(1/2)
The Boy With The Blue JacketMAY
The snow falls strong, even when winter would be over in a week. It seems that its still want it to give hell to people. But they dont care, they know in a week it would be sweet beaches, sweet crispy sun giving you a perfect tan. Yes, all of that is going to happen on a week.
Yixing waits for the 'walking' sign to pop, he couldnt stand there any longer. He tries to warm himself up by jumping alittle. Yixing opens his mouth, and steam comes out. He couldnt take it any more, he want to go to work. To be inside a warm room, not this afwul weather. As he counts the second for that 'walking' sign to pop, he sees him. Across the street.
A boy that you could only see his eyes, because the rest of his face is hiding under the big white scarf. The boy didnt mind the busy street, because he was listening to music. Yixing feels his mouth opening more and more, as the boy continues to pass. Out of the all the people, that boy with the blue jacket stands up. Yixing thinks it could be the jacket, or how sweet the boy's eyes look.
The 'walking' sign pops, and everyone who was waiting start to walk. Yixing still has his eyes in the boy who is pretty far away right now. He hopes tomorrow he'll pass again. Yixing signs, and goes the opposite way. The bar in where he works at wasnt so far, and that motivates him to walk faster. He doesnt remember how long he has worked there.
He doesnt even remember the how or why. All he knows was in a blink of an eye, he was preparing drinks seven times at week. Yixing knows it has to do something with the owner. Kyungsoo treats Yixing really well. When Kyungsoo hired Yixing, he ask him if there was something he can do, to make the work environment better. Of course Yixing didnt want to take advantage of Kyungsoo, so he never said anything.
Yixing was fine with the environment, and the pay check too. He knows if he quits this job, he would never find something better. Maybe that was the reason. Kyungsoo. Yixing takes the warm keys, that were in his pocket and opens the club. Around the room, it smell like cigarettes and abit of vomit. He has to clean this place, it was his job after all.
Yixing goes to the closet where the cleaning supplies are, he takes a broom and a dust pan. He begins to clean as he murmurs a song only he knows, since its his. He remembers everyone giving compliments everytime he'll touch a piano. It was easy for Yixing to learn songs he barely knew, thats what made Yixing so special.
To learn things so easily.
Yixing moves the chairs away, as he passes the broom around. It was weird to see the room full of light, since at night the room becomes dark. "good morning" the sweet voice of Kyungsoo makes Yixing stop singing. "good morning, boss" Kyungsoo goes behind the counter, to put money in the cashier. "anything new?" Kyungsoo asks.
"nah, just cleaning"
"soon it would be warm again, i guess i have to start paying extra for the electricity" Yixing remembers those days, it was to hot that even with the air conditioner on it was still hot. "i cant even think of warm weather, is to cold outside" Yixing continues to sweep the floor. "i bet when the warm weather gets here, you'll wish to be it cold again"
"nah, i dont think so"
The next day, Yixing stands in the same corner waiting for the same thing he wait for yesterday. For the 'walking sign'. There was no snow anymore, but it was still cold. As he waits in his side of the street, he sees the boy again. This time he wasnt wearing a scarf, but he was still wearing his headphones. Yixing gives a step forward, but stops.
If he tries to cross the street, cars can run him over. And he'll be in the 7 o'clock news, he can think of the title already 'dumb boy crosses the street'. So he decides to do what he did yesterday. Just look at the boy pass by. The sweet boy with the blue jacket.
It was dark, and there was alot of people in the club. "a beer please" an older guy raises his hand, Yixing takes a beer out of the coolers. He slides the beer over, and the guy grabs it. Yes, Yixing was pretty good doing tricks. "a would like a glass of water" Yixing turns to the low voice. When he turns to see the person, it was the boy he sees in the morning.
Yixing cant move, he didnt know he would have the chance to talk to him. Or to be this close. The boy doesnt pay attention though, he continues to look at his hands. "bad news?" Yixing asks, as he gives him a glass of water. The boy just nods, as he grabs the glass. He doesnt drink it, he just turns the glass like if he was trying to see if it was clean.
"what's your name?" Yixing leans over, he want it to see the whole face. One he knows it as beautiful as his eyes, "Yixing, i need help!" Kyungsoo yells as he tries to carry a box of beers. Yixing looks at Kyungsoo, then back at the boy. He knows his working, and he shouldnt be wasting his time talking to someone, that obviously looks like he doesnt want to have a conversation.
Yixing runs to Kyungsoo, and helps him with the box. "put them in the coolers" Kyungsoo goes back to grab more boxes, but by the time Yixing goes back to talk to the boy, he was already gone.
The bar was closed for three days. Kyungsoo thought it would be best to close on the first three days of warm weather. Since the air conditioner wasnt fix yet. Yixing wakes up, having trouble dressing up, since he want it to look good when he sees the boy again. And with that thought in his mind, he wears a blue t-shirt. He start it to think of funny jokes, to tell the boy. Like 'hey, we are wearing blue'. But when he said those words aloud, he realize how dumb it is.
But he guesses they can both laugh at his words.
Yixing waits in his side of the street, waiting and waiting. But he couldnt see the boy, everyone looks the same. No one was standing out, the beautiful boy wasnt anywhere to be seen. Yixing thinks that because the boy isnt wearing the blue jacket, its difficult for him to see the boy. Yixing crosses the street, and just follow his daily routine.
It was one of those hot days, that you didnt want to make any movement. Yixing is laying down in bed, and the hot weather is giving him hot flashes. He remembers why he got out of school. It was because even when the world would see Yixing as someone special, people are going to make sure to destroy him. Everyone in school was a fan of Yixing.
