Their first meeting had been on a cool autumn day. Luhan had been casually walking along the sidewalk deep in thought about tedious things when someone had collided onto him; knocking the air out of him and causing him to fall unceremoniously on his bottom as well as scattering books and papers everywhere.   

Recovering from the unexpected impact, Luhan was just about to reprimand him but said stranger had cut him off before he could do so.

“Are you okay? Sorry ‘bout that,” said the boy while picking up the sheets and books scattered around him before offering a hand up to Luhan.

Luhan accepted the offer and hoisted himself up, dusting himself off and grumbling after doing so. Then, he was able to take a good look at the boy.

He was tall; taller than Luhan and leaning a little towards the skinny side. His hair was bleached- almost to the color of platinum- and his alabaster skin was matched with a somewhat cold, stoic face. However, it was his brown eyes that drew Luhan in.

The boy had introduced himself as Oh Sehun over a cup of coffee as a token of apology. On that day, after a few conversations and a cup of Americano, Luhan thought that this Oh Sehun guy, was actually really nice and interesting.

And so this marked the beginning of a relationship filled with such naïve bliss and bright sunshine.

And if only they had known that their bright sunshine would soon be overshadowed by dark clouds.

For good.

The tinkle of bells indicate the doors of the humble café being opened signaling the arrival of a new customer. A young barista with dirty blonde hair looks up with a bright smile in greeting.

“Welcome to- oh, Luhan!” his eyes widen in surpise.

Said man just nods in greeting. “Hi, Baek.”

“Come in, come in!” Baekhyun ushers Luhan inside before enveloping the latter into a tight hug. “It’s been some time since your last visit. We were worried. How have you been?” Baekhyun asks after breaking apart from their embrace.

The corner of Luhan’s lip twitches into a half-smile, which did not quite reach his eyes. “Alright.”

Baekhyun isn’t quite convinced but nevertheless says nothing and just nods understandingly. “Okay then. Hey, my break’s in five minutes. Why don’t you take a seat and I’ll join you in a while. What’ll you be having?” Baekhyun smiles cheerfully.

“Just water.”

Baekhyun’s smile falters. He opens his mouth to protest but decides against it and ends up closing it in the end. He sighs.

“Coming right up.”

A minute later Baekhyun comes back carrying a bottle of water for Luhan as well as a mug of hot chocolate for himself to find his golden haired friend seated far behind in isolation, staring out the window deep in thought. Baekhyun’s gaze softened at the familiar scene. Even after all this time huh?

Setting their beverages onto the table and sliding into the seat right across his friend, Baek cleared his throat in the attempt to gain Luhan’s attention upon noticing that the older was still trapped deep within his thoughts and was unaware of his presence.

Luhan snapped his head at the direction from where the sound came from only to come face to face with Baekhyun. Coughing, he contemplates breaking through the awkward silence by saying something- anything. Baekhyun, who notices the latter’s hesitation decides to aid him by starting the conversation instead.

“It’s been a while since your last visit. I thought you’d forgotten me,” says Baekhyun casually while indulging himself with his drink.

“Yeah...” Luhan’s voice is quiet, almost inaudible. His fingers continuously fiddle with the hem of his sweater.

Baekhyun almost frowns at the elder’s lack of response but pretends to pay no heed to it as he knew the effort Luhan was putting in to the conversation; albeit a little unsuccessfully, so he just gives a low hum while casually sipping the rich chocolate.

“Hey Lu, do you remember that trip we all went to last year? The one at the resort?” Baekhyun asks, smiling fondly at the memory. “We were all so happy then. Filled with life and excitement and without a care in the world. Such good times…” Baekhyun trails off. He’s into the past filled with blissful memories. Memories of how things were- and should be.

Luhan feels his throat tighten. He can’t explain the rawness of the emotions he’s feeling and he fears that he may break down once he opens his mouth so he does nothing but stare at his bottled water- willing himself to regain his composure. 

Sehun finding him and holding the older in his arms that night, whispering reassurances while gently rubbing his back in slow circles with the pad of his thumb.

These happy memories bring nothing but pain to him now.

Baekhyun doesn’t seem to notice. “Remember that time when we all snuck out after dark? You lost your way and started bawling like a kid. If it weren’t for Sehun-,” Baekhyun stops mid-sentence and Luhan just stares at him. Baekhyun’s eyes are wide with his mouth clamped shut, like a kid who had accidently tattled on a secret.

Luhan’s expression stays the same, though his voice seemed to have dropped a few degrees. “Yeah,” he says. “I remember.”

