Chapter 1

KRIS

            There are certain moments that you don’t want to end. You want to bear these moments in mind. You’d constantly tell yourself that you will do anything you can to make these moments last. You still can’t accept that time won’t stop for anyone. Though, in your heart, you know that these moments will never happen again. It may be the same scenario, but it will never have the same feeling. Your heart aches as time passes by, but at the same time you’re filled with feelings of happiness, jubilance or even sorrow. There are things that we don’t want to say. There are things we don’t even want to think of. Like the words, this is the end.Toby

            I wake up with a heavy head. My eyes still adjusting to the light streaming down my face, I let out a loud yawn. I slowly crawl on my bed under the sheets, avoiding the bright rays of light coming from the window on my left. As I reached the edge of my bed, I sat upright, letting both of my legs hang. I lift my head, inhaling vigorously while my heart starts to ache. I wanted to kick back but I am again greeted by the daily dosage of fear. I immediately shoved it out of my mind but deep down, my heart aches more as each second passes by. I walk to the bathroom while I tilted my head from left to right— trying to make my neck crack. As I stepped in the bathroom, my feet suddenly became cold that it sends my whole body to a shiver. This happens to me every day but it seems that I never get used to it. I run into the bathtub and took off my clothes. I tossed them into the laundry bin and opened the shower. I turned the knob of the shower and waited for the water to come out. Soon after, the heat of water warms my body and I bring up my face, letting the warm water splash over it. My mind brings in the fear once again and I grab for the half-empty shampoo bottle and poured a good amount of shampoo onto the palm of my hands. I started massaging my hair as the shampoo spreads into my hair. The fear dies down as I preoccupied my head with other things such as my food for breakfast or what I will wear. I grabbed the soap and cleaned myself up. I soaked myself for a few minutes even though the soap and shampoo has been washed away. Memories flash by as I stood there stationery.

She grabs my hand, flashing me a bright smile.

“Kris, I want to ride that.” She points over to the roller coaster.

“You sure about that ___ ?” I said as I raised my left eyebrow and grinned at her.

“Yeah, I want to give it a go. There’s nothing to it.” She grips my hand and we briskly walk towards the rollercoaster.

            I know she’s actually afraid of roller coasters but it seems that she wants to scare herself for fun. She’ll probably give up while we’re at the top of the ride and cry her heart out. Sometimes, I feel like she’s such a masochist. Since, it’s quite rare for her to have a time for herself due to her demanding career; I’ll just go along with her— even if going to Disneyland was quite embarrassing since we’re a wedded couple at our late 20’s. We’re no spring chicken.

            We reached the roller coaster ride and in front of it was a long line of teenagers who were excited and some, going pale. I guess we’re the only adults here. I looked at ____ on how she was doing and it seems that she’s still willing to go for it.

“___, you’re really excited about this huh?” I asked as she was tip-toeing to see if the line was moving.

“Yup.”

“Aren’t you afraid?”

“Not one bit.”

            ___ is a strong girl but it’s so cute how she sometimes pretends to be strong. She’s always like this. She doesn’t easily show others her feelings. Even if we’re married, it still feels like we’re still a young couple who recently just got together.

            The line moves and every time we moved forward, her smile would gradually fade. She wasn’t as giddy as she was when she saw the roller coaster.

“Are you still up for this?”

“Of course, I rarely have free time so I want to have a blast.” She gives me huge smile. It’s a fake smile of course.

“ Alright then, if you say so.” I said as I patted her head.

            Soon, we were at the front of the line. I stepped in the gate first and looked back—to see if she would still want to go on the roller coaster. I could see ____ hesitating for a second as she followed me. I wanted to pull her leg, so I let out a soft laugh, thinking that she’s probably really scared right now.

“What are you laughing about?”

“Nothing.” I squeezed both of my lips together to prevent myself to laugh any harder.

