zero   .

Jongin kept remembering.

(One last time.)

 

one   .

Jongin had been in the old shop situated right in the city's heart for quite a long time. Despite being in the center of it all, there weren't many people who stopped by to enter the shop anymore.

A long time ago it used to be really popular. Young couples, families and all kind of people came by and entered. They kept on looking over every little detail of the shop, their eyes memorizing everything. 

Back then Jongin used to be a popular object of the shop. Everyone was mesmerized by his beauty. Kids and even adults stopped by to look at him. He used to be happy. It was before Jongin understood, though, that their love towards him only lasted for a few minutes while they were in the shop. Once out, they completely forgot everything related to him. 

Jongin got used to it over time. Everlasting love wasn't present anymore. It never existed to begin with. Jongin was a hopeless little doll who believed in every fairy tale that he got to listen on some occasions. 

He did, however, get out of his little world after some time. 

It was about the time the shop stopped being as popular as it used to be. The man that had been running the shop was getting old. The shop wasn't what it used to be either. Everything began to lose their initial sparkle. There was only one thing that was just as brilliant as the first day, Jongin, who had been a resident for five long years. 

He still remembered the first day he had arrived. His creator, who at first had loved him more than anything else, had begun to hate him. The Jongin at that time didn't understand what he had done wrong. The him from the present does though. He also understands more about himself and the reason he isn't quite like everyone else.

 

two   .

Christmas was around the corner and, as always, Jongin was sitting in his usual place inside the little shop. He kept on watching how everyone ran here and there doing last preparations. 

He was envious of the people outside the glass window that separated him from the outside world. How he would have loved to be out there in the middle of everything. Looking up at sky and see how the snowflakes fell and landed on the ground making way to an endless white street. Jongin died to know what it would feel like to have the snow reach him and fall over his body. To feel the cold temperature outside and have his cheeks become a rosy pink. To have his eyelashes flutter because of the unforgiving night's breeze.

He longed for so many things to happen. But mostly for someone who could come and love him despite what he truly was. 

His wish seemed impossible to accomplish though so Jongin had given up on waiting for someone who would never come. 

What he didn't know was that that Christmas would be different from the other five Christmas he had been having. 

His surprise came in the name of a little boy called Sehun. 

The day started as it always would. The old man came, opened the shop and waited. There were only a handful of people that came in (and just because they were already desperate from not finding what they needed). 

After that, night time arrived and Jongin was still sitting in his usual place. Watching and longing. 

Right before closing time, a family had entered the shop. With them a young and excited kid had barged in, jumping in joy (why? Jongin didn't quite understand). The young boy's parents started to talk with the old man while the boy kept on looking all over the shop before his eyes fell on Jongin.

Once the boy saw him, his smile grew impossibly large. He advanced towards the doll, inspecting it carefully and once close enough, the boy grabbed Jongin and brought it towards his chest, hugging it closely. 

When the boy's parents saw what their son had in his hands, they scolded him and told him he should never touch what it's not his. The boy pouted, telling his parents that he wanted to keep the doll. 

At first his parents seemed reluctant but in the end gave up after hearing the old man's words.

"Young boy, that doll is very special. I will give it to you if you promise to take good care of it." 

The boy smiled widely before nodding his head. "I promise!"

The old man smiled too and bid goodbye to the family after they had given him their thanks. 

Once they were out of sight, the man sighed and hoped the doll would be alright.

 

three   .

Never in his life would have Jongin thought that his dreams of living as excited and joyful as he was being would ever come true, but they did and that was all thanks to the most special person he had ever meet, Sehun.

Up until then, Sehun had always brought him everywhere. It seemed the boy had become really attached to the doll and he would never let Jongin down. 

There was a moment, after he brought the doll, in which Sehun was about to change the doll's name. That was before he realized the doll had its own name engraved in the robes. 

(The family had arrived home from their little promenade. Sehun had entered the house excitedly and sat down on the sofa. 

His parents kept on watching him from the kitchen as he talked and played with the doll. 

"Hmm.. What name should I put you?" The boy kept on thinking but nothing came to mind. 

After a while, he decided to give up and just inspect the doll further. 

It wasn't before Sehun looked at the doll's robe that he saw that at the end there was something written. 

He looked carefully and read out loud what it said.

"Jong.. Jongin!" He smiled widely after that. "So that's your name?" He nodded to himself. "I really like it. And this way I won't have to find one for you.")

▶

All in all, Sehun did everything with Jongin and that made the doll happy because he could feel Sehun's love towards him. 

There was a time in which Sehun had refused to go to school because his mother wouldn't let him go with his doll. 

Jongin's heart fluttered every time he remembered that moment. 

("No, no, no, no! I don't want to!" 

Ever since Sehun had woken up, he had refused to go to school when his mother had informed him that Jongin would stay home.

His mother sighed for the nth time that day. She had though her son would understand that he had to leave the doll home but it seemed mission impossible in that moment. 

She was actually going to give up when Sehun's dad appeared. 

He went to Sehun and crouched down to his level, speaking softly to him. 

"Sehun, that doll is very special. If you bring it to school many people would want to touch it. Would you like for everyone to start taking your doll?"

Sehun shook his head and his dad smiled. 

"Exactly, so let the doll home. Jongin will be here by the time you come home, okay?" 

Sehun seemed to think about it for a while but in the end nodded since he didn't want anyone else playing with his doll.)

▶

A year after becoming part of Sehun's family Jongin decided to maybe tell him about his condition. 

He knew Sehun loved him a lot and he thought that maybe the boy would accept him and not start to hate him. 

(Sehun had been playing in his room as he always did. Jongin was right by his side, sitting on the floor with his back touching Sehun's tight. 

Sehun had arrived home from school and, once in the house, he ran to his room to retrieve his doll, telling Jongin how much he had missed him and how he would love to bring him to school. Sehun understood that he couldn't though so he didn't fuss about it anymore. 

When he finished his homework, he started to play with Jongin and his other toys. 

For a while, everything was in order but after a while, when Sehun looked down to his right where his doll should have been, he didn't see it there. 

He began to panic, thinking about what could have happened before something caught his eyes. 

He looked up and saw his doll next to the bed's leg. The doll was standing in his two feet.

Sehun kept on looking, surprised by such event, and, at the same time, the doll began to move and advance towards him. Sehun's puzzlement, however, didn't last very long before the widest smile Jongin had ever seen made its way to Sehun's face.

Sehun was happy, beyond happy. His doll was alive and that could only mean one thing: now he had someone with whom he could play every day and he wouldn't have to do it alone.

When the doll had arrived in front of Sehun, the later picked him up in his arms.

"Jongin, Jongin, Jongin! You're alive!" The doll nodded his head, happy that this hadn't ended as he first had expected. The fact that Sehun had accepted him made him incredibly joyful.

"Can you talk too?" Sehun asked as he looked carefully at the doll. It didn't matter though; he was content with just his doll moving.

"I can." The doll smiled while Sehun began to laugh and hug Jongin again.