He was even consider a prodigy, and thats the highest compliment you could get. But because Yixing was in the top of the world, he need it to come down. He remembers the first time he got in a fight. It shouldn't be call a fight, since Yixing didnt do anything to defend himself. He was just hoping that the beating would end soon.
Yixing was playing the piano after school, just like he always does. He couldnt get that sound out of his head, and he need it to play it in the piano. As he was in the of the song, someone hits the door which it ends up opening. The three boys have their hands in their pockets, as they come towards Yixing. In Yixing's mind, he didnt see any danger. Because people always come and hear him play.
But when one of the guys takes a knife out of his pocket, Yixing doesnt know what to expect.
Today was a bit better, Yixing thinks as he waits for the 'walking' sign. But he knows his just waiting for the boy to pass by, his being hoping for that every day. Everytime Yixing gets the guts to talk to the boy, he never shows. Maybe it was destiny who didnt want Yixing to be with the boy. And right now, Yixing is starting to think that.
By night Yixing is moving around the club giving drinks. The club has more people than it usually has. Yixing thinks is a good thing, he cant wait to see Kyungsoo's smile when he sees all the money in the cashier. Yixing goes behind the bar to prepare more drinks, its a good thing Kyungsoo hired someone new. At first Yixing was scared of Kris.
His bushy eyebrows, and his serious face didnt help Kris. But when Yixing heard Kris speak, and saw his goofy smile he realize Kris was a bit of goofball. Now Yixing and Kris are friends. "hey, Kris has a boy come for a glass of water?" Kris is to busy mixing drinks, but Yixing hopes he got the chance to see the boy. "nah, why?"
"just asking" Yixing starts to help Kris with the drinks.
That night was one of the longest nights Yixing has ever had.
As days go by as same as always, he doesnt see the boy anymore. And his starting to think he'll never will. "why are you think so hard?" Kris pokes Yixing's cheek. "its nothing" they both stay to clean up the club, they think is better this way so tomorrow they dont have to come so early. "everytime i ask you, you always say that"
Yixing stops swiping the floor, "you probably think im crazy" Kris chuckles, "i won't" Yixing looks at the ceiling as he grunts, "i saw this boy, he was across the street...and he look so peaceful, and beautiful although i could only see his eyes and half of his nose,"
Kris waits to hear more, "he came one time for a glass of water, but i havent seen him since then"
"how long was that?" Yixing shrugs, "a three weeks? i think" "and you dont know nothing about this guy?" Yixing shakes his head, "nothing, zero, nada" "tough break" It was driving Yixing crazy. That boy probably never existed. But he knows something would make him feel better, to at least have a name for that beautiful face.
"hey, dont worry he has to come some day right?" Kris puts his arm around Yixing, the size of Kris arm feels heavy on Yixing's shoulder. "yeah, i guess"
It takes Yixing acouple of weeks to feel better. He knows the counseling is helping. But his just so afraid to speak up in class, or to play the piano again. Those kids who keep bulling him are destroying what Yixing loves the most. And it doesnt help when the counselor keeps asking Yixing to tell him the names of the guys who bully him.
"i told you, i dont know them"
"Yixing, it doesnt help you if you stay silent" Yixing just looks down shaking his head. Speaking makes everything worst, so his not going to say anything. "your class is about to start, you better go" the counselor gives up for today, but he knows one day Yixing is going to speak freely and make those kids pay. Yixing grabs his bagpack from the floor and leaves the office.
Yixing walks in the hallways, when someone pushes him to the wall. "look who we have here" Yixing doesnt look at them, he memorize those faces well enough. "just hit me so i can go to my class" one of the guys pushes him more to the wall, he didnt like Yixing's tone. "take him" the two other guys pull Yixing from the neck, to take him to one of closets.
There they hit Yixing over and over again. One of them even breaks his wrist. Now everytime he tries to touch a note in the piano, its going to hurt more than it did.
Kyungsoo takes Kris and Yixing to a coffee shop to celebrate the good business of the club. "order whatever you want guys" Kyungsoo says as the three of them look at menu thats in the walls. "oh i would like a cold coffee" Yixing says as he can taste the coffee already, Kris nods "oh that sounds good" "i want a espresso" Kyungsoo says as he puts his hand in his lips.
They order their coffees, and the people who make them are fast. It seems that its better to look at them making the coffee than the taste. "so, i want to say some words," Kyungsoo raises his cup of coffee, "your guys are the best workers i have ever had! and i hope we can continue working together" Yixing raises his coffee too.
"im not planning on leaving" Kyungsoo and Yixing look at Kris, waiting for him to promise not to leave. "i wouldnt either" the three cups hit each other as their cheer.
That same week, Kyungsoo takes him to this pool party. He said that his friend from college invited him, but he didnt want to go alone. Kris said he was busy so he couldnt go. Yixing didnt want to be stuck at his apartment, so he chooses to go with Kyungsoo to the pool party. "hey you arrive!"
"well i want it to see how big your pool is" the guy laughs and his nose wrinkles everytime he does. "oh, Chanyeol this is Yixing, Yixing this is Chanyeol" both of them shake hands, "nice to meet you" Chanyeol says, with his deeper voice than before. "like wise" "im gonna say hi to the other people" Kyungsoo excuses himself, Yixing feels like this was the plan all along.
"so Kyungsoo tells me you work in his club" Yixing nods, "yeah, for along time" "i know Kyungsoo pretty well, his a good boss isnt he" Yixing nods twice, he could nod more but he didnt want to over do it. "so you just work? or do you also go to school?" Yixing rubs his hand in his neck, "uhm....i just work" "thats good"
"and you?"
