Sunlight streams in through the window and illuminates Yoongi's pale skin. He is sleeping. He's been doing a lot of that lately. He forgoes meals for sleep and the members save him some food. Jin wraps it up and refrigerates it. It is gone by morning, but that does not mean Yoongi eats it. Hoseok has seen him, in the darkest hours of the night, as he spoons bits of food into the garbage. There are times when he almost lifts the spoon to his lips, and Hoseok holds in a breath. Will he eat it? But he always moves it away quickly, catching himself. He finishes throwing away the food, grabs a bottle of water, a few sticks of gum, and he pads quietly back to him room. Hoseok hears his stomach rumble from his place in the doorway, and he chooses not to say anything.

It is Monday and it is full of schedule. Ever since Hosok brought up the beef bulgogi lunch sets on Rookie King, they've been switched out for different foods. Hoseok watches Yoongi, his eyes raking over him subtly as he raises his noodles to his mouth. Hoseok had hoped the change would get Yoongi to eat. Of course, he had grown tired of beef every day as well as the other members, but he hadn't been thinking of that when he'd said it. He'd thought of Yoongi and the number on the scale that grew smaller. Nobody seemed to notice, but Yoongi had this kind of talent for cutting up his food until it looked like he'd eaten most of it. He distracted them by talking, telling jokes, but his fingers worked quickly and methodically and then he was pushing away his plate. There was only a little left after all (he'd only taken a bite) and he was pretty full anyway. 

Hoseok didn't blame them for not noticing, for not trying to notice. Yoongi wore clothes two or three sizes too big. He had ever since Hoseok met him. One day, he'd worn a tight fitting shirt, and still it hung off of him. Hoseok had nearly fainted when he'd seen Yoongi, and Yoongi had laughed.

"Yeah I thought I'd try to wear something that fits for once, but, if that's the reaction I get..maybe I'll grab a jersey."

"No, no! It doesn't look bad. I'm just not used to it, and you're a lot thinner than I thought. It startled me." Yoongi had gone quiet after that, his soft smile replaced with something different. More thoughtful. Sihyuk had recently told them they'd need to lose weight for debut. None of them were large. Hoseok had gone through pubertly gracefully. There was no baby fat left, and he'd been sculpted by dance. Namjoon was naturally slim. Jimin and Yoongi had puffy cheeks left over from childhood. Jimin despised his, but also they contributed to his charm. Yoongi thought they made him look less credible as a rapper, and soon they had strengthened into a sharp jaw line. Hoseok was never sure how he pulled it off so quickly.

Sometimes he wishes he'd never tried to find out. He sees Yoongi's thin legs and holds his breath. One time Yoongi fell asleep on the couch and Hoseok had to carry him to his room. Feeling how light he was, the easy way he fit into Hoseok's arms..It was almost too much. Jungkook opened the door to the room he shared with Yoongi and asked why Hoseok was crying. Hoseok had just set down Yoongi, without a word, and gone to bed in his own room, where Jin already lay sleeping. 

It's been two days since he's seen Yoongi eat anything beside peppermints and black coffee. He wonders if Yoongi can even feel hunger anymore. 

On a day of broadcasting, Yoongi almost falls over when he does his stunt for N.O from lack of nutrients and it is then that Hoseok decides this can't go on any longer. When they are done performing, Yoongi looks nervous and Hoseok grabs his hand, small and pale in his own, cool to the touch. He pulls Yoongi away from the others, and they watch curiously, but do not ask any questions. The fingers are so white that they are almost blue and Hoseok feels like breaking something. He fears hot tears of frustration forming in his eyes, but he can't start crying yet. He hasn't even begun to speak.

"Yoongi." He gets out that word only, biting his lip. For a moment it seems like he won't say anything else, as though that one word is sufficient. Like it explains all of Hoseok feelings, asks all of his questions. Yoongi looks expectant, trembling a bit. Hoseok can see the goose bumps rise on his flesh.

