I’ve been away from home quite a while and I didn’t left that gracefully. Even thought about that day was him, nothing else but him.

I wanted to see him and say my last goodbye, knowing that we may not meet anymore but I wasn’t able to. When I left he wasn’t there, he must’ve hated me for deciding to leave. He’s like that, hating a person’s decision without hearing them out, but who am I to judge, I didn’t told him anything so this is really a different case. He tends to be tackles and unreasonable at times, but that makes him fun to be with.

We didn’t talk nor did he temp to do so, even if I gave my contacts to him. He was deliberately avoiding me because of it, but I can’t blame him, who would? I left without console with him and it’s nothing to be proud of in my case. He was dear to me and same goes with him towards me. 

We made decision, actions and thoughts about everything with the both of us hearing each other out. No secrets, no doubts and no convictions turn down but only supported. That’s how strong we were, we continued to be like that and we didn’t care to what anyone else would say but I broke that kind of trust that was built for so long.

We walked along side by side together without looking back behind us, we both knew what troubles lies ahead of us but nothing mattered. As long as we still had each other, there’s nothing to fret and nothing to take heed. We were both safe in each other’s presence and warmth. 

We were both inseparable and at the same way a balanced duo. Having just the mere sight of him makes me go wild and fluttering with joy and I know he felt the same as I did, he wasn’t vocal about it but he always tends to express it. Yeah, unlike him, I was the more verbal and clingy but he expresses his emotions with such vigour that there is merely no need to exert it with words.

No words could ever define the way he feels.

We bicker and fuss at times but we never actually fought about anything, that’s what’s great about him. He never lets things get out of hand… but so as to speak. I parting was way out of the question but still, I know if he would’ve known beforehand he would’ve brought down heaven to earth in order for me to stay.

He’s strong and that makes me strong but leaving like that tore a part of me and same goes with him. I don’t know if I deserve to see him or would he ever wants to. I wouldn’t be a surprise if he’d resented me because of it, but a grit of hope still lies within me and I couldn’t suppress myself not to cling onto it, even just for a mere moment.

I wasn’t the best person to say his farewells or laters, I never seem to get those words out of my mouth and I know… I’d end up surrendering and staying. It wasn’t in my nature to not see someone so dear but, he managed to do that and I know I was the one who drove him to do so.

I know he didn’t mean anything like that. To cut off our ties permanently but that couldn’t be helped, but with what I did, I only ended up suffering on my own. Thinking of him, wanting to hear from him, longing and craving to be with him.

5 years wasn’t a joke, even until this very moment my anxiousness still didn’t waver. Who am I kidding? It will never dissipate as long as I don’t see him; he’ll be the only one who’ll quench this thriving heart of mine. Like he always did, like he always does and like he’ll always do, whatever the circumstances maybe, he’ll only be my cure.

Each moment spent with him was a fantastic memory, a living dream and a moment worthwhile. Never was there a dull moment with him, everything would be lively and heart filled. That was the way he always wanted things to be, all the time and each time were together. Things would never matter as long as he’s there.

Even painful moments didn’t sting us, though we smile and bear the tears hidden, we never clung into sadness and pain. We weren’t afraid to cry or to show our sorrows, it was just that crying was something that would waste our time. Smiling truthfully was far better than that, even in the most painful situations we did our best, because as long as we saw each other bringing out a grin in our faces, no pain would ache in our hearts.

That’s the reason why I became strong as a person, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. We built each other up from the very bottom until we were built to fortify ourselves in life.

Hand in hand there’s nothing we couldn’t achieve, that’s how it was, fun filled and adventurous life. 

I know what I did wasn’t the smartest thing to do; I’ve regretted that for as long as I had left. I could never atone nor would I be able to, there’s just no point in trying to make up for that mess I’ve made. But thinking of seeing him just this once will be enough; it would be more than I’ll ever bargain for. 

I missed him so much that it scares the crap out of me into thinking that I wouldn’t find him here at our hometown; my expectations would be what a person would suffice to do. After those 5 years, he’d probably left this place and found a decent job or just moved to the country’s capital but still, it’s like my heart’s guiding me.

Much like a lifeline, my feet are the wheels and my eyes are the windows. My whole soul feels a linked chain dragging me towards the same place that I grew up, the place where I came to be… the place that I came to fall in love.

As I make my way down the streets of the old neighbourhood, it felt nostalgic. It changed quite a bit, the houses, the porches and those front gardens but the feeling around the place was nowhere near different. It’s the same as if I didn’t left.

It was strange, I feel so comfortable at the whole view of the place. As I take my steps closer, his house came into view. A few changes in the front porch, the colour of the house seemed to fit it well and some well-done gardening at the front but still the same heart filled home we used to reside in.

I can’t claim that house as mine, but still me casa his casa. We always found haven in each other’s house, that’s the truth that no one can ever change, even if we say that we’ve parted. I looked around right before I stood at the door; my heart began to thump at the sensation. Home sweet home.

I smile came out on its own as I saw a familiar item at the front door, I didn’t noticed it when I walked close but now standing right in front of it, it was clearly what I think I was.

I picked it up and I could feel a tear went down on its own; it was the hat I bought for him. I never thought I’d see it again, heck for all I know he burned it to ash, but seeing it lifted my spirits up. He might still have a spark of feelings left for me.

As I attempted to wipe the tears that voluntarily went down on its own, but before that, there were suddenly two hands that covered my sight. Two soft and warm palms that I would never forget, the two loving hands that held me dear and safe for all that I know. I couldn’t believe the possibility but, my hopes would never falter… no, I believed in him.

By the fragrance of that same ol’ perfume he always used, that huff of breath he would always do right behind me, that pulse that I would never miss a beat and would always resonate loud and clear in my ears. It was him, none the less.