, disgusting?  I could feel my breathing got a little heavier and as though time ran slower. I my lower lip - something I always did when I was nervous, scared, or simply uncomfortable - it tasted like iron. I must had bit my lip subconsciously. “Disgusting?” My voice was low; maybe it was because I was intimidated by Taeyeon’s presence and with her finding out that there was something that happened with Minyoung unnie and me.

 

“You’re part of this group and people look up to you. Shouldn’t you act more appropriate?” Taeyeon placed her hands in her jean pockets. “I don’t want rumors about you surfacing. That will just hurt you and the others.”

 

“So you’re saying I shouldn’t be disgusting? That I shouldn’t love girls?” I looked at her with my hands curled, trying to suppress these emotions: the pain, the anger, the sadness, and the disappointment that I felt. I knew I tremored, but I couldn’t control it. The woman I loved, the reason I spent so many sleepless nights, the reason I slept with MinYoung unnie, just called me disgusting.

 

*****

 

It began when she called me disgusting, and every day that passed made things worse. She wouldn’t look at me or offer an apology or an explanation so I gave up. She just really didn’t want to be around me until recently. Before, when we have a schedule together, she would sit as far as possible from someone who was disgusting.

More than two years had passed since then and so many things happened. So many things had been done to hurt each other, but even with the fact that she was disgusted with me and my liking girls. But it actually wasn’t just the fact that somebody liking girls were the cause of her disgust. I mean, just a month after Taeyeon called me out, Yuri confessed to us that she was with someone of the same gender, and I didn’t see Taeyeon perturbed by the issue. Actually, nothing changed in their relationship. So why, of all people, was my supposed best friend ditched me? That was the reason I didn’t speak with her for awhile. I could still remember the turning point of our relationship.

 

On our release of The Boys, on our first comeback performance, Yuri brought her girlfriend over and introduced her to us. She was a highly established actress, more so than MinYoung unnie during that time, and for some weird reason, Taeyeon was very welcoming and was even joking with the girl.

 

Surprising me that day, MinYoung unnie showed up after we recorded, just before the announcement of the chart winner. She was wearing her casual clothes with sunglasses and a hat to cover her identity. She knocked on our dressing room door, where everybody was crowding around Yuri’s beautiful girlfriend. I was with them, smiling and all, but I didn’t speak much. Yoona simply sat there and held my hand since she knew what happened between Taeyeon and me. At least, she knew the entire truth.

 

MinYoung unnie calling my name with a soft smile on her face as she raised a box of cake and told us it was to celebrate our album release. She apologized to the girls for coming unannounced, but everybody was welcoming except for Taeyeon. She simply looked at me when I hugged unnie. I could see the coldness and disgust in Taeyeon’s eyes as she gazed down on me. Not even ten seconds later, we were called to be on stage to announce the chart topper.

 

We all stood on stage with different people - I was beside Sooyoung, whose hand were in mine. She was just standing there, holding my grip tightly as though she understood why I was in pain. I was really close the seven girls, and they even knew about my love for Taeyeon; maybe that was why Sooyoung was there for me. But I was glad that they asked for an explanation to why I moved out. Since everybody was there except for Taeyeon, I was able to tell them that I was in love with Taeyeon and what happened with MinYoung unnie and me. I told them everything, and I was just so lucky to have the rest of the group to be so understanding.

 

When they announced the winner, which was us, the girls were so happy and I was, too, to an extent; however, I couldn’t erase from my mind how Taeyeon seemed to belittle me. Like her gaze was still on me, and I couldn’t get away. “Why are you crying, unnie?” Sooyoung said as I felt her arms wrapped around my shoulder.

 

I didn’t say anything, I recalled. I simply stood there, and so Sunny came to me to hug me as well. I found myself wrapping my hands around them. “We did it, guys,” Sunny said with a smile on her face. I just nodded as I watched Taeyeon hug each of the girls, telling them that it was our hard work and our fans that was the reason we were still on top despite being around for years. She hugged each one except for me.

