☆★

“Happy Birthday!

Enjoy 7 days of FREE calls/SMSes to your

15PAC buddies. Just reply BDAY YES before

12 p.m today. Make sure your account is active 

and your 15PAC buddies are activated.”

            It was the same message that never failed to reach my inbox since my lower sixth form of high school; the year I chose to dump my old number and change service to a new telecommunication company. How many years have it been, 5 years? Yes, approximately 5 years old of love and hateful relationship with this service and for that I’ll drop the subject here and no further comments on this anymore. (I should at least show my gratitude for their kindness though. They never being forgetful and always become my first wisher for my birthday every, uh, right… 5 years of us in this relationship. Pathetic?)

            I stared at the ceiling above me for only God knows how long. Again, this sunken feeling crept in every vein I have in this stupid body. I hate it, but I kind of enjoy it too. The feeling of being empty and lonely I mean. I reached for my handphone (again) near the lamp desk besides the headboard. No new message. I chuckled before turn it off and slip it into the drawer. Why even I bothered to check this device when I know nobody will care to keep in touch with me? I don’t even know myself. It’s okay; when I reach college tomorrow perhaps there’ll be at least a single caring soul to lighten up my dull birthday with a short two words wish. Well, maybe three if they kind enough to include my name in the sentence too.

            Maybe that caring soul is Sungyeol, or maybe not.

☆★

  Birthdays.

            I grew up without celebrating birthdays until last two years. The day I met Sungyeol for our assignment project in a fast food restaurant; McDonald to be exact that is located near downtown. The first birthday I officially spent in my life as well as someone’s friend. He knew it by accident when my handphone vibrated violently and it fell to the floor. He picked it up and saw the alarmed reminder I set for myself. Came from the ladies after washed my hand and did the whatnots, I couldn’t be more embarrassed when I know he already read all the wishes I wrote for myself on the stupid wall of my stupid handphone. Taking out his hand, he offered me his birthday wish with a handshake stated happily that he was the first wisher (of real person, not an automated machine or a text of free service from any telecommunication company) of the day.

            Since we were in a fast food restaurant with a lot of people who still savoring the midnight supper, he went to the counter and bought me an apple pie with a McSundae. I still remember he chose strawberry flavored ice cream for me since he thought all girls love eating strawberry flavoured and pink coloured things. He even managed to get a candle from the staff kitchen. I don’t know how he asked for that but it’s really funny because the candle he got isn’t meant for the birthday cakes rather for the house when we experienced blackout. He used his lighter to light up the candle and with a cracked and high pitch voice, he sang a birthday song of zoo version like the one we heard at primary school era to tease our friend. Of course with his loud voice all people's attention who in the restaurant would fell on me and even few of them sang along. With a face as red as tomato he even has the gut to ask me to close my eyes in order to make a wish (he said it was effective than voicing your wish out loud) before blowing off the candle.

            It was super embarrassing for me to actually continue sitting there like nothing happened. After I blew off the candle in his hand and eat a spoonful of the cold texture into my mouth in substitute of cutting a cake (since McDonald at that time haven’t had its own McCafe that sell coffees and sweet confectionaries like present time) simply after being threatened to do so by this choding or we would not resume our progress on assignments. He even asked me to open the apple pie’s box imagining as if I was unwrapping a present. Foolish as its sounds, I actually found my fingers to tear the paper and break the pie into two with b tears in my eyes. Mouthing a thank you, I shoved half of the pie into my mouth and offered half of it to him.

           I silently thanked God for making this even possible, my lecturer who assigned the team for the assignment project, Sungyeol’s stomach for influencing him to get late supper in this restaurant, my handphone for the reminder, and all people in the restaurant for witnessing the crazy moment and lastly, him, for being there with me. The following year, he brought me to a café and treated me to a proper birthday celebration; with a wish card, a small sized cake, a present and called me ‘birthday girl’ in front of other people we met for the whole day.