            She gives me a glare and hops on the roller coaster first. I know she is trying to prove to me that she’s actually not afraid. I hopped onto the roller coaster and slid on the restraint which goes over my head. I looked at her, checking if she’s still okay. She seems to have her guard up and glared at me.

“I’m not scared you know.” She furrows her brows.

“Hey, I didn’t say anything yet.” I said as I held my hands up.

            The restraints lock, indicating that the ride was about to start. The man handling the roller coaster checked our restraints if they were locked properly. After the man checked our restraints, I pulled on ____’s restraints to double check if hers was working properly. I will surely lose my head if something bad happens to her. After a while, the cart moves forward and the people in front of us starts to squeal in excitement. It’s funny how these people squeal for joy and end up screaming for their lives later on. I thought to myself. I looked at ____ once again and she has her lips pursed with her arms tightly wrapped around the restraints. Her face goes pale and her eyes locked on her feet. I wrapped my right arm on her restraint, letting our fingers intertwine. She looks at me and looks back again at her feet.

“No backing out now.” I laughed discreetly.

“I told you, I’m not —afraid.” She looks forward, noticing that we’re almost at the top. She’s really on edge.

“Don’t worry, I’m here.” I smiled at her as I gripped more tightly onto her hand.

            Before the cart was about to drop into deep plunge, ___ closed her eyes tightly. I couldn’t help but find it amusing. I was also quite afraid that we’re about to drop from a height of 120 meters but seeing ____ getting scared is more exciting and somewhat depressing at the same time. People started screaming already before the cart dropped which made_____ tenser. She grips my hands intensely. Soon, the cart drops and I hear a loud high-pitched scream from ____. I laughed so hard throughout the ride that my stomach ended up hurting afterwards.

            I turned the knob of the shower to cease the water from coming out. I noticed that I was in the shower for almost thirty minutes already. These days, I’m always in the pits and I keep remembering the past even though I don’t want to. Actually, I do want to remember them but remembering them also gives me the feeling that these things will never happen again. I grabbed the towel from the rack and dried myself up. I wrapped myself with the towel and hurriedly went to the closet since it was cold. I just grabbed whatever was on top. I did think about what I was going to wear but it was just to occupy my mind. I wore a year old pair of jeans with an oversized gray Abercrombie and Fitch hoodie. I wore my white sneakers without my socks as usual. I suddenly imagine ____ wearing her pajamas with her tossed bed hair, telling me to wear my socks before wearing my sneakers. I ironically chuckle and shrugged off her image away. I grabbed my cell phone, car keys and my wallet and went downstairs. I went my way outside the house and into the garage.  I stepped into our white Camry car. Again, I remember ____ begging me to buy a white Camry instead of a Fortuner because she preferred a feminine looking car— I never knew that cars had a gender. Every single thing seems to remind me of her and I can’t get a grip. I can’t prohibit my mind to bring all these things up. I inserted the car keys into the slot and the car boots up.

            I drove to Summit Diner, the diner where ____ and I always go to every Thursday while I blasted the radio as it played random popular songs of the generation today. I drove with my mind feeling aloof. My hands felt numb as I steered the steering wheel. After a good load of traffic, I saw the diner in the horizon. I parked in front of it and locked the car. I knew I had to get cracking because I wouldn’t want ____ to get hungry. I walked at a fast pace and slid the door open as the chimes on top make a familiar sound.

“Hey Kris, What would it be today? … Same as usual?” Sehun says while he pushes buttons on the cashier.

“Yup. Same as usual.”

“Alright then.”

I sat in front of the steel table tops and rested my left cheek on my left hand as Sehun shouts our usual orders to the chef at the kitchen.

           Oh Sehun is the owner of Summit Diner. We’ve known him for almost 4 years because ____ and I had our not so expensive breakfast date here on a Thursday on the week we got hitched. We really loved the food here so we agreed to eat here every Thursday. Two months ago, I started ordering take outs for ____ and me.

