Audio Diary #03

Date 02/01/20xx

Patient: Kim Jong-In

D.O.B: 14/01/1994

Age: xx

Procedure: Module memory erasure (MME) through procedural amygdala reconstruction

Audio memoir as follows:

Kim Jong-In: So what do I say?

Dr B Byun: Who you are, what you're here for, what you're here to forget and why.

[Kim Jong-In mumbles inaudibly]

Dr B Byun: You have to speak louder than that.

Kim Jong-In: Fine. [pause] I'm Kim Jong-In. Umm… I graduated high school a few years ago, but didn't bother with university exams. I never got academics and it never got me. Right now I'm a barista at [disclosed location]. I was once a –

Dr B Byun: Concentrate on the facts that tie into the memory you want erased.

Kim Jong-In: Okay. Well… I'm here to erase my memory of a person named Luhan. I loved him, and all, but… Oh, Luhan is my umm… boyfriend, I guess.

Dr B Byun: You guess?

Kim Jong-In: I mean he is my boyfriend. I just don’t like the word, I guess.

Dr B Byun: Okay, let's continue.

Kim Jong-In: He's just someone you want to forget. Someone you don't want in your life for that long.

Dr B Byun: And why is that?

Kim Jong-In: Because he's a poison. He taints your waters, leaves you high and dry, and then he comes back with open arms and a warm heart. He gets mad. Has these 'episodes' where he loses it and gets mad at me for anything I do and dissappears. But he comes back. And when he does, he's fine. He's not mad anymore. Just calmer. And I'm the idiot that always falls back into him. And I can't help it.

Dr B Byun: I think what you need is a therapist, someone who can –

Kim Jong-In: You don't think I've tried that?!

[silence]

Kim Jong-In: Sorry.  I didn't mean to yell.

Dr B Byun: It's fine.

Kim Jong-In: All I want to do now is to forget. To forget him, because he's obviously already forgotten me.

Dr B Byun: What do you mean?

Kim Jong-In: Because this time he didn't come back. He left and he never came back.

[silence;STATIC]

END OF AUDIO DIARY #03

~

                "So all you have to do is bring all the possessions you of him and bring them tomorrow morning, " says Dr. Byun.

                "All of them?"

                "Anything that reminds you of him, gifts, diary entries, leftover food he's made. Anything that has direct significance over him, you bring them tomorrow."

                "What for?"

                Dr. Buyn collates all the papers into a file and takes out a pamphlete. "It's called proedural amygdala reconstruction. The amygdala is in charge of the emotional reactions from the outside environment. Your reactions to external stimulations like fear, anger and love are all govern by the amygdala. But it also process memories, specifically to the emotional responses we exhibit. Nostalgia is one of them." Dr Byun takes a gulp of whatever's in his mug and continues. "To put it simply, what we do here at Aster & Star is inhibit those emotional responses from the specific memory you want to be erased. Without an emotional response, your brain will eventually erase those memories to give space for new ones."

                "Why is that?"

                "The brain deems it useless if it's got no emotive quality towards it and is more likely to forget it."

                "So the brain just does that, forgets something that's useless."

                "Precisely," replies the doctor. "That's how we forget things. It's how we move on. Isn't that what you're trying to do here? To move on?"

                I don’t even know what I'm doing here.

                "Law states that we have to give you full disclosure of the predecure, so here is a pamphlet, read it if you have the time."

                There's a knock on the door. The receptionist comes in. Chanyeol, with his toothy smile. "Your 4'o clock is here, Doctor."

                "Yes, thank you, Chanyeol," says Dr. Byun as he motions me outside his office. "My lovely receptionist will help you sign the formal legalities and confirm any queries. I'll see you tomorrow."

                Chanyeol gives a quick flash of a smile towards the doctor whilst he leads me out. The other seems oblivious to his receptionist's approaches, but it's obvious.  

                "So will I remember this place?" I ask.

                "Not at all. Part of the precedure is the erasure of your memories of this clinic, so you won't be able to find you way back."

                "Also how-"

                "It's all in the pamphlet, sir."

                At the front desk, I sign whatever paper has a dotted line and the words Sign Here without a second thought. I glance over at the work Chanyeol is doing, and all I see are yellow envelopes being filled with a paper the size of a business card.

                "Well it was lovely to see you today, Sir. I hope you have a wonderful day and I will see you tomorrow at 9 o'clock. Please don't be late."

~

                When I arrive home, I peel off my coat like a snake shedding it's skin. I reheat the leftover takeout from last night, and open up the pamphlet the doctor gave me.

                Family members and friends will be contacted and informed of your memory erasure, to facilitate your post-treatment. They will act as though they have no recollection of the memory you wish to be erased…

                Side effects such as headaches, nausea and vomiting are common and will ease away in a few days. Furthermore, memory resurfaces are rare, but can happen. The more poignant the memory, the higher the possibility of that memory resurfacing after the treatment. Majority of memory resurfaces will be thought of as déjà vu, or a dream, and should not be of any concern.

                The microwave dings, pesto pasta steams up the glass.

      It tastes like old memories and bad habits.

New chapter/s in three days.