Sehun, ever since the first time, had fallen in love with his doll. His doll was beautiful and always kept him company no matter what. Jongin was his best friend.

Sehun knew, however, that Jongin hadn't been alive but he didn't care because while he had friends at his school, they were never always with him as Jongin.

Jongin listened to him, played with him, slept with him. He was there, always and forever.   

Knowing that Jongin was alive had Sehun jumping up and down all over the house. 

He had gone to his mother, telling her the news. 

She, of course, didn't believe him but let him be and gave in to Sehun's fantasy. She had thought that with time this would stop and Sehun would forget about the doll. 

How wrong was she.)

▶

From then on, Sehun and Jongin had been inseparable. That only in the comfort of Sehun's room, of course. Sehun didn't want another episode of what had happened when he was eight years old. 

He wanted to burry that memory and keep it locked inside his heart forever. 

(The day started fairly okay. Sehun woke up, went to school and then came home. 

Nothing wrong until then. 

Everything went wrong when his dad had arrived home and the three of them had started having dinner. His doll was with him in his arms.

It all started innocently enough. His parents were talking like they always did and he too told them things about school.

But the nice and relaxed atmosphere didn't last long.

Sehun's parents started to talk about his doll. He answered their questions happily, thinking that his parents believed him and everything was okay.

Sehun understood, a while after, that it wasn't like that.

At his answers, his parents frown became more prominent. He didn't notice though.

"Sehun stop talking about your doll as if he was alive." His mother had told him.

Sehun's smile fell as he looked up and meet his mother's piercing eyes.

"But he is alive! He talks too and walks." Sehun tried to make them understand, to make them see he wasn't wrong. It didn't work in the end.

"Stop!" His father shouted. He never had done that to him before. Sehun looked at him and his eyes started to get watery. "If you don't stop with your fantasy now, I will personally take that doll and destroy it."

Sehun wiped the tears that had begun to make their way down his face. He looked at his father and sent him a glare, bringing Jongin closer to his chest as a form of comfort. 

"Don't! Jongin is my friend!" 

His father's face become red from anger as he stood up from his chair, took his doll and went out of the house. 

When the door close, Sehun began to cry, cry, cry. He didn't stop, couldn't. He kept on crying and ran to his room, locking the door behind him. 

He never went out of it. He kept on being in the room and it wasn't until two days had passed that his mother knocked on the door and told him she had something to give him. 

Sehun didn't believe her because he thought she was doing this to make him come out. 

His mother waited and when she saw that Sehun wouldn't come out she told him what he had to give him. 

"Sehun, Jongin is here with me. I will give him to you, okay? Please come out." 

At the mention of his doll, Sehun got up from bed and walked to the door. He didn't open it though because he still didn't know if his mother was telling the truth.

"Are you lying to me?" His mother laughed and he furrowed his eyebrows. 

"I'm not." She thought for a minute. "Let's do something. I will leave the doll in front of the door and I will go, okay?" 

Sehun let out a small okay. 

He waited for a few minutes and then slowly opened the door, looking in every direction for a sign that his mother was still there. 

Once he looked at the floor, however, and saw his doll, he slammed the door wide open, running to Jongin and hugging him. 

His parents looked at their son from a distance. They had thought that they were doing the best for Sehun since he couldn't go on forever thinking that his doll was alive. That's why they had left Sehun alone but since the boy didn't come out they started to worry thus bringing Jongin back. However, it seemed that something did change since Sehun didn't talk about his doll as much as before. 

The reason for that was that Jongin, himself, had told Sehun to stop it because it didn't matter if Sehun's parents believed Sehun or not as long as they were together.

Sehun agreed and since then, never once had he talked about Jongin as if he was real. 

When they were in Sehun's room, however, it was another story.)

▶

From that day, everything went on smoothly. They had to be careful though because they didn't want Sehun's parents to know anything. 

Jongin still remembered one night when Sehun was having a high fever and had to stay home that day. 

He was glad he was able to be with Sehun in such moments. 

(Not long after the incident with Jongin being taken away, Sehun had caught a fever. 

Sehun's mother had started fussing over him and called the school to tell them that her son wouldn't be able to go. 

Sehun had remained in bed the whole day, bored out of his mind because his mother kept on coming to check on him and Jongin couldn't walk away from his position. He didn't want to risk being found out. 

Jongin had understood that while Sehun had believed him, Sehun's parents wouldn't even if Jongin was to do anything in front of them. 

They would probably react the same way as his creator and then he would be taken away from Sehun's side. Thus he vowed to be as inconspicuous as possible. 

That night, when Sehun's parents where already asleep, he had started to make his way to Sehun's bed. It took him a while to get on it since he was pretty tiny but in the end he managed somehow. 

While on the bed, he proceeded to sit next to Sehun and see him sleep. He didn't dare move much as he didn't want to disturb the boy's sleep. 

He sat there and just watched, memorizing every little detail of Sehun's face in his memory. 

He was about to reach his hand and touch Sehun's cheek when said boy started to flutter his eyes open. 

Sehun looked confused for a bit before he smiled softly and grabbed the blanket to lift it off the bed slightly beckoning Jongin to come and lie down with him. 

Jongin did as Sehun wanted and as soon as he had lied down, Sehun took him in his arms and gave him a hug, not letting go through the night.

Jongin didn't mind one bit.)

 

four   .

Before Sehun or Jongin knew it, Sehun had already celebrated his twelfth birthday. 

(The day had arrived. The day Jongin has been preparing for had finally arrived. 

Before Sehun or his parents woke up, Jongin had gone to the kitchen and as soundlessly as he could he prepared a small breakfast for Sehun. 

It was not everyday Sehun's birthday so every time he tried to do something for him. 

It was never much but Sehun was more than happy to accept anything his doll gave him. The fact that Jongin tried to do something for him already made him happy so it didn't matter what it was.

Last year had been a letter Jongin wrote a bit clumsily but he kept it nonetheless. It always brought a smile to Sehun's face when he saw it. 

This year seemed to be breakfast in bed. 

Once Jongin finished his task he made his way to Sehun's room. It took a while because the tray he was holding was huge and weighted to much for his little body but he managed in the end. 

The problem manifested when he entered the room and went to Sehun's bed. 

It was already difficult enough when he tried to climb the bed himself but now he had something else he had to put on. 

Jongin made his utmost effort to reach the bed with his arms, even getting on his tiptoes to reach better, and after a bit of difficulty, he had managed to put the tray on the bed. He climbed too right after. 

On the bed, he tugged on the tray to bring it closer to Sehun's sleeping form and once he deemed it close enough, he stopped and sat down next to it, waiting for Sehun to wake up. 

While waiting, he kept admiring Sehun's face as he had done many times before. Jongin just couldn't get enough. He was fascinated by Sehun's face. Why? He himself didn't know. 

Just then Sehun began to stir and open his eyes, rubbing at them for a while to make the sleep go away. It didn't seem to work much though. 

Sehun gave up after a while and looked around his room before his eyes landed on Jongin. He started at his doll for a minute before the later smiled at him and started to speak. 