 

Tiffany came to my side as Sooyoung and Sunny left to wave at the fans. Yuri stood there in front of me and asked, “Are you okay?” I didn’t say anything, I just shook my head. Knowing that this wouldn’t be fixed, she called to Tiffany to tend to me.

 

She hugged me and said, “It’s okay, Jessi. We still love you.” Even though I really thought I wouldn’t get along with Tiffany when I first met her, she was actually one of the people I couldn’t live without now.

 

I gave her a soft smile . “I know.” And she wrapped an aroum around me, leading me to the center of the stage.

 

I really just couldn’t believe that things were fixed and we were finally talking again. I looked at the side of my bed, where a stylish chair was. That was where Taeyeon sat when she visited me a couple of weeks ago. It was her first time in my home, and it was actually the first time she spoke directly to me. I woke up from my nap that day to just see her, sitting there as she looked at me. For the first time in awhile, I felt like I was human in her eyes again.

 

There was no disgust or anything like usual; she just looked at me like she was sorry. I knew it was very cocky of me to think so, but that day, it really felt like I had my best friend back.

 

“Taeyeon?”

 

“I came… I hope you don’t mind.” She didn’t look at me; her eyes were glued to the floor.

 

Obviously, I didn’t mind that she was there; however, after months of ignoring me, she came to my house so it felt so new. To be able to talk to her without anybody looking was just too foreign that it felt like this was just a dream. It might be the effects of hitting my head at the airport and fainting soon after. Maybe Taeyeon wasn’t really here.

 

“Jessica,” she called. “I just wanna make sure nothing happened to you.”

 

“I’m just a little dizzy. I had myself checked earlier and they said I don’t have a concussion,” I said as I looked at her; she just stayed there frozen, not meeting my eyes.

 

“That’s good.”

 

Was she, by any chance, showing concerns towards me? I wasn’t invisible anymore? “Were you worried?”I asked, wanting to know where I stood here. I didn’t want to end up with my feelings shattered once again. Because despite all this, I came very little to hating Taeyeon. Shouldn’t I end up hating her myself instead for bestowing this fate unto myself.  

 

Sure, she thought of me as disgusting, but that didn’t really change the fact that being like this in South Korea was frowned upon. And as much as I wanted to tell the world I was straight - that the Jung Jessica our fans grew to love was actually in love with a girl - I couldn’t.  I wanted to be likeour fans, openly confessing their love for Taeyeon as though it was normal, but I wasn’t in their shoes. I was part of the group they loved. What would happen to me? My friends? My family? Especially Girls’ Generation. What would come to us simply because I wasn’t normal? I wouldn’t want to be the reason to why we would disband, so as much as I could, I bottled everything inside. There were the seven members, Krystal, and MinYoung unnie to be there for me and support me. They loved me unconditionally, so I couldn’t ask for more.

 

“Of course, I was worried,” she said in a low tone.

 

With Taeyeon, I didn’t really want to get my hopes up. She was the type of person whose mere breath did so much to me. “Because you’re the leader?” I asked with a smile on my face. To be honest, I didn’t want to confirm that the only reason to her good deed was because of responsibility. But what was I supposed to say?

 

Taeyeon sighed as she looked up, meeting my eyes. “There’s that, yes.” She then averted her eyes and she looked to the wall. I was actually happy she looked away so she couldn’t tell that what she said pained me. She was here simply because she was the leader of Girls’ Generation, not because she was my best friend at one point. But it was my fault as well for getting my hopes up a little. “But I’m genuinely worried as a friend. I know I haven’t been a good friend lately--- actually, I haven’t been a good friend for awhile now. And I’m sorry for everything that I did or didn’t do.”

 

I closed my eyes, trying to collect my thoughts. She was apologizing, and that wasn’t Taeyeon-like; it must had took so much concern on her end to swallow that big pride she always had.  A friend? Was she trying to patch things up as though I could just forget the fact that she treated me like crap for more than two years? This really was some development I had been hoping for in the longest time. “I can’t say we can be back to being like how it was before,” I started, and with this, I realized that my words were true. We couldn’t go back to how it was before and pretend nothing between us happened. That there was a big wound caused by this person in my heart.  I just couldn’t forget that I, at some point in time, was disgusting in Taeyeon’s eyes simply because I slept with a girl. How would she react had she found out that it was her that pushed me to being disgusting? How would she react if I told her I was in love with her, and that I was hurt because of what she did to me? “You know that you hurt me a lot, right?” I asked with a soft smile on my face. It was just easier for me to show my smile to her than my tears. Because despite all the pain she inflicted on me, there was this a part of me that felt for her. And I wept, thinking it had been awhile, and it was still as though my feelings were just discovered yesterday.

