Chaerin’s POV

I’m just sitting in the class, I’m even not paying attention to the teacher. My focus only for her. Yes, her not him. She’s so beautiful even when she bored, I started to write my “feelings” to her in my notebook. I Always carry that notebook eveywhere I go with her. It’s full of expresion of my feeling to her, sort of a diary. But this time, I don’t wrote it on the notes, instead I wrote it in a post it, then I stick it in last page.

Suddenly the bell rang, everybody start to pack their books and get out from the class. My eyes still glued on her while I’m still busy packing my stuff. And then her eyes met my eyes, she smiled and approach me.

“Hey, you done yet?”

“Uhh.. almost,” I said, then packed my stuff faster, I didn’t put the notebook inside my bag, I just bring it in my hand. “Done!” I said with a smile.

We walked out together from the class and heading to the front gate. Okay, I know it’s been almost 2 years we’ve been friends, but I’m still kinda shy when I look straight in her eyes and ask for something.

“Uhm, Dara… Do you free today?”

“ I think, why?” she said and look directly to my eyes. I try to avoid that beautiful pair of eyes, when suddenly I felt hot inside. Hul?

“Uhmm.. I just thinking that we can.. uhm… have lunch together?” I played with my chubby fingers. What is this feeling? I’m getting hard to breath well.

“Okay,” she said. I think she notice my weird behaviour. I ducked my head tring to avoid her stare. “Chae, are you okay?” she lifted my chin up. I can saw that she worried about me.

“Yeah…I-” I can’t finnish my word when suddenly everything went black, and I just heard her shouting my name in a worried tone.

Dara’s POV

“Chaerin!” I shouted. I manage to catch her before she fell to the floor. I can saw her having trouble breathing and she’s sweating a lot. “Omo, what should I do?” I said it to my self.

Then I saw this notebook in her arm. Well, I’m curious about that because she seems to really love that notebook, but come on I have to focus now. I tried to carry her to the healthcare unit. When I reached there, I’m glad that there’s a teacher in there. Quickly, I hand her Chaerin and waited outside. Just before that, the notebook fell to the ground, and the teacher ignore it. So I grab the notebook and wait outside.

I kept staring on the notebook, my mind is having a war right now, either to open it or just leave it try to not invaded Chaerin’s privacy. Suddenly I heard an ambulance came and drag Chaerin’s unconscious body. I just stare, I can’t do anything. Finally I decided to went home.

*At home*

As soon as I get home. I ran upstairs to my room and lock it. My hand still grabbing Chaerin’s notebook. After a few minutes, I decided to open it. My hand were shaking when I open the first page. Shocked because I found a post it says:

“Dara, I always had a feeling that you will open this some day. And that someday must be when I’m really sick right? Haha, I hope you never see this note, I mean love note <3”

Huh? What? I don’t understand. A love note? She loves me? Then I read the first page.

Jan 16 2012

I never forget the first time I saw you. You’re introducing yourself infront of the class, full of smile, full of confidence, full of happiness. I just stared at you, then I think you look at me back, my heart just jump in that moment and know that you’re the one for me, I hope. Park Sandara, huh? What a beautiful name.

I smiled reading the first page and continue to flip on the next pages.

Jan 25 2012

Yes! I can talk to you today. Is the first time we talked you know? Haha. Wow, that voice is even sweeter when you talk to me alone. Haha just kidding, your voice is always sweet. All the courage that I’ve build for this one week payed off. Whoo, I’m just so so happy, I hope we can continue chatting like this everyday.

My smile grew even wider reading that. She’s so sweet, why she’s hidding it from me? My hands keep flipping the pages until I found another day to read.

Feb 26 2012

Omo, you know my birthday. I’m so happy, thanks. Even though your present is simple.. But hey, is from you! Haha. I love it very much. Then you made me ate a carrot cake, such a rabbit khe khe. Maybe I’ll call you Ssantoki if I dare. By the way, what you don’t know that day is, I don’t like carrot cake.

Huh? She don’t like it? Aish that girl, why you act you like that carrot cake? I continued reading.

You seems really happy when I ate those carrot cake until the last piece. So cute. I’m sorry I’m don’t tell you if I don’t like carrot cake :( .

My heart melt just reading the last sentence. I Always tought that she like carrot cake a lot,from now, I promise that I will not feed Chaerin carrot cake again. The next pages is about her admiring me. Omo is so sweet, I can’t believe that Chaerin is a person like this. I mean, come on the way she wrote about me, it’s obvious that she likes me.

I let out a deep sigh. Actually I like her to, not as friend but more. I think me and Chaerin is in the same tought, ‘Afraid to confess’ .

And again, my hands flipping through the page.