"uhm, i go to school....im majoring in music composition"
Yixing opens his mouth, he remembers when he also want it to major on that. But that was along time ago. "are you serious? thats amazing" Chanyeol blushes. Everytime Chanyeol tells someone about his major they dont care. But Yixing acts like if he was a fan of Chanyeol already. "yeah, im in my last year"
"wow! i wish you well...i cant wait to hear your songs"
"thank you, im really not hoping for alot" Chanyeol stays modest
"no, no i believe in you you probably gonna get a fandom name..the famous Yeol! or something cool like that" Chanyeol tights his lips so he wouldnt smile. Although he was dying to, Yixing compliments are to much for him. He want it to keep being modest as much as he could.
JUNE
It was Tuesday, and Yixing is to lazy to wake up. He need it to open the club, and help Kris clean up. But the bed was stuck to his skin, and its just feels so right. Yixing grabs his cell phone to call Kris, and excuse him for the morning. But someone calls him first, "ah, hello?" it was unknown number, "Yi..Yixing?" "yes"
Chanyeol chuckles, "hey, its me Chanyeol" Yixing sits up in the bed, "oh yes, hi" "uhm Kyungsoo is the one that gave me your phone," Yixing nods, even when he knows Chanyeol cant see him. "anyway, do you want to go for a coffee?" Yixing thinks for a moment, coffee? with this weather. It was hot enough already, he didnt need more.
"sure" but he knows Chanyeol was inviting him, and he couldnt say no.
"okay, i meet you by the coffee shop thats infront of the club"
"okay, bye" both of them hang up, Yixing ruffles his hair trying to wake up. He grabs his cell phone again, and calls Kris. "go, for Kris" Yixing laughs at how Kris answers his phone. He wonders if he has another job, thats why he answers the phone that way. "hey, Kris its me Yixing...im gonna be alittle late today"
"oh okay, i'll start to clean"
"i owe you one, bye" Yixing hangs up, and jumps out of his bed. He tries to check the clothes that are in the floor. He doesnt know which one is clean or dirty. Yixing grabs a blue shirt, and smells it. It doesnt smell clean, but it doesnt smell dirty. He takes it, and grabs the same jeans he used yesterday.
Yixing walks down the street, it was barely June and he already hate it the warm weather. His in the end of the street, where he usually would cross the street. He stands there as the people wait for the little 'walking man'. Even when Yixing didnt have to cross the street, he waits just to see if the boy he hasnt seen in awhile passes by.
When the 'walking signs' pops, and there was no boy he walks away. It was stupid for him to keep on waiting for a ghost. He decides not to think of him today, since its abit early for him to feel sorry for himself. Yixing opens the door of the coffee shop, and sees someone waving his hand. "hi" Yixing says, as he sits down. A warm coffee stands infront of him.
Chanyeol really order him a warm coffee. "hi" "so how you been?" Chanyeol takes a drink of his coffee, "im good, i have abit of writersblock but other than that good" "is there away for me to help you with your writerblock?"
Chanyeol looks down, as he smiles. "you can be my muse" Yixing opens his eyes, he was surprise by Chanyeol's request. He doesnt seem himself as a muse, he didnt feel special to be one. "muse? me?" Chanyeol nods, "yes, i dont know i feel like you can help me...plus you wanted to major in the same thing" Yixing bites his lip, he doesnt remember telling Chanyeol about that.
"oh, im sorry Kyungsoo told me" Yixing nod slowly, "that makes sense" "so what, would you like to be my muse?" Yixing thinks for a second, music was everything to him so many years ago. He likes to listen to songs everyones in awhile, but thats it. Music was abit of nightmare for Yixing now. His memories carry abit of a scar. But he couldnt say no to Chanyeol. It would be rude.
"su..sure"
Chanyeol stands up, and bear hugs Yixing. People look at the tall boy crushing the smaller one. Yixing turn to see the people staring, he makes a sign telling them that everything was okay.
"your son, would be okay" Yixing's mom lets air come into her lungs. "can we see him?" the doctor nods, and takes them to Yixing's room. Yixing's father being quiet since he got the call. He was a Zhang, and Zhang dont cry. The doctor leaves them infront of Yixing's room. Yixing's mother opens the door right away; Yixing raises his head.
"my poor son" she puts her hand in Yixing's cheek, and it sting. "im okay mom" but Yixing's appearance didnt agree with him. He had bandages in his head, and in his two wrist. "who did this to you?" "no one"
"Zhang Yixing!" Yixing's father raises his voice, making Mrs. Zhang stop crying. Yixing looks at his father, and for the first time he can see it in his father's eyes. They scream disappointment. "tell us who did this" but he couldnt say it, he knows if he says those names things are going to get worst. He just wants his life back. "i dont know dad"
Mr. Zhang leaves the room without looking back. "everything its going to be okay, my son" Mrs. Zhang caresses Yixing's cheek.
"okay, so do you have any brothers?" Chanyeol asks as he eats a donut. It was a perfect day to eat in the park, said Chanyeol. But it was a horrible day for Yixing, the weather was to hot. "no, its only me" Chanyeol starts to write in his little notebook, "why do you carry that? the pages look like its going to fall out"
"this notebook is my lucky notebook, im always going to carry it around!" Chanyeol waves the donut around, until the strawberry flavor falls in the page he was writting. He had to order the donut with the filling. "okay, next. have you been in love?"
Yixing looks at the people walking around, he likes to pay attention to the random people. He likes to make up stories in his head about their lifes. "Yixing" Chanyeol pokes Yixing's cheek, where he had seen a dimple appear a minute ago. "eh? oh love? uhm...i dont believe in love" "what! you dont believe in love?"