            Well, after that day he asked to be my best friend even I think I’m still in awkward stage with this energyball because I only acknowledged him as my classmate (the one that you never spoke to before) and nothing more. But he still insisted, giving hundreds reasons why I should find a new bestfriend in him whom I can see everyday instead of bugging my girl friend who currently furthering her studies in overseas. Maybe he knew that I’m a lonely person after all. With him though, I had forgotten the memories of being left alone. After that night, dropping me off to my dormitory, he reminded me to sit with him for the tomorrow class. That’s when it all began. He reminded me of the word I used to scribble many times along with the prayers in my diary –serendipity.

☆★

            I’ve been inseparable with Sungyeol since then. No matter where he went, I was always at his side. People even teased me by addressing me with his family name; Mrs Lee. He would scold them with his shrieking voice; told them to get lost or else he will use his long legs to kick them to the sky and they might miss the earth surface when they land on the moon. It amusing to see how he gritted his chick-teeth along with deadly threats he spat to dismiss them away. He reasoned, he didn’t want for us to grow awkward at such petty gossips and unintelligent accusations of our friends. He valued me as his close friend and he didn’t want me to be scared off from him to please those blockheads that keep interfering with our relationship. Back at those times, I wasn’t sure whether I feel glad or upset. Glad for being as his close, valuable friend or upset for the title of friend, being friendzoned by a man that I fell for his charms. To think it back, maybe the perfect word is ‘bittersweet’. Like a dark chocolate, rich with cocoa bitterness sometimes make you cringe but still perfect with its subtle sweetness when it melts on your tongue. So it was bittersweet then. I won’t exchange the luxury of being so close with him to another chance that might take away this opportunity from me. It’ okay, I’ll stand on my ground until he notices my heart.

            Going to class today is miserable I’d say. Sungyeol decided to skip classes for only he knows why. He texted me to go his house after all I finish attending all the classes. I can’t help but to worry that he might fell sick. I was looking forward to celebrate my birthday today so I couldn’t help to feel a bit down but shrugged it off quickly that his health is more important. Rather than buying him warm porridge and helpful meds, I opted to buy his favourite food so he won’t complain to me for being like his second mother. I still remember when I bought him porridge last autumn because he got cold and he didn’t even touch the food instead he asked me to cook some ramen so he could actually fill his stomach without feeling like old toothless grandpa. Skipping happily with a plastic of fried chicken and a big bottle of Pepsi that I bought, I push the bell of Sungyeol’s apartment. The smell of freshly baked goods caught my nose as he opened the door, beaming happily with flour stained his nose and cheeks.

            “Oh, you came? Come on in,” walking to his living room to put off my thick muffler and duffel bag, I darted my sight at his kitchen. There, I saw messy flour, plastic bags, empty containers and egg shells scattered on the kitchen counter as well as stacked up bowls, plates and other kitchen utensils in the sink.

            “I thought you’re sick?” I asked him, prying the leather strap from my head and dropped it on the couch.

            “Who, me? I remember of not telling anyone that I’m sick since I’m not.”  

            “Then why you skipped classes today?” I asked in a reflex neither because I’m seriously have no idea nor actually I guess it all along but pretended not to be clouded by it.

            “Oh, well, I need to make preparation for someone’s special day.” That feeling came again, rushing down my blood and I felt heat crept on my skin. Silently, I’m sending God my gratitude and prayer to thank him for this bliss without knowing its too early for that.

            “Why would you do that? You shouldn’t have done that,” I snickered at him although my heart swelled with glee and joy.

            “To make this event perfect, of course I need to sacrifice those boring classes. I can copy the notes from you anytime so I don’t really miss anything from the school.” He swiftly pulled the knots of his apron and took out a piece of cut-out cardboard and started to assemble it into a perfect square box.

            “Seriously, what with this event that need you to wreck your house to this state?” His eyes still fixed on that box, scanning every corner of it to find faults that may cost him a shot of perfection's failure event planning.

            “Taeyeon,” he said. A foreign yet familiar name escaped his mouth.

            “Taeyeon? The unnie from Performance Art department, what’s with her?” I wondered for a few seconds that I might hear things and disgusted at my own reply because in my mind, I was indeed in denial. I’ve been listening intently and it’s exactly of what I heard.

             “Taeyeon nuna finally accepted me as his boyfriend. Can you believe that?”