 

“I’m sorry. I know I did you wrong, and you have all the right to be angry with me. But I simply acted like that because you were with Min---”

 

“I know,” I said as the smile on my face were even more forced to remain. “I’m disgusting, right?”

 

“No!” Taeyeon exclaimed. “It’s not even like… I mean...” she paused.

 

Not wanting for her to continue to explain herself, I intervened. “Let’s not talk about this.”

 

“Jessica, I’m just really sorr--”

 

“Taeyeon, let’s just start being friends again,” I said as I looked at her. “It’s not like we can be best friends right away.”

 

She sighed and then said, “I understand.”

 

“But we can always start.” Even if I didn’t have Taeyeon in my life as my lover, I think it was better if she at least acknowledged me in any form.

 

****

 

Yoona called me earlier, telling me that we had to be at the dorn before noon. I didn’t ask any further since she seemed to be in a hurry. I figured, she was busy with her drama, so I didn’t want to add to that. I just got ready after being woken up by her and then headed to the condominium. It had been months since I was last here. Now, only Sunny, Taeyeon, and Tiffany actually reside here since the rest of us purchased our own properties, but we still lived within the area.

 

Because of moving out, Yoona and I became closer since our homes were just a couple of blocks away so she usually came to visit and hang out with Krystal. Which was actually great since that deepened our relationship. Even Yuri moved in with her girlfriend and they often came to visit as well.

 

I looked around and saw our pictures and albums hanging on the wall. Like always, it was neat but completely cluttered by stuffed animals that were given to us by our fans. My eyes landed on my former bedroom door as it swung open, and Taeyeon came out. “You’re here already?” she asked as though it was surprising to see me there. Although, she had a point. It had been awhile, so seeing me here would just be out of the ordinary.

 

“Aren’t we supposed to be here?” I asked as I shrugged, playing it cool. “Oh, and Taeng--- Taeyeon, sorry for calling you a ert on stage.” I just wanted to at least apologize for that. I didn’t want any mistakes with her since she was the type of person who could hold a grudge on someone for so long. She might not say it, but there was just that possibility of her being hurt by it.

 

She just giggled and said, “It’s fine. You really don’t really have to apologize. Did you even see what they’ve been saying online? It’s funny.”

 

“Huh? What have they been saying?” I asked as I raised my brow. What could they possibly be online that Taeyeon found funny? Did they edit my face on something again? Or did they label me as a ert for reacting so much on that? They usually edit my face on something anyway. That wouldn’t be new.

 

Taeyeon told me to take a seat and she sat to me - I was still not used to this when she was just in this proximity - she pulled out her phone from her pocket, and then searched for something. She showed me a video of me saying, “Seriously, ByunTaeyeon?”  

 

“I can’t believe they were saying that we’re alive,” she laughed as she said this. “Like, we were never dead anyway.”

 

I smiled like I normally did when the girls brought up pairing names. Yuri was the only one I actually had a scandal with simply because I was hugging her; Tiffany and I were paired because our hands always found each other on stage; Yoona and I were paired because we were always together, clinging onto each other. It was Sunny who was good at finding whatever it was they said online. She and Tiffany would show us pictures that surfaced. Sometimes, they even showed me memes of us. I think this fandom was just getting too much fun out of this but whatever. All that mattered was that they had fun in the process.“TaengSic’s rise from the grave? Really?” I said as I saw a picture of a zombie’s hand, crawling out of the grave. This was too funny, so I couldn’t help but laugh pretty loud. I mean, seriously? What was this joke? Really. Our fans were the best.

