Sehun sometimes wondered whether his life could have been better. Maybe if he hadn't taken the wrong steps, then he would be in a much better place than he was now, and in reality, it was true. He could have had a better life, one that didn't mean suffocating pain all the time, but thinking about it, it was what he deserved. 

The pain he was feeling made up for all the little things he had missed in the past, all the misunderstandings that had happened between him and a certain person. 

In the end, it didn't matter anymore, what was done was done. Nothing could change the past, no matter how many we wish we could, and no matter how wrong everything is, we have to accept that what we have in those moments is what we have achieved, be it bad or not. 

Sehun had accepted his fate long ago.

«« pause 

Sehun wasn't sure what to do. 

Here he was, sitting on the ground as he has been doing for the past hours, his precious doll still in his hold, keeping Jongin close to his chest and tears streaming down his cheeks without any intention to stop anytime soon. Sehun thought, even if there were no more tears, he would still continue crying. 

Maybe this was reality. The reality they had been leaving since who knows when. This was the reality that Sehun had let Jongin in, the reality he had created for the both of them without he even having any kind of understanding over. 

Sehun didn't care, however. It didn't matter whether he was hurting, or whether he thought his heart would never get back to being okay, no matter the many years to come. What mattered was that he had teared apart the person he had appreciated and loved the most. 

He had made a promise; he had always been saying that he would protect Jongin, never leaving him aside, never letting him feel alone, never hurting him. But here he was, Jongin, in his doll form, blank faced, as if there wasn't anything left in him, and maybe in a sense it was true. Sehun had taken away Jongin's innocent joy, his loveable smile that made Sehun feel lighter than anything else could, but it wasn't just that. Sehun had taken Jongin's life, most literally. 

He continued to cry, hot tears still making their way down his pale cheeks. He still couldn't believe this was happening. Sehun had the hardest time comprehending when it all had started but deep down, he knew. He had always known maybe, but Sehun was too stupid to realize or maybe je just didn't want to. He had locked inside himself, not wanting anything to go in. 

He laughed, bitter and hollow, at his own stupidity. 

He could have been happy, made the person he loved the happiest, but in the end, Sehun had just made everything worse. He had killed every little happiness that could have happened. 

Now, he would be the one living in his own crumbled world. But this was what he deserved, he guessed. This was the punishment for all the pain he had created. 

»» forward

Jongin was sure that if he died, there wasn't anything else on the other side of the road. He knew, from listening to other people talk, that maybe there was another place where all the souls that had left the world would be residing. 

Jongin didn't quite believe there was such a place and even if he had, he wasn't just a normal person so it was a wonder whether he would go to that place or not. 

Now that he was here, it wasn't anything like he was suspecting. Or more like, he didn't think he would be able to make his mind function anymore but here he was, thinking as if he was still alive. His surroundings weren't anything that he could make out, everything a blur of grey btw too many people. 

Maybe, Jongin hadn't died; maybe, he was still alive but in a deep slumber. After all, why would be in btw so many people, in the middle of the city. Jongin looked around some more, looking past the sea of people, to the bright Christmas tree that was in the middle of the plaza. Thinking about it, Jongin remembered that tree. It had been there so many years ago, the first time he had meet Sehun. 

Realization hit him and he looked around frantically, trying to make his way between the mass of people, struggling to get to the destination he had in mind. It seemed, though, that no one could see him as no matter how much he talked or shouted, no one paid attention to him. 

Jongin thought that maybe this was a dream, after all. 

When he had finally passed between everyone, he locked eyes with a little figure in a corner. That same figure, looked back at him, doll in hand and keeping it to his chest, not wanting anyone to take it away from him, and smiled. 

Jongin was frozen on the spot, not sure how to react but before his brain could catch up with his actions, he was already giving the little figure a blinding smile in return. The child looked one last moment at him before making his way home (Jongin knew) with his parents. 

«» play

Sehun wandered around the house, trying to find the missing piece that had disappeared from his table. 

It had been over five years since that incident happened. He still remembered that day as if it had been just yesterday. 