            “What?” my voice cracked. Sometimes, I don’t understand myself why I opted for being stabbed twice at the same time, at the same place. Wasn’t once is already more than enough to slap me across the face? Why even I ask him again when I know that the next sentence will probably kill myself right there, in instant.

            “and we’re going to celebrate this first day as an official couple at Han River with a picnic tonight,” he added, with a sing-song voiced that for me, for once, sounded unpleasant at all. It was sharp like a dagger and I swear I bleed that day. 

☆★

            They said, the moment you found happiness when you’ve been least expecting it will be the moment that your demon crawls out from the hidden chest in your heart. You started being greedy and selfishly hope to get the same happiness over and over again or more. Like some kind of drugs, even it’s bitter and can be extremely dangerous to your body when you consume it, you’ll get addicted and when you lose the substance, you’ll find it’s hard to breathe and everything around you starts to collapse. All you can do is to watch, helplessly and think of another wish again. A wish to be saved from this destruction before you had to be swallowed to the pit of no return.

             I’d lie if I said I was contented with the things were, because I did planned to ask God for one different wish this year. I had wished that Sungyeol asks me to be his girlfriend on my twenty-third birthday, which means the same night that my hope broke to pieces. Maybe, because my birthday came a little bit too late in the last month of the year; December, I didn't get the opportunity to close my eyes and wish upon the birthday cake before Sungyeol blows the candles on his own birthday, before Sungyeol fell in love to another woman, before Taeyeon had agreed to be his. For me, Sungyeol is both of my nightmare and cozy dream. I still yearn for his presence although I had lost him under my conscience.

            “Oh you can take the leftovers cake on the dining table. That’s my first baking attempt so it ended up not like I expected. I supposed it still tastes okay and edible although it’s kind of ugly. Well, thanks for your help and wish me luck with Taeyeon nuna. Don’t forget to lock the door when you go out. I’ll see you with my date progress report okay? Later.”

              With chagrin, I nod gingerly at his remark and send him off with prickly sensation in my eyes. My eyes lingered a little bit longer than I intended to the brown basket in his left hand, where a perfect cake is placed. That cake was not mine then. He even owe me a birthday wish. He forgotten my birthday. He had forgotten about me. With a sigh at the soft click of the door, I walked slowly towards the table he mentioned earlier and lifted the piece of cloth that covered the food. On that very table, I saw a cake that was a bit slanted and had this uneven surface, half part of it looked crusty and burnt to black. The cream was messily spread and on top of it, there are colourful sprinkles with different shapes that remind me of rainbow but they weren’t successfully sparse accordingly on the icing. Some of them gathered at one place seem to be suffocated in a clump while some of them appeared lonely without any other sprinkles near them.  The cake looked sad and pitiful; it had to look like me.

☆★

            I smiled at the memories that came flooding my mind. I was truly happy back then albeit that public humiliation stunt he pulled off on me. His warm hand when we touched for a handshake he offered along with a simple birthday wish that always lingered in my head. I was so contented with the simple celebration of my birthday in our favourite café in front of the university in the following year. Maybe that’s why I’m getting a payback now; karma is a . I was too immersed with my own happiness and neglect other people as well as my old sad self in the process. I failed to notice Sungyeol’s interest towards someone else from other department.

           I failed to realize those moments when he stole glances whenever we were studying besides a table of attractive students group at the university library. I failed to acknowledge the sparks he had in his eyes whenever the bell of the door rang as the same students enter the café. I failed to read his dark orbs that shone brightly as he saw the pale petite girl with brown locks that sat across him in the next table.  Maybe I was a bit greedy to wish Sungyeol’s presence on my birthdays every single year in the future.  It was very sweet and everything’s nice while it lasted. In the silence, only the annoying sound of ticking can be heard. Appalled by the disturbance, I glanced at the clock on the wall; both of the black spade hands striked the number twelve simultaneously.

           “Birthday’s over,” I whispered. 

a/n

meap that's it. thanks for reading.

head to my super short drabble/blurb/clipping *idk*

of this story o8: sweets and everything nice

from not-so-drabbles of au meme Infinite mixtape installment.

till then lovely people, 

:)