"yeah, love its something people tell themselves so they won't be alone"
"wow, depressing" Yixing chuckles, "plus, i dont think i deserve to be in love" Chanyeol looks at Yixing, in a second his expression changes. "why do you say that?" Yixing turns to look at Chanyeol, surprise. He didnt realize he said those words aloud. "its nothing" he tries to cover his sad eyes with a laugh. But fail.
MIDDLE OF JULY
"finally, you show up!" Kris grins, as he sees Yixing enter the club. He been spending to much with Chanyeol, that he doesnt come in the mornings to help Kris out. "im sorry, i owe like 10 favors" "actually 12 but whos counting" Yixing helps Kris put the chairs down, "so, tell me"
Yixing finishes with the table, and goes to another one. "tell you what?" "about the person your seen" Yixing stops, and looks at Kris. Its that how it looks like? that his going with Chanyeol. "im just helping him with his writerblock" "you been going out with him for 2-3 week! how long is his writerblocks going to last?"
"i dont know, it happens to all of us" Kris rolls his eyes, and says a sarcastic 'right'. "look i have nothing against the boy, but you have to be true to yourself Yixing" "what does that mean?"
"well that the 'writerblock' excuse, its just a lame way to ask you out" Was he saying that Chanyeol likes him? Yixing must be really dumb or naive, since he never notice. "so what should i do?"
"well do you like him?"
Yixing likes being around him, and he doesnt see himself not being around Chanyeol. He also knows he might like him more than Kris, but not as much as Kyungsoo. What does that mean? "i dont know" "well theres ways to know" Kris walks towards the dumbfound Yixing, "like"
"well hold his hand, if you feel something like butterflies you like him"
"would that work?" Kris holds Yixing's hand, "tell me what do you feel?" Yixing holds Kris hand tighter, but nothing. "i dont feel anything" "thats because you dont like me like me"
"whats the other way?"
"kiss him" Kris leans over, but Yixing stops him. "you dont have to show me that" Kris chuckles, "good"
Kris goes to the small room to get the broom. Yixing stands there thinking.
"so this is where Yixing sleeps" Chanyeol says as he enters the apartment, Yixing throws the keys to the table. "yup, pretty much" Chanyeol goes to the little couch, and starts to write. "am i really helping you?" Yixing wonders, Chanyeol looks up and nods. "i think my teacher is going to love this song"
"what is the song about?" Yixing sits next to Chanyeol trying to see what the song says, but Chanyeol covers it fast. "is a story about love" "love? i told you i dont believe in love" Yixing stands up, to grab the remote control he left on the kitchen table this morning. "even when you dont believe in love, doesnt mean this song cant be about love"
"i guess" Yixing comes back, and turns the tv on. Chanyeol continues to write, and it makes Yixing wonder more things. "Chanyeol, do you like me?" Chanyeol press on the pencil to much, that it breaks. "uhm..." Yixing moves and sits next to Chanyeol, "let me check something" Yixing grabs Chanyeol's hand. That makes Chanyeol turn to see him.
Yixing in the other hand, was looking down at their hands. Even when he was holding it, he didnt feel anything. "what is it?" Chanyeol breaks Yixing's concentration. "nothing" he moves his hand away, and looks at the tv.
Since Chanyeol didnt have another pencil, he tells Yixing he'll come back later.
AUGUST
The weather gets abit better, by the afternoon gets fresh not that Yixing has time to go outside. "okay, people should be coming so lets get everything ready" Kyungsoo says, as he fixes the last details. "whats up with him?" Kris asks Yixing, as he cleans the cups. "oh his rival from school is coming to see him, he wants to put a good show"
Kris makes a 'ah' sound, as he continues. You would think ones you get out of high school, the drama would leave you. "have you seen Chanyeol at all?" Yixing shakes his head, as he checks the coolers for beers. "he doesnt call me anymore, i think his writerblock is gone" "it seems that it bothers you, more than it should"
Yixing looks at Kris surprise. Does it really sound like it bothers him? He was sad when Chanyeol didnt call him this morning. But he just thought that maybe Chanyeol was busy at school. "i thought of him as a friend, i guess he didnt think the same"
"guys!" Kyungsoo stands by the door. Yixing and Kris turn to see him, "its show time" Kyungsoo opens the doors, and people start it to come in. "he'll come around" Kris puts his hand in Yixing's shoulder. For the first time Kris was actually trying to be sympathetic, which make Yixing silently chuckle.
"little soo" Kyungsoo turns around at the sound of his rival. "Jongin" Kyungsoo says with sour tone, Yixing and Kris watch the fight. Although right now is just evil glances. "not bad" Jongin looks around the place, it was pretty big. It even has its own stage, for friday karaoke. "im proud of myself" The music was to loud to hear them, but Kris and Yixing dont stop looking.
They know Kyungsoo is gonna take a bottle and break it in Jongin's head, in any minute now. Kyungsoo really hate it the guy. "well you should see what i own" "oh your daddies company? thats the thing you want to brag about?" Jongin smirks, "whatever" Jongin passes by Kyungsoo, and hits him in the shoulder. Kyungsoo raises his hand to hit him in the head, when Chanyeol stops him.
"Kyungsoo" Kyungsoo turns around, "what? i was just playing around" Chanyeol laughs, and even when the music was loud, Yixing could still hear it. "look whos here" Kris whispers in Yixing's ear, as he takes some drinks to the near end table. Yixing looks at Chanyeol for a moment, before he goes back to finish preparing the drink.
"what are you doing here?" Chanyeol lets go of Kyungsoo's hand, and looks at Yixing, "oh, thats why your here" Chanyeol turns to look at Kyungsoo, and doesnt say anything. He was not going to deny the reason why he waste it gas. "can i talk to him?" Kyungsoo knows Yixing was busy, but it was obvious that Chanyeol has feeling for him.