After that day, Sehun's life made a huge change, towards better or worse, Sehun couldn't really tell. He wasn't working in the broadcasting company anymore. Now he was working as a dance teacher. After he found himself with enough courage to go on with life, he started to dance again. It had made him feel better, leaving some of the stress behind for a few moments and it made him feel as if Jongin was still there beside him; as if Jongin was the one dancing and Sehun the one watching him move across the studio. 

After that, he decided to take the job of a dance teacher and here he was today. Still working for a small company but gaining enough for him to go by. 

Sehun had also started to look on the internet places where they could repair a doll and make it as one piece again. Problem was, his doll was too shattered and no one had seemingly wanted to do it. In the end, seeing that nothing had worked out, he had started doing it himself in his free time. 

It had proved to be a really difficult task and before he had any time to even think about it, five whole years had passed and he still didn't have Jongin completed. There was one last piece of the puzzle that was his doll's heart missing and Sehun couldn't find it anywhere. 

For a moment, Sehun feared that he had left it what was their house years ago. 

After a few weeks being confined in his room, Sehun had decided that he should move out. He had too many memories in there and it only brought him more and more pain. 

He had to talk with Luhan too. And honestly, Sehun was glad that the other had been so understanding and even helped him out. He had a huge debt towards Luhan and he hoped he could thank the other properly at some point. 

For now, he had another task at hand and Sehun just hoped he would find the damn piece of porcelain before he started to feel the despair he had felt all those years ago. 

»» forward

Jongin blinked several times, trying to adjust his eyes to the light that come through what he supposed were windows. He wasn't sure as he couldn't look properly, the light blinding him more than it ever had. 

When he deemed he was okay with the light, he opened his eyes more widely, looking over every inch of the room. He didn't recognize anything from it, or so he thought until his eyes feel upon an old letter with messy handwriting over it. He knew where that letter was from, what he didn't understand was what it was doing in this strange place. 

Had he been given out? Had Sehun thrown him and everything that had to do with him. For a moment, Jongin stopped his train of thoughts, too surprised to feel any kind of emotions but the pain he felt just thinking about that made his heart clench. 

He looked down at his chest and over himself right after, realizing that he was in his human form and not his doll form as he at least expected. 

Before he could even think about any other thing regarding Sehun and having thrown him away, the door of the room he was in opened and revealed a man. Jongin was sure he knew who it was once his gaze shifted towards him but he wondered if that really was Sehun. 

He looked older, even taller than he used to be but his face remained the same. Nothing had changed, his features being the same as he remembered him. But Jongin wouldn't be too sure, maybe his mind was playing a trick on him or this was all him wanting to have Sehun back. 

He didn't have time to process anything else before the figure approached him and brought Jongin in a tight hug. Jongin wasn't sure if he should hug him back but he couldn't resist. This was Sehun, the same Sehun that didn't want to go to school without him, the same Sehun that hadn't freaked out when he told him he was alive, the same Sehun that had always been there with him, bringing him along everywhere, the same Sehun that hadn't tossed him aside. 

'Jongin, Jongin, Jongin. You're alive.' Sehun chanted, his hug getting tighter by the second, not believing his own eyes. 

Jongin managed a small laugh. He remembered those words. Those same words that had left Sehun's mouth when he had told Sehun he wasn't a simple doll. They held the same excitement Sehun had expressed back then and Jongin was happy, beyond happy. 

Sehun still loved him, he hadn't thrown him away as he first expected nor had he forgotten about him. In that moment, Sehun let go of him and brought his face close to Jongin's their foreheads touching and Sehun's hands on either side of Jongin's face. 'I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Jongin. I.. ' Before he could go on, Sehun broke down into a sob. 

Jongin understood and whipped away the tears that left Sehun's eyes. 'You don't have to apologize. It's okay, Sehun. I'm okay. Don't worry anymore.' Sehun shook his head. 'Of course I will worry. You broke down because of me, because I was being stupid and I'm so sorry, I should have been there for you and not let you down. I even promised you and all I did was making you suffer. I'm sorry.. I'm so sorry, Jongin-ah.'

Jongin listened on an on to Sehun speak and how sorry he was. Honestly Jongin wasn't mad at him, never was and never would be. But he guessed, this time he could be a little bit selfish. 