            I sat there, smelling the scent of deep fried chicken and a hint of Dijon mustard. I could see Sehun coming up to me from the left of my peripheral vision.

“Hey man, I don’t want to be rude or anything but uhm—“Sehun hesitates.

“She’s doing just fine.” I said before he continues his sentence. I’m used to people asking me about ____. I know Sehun always had the urge to ask me about ____ but never got it out until now.

“Oh, I see…Well, tell her that I said Hi.” Sehun says. The familiar sound chimes again and Sehun leaves my line of sight.

            I rolled up the sleeves of my hoodie and rested my cheeks on my palms. I felt a tinge of coldness oozing from the steel table tops as my elbows touched it. I sat there, lifeless and felt as if the world was caving in. My mind was going blank. I ran my right hand to my face and unto my hair roughly to waken myself up.  I don’t know if I’ll just break down in tears or just hit the roof because of what’s happening to ____.

“Here you go, a take out of fish filler burger with a side of fries dashed with cumin just as she likes. And here are your spicy buffalo wings with mash potatoes.” Sehun hands me two paper bags.

“Oh, thanks Sehun.”  I said as I checked the paper bag. I noticed there was two slices of apple pie included in it which wasn’t actually part of what I’d usually order.

“I didn’t order slices of apple pies.”

“It’s on the house. I bet ____ would like it. She loves sweet stuff right?”

“Yeah she does. She’s going to be one happy camper. Thanks a ton, Sehun.” I accepted it whole-heartedly. I felt that if ____ was here, her smile would just go beyond her ears. I handed him enough money and I told him to keep the change. I ran to the car while I was holding the two paper bags near to my chest to prevent the food from tossing around. I got in the car and placed the paper bags under the seat beside the driver’s seat. I drove at an average pace to prevent the paper bags from shifting around.         As I drove, I felt my body tensing up. I couldn’t forgive myself for not being able to do anything for ____. I wished that these things would all just burn down. I wasn’t on my toes. I didn’t think that this would happen in our lives. Why did she have to work in such a profession? Why did she have to be the one to be infected? Sometimes, I ask God why he did this ____. I saw ____, everyday, writing random numbers and letters on her white board, looking at slides of cells and whatnot  as she tries to make a cure for diseases—possibly even cancer she says . She was filled with enthusiasm and she passionately loved what she was doing. I wonder why it had to be like this. I couldn’t even make believe that this was just a bad dream.

             Everyone says that everything happens for a reason. I don’t believe that old, used up statement at all. They are probably just saying that just to cheer their selves up and avoid that reality is cruel. They can say that because things are going well for them. They’re just full of it. Every second of the day, bad things happen. All these stupid quotes and cliché lines are just there to lift their spirits up. There’s no end to wrath that reality brings upon us.

            Before I knew it, the ____ was only two blocks away from where my car was positioned. I drove slower as I gradually got nearer. My heart couldn’t handle the pain as I parked in the parking lot. I had to stop for a second and get a breather. I clutched hardly on to the steering wheel until the pain was bearable. I got the paper bags from the seat beside me and held them on one hand. I swung the car door open and stepped out. I locked the car and walked to the entrance as I held the paper bags with utmost care. The sleek glass doors parted as I walked pass it. Then, the loud chatter of people surrounded my ears. Sounds of beeping machines and sounds of crying huddles me. I see the faces of people; I see their eyes as it resonates with sorrow and loss. In some occasion, they lose their heads. People think that a hospital is a place of hope, a hope for a chance in life again. They can go to the hospitals until their faces are blue but it’ll turn sour in the end. Don’t they understand that things will never be the same again? Don’t they understand that time will eventually catch up to them even if they actually are given a “chance”? The hospital does not give you a “chance” in life again. They just delay the time of your death. There is no hope in this place for only death dawns in this place.