Nov 8 2012

4 more days is your birthday. Your first birthday with me. Just now, I’m really frustated, what to buy for you? I kept thinking about it every hour this day. This question kept hunting me down.

 Will you like if I buy you that?

 Will you wear that?

Will it be useful to you?

Argh, it’s really confusingyou know? How can you pick my present so easy, I guess, when I’m confused as hell?

I can’t help to giggle. If you know I have a hard time picking your present to. My eyes continued reading it.

Finally I pick necklace as the best for her. Her flawless neck will be more beautiful if there’s a necklace right?

I flipped a few more pages and find my birthday date.

12 November 2012

Whoa, today is a big day, at least for me. Haha. You know how hard is it to me to give you the necklace? I hope you didn’t notice me acting awkward. Well, I pick carrot cake as your birthday cake to, because I think you like it. And my guess is correct, you ate like a madman, haha.

Then comes the hardest part, give you the necklace. If you know my heart is beating to fast, and this lung breath heavy when I tried to give you the necklace.

My hand just automatically touch the necklace that still hanging in my neck. I really love that necklace, and read how she bought and gave it to me, just make me love my necklace more.

Continue what I’m doing. I kept thinking of Chaerin. How is she doing now? Is she alright?

25 Des 2012

It’s a white christmas! And you gave me a carrot cake again. Haha, I think I’m gonna love carrot cake somedays. I can’t believe it’s almost one year I’ve known you and still love you, but afraid to confess. And by the way, I really love what you wearing today, but I guess I always love you the way you are, but… just forget it, okay? I’m really happy that you always wear that necklace I gave to you. You’re so sweet.

Seeing you in the snow is like watching an angel that dance around, so beautiful, so amazing, so wonderful. I’m already happy watching you alone.

I laughed everytime she mention the word ‘carrot cake’. Oh yeah, she always kept it a secret if she love me. So do I.

25 Jan 2013

Wow, complete 366 days since the first time I saw you. It’s a new year for me. Haha. I’m happy that we’re in the same class again. Well, this is my new year wish with Park Sandara:

I hope that we can be together for this year, and I hope that I can cofess to you in this year. Amen.

It’s funny because she think the same thing that I think in that day and make the same wish. Reading this is killing me slowly, killing me with her sweetness, killing me with her cuteness, killing me with my own guiltyness.

My hand still flipping the page over and over.

13 Feb 2013

Tommorow is Valentine Day. I hope you give me chocolate tommorow. Haha, but it’s okay if you don’t. Today is really frustasting day you know? I kept getting in to a chocolate store and went out again. It seems that I can’t find a good chocolate for you. Well I’m a heavy thinker. Haha. So, I decided to make my own choco for you. Now, I kept thinking what chocolate do you like? Milk chocolate? White Chocolate? Or Dark chocolate? Seeing your thin body, I’m guessing that you like dark chocolate. Now, new question poped out in my mind, Should I make it simple? Or make it cute? Argh, it’s really frustating

Even though I think to much, but everytime I imagine your face, my excitement grew bigger. I kept smiling when I made you the chocolate. Hope you like it :).

14 Feb 2013

Happy Valentine Day. I tried to gave you my chocolate in the best romantic way. But, seems like this brain already think to much yesterday. So I gave you in the most regullar one. Haha.

I’m super happy that you gave me a chocolate to, maybe on white day, both of we have a chocolate again. Haha. By the way, thank you for the chocolate you gave me. I’m not even sure if I want to eat it. It’s so precious you know. But deep inside, I want to eat it to. Hul, what should I do? Haha. Finally I decided to eat half, keep half. And wow your chocolate taste amazing, I can tell that you made it yourself. That’s why I’m even more happy.

My smile kept appear in my face. My mind unconciously flashback the day that Chaerin wrote. Yeah, I remember everyday that I spent with Chaerin clearly. I still remember her second birthday. She wrote it exactly the same as my memory.

My smile slowly fade away when I read this.

Jun 27 2013

I’m scared. I hope you’re there to company me to the doctor. Today, I’m doing my check-up. And today result is shocking. I can’t help myself to cry all night long. And kept whispering ‘why? Why?’ Why I have to have this disease? Why at the time like this? Why not when I grow older? But, I thanked God to gave me your presence. With you, I believe I can go through anything. I know I’m strong. I know you’re here.

I just shocked. Who knows that she sick? She always cheerfull at University. I just continue reading.

Jul 26 2013

My disease getting worse. But I still kept it a secret from you, sorry :(. You know, for this one month, your smile is my pill. Everytime I saw you smilling to me, I feel that my pain is gone away. All of it without anytrail.

 Dara, you know that I hate to saw you cry. Not even cry, just a sad looking eye already kill me. And you should always smile and laugh. Okay? Promise me.

