“Unnie, please don’t tell me you’re writing a letter again,” the little brat said as she dropped flat on my bed. She has her own room, but for some reason, she always hangs out in mine.

“It’s none of your business,” I ignored her and kept focus on writing the letter. I have to write it neat or else I will have to start all over again.

“You don’t even give it to him. You’re wasting ink and paper. Stop killing trees,” she tried to peek over my shoulder to read, but I covered the letter with a book. “You know that I read everything since you keep all of your letters in that drawer right?”

“What?! You brat, come here!” I tried to grab her, but she slipped away. She barely made it out of the room when she ran into my mom and got yelled at.

“Karma,” I whispered under my breath and closed the door, making sure that the door is locked this time. I sighed as I went back to my desk and look at the letter. I have been writing love letters, but I never gave it to the person I like. I just never had the guts to go up to him and give it…I mean he doesn’t know that I exist. For the past few years, I have been watching him from far away. There are a few times that we happened to be in the same class and had projects together, but I never dared to talk to him. I wish I can be strong like other girls and just confess. Easy to say, but hard to do.

“You should confess since the day after tomorrow is Christmas,” the brat shouted before running to her room. I curse under my breath; I hope my parents didn’t hear that. Doesn’t she have anything better to do? I ripped up the letter since she ruined my mood. I already have too many in the drawer.

“Dinner is ready,” my mom called from downstairs. I locked the drawer before heading downstairs. I heard footsteps behind me and of course it belongs to the little brat.

"You should give him the letters on Christmas. It's more romantic."

"I'm not giving anything to him. I don't even talk to him," I said honestly as I ignored her whining about me being a chicken and help my mom with setting up the table.

"Oh we're missing the hot chocolates, can you run to the convenient store really quick?" my mom gave me some money. It’s cold outside so I grabbed a jacket. The jacket didn't give me as much warmth as I thought. I shivered due to the cold wind and tried to walk as fast as I can. The moment I reached the warm convenient store, it felt like heaven. I quickly grab the hot chocolates and place them on the counter. The store is empty and the cashier is nowhere to be found. I look around the store. The Christmas tree is filled with decorations and beautiful lights. That's when it hit me that two more days will be Christmas. The store is totally empty, I guess people are home eating with their families. I heard the employees' door open and close.

"Is the Christmas tree real?" I asked without turning away from the beautiful tree. It's so neatly decorated. The light didn't cover too much of the tree, and the pattern is very unique.

"Nope, but I try to cover its flaw with those decorations" the person answered. I can hear the beep as he scan the items.

"Your total is 3.79"

I snapped back to reality and searched for money. I turn to the cashier as I handed the money to him. Then I realized something that made me drop my money on the counter.

'I didn't know Kai works here' I blushed in embarrassment as I pick up some coins that fell on the floor.

"Sorry," I give up the coins properly this time. I carefully hand it so that I didn't touch him. I couldn't help but notice that he look good in the blue apron and hat. It must be the uniform. I hope it wasn't obvious that I was staring.

"It's alright," he smiled and I try to keep a calm face when my heart is beating like crazy. He put the hot chocolate in the bag.

"Hot chocolate is the best drink for this weather."

"Yeah, I agree,” I said. However, I wished I can say something cooler. This is my one in a life chance…beside the times we were in a same group for the projects.

"Here you go, have a nice evening," he handed me the bag and some change.

"Thank you."

"Don’t party too hard, school will start soon," he waved. I smiled before closing the door behind me. Oh my...I could have said something back to him. Why can't I just talk to him like everybody else? Who am I kidding, of course I can't. The dinner was a blur since all I can think about is Kai. I think my mom said something about a family party. I couldn't sleep well that night. I feel happy that I got to talk to him, but I regret not being able to leave an impression.

 

The morning of Christmas Eve came and I felt so happy all of the sudden. Maybe it's because my mom said that there will be a party tomorrow's night and I will have to buy the necessary stuff at the convenient store. That mean I might get to see Kai. I happily jogged to the convenient store with the shopping list. My smile faded when I didn't see Kai because another person is the cashier. I guess he doesn't work today. I sadly entered the store. Oh well, I need to buy all of this for my mom.