"Sehun, I made you breakfast." Jongin pointed his hands to the tray. 

Sehun looked at it and what he saw made him chuckle a bit. 

On the tray were a few pancakes from the day before. There was strawberry syrup all over them. There was also a glass of milk and a few fruit chunks in another plate. 

Sehun smiled and looked up in the doll's eyes. 

"Thank you Jongin."

Jongin smiled and swatted Sehun's hand away when he was about to grab the fork to start eating. Sehun looked at Jongin questioningly. 

"I still haven't told you happy birthday." Jongin pouted. 

Sehun started to laugh at how cute his doll was being but stopped when he saw Jongin pouting harder.

"Okay, okay. Go ahead." 

Jongin smiled again and shouted. "Happy birthday Sehun!" He then proceeded to hug Sehun really tight. The later hugged him back and thanked him again. 

He then started to eat his breakfast, letting out a satisfied sound when he finished everything. 

"Hey Jongin, I've always wanted to ask you but don't you have a birthday too?" Sehun asked while moving his head to the side so he could see Jongin better. 

Jongin frowned at the question and looked down at his fingers in his lap. 

"I don't know. I don't remember." He said sadly. 

Sehun scolded himself when he saw Jongin's sad expression and thought about something that could make the other happy again. He thought for a while before an idea made its way on his head. 

"Oh, I know. How about we celebrate your birthday the same day as mine?" Sehun asked smiling happily. 

Jongin looked up surprised, not expecting that in the least. He beamed at Sehun as he nodded. 

Sehun, seeing Jongin's joyful smile, patted himself on the back for the good work. 

And so, from then on both celebrated each other's birthday the same day.)

▶

Weeks, months, years passed by and Sehun and Jongin were still as close as always. 

They always managed to dodge in time whenever Sehun's parents were about to discover something they shouldn't. 

Jongin had been more open with Sehun too. He explained everything that had happened to him to Sehun before he had met the later. 

Sehun was angry that Jongin had to go through so much solitude in his life and promised Jongin to always be there for him. 

(Sehun and Jongin were sitting on Sehun's bed, side by side. Sehun was doing his homework while Jongin kept on watching him. Sehun was fifteen at that time.

Once Sehun had finished everything he rolled over on bed and closed his eyes. 

"Hey Jongin, why do you never tell me anything about yourself? I want to know more." Sehun pouted, thinking about how Jongin knew everything about him but he didn't about the other. 

Jongin looked at him for a moment before averting his gaze elsewhere. He didn't know if he was ready to tell Sehun things about himself but he thought that since Sehun had been with him for so many years, he should at least do this for him. 

"What do you want to know?" 

If Sehun hadn't been listening closely he wouldn't have heard Jongin speak but he did. He sat up on bed and smiled happily. 

"Do you remember the person who made you?" 

Jongin thought about the question for a few minutes before nodding softly, a bitter smile appearing on his face.

"I do remember. He was a good man, young and handsome. He had the most beautiful smile I have ever seen." His smile changed to one of fondness. "He was really kind and really loved me. I loved him a lot too." Jongin paused for a moment, recalling all those memories that had made him so happy in the past. 

Sehun, on the other hand, had mixed feelings. For one, he was happy Jongin had begun to open up and tell him about himself. There was another feeling making him feel something he hadn't felt until then. It was something ugly that made him want to make Jongin forget about everything he had told him. He wanted to wipe away the smile on Jongin face. Only Sehun could make him smile like that. 

Jongin, not noticing the change in Sehun's attitude, continued to tell Sehun more about himself. 

"Everything was going smoothly but I guess happy feelings always end since my creator started to hate me. I didn't understand at that time but I do now. It was because I revealed myself to him, just how I did with you."

Sehun's feelings, once again, changed and now he only wanted for Jongin to come and sit beside him and to hug him really tight. To tell him how everything would be alright and that he would never leave Jongin aside. 

Before Sehun could think anything else, Jongin interrupted his thoughts with his story. 

"He called me a monster and brought me to the shop you took me from. I didn't move anymore from that shop. No one had wanted me. So I waited and waited for someone to come along and take me away. Before I knew it, five years went by and I was still waiting. I guess, though, me waiting for so much paid off since you appeared." Jongin, who had a painful expression on his face the whole time he explained, smiled once his speech involved Sehun. 

Jongin looked up and gave Sehun the most breathtaking smile the later had ever seen. 

Sehun was mesmerized for a moment but soon enough he moved his arms to take Jongin and bring him on his lap. He hugged the doll carefully. 

Jongin was surprised for a moment but smiled and hugged Sehun back. 

"Thank you for taking such good care of me."

Sehun chuckled. "You're most welcome. And don't worry, I will always be beside you." 

Jongin grinned.)

▶

The moment of the truth came and with it new feelings were discovered.  But not both of them thought the same. 

(Jongin was in Sehun's bed as per usual, waiting for Sehun to come home from school. 

Since he didn't have anything to do he just decided to take a nap. Sleep however didn't seem to come so he just sat there. 

While waiting, he kept on thinking about a lot of things but most importantly about Sehun. 

Jongin was so happy he had been with him for the past years. He hadn't felt this happy since his creator but even then, the little happiness vanished as if it was nothing. 

He hoped that the happiness he was feeling in those moments would never go away. 

As he thought, something caught his attention. The little bracelet Sehun had given him in his supposed birthday. 

He had been so happy because it was the first time Sehun had given him anything. Jongin had been treasuring it ever since. 

But that wasn't all. Jongin thought about his feelings too. 

He knew well enough that he loved Sehun the most and more than anyone else. He always would, there was no denying it. 

This was the first time he had fallen in actual love.

With his creator it was different. He had felt admiration, but not the type of love he felt right now. 

Jongin didn't know whether Sehun loved him the same. Of course he could feel that Sehun did love him, but he didn't know what type of love the later felt for him. 

He hoped it was the same type of love at his. Jongin prayed to whoever was up there that it would be the same. 

He longed so much for it, just as he did years ago. 

At the same time, Sehun had been thinking about something similar. The outcome, however, wasn't the same. 

Sehun was having a break between classes and was sitting in his usual place in class when thoughts about Jongin began to invade his mind. 

He remembered that time when Jongin had decided to open up to him and smiled. Soon his smile changed into a frown when he remembered how his feelings had gone crazy in a matter of minutes. 

This wasn't the first time he had been thinking about how he felt but he decided he should make a conclusion. 

The more he thought, the more strange it become. 

Sehun was sure he loved his doll, of course. He had loved Jongin since the beginning because the doll understood him the best and always listened to everything he had to say. Sehun was so grateful for that. 

Jongin had been the most close to his best friend and still is but that was all. 

That time, when Jongin told him about his life, his feelings might have varied because he was furious his most appreciated doll had been so badly hurt emotionally. 

There wasn't anything else to the matter and Jongin was a doll nonetheless so he stopped thinking about it.

Deep down, however, Sehun knew the truth.)