"Yes, Hoseok?" Yoongi asks when he realizes Hoseok isn't going to say anything else.

"Yoongi, why won't you eat? I'm not angry, but I see you. Why do you look at food like it's something you don't deserve? Your pants slide down your thighs if you're not vigilant. I'm worried." Yoongi averts his gaze immediately. He opens his mouth to say something but it doesn't come out. If it does, Hoseok does not hear it. Maybe Yoongi has lost more than weight. Maybe he's lost his essence and his voice and it feels like it when Hoseok talks to him. It feels like maybe he hasn't known Yoongi for three years. Maybe he's only just met him. 

"Hoseok..I don't know how to answer your question. I don't get hungry anymore. Not for food. God, I'm starving, but food wouldn't help. There must be something else, but I don't know what.." Yoongi looks just as confused as Hoseok is, and worse, looks like he might faint. Hoseok catches him, three inches from the ground, head hanging limpy. Hoseok can't look at him. He looks much too dead. It looks much too close to the nightmares he has.

There is a car coming for them soon, but Hoseok decides it can't wait. He calls a cab for Yoongi and himself. He sends Namjoon a quick SMS and then hops in the cab that comes surprisingly quickly. Hoseok is so grateful. He pulls out a water bottle from his bag and puts it up to Yoongi's lips. He pours just enough water to fill Yoongi's mouth, and he swallows it somehow, though his eyes won't open. 

He hears soft humming coming from Yoongi and his eyelids flutter open. Hoseok takes a bite of a granola bar and then presses his lips to Yoongi's. Yoongi's eyes open wide, surprised by the contact, and then he relaxes. Hoseok initiates the use of tongue quickly and it makes Yoongi scarily dizzy. He feels something being pushed into his mouth. It's rough, sweet. It's...food. It's a dirty trick. He shakes his head in protest but Hoseok quickly replaces his mouth with the lip of a water bottle. Yoongi swallows the water but holds the granola in place. Desperately, Hoseok grabs Yoongi's jaw and looks right in his eyes.

"Chew." He commands. His voice is deep, strong, and it sends chills down Yoongi's spine. He chews obediantly, but it feels odd to his mouth, unfamiliar and exciting. Flavor pops across his tongue. His stomach growls, like a dam has been broken, sounds escaping from it after he swallows the first bite. He's missed this. No, he tells himself. You hate this, you hate this. You don't deserve this. He tells himself this, and yet he struggles weakly when Hoseok raises the granola bar to his mouth again. He feels the fight leaving his body. 

In the end, Hoseok feeds him two granola bars and a bruised apple. It is so much easier to accept food when it's fed to him by a caring hand, when it is is mischievously placed in his mouth, but a weight settles uncomfortably in his stomach when he realizes what he's done. 

"Hoseok. How many calories was that? Hoseok!" He is afraid, his heart beating faster. He is afraid of himself for giving in so quickly and afraid of how desperately he wants to know the calorie count. His hands reach out for the wrappers, but Hoseok is too fast. He wads them up and rolls down the window so that the wrappers are into a vacuum of air.

"Hell if I know." He says, looking anywhere but at Yoongi. Yoongi feels like crying, feels like he can't breathe. Hoseok hears his shallow breaths escaping faster and faster. He grabs Yoongi and pushes his face into his chest, smoothing his hair with a desperate hand and tears roll down his face and wet Yoongi's hair.

"It's okay, Yoongi. They're just numbers. Just ing numbers on wrappers. You'll be okay. You needed this." Yoongi sobs violently on Hoseok's shirt. "It's gonna be okay." 

At their dorms, Namjoon and Jin sit awake on the couch, worrying about Yoongi and Hoseok. Hoseok had texted him, but hadn't responded to his following messages. Jungkook walks in later, rubbing his tired eyes.

"I can't sleep when Yoongi-hyung isn't there." Namjoon looks sympathetically at the maknae.

"We'll get them home soon." 

A/n: so this isn't a oneshot. I wanted to make that clear. I hope you've enjoyed this chapter!