Table cloths

Plastic spoons, knives, forks

Paper plates, cups, bowls

Orange juice, sodas, refreshments

Chips and cookies

Pack of water

Two large crystal bowls

 

I got the red and green table cloths and the crystal bowls. I grabbed the spoons and forks and as I try to reach for the plastic cups, I dropped everything else on the floor. I quickly squat down to the floor to pick them up. I know the people are staring at me, why do I always embarrass myself? I'm not usually this clumsy. A pair of hands helped pick up the two bowls and the plastic spoons and forks. Thankfully the bowls weren't broken.

"Thank you," I thank my savior. I almost drop everything again when I saw Kai’s smiling face.

"Are you always this clumsy?" he joked grabbing the rest of the items from my hands.

"Not always," I mumbled and I heard him laugh. I seriously want to bury myself underground right at this moment. I don’t want to appear clumsy in front of him. While I mentally scold myself, Kai headed to the cashier.

"Yah, Baekhyun give me a basket. You forgot to put it out again."

"Oh my bad," Baekhyun smiled sleeplessly before going to get Kai a basket. Kai placed all my items in the basket. It filled up the whole basket.

"Is this all?" Kai asked.

"No, I have to get sodas, chips and water," I replied as I looked up from my list. Only those three items and I will be done.

"Okay we can put the basket here so you don't have to carry it around. The drinks are in that section," Kai led the way as I quietly followed behind.

"How many bottles of water?" he asked when we were in front of the freezer.

"The whole pack," I answered.

To my surprise, he got the pack of water and carried it to the counter for me. I didn't know whether I was dreaming or not. I try to not get weird ideas so I turn to the sodas. I grabbed one sprite, Pepsi and a root beer.

"Here let me," Kai grabbed them from my hands and made another trip to the counter. I tried to hide my smile, but I'm pretty sure I fail. Chips are next, so I moved to the next section.

"What kind of chips do you like?" Kai came back. I finally notice that he doesn't wear uniform today. He is in blue jean and T shirt. It very simple, but it fits him perfectly. Okay I need to stop staring. ‘He’s being a nice person here so please stop being creepy’ I screamed in my head.

I turn away from him before he thinks I'm creepy.

"I like BBQ and my sister like spicy," I grab two BBQ and one Flaming Hot Cheetos.

"And that is all!" I crossed out the chips and I have completed the shopping list.

"That is a lot of stuff!" Kai laughed as he saw the list.

"Yup! But that’s because we're having a party. Don't you work today?" I asked, throwing away the list in the trash can.

"Yeah, but I'm an hour early." Kai stated with a sigh. As Baekhyun scanned the items, Kai stood next to me and made jokes with Baekhyun. They seem very close to each other. I paid for everything and that's when I realize it is impossible for me to carry everything home.

"Didn’t you walk here?" Kai asked. I think he is thinking the same thing as me.

"Um...yeah" I answered, slowly grabbing the items. I should carry the heavy on my right and light ones on the left. I was grabbing the bags when Kai pulls them out of my hands.

"I will carry the drinks and you carry the table cloth, chips and plastics utensils okay?"

"No, I don't want to bother you. You have to work."

"It's alright. I don't have work until one hour. I have nothing to do."

"How about you two take my car? It'll be faster that way." Baekhyun offered and Kai immediately said yes. I tried to carry some items to the car, but Kai just grabbed them out of my hands.

"I got it," Kai said and ended up carrying everything to the car while I just stood there, feeling useless.

"That guy is like that. He likes to do everything. Don't mind him, he means well" Baekhyun explained. I felt a bit better after what he said. Kai does seem like he like to do everything himself.

"You are very kind, thank you for letting us borrow your car," I thanked the nice cashier.

"No problem."

 Baekhyun had to serve customers so I couldn't talk to him. Meanwhile, Kai came back in smiling.