 

five   .

More years came by and Sehun had already become eighteen.

Sehun had started college and had to move to the college's dorms. 

He had brought Jongin with him without thinking twice. 

Fortunately he had a room for himself and didn't get any roommate. 

It didn't really matter to Sehun because he had Jongin with him so he was happy. 

It all was normal until one day, after he finished with all his classes, he had arrived in his room to find a stranger on his bed. 

(Sehun had finished all his classes for the day and was going back to the dorm. 

As he made his way to his room, people with whom he had become friends with started to greet him. He, obviously, greeted them too since he didn't want to seem impolite. 

Without further inconvenient, he arrived at his door room. 

Sehun searched for the key in his backpack and put it in the keyhole, twisting it open. 

What awaited him on the room was not what he was expecting. 

A strange guy was lying on his bed, sleeping peacefully. 

He couldn't see the guy's face as he was still standing in front of the door completely shocked. 

Sehun watched the stranger a bit more before he made his way across the room and stopped right next to the bed. 

The sight that greeted him now was even more shocking than before. 

There, in his bed, lied what he could guess was an older version of his doll. 

The guy had the same sun-kissed skin that his doll strangely had too despite being a porcelain doll. The same chiseled nose, high cheekbones and rosy plump lips. 

Sehun kept admiring the stranger's features for a while and trying to understand what in the world had happened. 

Was this really Jongin? Was he being delirious maybe? Sehun didn't know. 

Deep in thought, Sehun didn't hear Jongin stirring awake. 

The other had fallen asleep unconsciously while waiting for Sehun to come back. 

Looking at his surroundings, Jongin sat up on bed feeling strange and looking at things from a much different perspective. 

Jongin didn't notice Sehun was there until he looked at his right and saw him having a strange look on his face. 

"Sehun what's-" Jongin stopped himself from speaking when a strange voice reached his ears. His eyes widened as he was confused beyond belief. 

Jongin brought a hand to his throat but stopped midway when he noticed how much larger his hand was than normal. 

Sehun, who had been watching the whole time, kept quiet. He was now sure that the guy on his bed was Jongin. But how could it be? Why was the other so... human? 

Still looking at Jongin, Sehun sat down on bed next to the other who was still freaking out about what had happened to him. 

"Hey, do you know what happened to you?" 

Jongin looked up at Sehun, his eyes still as large as before and mouth slightly open. He shook his head since he couldn't find it in himself to say anything. 

Sehun hummed and reached his hand to touch Jongin's cheek. 

"Do you have any idea why this could have happened?" 

Jongin shook his head once again. "I don't... I just remember sitting in bed, waiting for you to come back and I guess I felt asleep but I wasn't like this before." 

Sehun sighed, not really knowing what to do up at this point. It wasn't like he could do anything anyway. He was confused and Jongin seemed to be even more so than him so he decided to let it go. Maybe in the future they would understand what had happened. 

"It's okay. It doesn't matter. We're the same now." 

That, by some strange reason, made Sehun feel happy. The fact that Jongin was now human just like him had his heart jumping in his rib cage. All sort of content feelings filled up his whole being. 

Sehun didn't give it much thought, however. He was happy Jongin wasn't a doll anymore and that they could be normal best friends that could hang out everywhere, he reasoned. 

Jongin, on his part, was feeling strange. 

He was happy because now he was the same as Sehun. They wouldn't have to be careful of anyone finding out Jongin's secret anymore. 

On the other hand, there was something that kept eating his mind. A strange dreading sensation was making its place in his heart. Jongin decided to ignore that for the moment and focus on the fact that he wasn't a doll anymore. 

He smiled happily to himself while Sehun was imagining how their lives would change for the better now.)

▶

Months passed by again and Sehun and Jongin had been leaving more peaceful than ever. They went out together sometimes when Sehun was free from college duties. 

Jongin also began to view things much more differently from before. He even started to pick up on things he liked. 

Dancing was one of them. 

(Jongin had seen Sehun dance countless times before. The later did it for fun when they were home or on the dorms. 

Jongin kept on looking and wanted to try it himself. It didn't work though. His body was too tiny and he always ended up sprawled on the floor. 

He decided that since he couldn't do it, he would just look at Sehun while he practiced sometimes. 

Now that he had a human body, however, he tried mimicking how he remembered Sehun did all those years before. 

At first, he wasn't very good and he ended on the floor more times than not. But Jongin didn't care. He kept on doing it, practicing every day. 

Over time, he became to be much more fluid and smooth with his body to the point where he could move across the floor effortlessly. 

He would always go to Sehun when he learnt something new or when he did something right that at first was hard to do. 

Sehun always watched him when he had the time. 

He had to admit that Jongin danced really well and it wasn't hard for him to take step after step while dancing. 

There was a point in time that Sehun had been a bit jealous since Jongin had achieved a dance move much earlier than he had done. But in the end he gave up on it since Jongin looked content and so beautiful when dancing that Sehun didn't have the heart to take it against him. 

Sometimes, when it was night time, Sehun would take Jongin to one of the college's dance studios and let him dance there.

They were lucky no one had found them because Sehun wasn't sure how to explain what they were doing there in the first place. He just wanted to make Jongin happy, and he did if the smile the other had given him was anything to go by. 

They had been there for hours past midnight. Jongin dancing through the night and Sehun just watching the other move his body from one side to the other in a silent dance. 

There was no music, just Jongin occasionally humming as he kept on moving. 

Sehun was so mesmerized by the other that he didn't even see how much time they had been there.

It didn't matter anyway. 

They had all the time in the world.)

▶

Not everything could go as smoothly as that though. 

Sehun found himself feeling strange. More so than he would like to admit. 

His feelings towards Jongin went on rampage sometimes. 

(Sehun woke up feeling warm and cozy. He didn't dare open his eyes yet. The sun was already up and have it in his eyes wasn't something he wanted to happen. He just laid there in bed. 

Once his head had fallen to the side and he cracked one eye open, he saw a mop of brown hair next to him. 

For a moment he was freaking out but then he remembered that it was just Jongin. The other had a habit of cuddling him every time they were sleeping. 

Sehun didn't care though. Being next to Jongin made him feel really warm and happy inside. 

He moved a bit to the side, causing Jongin to cuddle deeper in his chest. The other's face was so close to Sehun's neck, the later could feel Jongin's slow breathing. 

Sehun brought his free hand, since the other was used as a pillow by Jongin's head, to the other face and caressed Jongin's cheek gently, not wanting to wake him up. 

Before he even had time to think about what he was about to do, Sehun moved his hand and passed his fingers through Jongin's soft hair, mussing it up even more. 

Once he was satisfied he stopped caressing it and put his hand on the other's waist, bringing Jongin closer to his body, before he started to look closely at Jongin's face.

Jongin was gorgeous. Sehun had always known that. 

Even before, when the other was just a doll, he had known too. It was impossible not to see it.

Sehun traced every little detail of Jongin's face with his eyes. The other's flawless tanned skin, sharp jaw line and most importantly, those plump and soft looking lips. 