“Good morning, Kris.” A voice from the right emerges. Oh, it’s Suzie. She’s the personal nurse of ____. She’s all ears when she’s with ____. She would always tell me how ____’s doing. Most of the time, she would be reporting that ____ would just sit on her bed as she reads some books. There are times that she tells me that ____ would get bored and call her to make ____ feel entertained.

“Any updates?” I say.

“Well, she’s been ranting about some book she’s reading.” Suzie says as she smiles lightly while she looks at her clipboard.

“Same as usual, I guess.” I chuckled.

“Yeah, I hope I’m doing enough.”Suzie sighs as she scribbles down on her clipboard.

            I can tell that she feels like all her efforts aren’t enough. I, too, feel the same way. It’s like there’s nothing enough you can do for ___.

“Don’t worry Suzie, I bet deep inside she’s thankful you’re there. I’m also thankful as well for keeping an eye on her.” I say with a heartfelt smile.

“No problem at all Kris. It’s fun to be with ____… Well, I got to go to the ER now. ” Suzie says.

“Alright then, see you around.” I say as she walks pass to my right, flipping the papers in her clipboard.

            I walked down the hall to the elevator shaft. I waited for a minute until the elevator came down. The elevator opened and I saw a couple of people were standing at the end of the elevator door.  I went in and clicked the 12^th floor where ____ was placed. I got the hang of this; this awkward silence in the elevator since I had to go here every day.  I stood there as I watched the numbers on the top of the elevator door change. Soon, I reached the 12^th floor. I stepped outside and immediately walked to her room which was room number 112. As I reached the door, I stopped. I still didn’t want to see ____ in such a state. Even though she’s not experiencing any physical pain, I can tell that she’s bearing with the pain—pain in the heart. The very thought of spending the last days in the world in an isolated room surely crushes her heart. She’s an ambitious woman. She has a lot of dreams that she wants to fulfill but it seems God had given us something we don’t deserve. I sighed with much grief. As I turned the knob, I automatically flash a smile.

 

 

 

 

Chapter 2

YOU

            . I heard the door creaked open. He He arrived just on time. I was getting quite hungry. I looked to my right and I see Kris, flashing that same old fake smile he flashes every day as he holds two paper bags on his right hand. I know he’s putting that fake smile just to make me feel better about my situation. Kris grabs a chair and table and positioned it infront of me. I jumped out of my bed as I held the book, The Fault in Our Stars by John Green. I grabbed a table and a chair as well and positioned it directly in front of the glass wall and beyond it was Kris. I looked at Kris as he starts taking out the food out of their respective paper bags. He places my food on the slot on the left end of the glass wall where I get all my things that I need.

The slot was made to prevent any physical contact from one human to another. There are two small sliding panels. The other one can be accessed from the outside and the other inside.

Kris slides open the glass panel and places my food inside. He then closes it. I placed the book on top of the table and I walked to the slot and opened it. As I held the packages of food, my heart sank.

            This unexplainable disease of mine can be passed from one person to another. I’m diagnosed with a heart problem as they have said. They couldn’t really figure out what was the cause but all they know is I’m slowly running out of oxygen. My body is gradually rejecting the presence of oxygen. I can’t feel any pain but I know that my breaths are getting shorter and shorter. I’m also getting paler and paler by the day. But it’s not this disease that bothers me; it’s this glass wall that’s separating me from the world. That’s separating me fromKris. The room was made so that we can hear what the person was saying in the other side but it’s not enough. Even if I were to try and get out of this room and touch Kris, it would be a losing battle. I wouldn’t take a chance on that. He would get infected and surely, I wouldn’t want that to happen.

             I closed the glass panels and walked to the table which was directly in front of Kris. I placed the food on top of the table and sat on the chair. As I was unpacking the food, Kris was just looking at me. His eyes were sternly locked on every movement I was doing. My face started to flush red and I rubbed my nose with my sleeve. He started chuckling.

“You’re laughing again.” I say as I gave him a glare.

“It’s not like I wanted to.” He says as he puts he rests his left cheek on his fists.