Baekhyun looks at him guiltily. “I’m sorry about that. I- I guess I got carried away a-and,” he takes a deep breath. Inhale. “I’m sorry.” Exhale.

And from the look in his eyes Luhan knows that his apology is genuine. So he shrugs it off and says it’s fine although the sharp pain in his chest says otherwise.

But Baekhyun has known Luhan for years. He can read his friend like an open book. And he’s tired. Tired of Luhan pretending to be strong and playing everything off as if he’s fine when he’s clearly not and tired of losing his dearest friend to the ghosts of the past; feeling him drift further and further away, like futilely trying to grab onto the tendrils of smoke only to have it slip past his fingertips, over and over again. He’s tired of seeing Luhan hurt.

And so he does the unthinkable.

“Don’t you think it’s been enough time?” Luhan arches a brow in question. Baekhyun continues. “Don’t you think it’s time for you to move on?”

Luhan’s brows furrow. “Wha-,”

“I’m sick of seeing you like this Lu!” Baekhyun finally explodes. “It’s been almost a year. A ing year! And nothing’s changed,” Baekhyun ruffles his hair in frustration. “I’m tired of you waiting for him because we all know that you know he isn’t coming back!” Baekhyun stresses the next sentence. “Sehun isn’t coming back.”

“And you think I didn’t know that?” Luhan raises his voice, eyes flashing. “You think I’m like this because I want to be? You don’t know what it’s like. None of you know what it’s like! Walking around half dead because half of me is missing. Everywhere I go, everything I do reminds me of him. I’m going on and on in circles but I can’t help it.” Luhan is breathing heavily now; almost panting, fists closed. He is then greeted with a quick flashback.

Cold lifeless skin. Empty eyes. Blood.

Baekhyun tries to calm his friend. “Lu-,” But Luhan cuts him off.

“And you know what’s worse? Sehun didn’t leave by choice. He was wrenched away because of some lousy drunkard who couldn’t handle his own problems and ended up crashing his car into him. Sehun never wanted to leave!” Luhan is standing now. He notices his vision blurring so he turns his back to Baekhyun, hiding the droplets of weakness and vulnerability.

Baekhyun doesn’t know how to reply to that so a tense silence ensues. Only the sound of Luhan’s harsh deep breaths and Baekhyun’s non-existent breathing surrounds them and Baekhyun himself does not realize he’s holding his breath until his lungs burn in protest.

Luhan seems to have calmed down by now and starts with a slow soft voice, “None of you can even begin to understand what I’m going through so stop patronizing me and telling me what to do.”

He sits. But before his brain could process his next words and stop him he blurts out a-,“Sometimes I wonder what’d be like if it was Chanyeol instead of Sehun that day, just to see how you’d cope or only if just to see if you’d understand how I feel.”

Shock and hurt registers in Baekhyun’s face and Luhan briefly wonders if he has gone too far. Suddenly, the short ring of a bell cuts through and indicates the end of Baekhyun’s break. Baekhyun stands and picks up his half empty cup and leaves but not before uttering a short goodbye. But Luhan can hear the slight tremble in Baekhyun’s words and he knows that the latter was trying his best to bite back his tears.

Luhan knew he should apologize. He should stand up and hug his friend and apologize and promise to take his words back and that he didn’t mean what he said and-

Luhan stays seated anyways, and watches Baekhyun leave. He knows that Baekhyun would be fine. Tonight Baekhyun would crash into the embrace of his loving giant and Chanyeol would ask what was wrong in which Baekhyun would recount today’s events and start crying. Then Chanyeol would pull him into an embrace and whisper comforting words into his ear. Baekhyun would probably cry himself to sleep but he’d be fine by tomorrow. Because he had Chanyeol there with him.

Baekhyun has someone. Luhan does not.

So Luhan continues to stare out the window and eventually succumbs to be pulled into the drowning pool of memories in the recesses of his mind.

And so that is how his day passes by. In memories.

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A few days later, Luhan makes another appearance into the café. On that day though, Baekhyun isn’t in and Luhan doesn’t know whether to feel a little upset that he wouldn’t be able to apologize to Baekhyun over their last encounter or to feel relieved that he didn’t have to face his friend. He doesn’t pay much thought to it anyways and just shrugs it off as he makes his way over to his usual spot. Shortly ordering a simple drink of water, Luhan slumps down into his seat and looks outside the window again. He was just about to take his little trip down memory lane when he noticed- or rather- felt a pair of eyes on him. He turns his head to meet the certain pair of eyes who happened to belong to a man sitting right at the table in front of his own, staring at him with a slightly curious- or probably amused- orbs while bearing a somewhat smug upturn of lips.