There were times in which Sehun thought about what it would feel like to kiss Jongin's lips. Where they as soft as they looked?

He always shook his head to get those thoughts out of his head. The other was his most appreciated friend. His best friend and that was it. 

As he kept on looking at Jongin's lips, however, Sehun found himself leaning in. He didn't know what possessed him to do it but before he could back out, he had already kissed Jongin straight on the lips. 

It was for a second, just a mere peck but it ignited a fire in Sehun chest. He still didn't understand why he felt how he felt. 

He didn't dealt on it much either. He kept on telling himself that he was just curious and that was all. 

What he didn't know, though, was that Jongin had been awake the whole time.)

 

six   .

"Good things always come to an end." How true could this quote be.

Not everything has a happy ending and maybe, Jongin's and Sehun's story doesn't either. 

(It had already been a year since Sehun finished collage and was now living on his own. Jongin was living with him too since the other didn't have anywhere to go and Sehun didn't mind it one bit.

Jongin had found a small job as a teacher at a dance academy not very far away from their shared apartment.

The other had insisted he should pay Sehun something since he had always been the one to take care of him. Sehun had tried to convince him that it didn't matter but Jongin could be very stubborn when he wanted.

In the end Sehun gave up and let him be. Jongin looked happy too since he would teach something he really liked to do.

Sehun had started to work too. He was working in a broadcasting company as one of the managers.

Everything seemed to go well for the both of them but Sehun found himself avoiding Jongin more often than not.

It's not that he was feeling any better by doing it but being near the other boy had him feeling all sort of things inside. He was beginning to think that maybe he had gone crazy when a new hope had entered his life. 

To be honest, he had come to understand what his feelings for Jongin were. 

Love. 

And it wasn't just that he loved the other as the good friend he was but as something more. But Sehun was afraid. 

Afraid that Jongin was just with him because Sehun was helping him and because he was grateful for giving him a home. Afraid that the other wouldn't love him the same way and he would reject Sehun. 

Albeit it had been hard but he managed to maintain his feelings in control and treat Jongin as he always did. 

It had worked and, for a few moments, he even thought that he had already buried his feelings deep inside himself. 

How wrong had he been. 

There was once when Sehun arrived home from work, and just wanted to jump in his bed and sleep for a week, to find Jongin with another guy, both laughing and sitting impossible close to each other. It had been so hard for him not to stomp across the room, take Jongin away from the stranger and lock him in a room where no one would be able to see him. 

He was glad he didn't do any of that because after the guy had left Jongin explained to him that he was helping the other get to be with the love of his life. 

Sehun had been so relieved at that time but knew that he had to stop his feeling for Jongin if he wanted their relationship to continue as it had always did. 

Sehun was to the point of wanting to tear his hair out when someone appeared in his life like a blessing. 

Luhan.)

▶

From then on it had become a spiral towards the worst.

(Jongin had been so happy the last few weeks. 

Not only had he somewhere where he could work and help Sehun out a little, but he had made a new friend too. 

He had opened up to the other almost instantly. He didn't quite know why but the guy just made him feel very comfortable and he understood him a lot. 

They had things in common as well. Just like the fact that they were in love with someone who didn't seem to return their love. 

However, his little bubble burst open when he had arrived home one evening from work to find someone with Sehun. 

At first he didn't give it much thought because Sehun had quite a lot of friends. 

Sehun had presented the other as one of his new co-workers and Jongin had introduced himself as well. 

Through dinner, Jongin couldn't help but feeling a bit left out. 

Sehun and Luhan, as he had introduced himself as, kept on talking about things from work that Jongin couldn't really understand. 

As the minutes ticked by, he felt more uncomfortable next to the other two. 

Sehun seemed to be having a lot of fun and smiled a lot too, something he only did when he was with Jongin because Sehun wasn't the type to smile much in general. 

Something ugly began to churn in Jongin's chest as he kept looking at them. 

Luhan, on his part, was a really pretty man. He had flawless white skin, small and pink lips and sparkling eyes. 

If Sehun were to fall for the other, Jongin didn't have the confidence to do anything since he couldn't compare. 

That didn't stop him from feeling beyond jealous. 

Just thinking about the fact that Sehun could stop being by his side made Jongin's heart ache all over and he could feel tears threatening to fall from his eyes. 

He didn't let himself go, however. He had done his utmost effort to keep composed the whole time they had dinner that by the time Luhan was gone, he went to the bathroom and locked himself inside. 

Sehun had seemed to be concerned about him as he kept on knocking softly and asking him whether he was okay or not. 

Jongin managed to let out a small okay before the tears he had kept inside overflowed and he couldn't stop himself from crying. 

Later that night, after Sehun had already went to bed, Jongin walked out of the bathroom, his eyes red and puffy. He made his way towards Sehun's bedroom and let himself in. 

He stopped by the bed and looked at Sehun as he slept for a few minutes before he got in too and laid himself next to the other. 

He didn't expect for Sehun to cradle him in his arms and hug him but Jongin didn't mind.)

 

seven   .

Jongin and Sehun had never been the same again.

Jongin kept to himself and Sehun was too ignorant to see what he had right in front of his eyes. 

(It was the start of another day. 

Jongin woke up engulfed in warmth. He changed his position a bit only to find himself face to face with a neck. 

He looked up and saw Sehun's face, still asleep. 

Jongin had been the one avoiding Sehun this time around. 

Whenever the other was in a room, Jongin would never fail to find something else he had forgotten to do. 

Sehun had become a bit frustrated but never gave it much though because it was nothing new for them. Sehun himself had avoided Jongin plenty of times with work related excuses.

He missed his best friend though just as much as Jongin missed him but the other was too hurt to actually face him. 

Strangely, they never failed to sleep in the same room and bed. Maybe it was the habit of always doing it like that, or maybe it was because they just had a limit on how much they could keep avoiding each other. 

Neither knew, and Jongin was the most confused between the two. 

He didn't understand why they had to be like that. Why they couldn't just be like they used to be a few years ago.

Just as Jongin kept on pondering, Sehun woke up and, once he had focused enough, he looked down to find Jongin there in his arms. 

He smiled a bit to himself before noticing the frown on the other's face and how he didn't notice that Sehun had woken up. 

"Good morning." Sehun let out, voice still groggy from sleeping. 

Jongin eyes shot open at his voice and his frown disappeared only to be replaced by a blank face. 

"Morning." 

Jongin was about to get out of Sehun's grip and out of the bed when Sehun tightened his hold on him. 

He frowned again and looked at Sehun. 

"Let go." 

When Jongin saw Sehun wasn't going to let him go anytime soon he began to trash around in the other's grip. 

Sehun was the one to frown this time, looking beyond displeased. 

"Can you stop moving for a moment?" 

Jongin didn't listen and just kept on trying to free himself. Sehun, having had enough, grabbed Jongin's head and brought him close to his own, Jongin's nose touching his own. 

Jongin's eyes widened as he found himself looking into Sehun's own. 