 

“Jessica,” she called in a low tone, making me stop from hysteria. “I’m really sorry.”

 

Where did this come from? I thought we already went past this? “I already forgave you. At least, now, you’re not disgusted by me, right?” I watched her close her eyes slowly and her shoulders dropped. I realized  my joke went a little too far. Even I didn’t know what came to me to even ask that because it wasn’t funny at all. It would only leave me hurt. Wanting to change the subject, I then said, “We’re fine now,” I said as I sat myself comfortably and then looked around. “Where are the rest?”

 

“Maybe they’re out?”

 

“Tiffany’s not here? Or Sunny?” Taeyeon just shook her head as I looked at her. “Well, can I stay in my room and sleep? I wasn’t able to sleep last night.” I couldn’t say it was because I was remembering what happened to us. I simply played it cool and hoped it would be enough to convince her. If I remained here longer, who knew if I could just say something that might upset her.

 

“Well,” she started as she looked at my bedroom door.

 

“I can’t?” The girls told us that our beds were still there so why couldn’t I? But I couldn’t bring myself to argue with Taeyeon; I’d prefer for her to just tell me than argue.

 

“Well, you can,” she said sheepishly. “But it’s my room now.”

 

What? It was?

 

I was taken aback since that was the room where I did it with MinYoung unnie. Why would she be sleeping there when she thought of my actions as some kind of debauchery? That just didn’t add up. “You don’t think it’s disgusting?” I heard myself say. It just slipped and when I gained back my senses, I quickly said, “I mean, like, you know? I thought you wouldn’t wanna be there.”

 

She closed her eyes as she sighed. After awhile, she nodded; her eyes were still shut. “I mean, I really deserve this,” she said as she opened her eyes.

 

Not following whatever it was she meant, I let out a “Huh?” as I looked at her.

 

“I didn’t really mean you’re disgusting,” she began.

 

It was clear that she said that to me back then and even treated me like crap. Not wanting to open up the healed wounds, I then said, “It’s better for us not to talk about it.” I smiled at her, hoping to be convincing. That smile was hard to pull out, but I managed to bring it out regardless. And since it was already plastered on my face, I should keep it. I hoped that it was something that would convince even myself that I was really happy.

 

“But we need to. That’s why I asked the girls to get you hear,” Taeyeon said as she looked at me and then rapidly averted her gaze.

 

I shook my head. “We don’t have to.” I didn’t want to even think about it anymore. I had moved past this and we were supposed to be friends again, not to hurt each other with the mistakes of our past. We shouldn’t be the ones to do this. We should seriously just stop. “I don’t want to.”

 

“But Je--”

 

I flashed a soft smile at Taeyeon, hiding my fear as best I can using this. I want her to understand that there wasn’t anything that we could discuss to remove all the pain that was once inflicted. It was in the past, and I wanted for it to remain that way. “Taeyeon, there’s nothing to talk about. Aren’t we fine with the way we are now?” Even if I didn’t really believe my words, I just had to convince her that this was better. That dealing with the past would just bring pain to me. I only recently got over the fact that I was disgusting, and now she wanted to talk about it?

 

“But Je---”

 

“Do you hate me that muc---”

 

“No! Jessica,” Taeyeon held my hand that rested on my lap as it was curled up. “I really don’t.”  She then held the bridge of her nose, pinching it. “I’m really sorry for saying you’re disgusting.”

 

“Stop.” I really didn’t want to hear this. Was this my punishment for not being normal? Because I loved her? Because I still loved her? To know that the person I loved was disgusted by me at one point was one thing, but hearing it from was another. It didn’t sit right in my eyes as she said it.

 

“But you have to know, Jessica, I didn’t like that you slept with MinYoung!” She looked at me, holding my gaze, but I averted. There just wasn’t enough explanation that could mend whatever pain I felt. “I---”

 

I shook my head. “No. Taeyeon, stop.”

 

“Jessica, I was jealous.” With her words, I couldn’t help but look her way. Did I hear her right? I slowly turned my head toward her direction, meeting her eyes. “I didn’t know how to deal with it. When I opened the door and saw what you were doing with MinYoung…” She sighed. “I realized that you really don’t love me and I don’t have a chance.”