He was good-looking- that much Luhan can affirm. Dark messed up tresses paired up with a tanned complexion which added into the sort of ‘bad boy’ kind of appeal and with an amused turn of the lips. From his appearance Luhan can deduce that the boy was probably a couple of years younger than himself although his eyes showed anything but. Eyes that under the light spark of mischief hid scars.

Luhan was a little perplexed and more than a little peeved at this stranger who had seemed pretty unabashed at being caught staring and had decided not to stop. Just who was this person? Luhan was about to open his mouth to give this guy a piece of his mind about manners and privacy when the stranger had spoken out first.

“Such old, ugly expressions don’t suit a kid like you,” he remarks, bringing his cup of steaming coffee to his lips.

Now Luhan was much more than a little ticked at the remark. Just who the did this guy think he is? And not to mention he had the gall to call Luhan a little kid.

“Watch your mouth kid, I’m twenty-four.” Luhan managed to grit out through clenched teeth.

The stranger’s eyes widen and he lets out a low whistle. “Could’ve fooled me. You look like you’re fifteen.” Leaning back on his seat, his amused smile gets even wider. “With that baby face. Not to mention that you kind of look like a girl too. What’s up with that?”

In contrast to the stranger’s reaction, Luhan’s eyes narrow instead and he swears he can feel a vein throb on his forehead. Luhan questions why the universe had decided to bestow upon him the misfortune of meeting the most arrogant, shameless and infuriating person he has ever met during his lifetime. All he had wanted was to have a peaceful day and take his long trip down memory lane and brood about his life but fate seemed to have other plans for him as they had decided to give him this.

Unbeknownst to Luhan, the stranger had already drowned his cup of coffee and had already stood up. Depositing a couple of bills onto the table and putting on his coat he turns to leave but not before smirking a, “Well that was a nice convo and all but I’ve got to go. Bye bye girly grandpa.” A salute accompanied with a wink then he’s out the doors.

Luhan disbelievingly stares at those closed doors. What the hell was that?

A few weeks later, Luhan and Sehun meet again for the second time. This time, there were no collisions or papers being strewn about and nobody landing on their behinds. Luhan had been casually sipping his hot chocolate when the bells tinkled and the doors were opened by a familiar person. Luhan had called out to him and Sehun had turned to him, eyes widening in surprise. Sehun had then joined Luhan with his similar beverage of hot chocolate, chatting on little happenings, at the little isolated corner next to the window.

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Luhan receives the misfortune of meeting the arrogant stranger once again a week after their last encounter on a day of windy chills and falling leaves and fusions of orange and light mahogany.

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Luhan yawns. It was an uneventful day but what can he expect by working in an old cd shop that sells old music that nobody really listens to anymore. The part-time job was just something he did to pass some time and earn some extra cash. Nobody really comes in so Luhan is mainly alone by himself, spending most of the time drowning in his thoughts and boredom, but he guessed that was what he had wanted at the time- to be left alone. The soft tune of classical music lulls him to sleep and his eyes begin to close…

The sudden chime of bells sound through and snapped him from his sleepy state. He looks up and groans in annoyance at the familiar face. Great. Just what he needed.

Kai, for once, does not notice Luhan and just waltzes in and goes to the jazz section. He’s oddly quiet and eyes dazed over deep in thought. Luhan questionably blinks at the latter’s uncharacteristic silence. He almost seemed like an entirely different person then. He almost seemed… older. As if he wasn’t the one with smug grins and haughty auras, usual mischievous eyes oddly looking… blank. After a few minutes of rummaging and pacing, he picks a cd and brings it over to the counter.

“That’ll be $12,” Luhan says as he encases Kai’s purchase into a plastic bag.

Kai’s head snaps up and a flicker of recognition dawns upon his features at the familiar blonde. Luhan just raises his brow and repeats a, “It’s $12 and are you gonna pay me back for paying your coffee the last time?” Kai blinks for a second before hastily fishing out his wallet and uttering, “Um, yeah, hold on a sec,” and handing Luhan the right amount of cash save for a little extra that he owed.

Luhan knows that it isn’t any of his business but his mouth opens and he says, “I didn’t think you’d be someone who’s interested in jazz.”

Kai ponders for a second before replying. “I dance, actually… Took some jazz and ballet when I was younger.”