"sure, i'll see how Jongin is doing"
"dont kill him Kyungsoo, and i mean it!" Kyungsoo nods repeatedly, like if a parent was yelling at his kid. Chanyeol walks towards Yixing, Yixing can feel his presence but doesnt dare to look at up. "glass of water please" Yixing nods, and gets him a bottle of water. "here" "can i talk to you?"
"im kind of busy right now"
"its okay, i ask Kyungsoo for permission, so can i?"
Yixing goes to Kris and tells him he wouldnt take long. Before he leaves Kris tells him, about the second way he can know his feelings towards Chanyeol. Yixing doesnt tell him anything. Chanyeol takes Yixing outside, and his ears thank him. It was louder than usual. Maybe it was because Kyungsoo want it to show off his new stereo to Jongin.
"sorry i havent call you"
"i just thought your writerblock was gone"
Chanyeol laughs at how Yixing believe the whole writersblock. "Yixing, i never had writersblock. if anything i was more inspired to write when i met you" "i doubt i did that" Chanyeol grabs Yixing's hand, "why cant you take compliments?"
"i dont think i deserve them"
"who hurt you?"
That was a touchy subject, and Yixing didnt want to talk about it outside of some club. "everyone has a past" "true, but yours seem bad and sad" Yixing pulls his hand away, "i was in love with music, it was something i couldnt explain. I could feel it in my hands, in my veins. It was true love to me, and someone took it away. They destroyed me. Now tell me, if they took the thing i love the most, imagine if i had loved someone,"
"how many ways would they had destroy me, just to take it away?"
Yixing's words break Chanyeol, he didnt had words to tell him. The only thing he could do was to hug Yixing, and hug him tight. Yixing perfectly land in Chanyeol's shoulder. He can hear Chanyeol sobbing alittle. He had never told anyone about that, it was suppose to be a secret. "Chanyeol" "mmh"
"can i try something?" Chanyeol looks at Yixing, waiting for him to do whatever he was going to do. Yixing tip toes, and kisses Chanyeol. It was just a peck, until Chanyeol finally reacts, and kisses Yixing deeply. He puts his hand in Yixing lower back, and the other one in his cheek. The kiss for Chanyeol it meant maybe the start of something.
For Yixing it meant, nothing. He realize now, he can never love anyone.
"okay, lets start to talk" the people on the circle grunt, "oh okay guys, talking is what?" Dr. Kim waits for his patient to finish his sentence. "is good" they say as some roll their eyes. "okay, yes now lets start with Mr. Zhang" Yixing points at himself, and the doctor nods. "uhm, you guys know everything about me"
All of them know each other pretty well, and its like not they can get out of this place; and come back and tell everyone about their weekend. He was now stuck in this counseling center. He can leave when the doctor actually thinks Yixing is better. "come on tell us something your afraid" Yixing starts to play with his hands.
He didnt want to talk about that, "no" Yixing starts to play more with his hand, like trying to wash something out off him. But his clean. "oh come on Yixing dont close yourself" "i....i cant" Yixing stutters, Dr. Kim knows better not to push him. "okay, its okay Yixing you dont have to talk about it" Yixing relax abit, although he knows his doctor is going to push him later on.
"okay next, Mr. Kim"
"what"
"come on tells us something your afraid of" Minseok looks around, trying to see who is judging him. "fine, im afraid that i would never get better! that my parents are going to let me stay here and rot"
"Mr. Kim calm down, we are here to listen not to judge"
Minseok grunts, "yeah, right"
OCTOBER
It was the first day of October, when Yixing starts to smile. Winter would soon be here, and he can finally see whether the boy its a ghost or real. Yixing stands up, when he hears his phone vibrating. He grabs his phone, and it was a text from Kris. 'are you coming?'
Yixing replies with 'im almost there'. Which it was lie, he was still laying down in bed. It been a month since he has seen Chanyeol. Chanyeol didnt call or text him anymore. He wonders if he was hard on Chanyeol, telling him that he didnt feel anything for him.
Kyungsoo throws a party for Yixing, although Yixing told him not to. Since Yixing knows that Kyungsoo was just going to make the party whether he like it or not, he decided not to say anything. Kyungsoo close down the club to make the party there. Yixing didnt have many friends, in fact Kyungsoo and Kris are his only friends.
Well it used to be Kyungsoo, Kris and Chanyeol. But he doubts he'll come. So now there was an empty club, with only three people. Including Yixing. But Yixing didnt mind, he was happy that he had them as a friends. "okay, okay blow on the candles to make a wish!" Kyungsoo puts down the cake that Kris bought.
Yixing closes his eyes, and thinks of something. God had giving him good health, and good friends. He didnt have alot of money, but Yixing didnt care. So he thinks of something else. He thinks of a boy. He wishes to see him again soon.
Yixing opens his eyes, and blows the candles.
"come one Yixing lets go! we can leave and be happy!" Minseok stands by the window, "no, Minseok theres nothing out there for me" "thats what you think! come on Yixing you think they gonna help us here? they thing we are much of kids with mental problems"
Yixing shakes his head, he like it here. No one bullies him here, he didnt have to be scared of opening his eyes or go to school. He was free. Ones again. "just stay Minseok, they can make us better" Minseok opens the window, getting ready to leave. "i cant stay here and watch this four walls." Minseok gets ready to jump.
The place wasnt so height, so he was going to be find. "wait!" Minseok jumps alittle at how loud Yixing said the words. "i....if you stay i'll try to like you okay, i'll try to love you" for the first time, Yixing wasnt blind noticing how Minseok would look at him. Although he try to lie to himself that it was nothing, Minseok would only show his feelings more.
"Yixing, love its something people tell themselves so they won't be alone" Minseok smiles, and jumps out of the window.
DECEMBER
On the first week of december there was a snow storm. The whole apartment is cold, and Yixing hugs himself. When people are hoping for hot weather ones again, Yixing smiles because finally winter is here.
The next day Yixing wears the same blue shirt he wore that day the boy didnt show up. He stands in the same end of the street, and waits for the same 'walking sign'. Yixing puts his hands inside the pockets of his jacket. It was snowing alittle, but it was the wind that was killing him. It was to strong. The 'walking sign' pops, and he crosses the street.
No boy.
So he thought. The boy with the blue jacket, passes right by Yixing. He was wearing a white scarf that covers half of his face. Yixing stands there, not knowing what to do. He panics not knowing when he'll see the boy again, so he follows him. As far as the boy knows, Yixing was just another person in the crowd. Yixing stands 20 steps behind him.
Yixing knows there was no schools in this side of the city, so the boy probably works. He starts to think of what kind of job only comes every winter. Since it seems thats the only way he sees the boy. When Yixing was trying to figure out his own thoughts, the boy stops infront of large building. Yixing stops and it seem obvious that he was following the boy.
But the boy had his own problems to care. When the boy finally decides to enter the white building. Yixing waits seconds, before he stands infront of the white building. And with red letters Yixing reads 'Saint Paul hospital'. A well known hospital for cancer patients.
Yixing feels sick, and out of breath. He had a wish, and selfishly he waste it on himself. Meanwhile the boy was probably dying from cancer.
They finally break him. Yixing was a broken mirror on the floor. It didnt matter, how many times they had push him and hurt him. Because finally it was over. Yixing lays down on the cold floor, feeling his tears in his smash face. His clothes are rip and blood coming from different places. He disgust it of himself. He can feel them touching him.
He can still hear their laughter in his ears. How is he going to look at his parents, and explain to them that he was . In that moment when life was something precious to him, he thinks of dead. Dying would stop them from bulling him, from making his life miserable. He just want to be happy again.
Yixing's eyes feel tired, he wants to close them and sleep forever. He begins to hear notes playing in his head, a symphony. He moves his fingers, and pretends the floor is the notes. His fingers tremble everytime Yixing tries to raise them up. He sighs as tears fall down his cheek.
He begins to murmur the tone of the song. Starts low until it get abit louder. "help!" he yells but half way his voice breaks. Yixing was in the boys locker room, it was after school but he knows someone has to be around. "h...help!" he yells. He tries to stand up, but he cant. There was to much pain. There was no way he could stop his bullies.
There was no way he could get his innocence back. But he can run. Running away is the only way. "someone help me!" Yixing yells louder. He need it to get out of this school, out of this hell hole.
Yixing enters the hospital without any idea to how is he going to present himself. As he enters no one ask him who he is, or who he was looking for. And its a good thing, since he doesnt know the boys name. Yixing walks in the hallways, and all the doors are open. Kids stuck on bed, hoping to get better. Parents sitting next to their kid reading a bedtime story.
The halls are empty and quiet. Yixing continues to look inside the rooms as he walks by. When he passes by one room, he continues but then comes back. The boy was wearing a white sweater. The machine is connect it to the needle he has in his arm, it seem he was getting his blood clean. It was a treatment. The boy continues to look at the window
Today was sunny, but it didnt mean it was warm. And obviously didnt mean the snow was going to melt anytime soon. The light hits the boy in the face, turning his looking orange hair, to red. Yixing slowly enters the room, he knows he shouldnt but he has being waiting for this moment. The boy hears the sound of Yixing's old shoes, so he turns to see him.
Finally Yixing sees the boy's face. No scarf, no nothing. And he was right, the boy is beautiful. Truly beautiful. "who are you?" the voice doesnt fit the face. "can you tell me your name?" Yixing stands infront of the boy, the boy thinks he should call security. But stops seen Yixing wasnt a threat. "my name is Luhan" Yixing anxiously laughs.
"i finally know your name"
Luhan not caring for the boy, turns to look at the window again. Yixing figures out, he should go and leave the poor boy alone. But there was something electrifying inside of him, and he couldnt walk away. "are you sick?" Yixing sits on the lonely cold chair. "yes" Luhan looks at Yixing. Luhan's eyes turn to mirrors, and Yixing swears, Luhan can see through him.
"are you gonna die?"
"no"
"you promise" Luhan feels weird around Yixing, but no one visits him. So Yixing presence feels nice. "what?" "you promise you won't die" Luhan looks at the machine thats cleaning his blood. "i won't die, im almost done with the treatment and i dont ever have to come to a hospital" Yixing grins, he was happy to know the boy wasnt going to die.
And more when he barely found him.
"oh Luhan i didnt know you had a vistor" Yixing turns to the doctor, he stands up and bows politely. "you can sit down, im just here to write Luhan's blood pressure" Yixing sits down. He didnt understand anything that appear on the screen. He didnt understand how the machines works, but as long as it says that Luhan is well he doesnt care about anything else.
"okay, im done," the doctor looks at his watch, "and you have more minute before visitors hours are done" the doctor smiles to Yixing before he leaves. Yixing nods to him. When Yixing goes back to pay attention to Luhan, Luhan was stuck on the window. "what are you looking at?" Luhan smiles, "at the sun"
"why?" Yixing looks at the window too, but he didnt see anything interesting. He stands up alittle, so he could get the same view as Luhan. "i couldnt come out in the summer, since the doctor didnt want me to get infection. But im glad that today the sun came out"
Thats the reason why he didnt see him on the those hot days. He can imagine Luhan sitting down, covering himself from the outside world. "can i come back tomorrow?"
Luhan turns to Yixing, "please"
"who are you?"
"just someone who saw you along time ago" Luhan continues to look at Yixing, he grow up believing not to trust any strangers. Why should he trust him? "whats your name?"
"my name is Yixing"
"well Yixing, you come back if you want, but im not fun to be with"
Yixing chuckles, "what a coincidence some am i" Luhan cracks up, "you better go, before you get in trouble" Yixing nods, "bye" he walks towards the door, and before he could leave he turns around. Luhan has his eyes in the window again.
Yixing wishes he could keep the sun in a jar, so he could give it to Luhan.
"you what?" Mr. Zhang yells, he tries to calm down since his heart is weak. "i quit school" "but why? you had that music scholarship! if you quit you'll lose it!" "dad, i have to run from my demons..." Mrs. Zhang was silently standing in the back of the room. "just tell those detectives about those bullies!" Yixing shakes his head.
"it wouldnt matter, it wouldnt change anything. Dad i was , i cant go back to be the same person" Mr. Zhang grabs Yixing's face, trying to make him understand. "Yixing, dont throw your life away"
"im not going to dad" Yixing holds on to the hands that are still in his face. He gives a warm smile to his father, before he goes to the door where his suitcase is. Mrs. Zhang, stretches her arm and Yixing holds her hand. "goodbye" Mrs. Zhang lets go of Yixing. She puts her hand in , so her son wouldnt hear her cry.
Yixing opens the door, and Dr. Kim was waiting for him. "you did the right thing" Yixing sighs, but smiles. He also believes he did the right thing.
Yixing goes to the hospital earlier than yesterday, so he could have more time talking to Luhan. Yixing thinks since the clouds are covering the sun today, Luhan would pay more attention to him this time. He knocks on the door, and Luhan raises his head from the book. "oh your werent kidding about coming back"
Yixing shows Luhan the flowers he was hiding behind him. "whats that?" "yesterday, you had your eyes on the sun and i thought if i bring this sunflowers it would make you happy" Yixing gives them to Luhan, who doesnt take long in smelling them. "thank you" Yixing smiles, as he sits down in the same chair as yesterday. "how did you get this? this is not the weather for sunflowers"
"i know a guy who is obsessed with this kind of flowers" Luhan chuckles, "lucky me" Yixing looks at Luhan's leg that are cover with a white blanket. "i was reading yesterday this article," Yixing moves the chair to be more close to Luhan, "since you dont move much, your legs lose circulation, and thats bad. in the same article it talks about what kind of massages you could do, so the circulation can flow,"
Yixing puts his hands in Luhan's leg, right away Luhan move them. He was not going to let a stranger touch him. "may i?" "are you like a doctor too?" Yixing grins, "no, but i can learn things pretty fast..." Yixing bites his tongue, that was his oldself. His oldself was the one who can learn things pretty fast. This new Yixing just lives his life quietly.
"fine, show me"
Since he already open his mouth, he decides to put his words in action. Yixing begins to massage Luhan's leg, if Yixing would've told him that he was a doctor Luhan would have believe it. Yixing strong hands put pressure in Luhan's muscles. It was a good kind of pain. "wow, you werent lying about learning things fast"
Yixing smiles, "im not that good"
"if i say your good, your good" Yixing looks at Luhan, and laughs. "deal" Luhan cleans his throat from the awkward compliment, he puts his eyes back to the book. He was just looking at the words, he wasnt really reading. Now more than ever he was intrigue by Yixing.
Is night and Yixing couldnt stop looking at the clock. "Yixing, pass me that bottle" Kris points at the strong liquid, that would probably burn your throat if your not a big fan of alcohol. "Yixing!" Kris pushes Yixing alittle, to bring him back to earth. "are you okay?" he grabs the bottle he point it at, and begins to finish the drink.
"oh, yeah....im fine i was just couting the minutes"
Kris chuckles, as he gives the drink to the person who was sitting at the bar. "why? you have somewhere to be?"
"no" the way Yixing answer, it seem like he was trying to hold a lie. Kris right away looks at him, trying to read his expression. "tell me" "tell you what?" Kris judges Yixing, "i can see it in your eyes, your hiding something"
"......remember the boy that i used to talk about?" Kris shrugs, "no" "his name is Luhan, and his at the hospital" Yixing continues to talk, not wanting to go on much detail to make Kris remember. "is he okay?" "yeah"
"then whats the matter?"
"he has to stay in the hospital to continue his treatment"
"oh and you want to take him on dates, and hold his hand, and kiss him" Kris says in a teasing voice, Yixing blushes alittle and he thanks Kyungsoo for having the lights dim. "shut up" Kris puts his arm around Yixing, "go back to work and stop worrying!"
"you gonna like it here Yixing" Dr. Kim gives Yixing alittle tour of the place. It didnt seem like a counseling center, but rather a perfect place to go for a vacation. "we would do anything to help you, and if you want to talk to someone you can always come to my office" Yixing smiles, he feels free already. As Dr. Kim takes Yixing to see the garden, they hear someone yelling.
More like someone doing a protest. "they will not control us!" someone yells as he stand in top of a table, "they won't make us talk!" the people who are around the boy, yell back agreeing with what the boy is saying. "we are free! we can leave if we want!" Dr. Kim goes towards the boy, and helps him come down. "Minseok what are you doing?"
"using my first amendment, freedom of speech"
"and your allow to use it, but please dont make a scene your scaring the new patients" Minseok sighs, "fine, but this won't end!" Minseok goes back to his little group, as Dr. Kim goes back to Yixing. "sorry about that, Minseok is not afraid of speaking his mind or to think before he acts" Yixing nods, "why is he here?" Dr. Kim puts his hand behind Yixing as a sign for him to keep walking.
"well Minseok thinks that everyone is against him, he became an outcast, which started the cutting his parents not knowing what to do they send him here" Dr. Kim walks ahead of Yixing, and Yixing couldnt stop thinking about Dr. Kim's words.
"what are you reading?" Yixing asks as he massages Luhan's leg. "im learning french" Yixing stops massaging and looks at Luhan surprise, "by yourself?" "its the only way i can learn"
"wow Luhan your really cool" Yixing raises his thumbs up, Luhan just chuckles. Luhan goes back to finish his book, as Yixng continues to massage him. There was abit silence every ones in while, except for the occasion hum coming from Luhan everytime Yixing would press to hard. "hey what kind of movies do you like?"
"uhm, i dont watch alot of movies so i wouldnt know what to tell you"
"you dont like spending your time watching tv?"
"well, since i have to come to the hospital and take care of myself in what i eat and what i do, i lost the sense of having fun"
Yixing stops massaging Luhan. He knows he wasnt the most fun person to be around, or to invite to a party. But he knows that watching movies or tv is fun, and he hates that Luhan didnt have time to do those things.
When Yixing gets home late from working at the club, he lets his body hit the couch. He was to tired, today more than usual. Kyungsoo had the great idea to do a 'girls drink for free' night. He had never seen so many girls in one room in his life. Drink after drink, then some girls flirting with him. He has enough phone numbers to make his own phone book.
Yixing pushes himself to stand up, and go to his bed and rest. Since he knows his muscles are going to hurt if he sleeps in the couch. When he raises his face, he sees his computer in the livingroom table. He remembers what Luhan said about learning french, all by himself. Yixing wonders how many words Luhan knows. And how long his been studying french.
Yixing sits down in the couch, and just looks at his computer. He knows he has to go to sleep, but he also knows he can probably learn a whole chapter and help Luhan out. He sighs, and promise himself he was just going to read alittle. Yixing searches for 'fast ways to learn french' alot of websites pop, but none of them are good.
He opens one that seems pretty good, and begins to read. Yixing stands up, and grabs a notebook he uses to write things he needs to buy.
The next day Luhan looks at the watch thats infront of him. He never notice the clock thats hanging in the wall, but today it seems like he does. Luhan wonders where on earth Yixing could be, he was never late since the visitor hours dont last long.
Luhan goes back to his book. Yixing knocks on the door, which brings Luhan's eyes to him. "look what i have for you" Yixing pushes a television, and it was intop of something with wheels. "a tv?" "yes" Yixing puts it infront of Luhan, as he connects everything. "since we cant go to the movies, then the movies are coming to you" Luhan chuckles, "what movie did you bring?"
Yixing shows him a case of a movie, that Luhan never heard of. "hold on" Yixing leaves the room running, which Luhan knows he'll probably get in trouble. He comes back seconds later with popcorn. "we cant see a movie without popcorn" Yixing gives Luhan his bag, and presses play on the movie.
Luhan and Yixing laugh at the funny parts, and when a serious part comes Yixing throws popcorn at Luhan. He just didnt want the room to be fill with seriousness knowing Luhan is in a hospital. The thing Yixing didnt expect was for Luhan to throw him popcorn back. And then laughing as it gets stuck on Yixing's wavy hair. Luhan laughs so hard, he turns red.
Yixing doesnt do anything, and just lets Luhan continue to laugh. He feels his heart ringing in his hears, he feels his air living his longs, and face turning red. He wants to cover Luhan's laugh, but at the same time he wants to hear it over and over again. To the point to make Luhan's laugh his ringtone.
Luhan wants to stop laughing, but he just couldnt. He was having a laugh attack, Yixing notice and he knows the only way to make Luhan stop was to kiss him. Without thinking this plan through, he stands up from the chair and leans over. As soon as Yixing's lips touches Luhan, he stops laughing and just returns the kiss.
"this is your room" Dr. Kim opens the door, the room was big enough for two people. The white walls make this room look dull though. "oh great, i have to share my room" Minseok says as he sits on his desk. "be nice Minseok," Dr. Kim looks at Yixing, "we have a meeting at 4, i'll see you then" Yixing nods, and tell him thank you.
Yixing lays down in his bed, and it was better than he thought. "so whats your name?" Yixing turns to see Minseok, "Yixing" Minseok stands up, and walks towards Yixing. "why are you here?"
"i was tired of school"
"me too" Minseok makes Yixing move alittle, so he could lay down too. Even when it was his bed, Yixing moves over. Minseok lays down, and they both stare at the ceiling. "people like us Yixing, are not caught up to be in school" "people like us?" Minseok nods, "the people who see the world in color, we see something they cant see"
Yixing listens to Minseok's words, and he agrees. Alittle. "we are always going to suffer alittle bit more than your usual 'normal' person" "what makes you think that?" Minseok looks at Yixing, "your not paying attention! listen Yixing, i used to paint and oh god if you had seen my paintings they would make you cry of how beautiful they are"
"why did you stop?"
"the reason you stop playing the piano," Yixing looks at Minseok surprise, "oh yes, i know everything about you...you know how easy is to see everyones files?" Minseok was not only a genius with a pencil, but with a computer. "the world is afraid of people like us, so they destroy the little hope we have. and you know whats the sick joke"
Yixing shakes his head, "that someone out there, somewhere in the world is hoping to find people like you," Minseok points at Yixing in the chest, "like me, like everyone in this whole building."
"why is that a sick joke?"
"because, the people who hurt you and me makes us believe that no one would ever love us"
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