Concert's was one of the best and in the same time worst thing in idol life.
It was the most tiring thing,singing and dancing for few hours on stage,and doing it for few days non stop.It was almost out of human power to do every performance perfectly.
But also it was great to know so many people is watching you and have a respect to what you
are doing.Almost always on concerts someone have to cry from this emotion.But it isnt a bad thing it's showing your real side to fans im preety sure they feel important as they see us on stage giving our tears for them
In Teen Top there were few people which fan and other members expect to run few tears.
But there is one which no one expect to cry,even me.


  All of us were standing on a stage,fans were singing for us.Chanhee and Joinghyun staretd to cry cus of it.Byunghun and Changhyun tried to comfort them,thay alos seems to be touched but they were holding back their tears.
I was seraching Minsoo hyung with my eyes,when I finaly spot him on the end of left side I tooke few steps to him.
I jumped to him cherfully but I stoped like stuned when I saw his watery eyes.
He was crying?Like for real?

This hyung didnt show well his emotions,often he acted like "sleepy" or like he dont care much about what's going on.Ofcourse he was thankfull to all of our fans,but I really never saw him crying.He was person which hide his real emotions from others,didnt talk much about himself,never mention much things from past.

Ofcourse he wasnt silent and closed to other ,he played with us,like to joke around,show some intrest in our problems but trying to get something from him,mostly ended on trying.Ofcourse it was showed on his face that when he was tired,but even when he was sad more likely was thet he say that he is just tired than reveal the real reson of this stance.
As I was staring at him more his face was looking for me more sad than happy.

Was that for sure tears of happines?I was confused.His eyes were "shaking"from water which tried to run out of eyes,his gaze was empty,like he wasnt here with us on stage.Only his down lip was moving due to restless breath.It was really sad view,my heart beated slowly like it was going to stop for a moment,just like him.He looked like time have stoped for him for a moment.I nervously placed my hand on his arm then directed it a little down to his palm.
I gently touched his hand,but he dosnt realised I was here.
 

-Minsoo hyung,everything is alright?I whispered to his ear and with moment as he felt my breath on him he finally "woke up".
 

-Huh?Yeah,just you know...emotions spread on this stage.He squeezed my hand harder so finnaly I felt he is back.But It wasnt right he were still lost somewhere in his mind.
 

-Ah I see.I smiled to him and again focused my eyes infront of scene.I decided not tu push to much until the show end,maybe I'll try to talk to him when we back to dorm.
Actualy I still felt something isn't reallyy right.I knew it and it makes me feel uneasy.
 

  How could I know right?I just asked him, he said he is alright.
To be honest  I spend alot of time by looking at him,studing his behavior,his habits,everything about him.It's stupid but I was deeply in love with man on my right.

But...He didnt know.

I started like him long time ago,at first just as friend.I was fascinated over his manly charm,his adult posture,and how mysterious he was.About one and half year ago I understood that I like him more than just a friend.
I havnt date anyone until now,I was into music and my carere.I started very young,also Im preety shy person when it comes to those things.

I dont know if I was gay,but for sure I was scared of opurtinity that I can be one.
Homouality in Korea was like be suffering from leprosy.People will avoid ,and slander you.
I was alredy suffering due to haters,I dont want to give them another reason to hate me.
Also Minsoo didnt looked like a person who would be atracted to guys,he often says thing like "I don't like guys" when fan asked or smt,and he had some girlfriends in past,clear isnt it?

Minsoo was still holding my hand,probably due to fan service.

It's stupid but I was always thankfull that fans rly enjoy watching things like it,I could hug,hold hands,play with him like with my boyfriend and no one know that for me it was smt more.Actualy he does stuff like this not only one the scene but also in dorm ,but that how's showing males friendship affection in this country.

Funny cus sometimes it was confusing me,ofcourse I live in this country since I was born but it was giving me a false imagination that he could like me back.I am such a fool,but I was happy living like this.
Hug to him when we were watching movie with rest of group and no one see it in bad way.
Hold hand in public (for example on fan meeting)and no one was pointing at us with finger.
But it was stupid ilusion on which I wanted to live,I was beliving it will last forever.

All of us make 90 dagreed bow to fans to show our thankfulness for coming to the show.
We stayed in this postion for about 20 secound and back to normal position,alsmot all of us.
Minsoo was still bowing,I spot his palm clutch his pant material on the knee.His arm strat to shake oddly.I decided to intervene and runed to him.

-Hyung,you can stop.We ended already.I pated his back few times.I was rly worried.

Chanhee was watching us with shoced experssion.
Minsoo want back to straight pose.

-Oh you do?Sorry didn't realize.He sigted emberased.

-Nothing happend,but for sure everything is ok?I asked worried,ofcorse I expect he would say something like he is tired.And I heared it

-Im just tired you know,it was a long show.He rubbed his neck to show that his back hurt.

-I can massage you in the car or back in dorm.I smiled to him happily.
Chanhee interrupted our talk.

-Wave to fans or something,you look weird.Chanhee whisperd to us while he was waveing to fans and smiling cherfully.

He was right so we did it,I said few times "Thank you" to our public and about 12 minutes later we got off the stage to dress room.
Everyone sat tired on couch and drink botels of water.

-AAAHHH,so tired.Byunghun began to grumble,then he ruined up his hair with his hand.

-We have 30 minutes to dress up and went down to car.Chanhee recalled to us.He was the one who started to dress up first.

-But it was good show right?But hyung your voice craced few times hehe.Ricky pointed at Chanhee.

-Yah!What a kid!Chanhee screamed at him.Actualy they were just joking,all of us like to tease each other,but it is really not a harmfull play.We could cleary here when someone saying for serious his complaint and when it was just joke.

Ricky laughted and stand up to look for his cloths for change.I also dressed up myself fastly and back to them.

One person was missing,and it was Minsoo.I looked around the room,his bag,and his cloths were still on chair,so he didnt dressed yet.

-Guys did you saw Minsoo-hyung?I asked nervously.