 

Was I hearing this right? She was basically saying she loved me, right? But she had Leetuek! There just was no way. “Wai---”

 

“But then, when it seemed like you and MinYoung broke up, you had a scandal with Taecyeon,” she hung her head low for a little. “I didn’t know if what you had with MinYoung was just out of curiosity that’s why you still went back to dating guys. I know I reacted negatively. I was mean, stupid, and I screwed up. I know that. I even dated guys just to forget you, but I know I was mostly in the wrong.”

After gathering my thoughts together, I closed my eyes and sighed. “So you’re saying you loved me right?” I just didn’t want to hear anything more than what was necessary because regardless of how many words were uttered, it would still have the same point.

 

Taeyeon nodded. “I still do though…” she mumbled.

 

Confused. That was one word to describe me right now. I didn’t know if I should feel happy that the woman I loved felt the same way, angry at the fact that she did this because she was selfish, or sad because she didn’t have the courage to say she loved me for years. But I couldn’t blame her for not confessing because what I did was almost the same anyway. I came to unnie to figure things out instead of talking to Taeyeon. Had I gone to Taeyeon in the first place, would things be better? There was no point of thinking about the possibilities since things were already unveiled.

 

I took in a deep breath. “Taeyeon, did you know, that time, I was in love with you?” Her eyes widen at my confession. I guess she never really expected it. “MinYoung unnie is a friend, who was willing to use her body to help me. It was wrong, but it was still something.”

 

“Wh---”

 

“How many times did you remind me that I was part of this group? So many, right?” I answered my own question and then continued, “Never have I forgotten that I’m the Jung Jessica of Girls’ Generation, and that’s why I never confessed my inappropriate feelings for you to you.”

 

“It isn’t inappropriate.”

 

For someone who made me believe she was disgusted by such feelings, I never knew she didn’t really feel that way but rather jealousy. “Tae--”

 

“Jessica, please switch roles with me. Let me---”

 

“Open my wounds?” At this point, I really didn’t know if I wanted to get out of this comfort zone and give Taeyeon the power to hurt me again. Was there a reason to do that? Was it worth it? Maybe Taeyeon was; however, would my heart be able to bear whatever Taeyeon may bring?

 

Taeyeon shook her head. “Jessica, please? Just don’t tell me you hate me. I know you have every right to do so, but please don’t?”

 

I smiled at her, genuinely this time. I never hated her. Despite trying so hard, I never did. “Never,” I said. “You’re the leader, remember?” I joked, hoping that would make the air a little lighter.

 

I didn’t know if those were tears forming in Taeyeon’s eyes, but it seemed like it. It was just there, threatening to fall. “That’s right. I’m the leader.” She held my hand tighter. “So can we at least fix everything? I mean, completely move past this?” I nodded. I figured, why not? I shouldn’t be stuck here, trying to the wounds she inflicted anyway. I should be trying to deal with things head on. “And maybe, eventually, you’ll find the lost love you have for me? And we’ll be better, right?”

 

I didn’t know what would happen in our future, but for now, I just gave Taeyeon a hug. I was just glad that everything was cleared up and we can start on a clean canvas. Maybe this coming new year would be better for me. For TaengSic.

 

------------------

 

THIS IS MY TAKE ON THE WHOLE TAENGSIC ORDEAL! LOLOL!

 

Obviously, this is FICTIONAL. Lol. Because I’m a deluded TaengSic shipper. LOL

 

I hope you like it. I enjoyed writing this…. mostly intoxicated. LOL

 

MERRY CHRISTMAS! Let’s all bask in these taengsic moments!

 

Here are the links of the ‘real moments’ I based this story on.

TAENGSIC MOMENT:
Jessica calling Taeyeon ByunTaeyeon

 

[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V_7G4BJdmLQ[/media]

 

Jessica Crying on Stage:

 

[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ZE2rG6b6x0[/media]

 

[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ss8lkt_sEMQ[/media]

 

 

Jessica's Accident at the Airport

 

TaecYeon and Jessica Scandal: