Minho bites his lip, cursing the gods because he hates being on the verge of tears. He hates showing his weakness, not just to s but to himself. Choi Minho does not cry. He doesn’t break down nor does he cry over a broken heart wanting desperately to be pieced back together. Because if a single tear falls, the walls that he’s manage to build around himself for the past two years, breaks down and he’s venerable. And Minho hates being venerable. Because people can hurt you. People you love and trust can leave a wound deep in the heart, that can never be mended.

He hears chuckling behind him; between them - Jonghyun and Kibum. And he hears the silent shattering of his heart.

Jinki glances at him, silently asking “are you okay?”

Minho nods and smiles. It’s what he does best. Pretending.

‘I’m okay hyung.’

But he’s not. Jinki sees this and Taemin who stands behind the leader sees this too. They share a glance and Minho thinks ‘just look away already.’ He hates it when Jinki stares at him. Jinki sees everything because he’s the leader and it’s one of his qualities. And Minho feels his eyes boring into his soul, unlocking all the secrets that Minho desperately wants to be kept.

“Minho-yah, come over here!” Minho hears Kibum call out to him.

The younger rapper blocks him out, not wanting to hear his boyfriend’s voice- his; Minho’s, not Jonghyun’s. Kibum was his. Minho still refuses to turn around because he has a vision in his head; Kibum tucked under Jonghyun’s arms, keeping him close to his heart.

“Hyung,” Taemin gives Kibum a look. “We’re posing for a photo shoot right now. Please be quiet and concentrate.”

Kibum’s mouth shuts, clearly taken back by how Taemin has scolded him. Minho thanks him with a smile and Taemin vaguely grins back as he leans on Jinki’s arm for support.

Minho hears Jonghyun whisper his name. He feels Kibum reach for his hand but Minho steps forwards, wanting Kibum to miss.

The camera man signals the countdown, Minho gets ready and Kibum snaps out of his trance. The confusion is evident on the latter’s face though as the camera man calls for a retake.

Minho smiles again, because it’s the only way to hide the pain.

He used it. Everything involving SHINee. Jinki, Taemin, him and them. He used to being ignored by Kibum. He knows that he can never grab his attention from Jonghyun for too long. When Kibum first agreed to be his boyfriend, Minho remembered thinking, that he’s bound to leave him one day and go crawling back to him. The one who broke his heart in the first place. The one Minho worked so hard to put back together. Jonghyun.

Minho despises it. He hates knowing that fact to the core of his now hallow heart. He wishes that he was blind to it all- that he could really, truly believe that Kibum loved only him and no one else. He wishes that there was no such thing as Jonghyun so he can have him all to himself.

But there is a Jonghyun. And through some sad, and twisted fate, their three roads intertwined, sealing their destiny of broken hearts and tears.

The flashes of the camera stops, and the overwhelmed photographer tells them that they can take a short break while he fixes the uneven lighting of the room. Jonghyun immediately leaps from the couch and he’s back to texting someone with a silly grin on his face.

“Hyung,” Taemin tugs on his hand like a child. “Let’s get some food together, okay?” Jinki bobs his head beside him.

Minho gives them a small grin, pulling out his blackberry from his pocket. “Ah, maybe later Taemin. I want to call my parents first.”

He sees Taemin’s eyebrow meet in annoyance and Minho instantly knows that he’s caught on to his lie. But Minho continues to pretend to be happy, maybe if he continues his little charade, Taemin would eventually leave him alone?

Before the magnae can say another word, Jinki steps in, pulling Taemin by the waist. “Come on yeobo, let’s leave Minho alone and eat. I heard they have chicken!”

“But hyung, you’re the only one who eats that!” Taemin whines, but he ends up following Jinki out anyways because he is Jinki’s little puppet after all. As Minho watches them walks away, he finds himself wishing for that kind of love.

Against his better judgement, Minho finally wills himself to look back at where Kibum was. As soon as the scene in front of him unfolds, Minho immediately regrets it because nothing hurts him more than the image of Jonghyun caressing Kibum’s cheeks before he pulled him to a bone-crushing hug.

“I really am just second place to you, huh Kibum.” Minho states to himself, as reality hits him in the face.

The rapper throws Kibum another look before he walks away from the set, wanting to storm off but holding himself back in case he drew any attention to himself. All he wanted was to be alone. To be somewhere where he was allowed to cry his heart out without pitiful and disapproving eyes being thrown at him. For once in his life, Minho wanted to be as far away from Kibum as possible.

Suddenly, he feels himself choke a little. His throat burns and it hurts. His eyesight starts to blur as he finally notices that tears are about to fall down his cheeks if he doesn’t get out of there soon, he knows that he‘s in trouble. He’s unable to see properly so he pushes the nearest dressing room that he encounters and slams the door behind him, locking it in the process. The tears fall in an instant. Minho tries to catch his breathing but the tears rolling down his cheeks makes it hard to breathe. His heart clenches and soon his fist are contracting because he wants to do nothing but punch the door behind him to ease the pain.

Minho’s been hurt before. When he was thirteen, he lost his uncle in a car crash. He thought that his hurt was unbearable then. But then Minho did something as stupid as falling in love with the wrong person. He fell in love with Kim Kibum. Perhaps he really was stupid. Or maybe the one to blame was his heart. After all, if he was to choose whom to love, it would have been a long-haired noona with a kind heart. Someone who understood him, and could see through every single one of his facades. Someone who would truly love only him and no one else.

Kibum has never even told him that he loves him.

A gentle knock breaks Minho out of his self pitying state. He’s lost for a moment until he hears Kibum’s soft voice, filled with worry, “Minho-yah…are you okay?”

Minho coughs violently and he panics. Why did Kibum follow him? He immediately begins to wipe the tears off of his cheeks, praying to whoever was listening that his eyes didn’t turn red from crying so much. “I’m fine Kibum. D-don’t worry about me,” Minho chokes out as he mentally kicks himself for stuttering.

The door knob begins to rattle as Kibum tries to pry the door open from the other. When he speaks again, Minho hears the urgency, worry and demand in the other’s voice. “Minho, open this door right now!”

He throwing threats at him now. Did Kibum really worry that much over him?

“Hold on,” Minho quickly checks himself in the mirror before he opens the door only to be met with Kibum’s fiery eyes. The latter flushes as soon as Minho’s charismatic gaze falls on him. “Is it my turn to shoot now?”

Kibum fiddles with his fingers and shakes his head ‘no’. He says nothing for a moment. He only shuffles his feet under him and his fingers are pushing against each other in anticipation. Minho takes this time to start rebuilding the walls around his heart, masking the pain his heart away with the smallest smile that he could muster.

He’s good at pretending. Sometimes, Minho likes the way Kibum is unable to see though him like he desperately wanted him to.

“Can I come in?” Kibum’s small voice asks.

Minho steps aside letting his boyfriend in. There’s silence between them. Minho doesn’t want to start the conversation, afraid that if he did, he’d break down again. Kibum remains silent for a different reason, Minho notices. Because he clearly sees the nervousness in his eyes with the way Kibum was biting on his nails.

An air of awkwardness fills the air. After so many years so loving, hurting and waiting, Minho finally knows that it’s time. He’s so tired. He wants to let go before he loses his sanity in a one-sided relationship. He loves Kibum so much that he’s losing himself. It hurts him to think about it but if he doesn’t do it soon, he’s afraid that he’ll miss whatever chance of happiness he has left.

“Minho, I-”

“Let’s stop this. Let’s break up Kibum.”

Minho cuts him off. The silence is so thick that it cuts through like a knife. Minho swears that he hears shattering but he isn’t sure if it’s his heart or Kibum’s.

“W-what?”

When Minho looks up, he doesn’t expect to see so much hurt and betrayal reflecting from Kibum’s eyes. Minho doesn’t understand. Wasn’t he the victim in this relationship?

“Let’s…break up.” Minho says again, with so much finality because he doesn’t want to give in to Kibum’s hurt eyes. He forces himself to look away even though he wants to do nothing but hold Kibum close.

“Why?!” Suddenly Kibum’s close. Suddenly, he’s in Minho’s space, pressing up against him with anger in his eyes. He stands tall, but Minho can see his legs shaking. The tears fall in an instant. Out of instinct, Minho reaches out and wipes them away, desperate for Kibum to stop. The latter harshly slaps him hands away. “Why Minho?! Did…did I do something wrong?! Aren’t I enough anymore? Is that it?!”

Minho snaps. “I should be the one asking that!”

Kibum stumbles back in surprise at the outburst. Despite the sharp pain in his chest, Kibum really doesn’t know what Minho’s talking about. He speaks again, this time softer regardless of the tears in his eyes. “I- Minho, what are you talking about? When did I ever-”

“Isn’t that all I really am? A replacement for what you’ve lost? Aren’t I Jonghyun’s replacement Kim Kibum?” Minho says in a broken whisper.   

Kibum steps back as his head shakes from side to side in disbelief. His heart trembles harshly at the way Minho eyes are completely serious. He hates it. The thought of Minho thinking that he was just a replacement for someone he once loved was unbearable.

“…that’s not true Minho,” Kibum shakes. “It isn’t true at all…Please believe me…M-Minho…” The slightly older man cries harder than he’s ever had and for once, Minho’s comforting arms aren’t wrapped around him. Instead the other just stands firmly in front of him; lost, broken and unwilling to surrender his heart once more. “Minho please…” Kibum takes quick strides towards him, not sure if he should hold onto him or not but selfishly wanting to.

Minho shakes his head. “I’m sorry Kibum…but I’m so tired already. I don’t want to hurt anymore.” Ultimately, he looks up. And Kibum chokes back a sob when he sees the tears in Minho’s eyes.  “Let’s end this.”

Before Kibum can say anything, he sees Minho walking out. Not just out of the room, but he knows that once Minho steps out the door, their relationship is over. Once he lets him go, there would be no more Minho to hold him close at night as they sleep. Minho would no longer look at him as if he was the most delicate being on earth. Minho wouldn’t kiss him softly anymore.

He would not longer love him.

“Don’t go!” Kibum begs. He runs to Minho, who’s hands are now on the knob, and quickly hugs him from the back. He holds him tight, breathing in his vanilla scent, closes his eyes tightly and he prays to whatever God is willing to listen to his selfish wish for this not to the last time he’ll be able to hold Minho as close as this. “Please don’t leave me alone! Please listen to what I have to say! Minho- I can’t- Please, Minho. Please don’t leave me! I need you Minho! I need you to be by my side. I need you so much more than you know… Please don’t leave me…Please don‘t compare yourself to Jonghyun anymore.”

“Please don’t do this Key,” Minho trembles, placing his shaky hands on Kibum’s. “Please don’t make this harder than it’s suppose to be.” He turns around and places a hand on Kibum’s warm cheeks, caressing it softly before he pulls him in his arms. “Jonghyun and I…we’ve been compared to each other ever since we’ve been into the spotlight. And I‘ve given it a lot of thought. He and I are completely different. We have similarities yes, but we‘re still different. But the one thing that I know that we share is…we’re alike in our desire to be with you. I’m…not what you need Key. I can never break the bond between you and Jonghyun. I understand that. I want you to be happy Kibum. I want you to laugh a lot. I want you to smile, and make this world brighter….and you can‘t do that if the one who‘s always by your side…isn‘t the one you truly love. I‘m sorry that I‘m not Jonghyun, Key. But maybe, by letting you go, you can finally be happy again.” With a sharp tug, he releases himself from Kibum’s hold.

And he runs away, not wanting to ever look back as Key’s desperate voice calls out for him over and over again, not caring is the whole world heard. He brings his fists over his eyes and roughly wipes the tears away.

‘No more crying Minho. It stops today.’

When he arrives back at the set, everyone is looking at his with concerned eyes. He slips back into his façade slowly as he makes his way in front of the camera for his solo shot. The camera man anxiously throws him a look, before he unsurely raises that camera up.

“3, 2, 1...”

Minho smiles. His lips curls, but it isn’t as bright as before. For once, everyone sees through him. For once, they see the broken man hidden behind that smile of Minho. His eyes are a dead give away and they see his past, how much he has suffered and how hard he’s gripping onto a thin line.

Minho continues to smile, in spite of the stares directed at him.

He’ll carry through this role till the end, if it’s the last thing he’ll do.

Kibum sniffs a little, his whole body shaking violently as he lays on the ground of their dressing room. With unsteady hands, he reaches behind for his pocket and takes out a light pink note that he’s safely kept for weeks now.

He opens the heart-shaped note and breaks down again at the words written down. 

‘Dear Minho-yah,

I know that I’ve done a lot of wrong things in my lifetime, but I probably hurt you the most. Don’t worry, I promise that from now on that I’ll take care of your heart with everything that I have.

Because…I love you. I finally love you Minho-yah.

Let’s start again, okay?

I’ll give you this heart, the one inside me and everything that I am. 

Will you please accept me again?

Love,

There's going to be a sequel to this soon! ^^