"Oh, you finally stopped." Sehun smiled cheekily while Jongin's cheeks began to flush a rosy color.

Sehun stopped smiling as he kept on looking at Jongin, the other avoiding his gaze. 

"Why won't you look at me? Did I do something to make you angry?" Sehun asked Jongin softly, noting how the other's eyes looked up at him, frantically trying to explain himself. 

"Of course not. It's just..." 

Jongin mumbled something out but Sehun didn't quite get it. 

"What did you say? I didn't hear you." 

Jongin avoided his eyes again. "Never mind." 

Sehun wasn't letting it go yet. "No, tell me. I want to know." But Jongin just shook his head and started to try to get out of Sehun's grip once again. 

The other wasn't going to back down though so he started tickling Jongin's side childishly, trying to get the information out of him. Jongin started to squirm and laugh loudly. It hadn't been even a minute before Jongin spilled out whatever it was that he didn't want to tell Sehun. 

Sehun was shocked to say the least as Jongin told him that he got embarrassed every time Sehun looked at him. 

His shock didn't last long before he found himself smiling stupidly. He didn't want to admit it but it made him insanely happy to know that Jongin maybe felt something for him but he didn't dwell much on it. 

Sehun knew Jongin was just his friend. 

Not knowing what to do or say, Sehun tickled Jongin a bit more before they both went out of bed. 

Sehun's heart weighing much more than before.)

▶

Maybe it was his imagination but Jongin sometimes felt his heart break little by little.

To be honest, there were times that Jongin wanted to go back to being a doll. Not the one he had been before but just a mere doll that wouldn't move, wouldn't think, wouldn't love.

A doll, nothing more, nothing less.

(Jongin had went to work as he did every day. 

He had arrived home earlier than usual though, since his boss gave him the afternoon free.

He was happy since he knew Sehun had the day off and maybe they could do something together like the old days when they would go out around town, doing nothing at all. Just walking and occasionally stopping by to buy something to eat to satisfy their growling stomachs. 

At that time it had been just the two of them and the world. 

Now everything changed. 

Sehun was more with his co-worker than with him. Jongin himself had been going out more with his colleagues from work rather than with Sehun. 

It was like they had their own lives now and it wasn't one anymore. 

Jongin didn't like it one bit, that's why he wanted to do something with Sehun that day. 

To his utter disappointment, Sehun seemed to think otherwise. 

As he arrived home, feeling quite happy with himself, he pulled out his shoes and bounced his way towards the living room only to stop on his track at the sight that greeted him. 

There, on the couch, were Sehun and Luhan, cuddled up together and with a blanket draped over both their bodies. 

Luhan's head was resting on Sehun's shoulder as they watched some show on TV. A smile present on both their faces. 

Jongin couldn't stop watching even when he wanted to. His body didn't seem to want to listen to his commands in that moment. 

It wasn't until Sehun had noticed his presence and asked him what he was doing did he regain some control over himself. 

"My boss gave me the afternoon off." 

Sehun smiled. "Oh, that's good then. Do you want to watch this show with us?" 

Jongin contemplated for a moment before shaking his head, not wanting his heart to take in more than he couldn't handle. 

"I've already made plans." Lies. He couldn't bring himself to tell Sehun the truth no matter what. 

Sehun's smile fell a bit before he composed himself. 

"I see. Have fun then." 

Jongin didn't say anything else just nodding in their general direction before dashing out the door. 

He went to his only other friend, Beakhyun, the guy with whom he had become good friends at work. 

Since the other already knew about his feelings towards Sehun, he could let himself go. 

He run all the way to the other's house, panting by the time he arrived. 

Jongin knocked on the door hoping the other was home because he didn't know what to do with himself in the moment. 

After a few minutes, the door opened and Beakhyun appeared on the other side. Jongin didn't waste any second and launched himself forward in his friend's embrace, crying his heart out. 

Beakhyun was surprised for a moment before he sighed, closing the door behind Jongin and hugging him. 

"Did something happen with Sehun?" He asked as he rubbed comforting circles on Jongin's back. 

Jongin continued to sob for a while before he calmed down a bit and nodded. 

Beakhyun let go of him and wiped his tears. 

"Do you want to stay at my house today?" 

Jongin thought for a bit whether to take the other's offer or not but decided that it wouldn't hurt to be with Beakhyun. It wasn't like he could look Sehun in the face anyway. 

Beakhyun smiled and brought Jongin to his room. 

They ended up cuddling all night, Jongin ignoring his phone as it kept on vibrating.)

▶

The spiral Sehun and Jongin were on didn't let them see each other. 

It was as if fate wanted it to be that way because while one was crying, the other hurt just as much. 

(Sehun and Luhan had decided to stay home on their day off. 

Tired of all the work they had to do every day, they decided that having a quiet and relaxing afternoon would be the best option since they needed the rest. 

Thinking that Jongin would be at work until late, Sehun had invited Luhan over at his house, the later accepting. 

As soon as they had seated themselves on the couch, Luhan asked Sehun if he had any blanket since he felt rather cold. 

Sehun nodded and went to his room to retrieve said blanket. He came back and gave it to Luhan, the other thanking him. 

Without Sehun noticing, it seemed that they both ended under it and much closer than Sehun would have liked but he decided that it wasn't so bad and let it be. 

Deeply into the show they watched, neither of them heard the door being opened. It wasn't until Sehun had the sensation that someone was watching him did he notice Jongin had arrived home. 

He was surprised to see the other home so early so he asked Jongin why he was home. 

The answer Jongin gave him made him smile and he invited the other to stay with him and Luhan. 

Jongin's answer, this time, disappointed him a bit but he didn't let it show. 

"I've already made plans." 

It sounded kind of cold, in Sehun's opinion, the way Jongin said it but he didn't have the time to think about it before Jongin was already gone. 

He was still looking where Jongin was a few minutes ago until Luhan brought him back from his dazed state. 

He smiled sheepishly at the other and brought his focus back on the show. 

They didn't talk anything else anymore. Not until it had already become dark outside and Luhan had asked him if he could stay the night. 

Sehun didn't know what to do. There was only one room in this apartment because Jongin and Sehun had always slept together on the same bed and they found it useless to buy one with more than one room. 

If Sehun let Luhan stay, the later would start to question his relationship with Jongin since he told Luhan that they were best friends which was true but maybe he found it weird. 

Sehun was having a mental breakdown when his phone started to vibrate in his pocket. 

He fished it out and looked at the message he had received. 

No matter how much he looked at it though, he couldn't believe what was written in it. 

'I'm not coming home.'

That's what Jongin had sent him. 

Sehun vision began to spin thinking about why the other wouldn't come home. Where else would he go anyway? 

It wasn't like Jongin had many friends. 

After a bit of pondering over what he should do, he decided to call Jongin. 

Jongin didn't answer him though and that just made Sehun more confused. 

What if something had happened to the other and he was in danger? 

Sehun knew that he may have been exaggerating a bit but this hadn't happened before. 