            I continued unpacking the food and I noticed something different. There was a slice of apple pie that was included.

“Sehun said that you’d love it. Have your cake and eat it.” He notices me looking at the apple pie.

“Really? Say thank you to Sehun for me.” I said with a smile as I grabbed a plastic fork. I took a bite out of the apple pie slice. Sehun surely knows how to make my day.

            The apple pie was very crisp. The sweet caramelized crust melted on my mouth. I can taste the minced apples dashed with honey. I was eating with much delight while Kris was looking at me. He was smiling but it felt empty. His eyes were hallow. It felt as if he was trying to be happy. He’s trying so hard to smile for me. I don’t want that. I don’t want people pretending to make me feel better.

            He notices me looking at him. I immediately shifted my attention to my food again and began eating my burger. I expected him to tease me or comment but I hear nothing. It was unusual. I got curious what kind of expression he was making but I couldn’t look at him in the face. My eyes looked at the floor and went up gradually. I noticed he hasn’t worn his socks again.

“You’re not wearing socks again.” I say as my eyes were locked on his sneakers.

“Too lazy. My feet feels better without socks.” He says.

            I look at him and his face is blank. He’s eating his buffalo wings like a lifeless robot. Seeing that he’s preoccupied with his food, I ate my burger as well. We ate silently. It felt like I was eating like a bird. Every moment felt like an hour. A thousands moments pass by and my food is finally finished. I set it aside and looked to see what Kris was doing. He was looking at me again while his head rested on his arms.

“Done?” He asks.

“ Yup.”

            A cold silence suddenly surrounds us. I couldn’t decipher what he was thinking. The situation was getting awkward. My tongue was tied.

“So, you’ve been reading the Fault in Our Stars. How is it?” He breaks the silence. Then, he looks at the book I placed on the table.

“Oh, it’s good. I heard good comments about it and it seems that it didn’t shatter my expectation.”

“Yeah, I’ve searched for that book high and low. It was always sold-out.” He chuckles.

“So, did you get to read it?” I ask.

“Yeah I did. Finished it in a couple of days. What chapter are you in?”

“Euhm… somewhere in the middle.” I say.

“Oh, but I think it’s better for you not to finish it. You’d probably go on a fit when you’ve reached the end.” He smiles sarcastically.

            Actually, I have finished the book. I don’t know why I lied to him. Maybe it’s because I just didn’t want to let him buy another book for me. I didn’t want to be a burden. Or maybe it’s because I couldn’t accept the fact that the story was ending. Even in a book, I couldn’t find a happy ending. The story ends in such a dreadful way. I didn’t cry like the other readers did because it’s not worth crying for. Everything will die down, even light and we will be enclosed by darkness. That is why crying is for the birds because everything will eventually fade away from this world, even me.

“Yeah, I probably won’t able to finish it.” I say. I caught on that those words weren’t supposed to have been said. The words just slipped out of my mouth without thinking. It was out of line. I knew he’d take my sentence wrongly. He’d take it as if I’ll die soon.

            Kris stands up and slides the table aside. He brings up his chair in front of the glass and sits upright. He brings his gaze towards me and looks at me with mournful eyes. He lifts his hand and places it on the glass wall that separates us. He lowers his head—hiding his facade.

“____, don’t say such things.” He says softly.

            I could feel the trembling in his voice. I wanted to shatter this glass wall in front of us and give him a kiss on the forehead. I wanted to say that everything will be alright but I can’t because nothing is alright. I placed my hand on the glass wall just beyond his. I laid my left hand perfectly aligned on his. I couldn’t think of any other way to comfort him. Tears started to fall down from my eyes without consent. I immediately wiped it off with my sleeve. I couldn’t afford to show any kind of weakness at this time. It was out of the question.  Time is chasing me at my back and I can’t seem to run away from it. I don’t want to leave Kris in such a state. Soon, he looks up and notices my hand in front of his.