My tears already want to fall. But I hold it, I can’t cry, she hate it if I cry.

Aug 30 2013

You know what, I’m feeling much better today. All is thanks to you, today is the best day of the month. You seems really happy today, why? I don’t know, but I enjoy it. Again, thank you.

I smiled, at the same time want to cry. How is she right now?

Sept 13 2013

Why? Again, why? Why I have to carry this disease? Why the disease have to be stronger than me? Why I’m so weak? I thought that I’m strong enough to fight this disease. I’m to afraid to tell you that I have this disease, I don’t want to make you worried.

Do you still remember my new year wish? Well, I think I want to change it now. I wish that I can stay ALIVE until your birthday to give you ‘that’ thing under my pillow.

I can’t hold it no more, my tears just flowing out from my eyes. Streaming down to my cheeck. Her disease is that bad?

Without thinking any further, I ran to the hospital. I found Chaerin’s mother and father sitting there, crying. My heart just jump, I don’t know how to react. Then Chaerin’s mother notice me and pointed to a room, she gave me a hand sign to come in there. I noded and came in to the room.

As soons as I came to the room, my haert feels like stopping. Chaerin is there, laying down in the bed, I don’t know how to feel or react. I just stood there, do nothing. Suddenly I felt a tap on my shoulder, it’s Mrs.Lee.

“Go, my daughter love you, go to her side please,” she push me a litlle bit. I noded and she walk outside again.

“Chae…” I said unsure, walking closer to her slowly. Just by looking at her and her parrents, I realized that Chaerin was…. Gone. Tears just burst out from my eyes. I grabbed her hand and squish it.  Now her question bacame mine. Why she have to carry this disease? Why at her age? Why? Why?

I cried silently. I still can’t believe this. It’s coming to soon. Suddenly I remember her notebook and open it. I tried to find another page after that last one but I can’t, I just found a post it says:

Oct 9 2013

Hey I’m watching you from here. Just gathering my courage to confess to you today. Hope it will go well :), argh can’t wait until you be mine.

I gasped, is today. Today she want to confess, and this happen. I cried more and more.

“Chae, if you know that I love you to, this wouldn’t end this sad.” Yeah, nothing more sad than an untold love for me. I cried harder when I felt someone was hugging me. So warm, just like Chaerin.

“Shh..She’s gone now, don’t give her your tears, you know she hate it right?” said Mrs.Lee, she wiped my tears with her thumb. “Thanks for being a good friend to hers, and you know, I want ou for her if… you know…” I noded.

“Thanks Mrs.Lee,” I gave her a weak smile. “You’re the best mom that Chaerin could have.” She smiled and left me alone with Chaerin again.

“Chae, I love you. Be happy there, and wait for me okay? Promise me, don’t scare me, leave the earth peacfully. If you want to see me, just with dream, okay?” I chuckled for my own words. I kissed her cheeck before the blanket was pulled to cover Chaerin’s body. The atsmophere was sad, everybody was sad, including me.

I don’t want to be there to long. So I got back early. Chaerin’s notebook is in my arm now, I promise to take care this book. Now, I’m walking infront of Chaerin’s house. Knocking her house door, and waited. I used to came here before, but now is change.

Chaerin’s maid open the door and let me in. I go straight to Chaerin’s room. And look under her pillow. I found a box there, and open it. I gasped, it’s a ring, a diamond ring. And found a familiar post it.

“Dara, you found my last love note. As you can see, it’s a diamond ringyour favorite color to. Haha. I know I supose not laughing right now.

By the way, I wrote this love note because I know that my life will come to an end in a matter of time. Dara, please use this ring, so you’ll not get flirt with a bad boy or girl later. Take it off when you already find you’re soulmate. Dara, as much as I hope to make you mine, I can’t. But hope still a hope. I hope I stayed at your heart forever. Bye, let’s meet in the other life Dara. Be good.”

My tears escape again. I wipe them off fast, I don’t want her to see this tears. I toke the ring and hold it tight. “I promise Chae.” I mumbled. Then wore the ring.

*Some time later*

It’s my birthday today. I’m just sat in my room looking to my finger. Chaerin’s ring is sitting in my ring finger. I just let a deep sigh. A birthday without Chaerin and her carrot cake, it just broke my heart again.

Suddenly I heard a whisper, “Dara, happy birthday! At least my wishes came true. Look at those ring, it’s one off my wishes. But the best part is, I’m still alive in your heart. Thanks Dara, I love you.”

Chaerin’s voice. I smiled and walked out from my room. “I love you to, Chae.”

(A/N) Hey, my first fic end here. Hope you enjoy it. By the way, I want to say thanks to the one who subcribed me and upvoted me. Thank you very much.