Before Sehun could start another chant of 'I'm sorry's, Jongin had leaned in and kissed Sehun, letting him know that he wasn't mad at him. Sehun, on the other hand, had widened his eyes, not expecting this from Jongin, nor any other sweet gesture fom him. In all honesty, Sehun had expected Jongin to hate him; after all, he did bring him to the point of having broken. But having him kissing Sehun, wasn't something the later expected. 

However, Sehun wouldn't pass such opportunity. He had waited long enough for this, so he was going to enjoy himself. Without much thought, Sehun kissed Jongin back, being more daring than Jongin and bit on his bottom lip. Jongin, surprised, opened his mouth to protest but Sehun was faster and brought his tongue past the other's parted lips. Jongin moaned at the contact but didn't try to get away; he did his best to imitate Sehun's movements.

To say Sehun was happy was an understatement. He was feeling the happier he had ever felt in all of his years of living. Having Jongin in his embrace and kissing him was something he had never expected to happen but if this was life giving him another chance, he wasn't about to fail again. 

They parted a while after, both out of breath and looking at each other intensely. Sehun was the one who broke the silence that fell upon them bringing Jongin closer to his chest and hugging him, afraid that if he let him go, Jongin would vanish, having been a mere well built illusion, courtesy of Sehun's painful heart. 

'I've always loved you. I was afraid of telling you because I thought I was just someone who you looked up too and didn't feel the same as me and I didn't want to lose you or to make our relationship awkward. But I guess that was the worst mistake ever because you know, deep down, I think I knew that that wasn't the case but I was too coward to do anything and that's what made everything fell apart.' Sehun sighed, feeling his heart much heavier. Having told his mind sure made him feel more at ease but having to remind himself that he was the cause of their misfortune, has always made him feel bitted about himself.

'It's okay, Sehun. I was partially at fault too. I should have told you but I thought you loved Luhan and I didn't want to get between the two of you. I was fine as long as you were happy. If I had been more daring maybe things would have been better, but what's the point in thinking about the past.' Jongin closed his eyes, falling deeper in Sehun's embrace, never wanting to let go since he had missed the other so much. 

Sehun managed to smile a bit, still not feeling entirely good, but Jongin was right. Now they had each other and that was all that mattered. 

'I'm glad I never gave up on trying to fix you up.' Jongin looked up at Sehun after hearing that. 'What do you mean?' Sehun smiled wider this time, seeing Jongin's cute and confused expression. 'It's been five years since I broke you, you know.' Jongin's eyes become impossible wide and Sehun has to restrain himself from peppering kisses all over Jongin's face. 'Five years? What?' 

Sehun laughed and just hugged Jongin closer to himself. 'Well, you were too broken and it was hard to bring you back together. Sometimes I wondered if I would ever be able to but in the end, I couldn't just give up. And, you know, a few days ago, I couldn't find the last piece to the puzzle and searched for it for days to no end. I really thought I would have to give up but then I found it. I was so surprised where it was but I was happy. And then, when I had already patched you all up, you wouldn't move nor talk nor anything so I thought that maybe it wasn't about the appearance anymore but of your heart, the real and beating one, that had broken and couldn't be fixed, not matter how many times I tried to bring you back together. I'm happy it worked though.'

Jongin smiled to himself, feeling like he was on a cloud and he momentarily wondered whether this was maybe a last wish before dying and not something real. In the end, it didn't matter as long as he was with Sehun. 

'Thank you, Sehun. Really, thank you.'

»»»» fast forward

'What? How? When?' Were Luhan's first words when he saw both of them together. 

Both Jongin and Sehun laughed at the face he was pulling, while Luhan pouted and whined childishly before giving them a soft look and a small smile. 

'Well, just make sure to talk from now on. I don't want this story to repeat itself.' He finished with a glare that didn't quite seem like one. 

_________________

A/N

Hii everyone! :D here i come with the sequel (or more like an epilogue) after sooooo long ><

i'm sorry it had taken me so much time to post this but i've been going throught different problems irl so yeah >< i hope you do enjoy it and that it's good enough :>

sorry if there still are typos.. i swear no matter how much i look over it, there will still pop a few in the way /sighs/

but yeah, leaving now haha just hope you enjoy ^^ 

bye bye~~