Our first kiss

*

“I love the smell of your hair, Cho!. By the way, did you shampoo your hair today? I mean this late afternoon? After she left you out? Or you crying while showering, huh?” I asked him loudly.

This is crazy. I don’t know how can I say those word so easily. They’re just came out naturally without filter. It’s not just my tongue, but also my hands and all of my body out of my control.

But the smell of his hair such an heroin for me, makes me insane. I gotta close to him. My hands play in his hair, and my nose breathe on his body deeply. I love his scent’s body.

He does not say anything, I mean he just doing nothing. He’s not even try to do anything to stop me. He’s not even feeling bother with my  crazy movement.

Actually I don’t know what I drink a couple hours ago. And all I know that just a glass of red wine.. When i lost the control of my self. But, don’t blame it on me. May be someone poured something into it. And the other things today is, I’m doing this to that guy. Cho Kyuhyun—my best friend.

I’m just getting close to him. I sit on his lap. Our eyes meet accident, !. I wish I had an amnesia tomorrow. and so does our face getting closer now ,than ever before.

I can even feel his sweetness lip collides into mine. This is not my first kiss, but this is our first kiss. We have been knowing each other for ten years. Kyuhyun is my best-friend. My best-friend-forever—I push him, and I crawling my body away.

I’m so thankful that I still have awareness to stop all of this. And just go away from him.

 “Hey, where are you going?” he asks me with a loudly voice.

I stop stepping and turn back.  seeing him, see how it is. He just sitting there, staring at me. Waiting my answer but I say nothing to him. I can see—I can feel it, our first kiss means nothing for him.  

And stepping back, go home.

“ I just wanna go home, Cho!” I said. It almost kind of screaming by the way. I just hate his responses, about kissed.

Because in the end, I’m just a girl who fall in love with her best friend. And he just a jerk. I knew it.

*

A year.

And it’s been a year since that day. The last time we meet, the last time we talk. But that day is our first kiss. And he just flew away without saying good bye or something that would make senses for his absences.

 Yet I’m still here. Not going anywhere, still doing the same activity like what I have been doing so many years.

And even though it’s been a year, he was there. Attends to the party in my head. Singing and dancing, the one who had not been inviting.

*

I’m Standing while waiting my train comes in the train station. My eyes staring, looking everywhere. Every corners, every places just wishing you’re there.

And my head thinking how ten years could mean nothing than that day. The trains passed by, one by one. My train has not come, I don’t when it will comes.

I see my reflection on the train’s window glass, she looks ugly.

And yesterday I touched my lip, wished the feeling of your sweetness lip still there. But it's felt nothing. 

the end