 

 

Chapter 3

Kris

            I know she’s also trying to hide the pain. There is nothing she can do by herself anymore. I know that very well but I don’t know what I can do for her. Everything I do isn’t enough.

            “I wish I would wake up from this nightmare. I wish that everything would just burn down. Why does this have to happen?” I say as I banged the glass with both of my fists. I couldn’t get a grip of my feelings. All of it was pouring down at once. Sadness, anger, fury were all overflowing.  I was seeing red at myself because of this.

            “Our future is just… just…” Droplets run down my face. I was crying before I knew it. I couldn’t finish my sentence. I was overwhelmed by my emotions. My eyes started to blur out.

“Toby, thank you.” ____ says. She smiles with utmost sincerity. Her smile was on the level. I couldn’t imagine how she could smile so earnestly at this point but I’m sure she meant it.

“Thank you for choosing me. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for being with me.” She says without hesitation. It’s unusual because she rarely shows her true feelings. It was out of the blue. All of my emotions just stood still for a moment. The only thing I could see was her smile. The only thing I could hear was her words.

“Let’s not talk about these difficult things anymore, okay?” She says.

            We spent our moments laughing about random things, random topics. She kept talking about how she wanted a Husky named Lucy which was beside the point because we were talking about how our friend was bitten by a dog just last weekend. We laughed till’ out stomachs curdled and started to hurt. It has been a long time since we laughed like this. I constantly told my mind to zero in all of these moments. All of these sound she makes —those high-pitched laugh and low but confident voice when she talks about herself. I engraved her hazel eyes that blazes under the fluorescent light, her brunette hair tied up in a messy bun. In the back of my head, I know that she won’t be here for long but at the least I’ll remember her. The day ended filled with smiles and laughter. I packed up my things and place my hand on the transparent wall, signifying that I was going to leave.

“I love you.” She says before I leave. My heart stops and my knees started to weaken. For the second time, she said those words to me. The first time she said it was on our wedding day but ever since that day she never said those words to me until now.

  I’m eager to meet her again tomorrow, If there is a tomorrow.

Chapter 4

            I didn’t really expect that would be the last day I’ll ever talk to ____. I was informed past ten o’clock that she was in critical condition. I hurried down and drove as fast as I can and even passed some red headlights. The moment I got there, she was announced dead. I cried my heart out that day. My mind was in a total mess. My whole body froze and it felt like my heart was being stabbed a thousand times altogether. I prepared for this but I never really thought it was this worst. I couldn’t eat properly for days. I couldn’t sleep a wink because I’d be woken up by the image of ____, dying alone without me beside her. I was filled with guilt and regret. I couldn’t even stand beside her in the nick of time. I didn’t cry all the days after her death. I couldn’t accept the fact that she was gone. I couldn’t even think that this is the end of our life together.

            I shunned myself from the world. I couldn’t keep up with all of life’s demand. The grief I feel overpowers my will to live.

            As I was lying on the couch, the door bell rang. I stood up and slowly went for the door. I knew that my face would look weird and haggard but I didn’t really care. I opened the door and to my surprise, it was Suzie.

“Morning Mr. Kris, I’m here to bring _____’s stuff. You know, the books and her clothes. We couldn’t contact you so I volunteered to go here instead. We couldn’t really throw them out without your consent.” Suzie says as she holds a huge brown box.

“Oh, thanks.” I say as I got the box out of her hands. I didn’t answer the phone for days because I didn’t want to hear those condolences from people. It’ll just worsen my condition.

“Well, uhm, Goodbye Susie. Thanks for everything, really.” I say as I stepped back inside my house.

“She’s happy, you know. I mean, I was there at her last moment. She was smiling until her last breath while she was holding a picture of you, wearing a dress.” Suzie says before the door closes.

            I didn’t know what to feel that time but I unconsciously laughed. I bet that it was the picture last Christmas which she intentionally took while I was dared by our friends to wear a dress for Christmas Eve. That woman still even mocked me until her last breath.