They had always been together. Never once going out of their usual routine. 

He politely told Luhan he couldn't let him stay. The other was a bit shocked by Sehun's answer but let it go. If he had noticed something wrong, Luhan didn't say anything. He smiled and bid Sehun goodbye. 

Once Luhan had left, Sehun grabbed his phone again and kept on calling Jongin but he never picked it up. 

Albeit reluctantly, Sehun stopped calling and decided to take a seat on the couch. 

He never made it out of it as he fell asleep waiting for Jongin in case the other decided to come home in the end.

Jongin never made it home though. He did arrive in the morning, however.

What he didn't expect is to see Sehun on the couch all alone. Jongin had thought the other would have let Luhan stay the night and sleep with him in his bed.

Jongin was happy but he couldn't let that happiness overweight everything else he was feeling at the moment. 

He went it slowly towards the bathroom to take a shower and when he was about to enter a hand on his wrist stopped all movement.

Jongin looked over his shoulder and saw Sehun glaring at him. 

"Why didn't you come home yesterday?" 

Jongin was surprised by Sehun's reaction and couldn't comprehend why the other was acting this way. 

"I was with a friend. Why did you call me so many times anyway?" 

"Because I was worried, of course!" 

Sehun was getting angrier by the moment and he couldn't stop himself. 

"I thought I sent you a message. There was no need to fuss so much over it." 

Said that, Jongin freed himself from Sehun's grip and entered the bathroom. 

Sehun was left looking at his retreating back feeling completely lost while Jongin convinced himself that Sehun's concern was just because they were friends.)

 

eight   .

As stupid as they could be, Jongin and Sehun continued to hurt one another without even knowing it.

There was only a problem. 

'Different' types of love broke one's heart, quite literally. 

(Sehun was mad, furious and all different types of ugly feelings. 

The fact that Jongin was brushing him off was making him want to shake the other until he understood that he shouldn't be doing this to him. 

But that was being an hypocrite and Sehun remained himself that Jongin could do whatever with whoever he wanted because he and Sehun were nothing else but friends.

With renewed resolution, Sehun decided that he should completely forget about Jongin and maybe start something new with Luhan. 

It wasn't like he didn't like the other. Quite the contrary. Luhan was a good company, he was funny and comfortable to be around with. 

But his love towards Jongin didn't quite let him go to more with Luhan. He wasn't about to give up however. 

It didn't matter how much time it took. He would definitely give it a try. 

Having set his mind, Sehun arrived at work and went straight to the other's office. 

Sehun knocked softly and went in when Luhan's light voice reached his ears. 

"Hey." Sehun said as he made his way in and seated himself in one of the chairs in front of Luhan's desk.

"Hey." The other smiled at him. 

"I'm not sure if this will sound right or if I'm being to straightforward but I quite like you so I was asking myself if you would go out with me." 

Sehun became a bit flustered after he finished speaking. Why? He couldn't quite understand but maybe his feelings for the other were more than he had first thought. 

Luhan's eyes widened and he looked at Sehun in shock. 

"What? Wait, wait! Aren't you and Jongin together?"

Sehun chocked on his own spit at Luhan's question. 

"What? Why would you think that? Didn't I already say we are only friends?"

Luhan tilted his head to his right and rested his elbows on the desk in front of him. 

"Well it didn't seem like you were friends to me."

Sehun furrowed his eyebrows, not sure where the other wanted to go with this. 

"What do you mean?"

"Well for one the way you reacted the other time when you received a message from him wasn't how a normal friend would react." 

Sehun was about to sputter out his explanation when Luhan stopped him with his hand. 

"I haven't finished."

Sehun sighed and he reclined on the chair. 

"The way Jongin looks at you is another fact. Though I have a feeling you don't even notice."

Confused by Luhan's words, Sehun looked at him with a funny look. 

"The way Jongin looks at me? What do you mean? I'm just a friend to him."

Luhan's expression turned into one of disbelief. 

"Are you serious? It's obvious you aren't just a friend to him. Have you actually really looked at him even once?"

"Of course I have. He just .. " Sehun sighed before he tried again to explain. "I'm just a savior to him. Someone he looks up to, I guess. He's just grateful to me, nothing else." 

Luhan raised an eyebrow. "Well, I'm not sure what it is that you helped him with but I'm still not convinced." Sehun huffed. "Let's stop talking about this and go with my initial question."

Luhan sighed to, not sure what to make out of this. He liked Sehun, of course. It was obvious Sehun didn't like him, or at least not the way he wanted to, but he could try. 

"Okay, I will go out with you. Don't regret this later." He smiled while looking at Sehun while the other frowned at him. 

"I won't." 

Luhan laughed.)

▶

It stopped being just the two of them a long time ago but the way things were playing in that moment seemed much worse than in the beginning. 

While one had started a new life, the other remained in the past. Trying to understand when everything went wrong and downhill. 

There wasn't anything he could do anyway. Love is a tricky feeling. 

(Sehun's and Luhan's relationship was going smoothly. 

Sehun had started to like the other even more so after many of their dates. 

It didn't hurt as much to think about Jongin anymore and the other seemed to go on with his life as well. 

All in all, Sehun was feeling all sort of happy for the outcome. 

Jongin, on the other hand, was breaking little by little. 

Evening after evening he had to come home to Sehun and Luhan cuddling on the sofa, having dinner and feeding each other and all sort of other little details that made his heart ache to no end. 

Jongin endured every one of them though because he couldn't do anything else. Luhan was pretty, intelligent and had a good job. 

Jongin didn't have anything of the sort. He had a job but it wasn't all that much. He wasn't very good looking either. And it wasn't like he had studied either so he was completely clueless in a lot of ways. 

Every day he arrived and saw the other two together he would go to Sehun's bedroom and stay there until Luhan went home or they went in as well. 

Lately, Luhan stayed the night a lot so he couldn't sleep on the bed. Not that he did most of the time. 

Ever since the day Jongin had stayed out at night, he and Sehun didn't share the bed anymore. 

Jongin usually cramped his body on the couch and sometimes he made himself a 'bed' on the floor. 

There was once, after he arrived home later than normal because he had to take Beakhyun's shift as well, that he found himself face to face with Sehun and Luhan sleeping and cuddling in Sehun's bed. 

At that time, he quickly gathered some of his clothes and run to the bathroom where he cried, cried, cried until there weren't any more tears to cry. 

There were other times when he was out to buy something or going to his job that he saw them. Luhan and Sehun on the street, holding hands and laughing together. 

In those times he had to be strong since he couldn't break down and cry in the middle of the street. 

Sometimes, Jongin felt as if his heart stopped for a moment and wouldn't go back to working again. 

That time would stop for him.)

▶

As the days kept on passing, Jongin felt as if he was losing himself. 

Sometimes it was like he went back to being a doll, the doll he was years ago. Naive and still full of hope and not the broken one he was in the moment. 

How he wished he had never gone out of that shop. To stay behind the glass and see things from there.

At least then he wouldn't feel the pain he was feeling. 