Luhan nods and hands Kai his purchase. “Anyways, here’s your cd.” Kai’s hand reaches out for the plastic, skin slightly grazing over Luhan’s fingers. Kai nods and turns to leave.

Luhan watches Kai’s retreating back as he walks through the doors and disappears from his sight. He sighs. He lazes around for the rest of his shift, ignoring the slight tingle of the area of skin which had come into contact with Kai earlier.

And that is how his day passes by. Lulled by classical symphonies and tingling skin.

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Autumn is a season known for the end of life. Leaves falling turning into dry crisps and chilly winds. However, Luhan had always loved autumn. It wasn’t as damp and flowery as spring, nor as bright as summer and certainly not filled with pure white snow or the pretty icicles of winter, but that was probably what he loved about the season. Not overly bright, but simplistically beautiful. Sehun had always for his love of autumn, saying that he was in love with a season that brings death while he himself loved the season which brought new beginnings. And in reply, Luhan would proceed to ruffle the younger’s hair, saying that he didn’t understand.

But Sehun was right… autumn was a season that brought ends but Luhan had believed that there wouldn’t be any new beginnings if there wasn’t an end.

He stands in front of Sehun’s grave again, cold autumn biting his cheek. Gentle caresses with a cold touch. His fingers lightly trace over the carvings of Sehun’s name, led by blind hope that in doing so he is able to stay close to his deceased lover, to stay connected in some way, but even a child knows that all this was just done in vain.

“Sehun-ah,” he begins. “It’s been a while since my last visit, did you miss me?” he paused, as if waiting for a reply. Silence answered him. “You must be lonely here. I’m sorry I couldn’t visit often,” tears started to prick his eyes and although they sting his eyes it isn’t enough to fall. Luhan couldn’t visit often and it was not because he was busy, no, far from it. It was because every visit stabbed him with the painful reality that Sehun was indeed, gone, and that only a cold piece of marble situated in his place. Each visit would have his heart clenching, and violent sobs whacking through his body as he made his way home. However, despite all that, he couldn’t bring himself to stay away. He just couldn’t.

So Luhan had begun to recount the events of his days since his last visit, and honestly, it wasn’t much.  Just repetitive patterns all day, every day. But somewhere in his gray tales, a little color shines in, and that is the mentioning of Kai. Luhan tells Sehun all about Kai from his haughty air, to offending Luhan during their first meeting to the uncharacteristic change in demeanor during their last. Luhan doesn’t really notice it himself, but any other could clearly see the slight animation in him. He was no longer cold or distant or hopelessly blank. From the grimaces to the disapproving frowns, he seemed to be starting to feel again and this time, it wasn’t from pain. There was a slight flicker in his eyes as he talked about Kai, the slight flicker of what remained of a diminished flame. He was beginning to live again, after so long.

And had it only been possible, Sehun definitely would have noticed it as well.

After a few hours and recounting everything he had to say, Luhan stood from his crouched position, stretching his sleeping limbs. He utters Sehun a goodbye, promising to visit again as soon as he could.

Walking down from the gentle slope, Luhan notices someone in his peripheral vision. Had it been someone else Luhan would have paid no mind to it and continued on his way home however, he knew this person.

Dressed in complete black, staring onto the gravestone in front of him. Eyes unreadable and expression blank, wind messing the dark tresses of his hair. Kai.

Luhan stops in his step and stays rooted to the spot. “Kai,” he whispered softly.

As though the wind had carried his whisper over, Kai’s head snaps up, looking straight at him. Something flickers in his eyes but it’s gone as soon as it came and his eyes resume into unreadable blankness. Kai turns his back and leaves.

Luhan merely stays rooted to the spot as he watches Kai’s retreating back as the latter hops on onto his sleek black bike and drives away. Luhan keeps staring onto the empty spot even after Kai is long gone.

Even when Luhan has arrived home and plopped himself on his bed, he can’t help but wonder of the mystery which is Kai. He concludes that he really doesn’t know this person after all, and that there is more than meets the eye, and probably, under all those layers of arrogance and indifference, he was just a child who had grown up too fast. As Luhan’s eyes begin to droop, he can’t help the fleeting thought that passes through his mind that maybe, just maybe, Kai wasn’t so bad after all…

HOLY I DID IT. *random crazy dancing* This chapter was long overdue and I do apologize although in my defense writing isn’t really my forte.

MOOVING ON...

Constructive criticism is very much welcome.

And as I’m going back to school… I make no promises on the timing of the next update. If there is one. Haha I skipped the first day to post this :D