"Dang it!" I shouted to myself as I opened my fridge. It was once again emptied wiith no food beside a few unopened water bottles. However, that wasn't exactly the main part of my problems. 

No food meant having to go out and buy more. Well, after a somewhat cliche first breakup, I was, and still sort of am, paranoid of going outside of my cozy little den of a home. I became sort of an anti-social that just disappeared anonymously from the outside world. 

I usually made money from investing in stocks plus incoming money "donations" from my parents who keep on urging me to use the money to see a psychologist, or a counsler; something to help me I guess. Although I wasn't the sort of anti-social to be menatlly crazy or anything (no offense to them, really). I was just...self preserved.

Anyways, luckily my older brother, Minseok, came to save me right on time. My cellphone rung and I knew it could only be him. I quickly picked up and answered the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Yurim, I'm at the store right now. Did you need anything?" Strangely enough, he was always right on tiime. I can't recall a time he hadn't been there for me, even though he had a full-time job, a lovely wife, and a son.

"Right on time! Actually, um, I kind of need to restock on food at the moment..." I replied sheepishly into the phone. I heard him chuckle on the other side of the line.

"Ah, how did I know," he said. It wasn't much of a question; it was more like a sigh. "Okay, just tell me your list." And I did. I told him everything that I needed and promised to pay him back ASAP. 

After a few hours, I heard the doorbell ring and scurried over to get it. Of course I looked through the small hole first to see who was there; #safetyfirst. I smiled and opened the door to find Minseok standing outside the door with a ton of grocery bags. I had to shield my eyes from the afternoon sun for a second before my eyes had adjusted.

"You should get out more," Minseok said as his greeting.

"Good afternoon to you too," I replied grabbing for some of the bags to help him. I motioned him to come in and set the grocery bags on the table. 

"Gosh, that was heavy," he panted as he set the all down.

"Thanks by the way," I said in return with a smile. I dug through some of the bags to check if all the stuff was there. I hadn't noticed at the time, but he didn't look very happy that day. He looked tired with more dark bags under his eyes and worry lines appeared all over his hands.

"Yurim...," he said softly.

"Yeah?" I replied still preoccupied with checking off the things on my list.

"Don't you think it's time to..."

" 'time to' what?"

"Don't you think it's time to move on with your life?"

I froze. "What?"

"It's been two years already. Mom and dad are worried sick about you. At this point, I don't even know if they'll live to eighty," he stated trying to be careful with his words. My body stiffened. A year ago, we'd agreed that we wouldn't bring up this topic anymore and just leave me be, but with him saying it so abrupty, I felt that sudden pain again.

I know that I'd explained my first breakup as cliche, but it still hurt. I was still semi ani-social before, as well as being super insecure, but the one person that made me feel better about myself was him. Not my brother, but my first love.

We dated for the first year of what felt like a dream to me. He showed me things in a whole new perspective and gave me that momentary hope that those experiences with him would never end. However, things started going downhill very quickly. His parents had seperated leaving him home with his abusive dad. After classes, he started using excuses to go out and drink instead of walking home together. It became obvious to me that something wasn't right. So, I followed him one day. I found him drunk with his arm slung around another girl who was probably two years older. It really stung, but I just let it go, but he just kept on doing it and doing it to a point were he'd even show up around me drunk with some other girl. I knew I had to end it right there. The worse part was that by the time I had broken up with him, he hadn't even remembered who I was and that we had ever dated. He'd call me a "fat little kid who had lost their way." Honestly, I wasn't fat at all. Sure, I was a little plump, but it was a healthy plump. Unfortunately, society didn't like healthy plump; they liked starving skinny.

I was totally scarred and suddenly went into a depression that lasted a year. I hated everyone and everything in the world. Then, my brother came in a pulled me out of the pit and helped me restart fresh. More or less.  

I was still insecure and became a full-time anti-social. Staying at home alone doing my own things like painting, watching TV, or writing was my only sources of happiness. The more I stayed in, the more I forgot about everything else around me and was happy all the time at home, where things came easy.

I inhaled a long take of breath willing myself not to cry.

"I have moved on," I finally replied to Minsoek, "I'm paying off my rent mainly on my own, I'm finding and working jobs on my own, and I'm almost living on my own. I just need a little more time to rehabilitate myself," I tried explaining. Minseok's eye brows furrowed.

"Living? Is this what you call living? Kim Yurim, you stay inside hiding all day thinking that you're having a perfect life for yourself. You're twenty-one years old for God's sake! Are you just going to stay like this your whole life? When are you going to grow up?" he retorted. By the time, I had moved to the couch with my knees pulled up to my chest trying to breathe evenly. I couldn't think clearly at that moment. I just didn't want to cry again. I didn't want to think about it anymore.

Before I knew it, hot tears began to run down my cheek. I pulled my legs closer and tried to wipe them off.

Minseok sighed and waited there as if to hear my answer, but all that came out of me was sniffles and muffled sobs. I felt pathetic; I didn't know what to say to him. I didn't know how to respond.

"I think I should leave you to think about this yourself. Stay safe, Yurim. Stay safe." My brother's voice faded as he opened the door and walked out leaving me alone.

I told myself to stop crying and I evetually did, about half an hour later.

I made dinner a little later that day and ate silently thinking about the things Minseok had said. I was in the middle of taking a bite of some bean sprouts when I heard the doorbell ring.

It was probably Minseok coming back for his money. I looked through the door's hole, but didn't see anyone. I opened the door letting the chilly night air come in and peeked my head outside for anyone. Half of myself was expecting a e or some creep to pop their head out from the bushes, but another part of me was just expecting a prank. I had finally looked down to notice a small box. I picked it up and sat back down at my dining table looking at it to see who it was from.

"What's this?" I whispered to myself quietly as I took out a small little note.

"To: Miss Kim Yurim

You have just recieved a very special doll today. It is one we call a voodoo doll. We are so very sorry to hear about your breakup. So, please, do take this as a gift. In order for the doll to work, you must follow through with the following directions. Good luck!

Directions:

1) Make sure you're in the room alone.

2) Take the doll out and read the name tag out loud.

3) Repeat, "Everything will come true." Three times.

4) Last but not least, prick your finger for a droplet of blood and let it fall onto your doll."

Honestly, I didn't know what was going to through my mind at the time to make me do something so crazy, but maybe I was just desperate after my breakup with whats-his-face. Before I knew it, my hands acted on their own grabbing for the doll, reading the name tag out loud, "Hongbin." I went to the next step deciding that there was no point in stopping at that point, so I chanted, "Everything will come true," three times like it said, whatever the heck that was supposed to mean. 

"Last, but not least, prick your finger for a droplet of blood and let it fall onto your doll."

I thought for a second and looked around  for something to prick my thumb with. I opened one of my drawers and took out one of the small sewing pins I had stored for clothing emergencies. I took a deep breath as I brought the sharp point of the pin close to my thumb. I made my mind go blank and just pricked my finger as fast as I could. I yelped looked down to see crimson red blood oozing out and held my thumb above the doll waiting for the one tiny little drop of blood fall. As it fell at last, I closed my eyes and waited for something super duper amazingly epic to happen, but nothing came except for the sounds of the urban city life outside my window. Well, at least I thought nothing had happened.