(The breaking point arrived one night when Jongin had arrived home and crashed into the couch without even thinking twice about it. 

He still had to eat and take a bath but his limbs weren't listening to him and his body hurt so much. 

For the past weeks he had been working twice as much. He needed something to distract himself with and stop thinking about Sehun and Luhan who had a life of their own. 

But it seemed that he had pushed himself too hard as he couldn't even lift himself up. 

That's why he hadn't heard the little noises coming from Sehun's room. 

He did after a while though as one particular sound come out louder than expected. 

He froze on the couch, every part of his body not listening to him and continued hearing until he couldn't take it anymore. 

Sehun had already forgotten about him. They barely talked anymore and even though Jongin could still feel a bit of love, it was disappearing. 

So, with the little force he still had, he got up from the couch and dashed off towards the door, closing it behind him with more force than intended. 

He started to run as much as he could in his condition until he arrived in front of the only place he could have thought off. 

Beakhyun's house.)

▶

There were no more late at night conversations. No more days going out to do everything and nothing all at the same time. No more little details on each other's birthday. No more cuddling in bed while sleeping. 

Nothing. 

(Sehun felt a bit bad about the night were Jongin must have heard his and Luhan's little session. 

He should have at least sent the other a message to stay out and not come home but a part of himself, the selfish one, had wanted Jongin to hear, to know, to feel. 

But nothing changed. They were as far away as before if not more. 

Jongin was being awkward with him, avoiding his eyes and his whole being in general. 

That morning seemed to be even worse than normal and Jongin didn't look very good either. 

Sehun had insisted to stay home in case something happened but Jongin brushed him off and said he would invite a friend over and that Sehun shouldn't worry. 

Sehun frowned when he heard that because they always took care of each other but things between them seemed to be too ed up to actually try to be as they had been years before. 

He didn't expect the sight before him when he had decided to come home a bit earlier because he was feeling worried. 

Not at all.)

▶

Jongin had always dreamed about a happy ending for himself, next to someone who wouldn't mind him being a doll and that would take care of him. 

He thought he had achieved that dream years ago but fate didn't seem to think the same. 

(Jongin was home feeling beyond exhausted. 

His whole body was protesting even with the smallest change in position. 

He was sitting on the kitchen, trying to write a letter to Sehun. Why? He didn't know, he just felt like doing it. 

The inspiration didn't seem to come, however and he decided to put anything that came to mind no matter if it made sense or not. 

He hadn't known how to write when he was younger but Sehun had taught him when he was free. Not only that but Sehun always told him every little thing he learned at school that Jongin stored everything in his mind. 

It come in handy sometimes and he was glad he had listened properly. 

And here he was in this moment, thinking about Sehun and pouring out his feelings in the letter. 

No matter how much he wanted to tell Sehun face to face, Jongin didn't think he had the guts to do so.)

▶

Sehun didn't want everything to end like that. 

He had thought he was doing his best. That things had to be like this and not another way. 

He hadn't meant to destroy anything. 

(The sight before him had him shocked beyond belief. 

He had gone home thinking about having a talk with Jongin and maybe try to make things better between them. 

What greeted him was regret, like an old friend. 

There, in the middle of the living room, lied his most appreciated being, Jongin. 

He wasn't human anymore; he had gone back to being the flawless doll he had once been. 

There was only a problem. He wasn't complete anymore. 

Right where the heart should have been, there was nothing. It was void and broken into the tiniest pieces Sehun had ever seen. 

Sehun walked towards the doll with wobbling legs that gave up on holding him up as he fell on his knees. 

With trembling hands, Sehun reached his right to caress Jongin's face that was as perfect as the first time he had seen him. 

It looked at him mockingly, almost tauntingly. It was as if this was made intentionally for Sehun to see his blank face while his heart was driven to the point of breaking and it was his entire fault. 

Maybe if he had been more daring and not decided everything for himself this wouldn't have happened. 

Sehun should have looked better at what he had in front of him and not giving it his back.

Luhan had been so right. Yet he didn't see it in the least.

Warm tears made their way down Sehun's cheeks. 

He picked Jongin up as carefully as he could and brought him to his chest, not moving and sobbing until he couldn't anymore. 

'I'm sorry.' was the only thing Sehun could say. Not only because he hadn't seen Jongin hurting but also because he hadn't kept his promise of never leaving Jongin aside.

 

nine   .

Dear Sehun, 

I'm writing this letter because I'm not brave enough to say this to your face.

I'm really grateful to you for everything you've given me. 

A home where I could stay in. All the memories we shared together. The happiness to be alive and to know that I'm not alone anymore and that someone is there for me. 

I've been the happiest by your side. You've taught me so many things. How to write, everything about the world. You explained everything so well that I never forgot anything you've told me before. 

You also gave me the love no one had given me before. 

Every day I woke up feeling all kind of content inside knowing you were there for me. 

You also taught me how to love someone more than anyone else. 

Up until I meet you, I had never experienced what it was to truly love someone. 

That feeling made me feel happy inside. Because it didn't really matter to me as long as I could continue to love you as much as I do even now. 

I could never stop loving you, no even if I tried. 

It's like you engraved your own name in my heart and every time I wanted it to stop it remained me that you were still there and it hurt. 

Because it hurt. And there where times I wished I wouldn't have meet you. And other times where all I wanted is for me to be a mere doll and not one that could feel.

It doesn't matter however. 

No matter what happens to me I wish you happiness. 

I thought that I could be the one to give it to you because for a moment I thought that you loved me too. I guess you didn't know that I was awake that time when you kissed me.

But I was wrong and I wish you and Luhan continue being together and having a blissful life. 

I'm sorry that we had to distance ourselves one from the other. I had never wanted it to happen and I'm not sure when everything began to go so wrong but it doesn't matter because this is how it should be. 

Thank you again for everything and I'm sorry for everything. 

I love you,

Jongin. 

 

ten   .

Jongin was wrong, however. 

Things shouldn't have been like that.

(Jongin woke up feeling disoriented. 

He blinked a few times, trying to adjust to the sun that didn't let him see anything at the moment. 

As he looked around the room he was in, he noticed that he didn't recognize it. 

He wasn't even sure what had happened to him. He remembered everything though. 

The intense pain he felt as he thought his heart would go out of his chest. It wasn't so far from reality. 

Jongin's thoughts were interrupted when the door opened and revealed the one he wanted to see the most. 

Sehun.)

 

 

 

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A/N

OMG I FINALLY FINISHED THIS! OTL

Hey everyone lol so here it is.. 

I could finally finish this oneshot.. I seriously thought that I wouldn't finished it for a moment since it took forever -_-

I have to say that I actually wrote two versions for this OTL but because I didn't like the first one so I wrote another which is the one I'm pesenting to you xD

Anyway I hope you enjoy this 12.2k piece of my sekai feelings lol

I will also look over it again later today in case there are still any typos or errors xD

Enjoy and don't forget to comment and tell me your toughts ^^ 

Bye bye ~