“That’s her alright.” I say

“Yup. She’d always tell me how disorganized you were and how she gets annoyed when you jump in bed while she’s asleep. But I know that she loves you because every time she’d say those things about you, she’d always smile and say that she still likes you.” Suzie explains.

“Well, I’ve gotta go Mr. Kris. Goodbye.” Suzie waves goodbye and goes into her car.

            I bring in the box and placed them on top of the coffee table. I lied down on my couch once again. As I was staring into the blue, I had the curiosity to open the box. I sat up and grabbed the box. I opened it and I see a bunch of her clothes and books. At the side, a note was inserted. It said, “I found this in her room. It’s best that you read it.” It must be Suzie who wrote this. Attached to the note was an envelope addressed to me. It was ____’s hand writing. I opened the envelope and found a letter. The paper was colored pink —her favorite color. I opened it up and it said:

My dearest Kris,

            In the circumstance that I am not able to tell you what I have to tell you before I leave, I wrote this letter. I am in here because of me. It’s not  your fault that I’m in such a state. I am proud to have contributed in the medical field even if it didn’t work out perfectly. Kris, I’m sorry for giving you hope about our lives as a father and mother and having children of our own. I can’t fulfill these things anymore. I don’t want you to feel bad all the rest of your life. If you fall for another, love her tenderly like you did with me. Surely, she will be the happiest woman in the world. Don’t worry about me. I’m living in a happy place now looking down over you. Love is such a luxury and I am glad that I was able to experience it with you. Laughing is such a great blessing and I’ve learned that from you. I never really did show you my love but I truly love you and I always will. This may be the end for us now but I am sure I will see you again, but just…just for now, farewell.

                                                      With all my love,

                                                                ____

      My tears started to fall unto the letter. I wiped my tears with the sleeve of my jacket to prevent them from falling any further. Each word she has written makes my heart ache. My hand starts to get numb. I felt sad but happy at the same time because I realized something. Just now, I realized that the end is such a wonderful thing. You know how people cry over when something is ending, like their high school graduation or like some shallow things such as the ending of a decade long harry potter series, it’s quite riveting. Accepting the fact that things end, will enable you to start a new beginning. Every second every day, there’s always an end and there is always a beginning. We can’t escape from that cycle. Life is cruel isn’t it? But life is cruel as you want it to be as it can be beautiful as you want it to be. I don’t know what path is laid down before me but I’m ready to start a new beginning. Even if ____ is not beside me right now, just remembering her smile is enough. I don’t want her to be the reason why I have ceased to live. The only reason I need to live is the fact I am alive.

      I got up from my couch and went up stairs and took a shower. Afterwards, I wore my clothes with my socks on this time. I went down thinking I’ll get a dog. Probably a husky and name it Lucy like ____ would’ve liked. I got my cell phone and noticed that I had ton of messages and missed calls. I called up my friend Luhan who knows tons about dogs and some dog breeders in town.

      “Hey man, you free this afternoon?” I ask.

      “Kris, where were you? Everyone is like totally worried. They’ve been calling you. What happened to you?” His voice goes up.

      “Long story. I’ll tell you later. So are you free this afternoon? I’m going to adopt a dog you see.”

      “Oh. I see… Well, I’ll see you in an hour alright? My house.” He says casually.

      “Alright, I’m leaving.” I say before I ended the call.

      I continued on living not because of the letter she sent me saying that I shouldn’t feel bad the rest of my life. I continued on living because she taught me the value of life. Even if the things we dearly love only last for a fraction of a second, even if it was just for a short while, I’m grateful to have experienced such beauty of life.  It is better to love something that only lasts for a short while than to love something that lasts for eternity.

            I strode out of the door and embraced the blazing sun covering the horizon. Each step I take is a step forward to my path. I don’t know where it may lead but I know it’ll take me somewhere better.  It may just be little or it may even be considered slow, but I know I am moving forward.

                       THE END

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