"We're all set. Let's go. Thank you hyung. I will be right back with your baby," Baekhyun waved and I bid goodbye before going out. I mentally gasped when I saw Kai opening the passenger seat for me. This is a dream come true, it's too good to be real. If this is a dream please let me stay here for a little longer, please don't end it here. I seat belt while Kai put the groceries in the trunk. After few moments I swear I was going to run out and wake up from this dream, but somehow I remained in the car. A loud sound woke me up; I jumped as he slammed the door.

"Oh sorry," Kai apologized as he put on his seat belt. He the car and that's when I realize that I'm in a stranger’s car and I'm not even sure if he knows how to drive. I never seen him drive before, this can be dangerous. Turns out he drive very safely. Very safe that it took ten minutes to reach my house. I thanked him and grab all my groceries before he can and ran into my house. If anyone; especially my little sister; sees this, she will say something stupid to him. I dropped everything in the kitchen and ran to my room. I jump onto my bed in happiness. Immediately, I grab the purple piece of paper and my favorite black pen.

 

I'm very thankful for your kindness.

It would have been hard to carry the entire groceries home.

I actually talked to you; I still can't tell whether if this is a dream.

I was happy that I got to experience your safe driving skill.

To be honest, you drive like my mom. I will never forget today, thank you

                                                                              XOXO

I put the letter inside a white envelope and place them in the drawer like how I always do. The day ends wonderfully with my mom delicious cooking.

"Sis, how did you carry all of that home?"

"I'm strong, not weak like you," I lied. She mumbled something under her breath probably some cursing at me.

That night I dreamt of a wonderful dream. I dreamt that I was getting accepted into my dream college. The campus was so beautiful and people were nice.

 

 

 

"Sis, wake up its noon."

"uhm…" I rolled over to my side away from her.

"Hurry gets dressed. Mom and dad left already."

"What do you mean?"

"We suppose to go eat, but they left for shopping since you didn't wake up. Get dressed and we will meet them at the park."

I rubbed my eyes and stretched before getting dress. We both made our way to the park, which was packed with couples since its Christmas.

"What time will they come?" I yawned.

"Soon," she looked around searching for someone. I thought that she was looking for mom and dad.

However, I was terribly wrong.

"Oh there he is. I will say this one more time. Just confess and get it over with there's a saying that, ‘If you love someone, tell them….because hearts are often broke by the words left unspoken.’” She said and ran away. I wanted to run after her, but something inside me stopped me from doing so.

She is right. I can just get this over with and move on. I can give up and move on after hearing his answer. I watched as Kai slowly approach me. I can hear my heart beats loudly in my ears. Everything was in slow motion. and suddenly everyone is gone from my vision. In my eyes, I can only see Kai. I watched his expression and it doesn’t seem like a good one. No, I can't back out now; he will at least know about my feelings that I hid for the past three years.

"I got this from a girl, she said that it was from you," Kai said as he showed me a stack of white envelopes. Of course that brat gave him my letters. Can it get any more embarrassing?

"Let me be honest. These letters are meant for you, it's true. I kind of like… I have a crush on you."

There, I said it.

After all these years.

Finally, I'm honest with my feelings toward him. My happiness was gone when I saw his troubled face. I felt my heart rate went up as I already sense what was coming. I mean I didn’t expect anything, but I don’t want him to be troubled by my feelings towards him. Making him uncomfortable is not my intention at all.

"Uhm sorry, but--"

"Its okay," I force a smile as I already knew what his answer was. "Don't worry, I hope you're not burdened by it. I just wanted you to know, that's all" I tried to grab my letters from his hand, but accidentally knock it out instead. Gosh this is really embarrassing. I quickly bend down to pick it up and he did the same. I can feel my tears are coming; it’s still hurt in a way. I grab all that I can, but the tears came quicker than I expected it so I stood up leaving some still laying on the ground.

"Thank you for listening to my nonsense. My parents should be here by now, Merry Christmas!!!" I waved quickly before running all the way home.

 

Kai slowly pick up the letters one by one. He read them all already while waiting at the park.

The little girl told him to read it.

"Dude, you made her cry. Not cool” Baekhyun watched the girl that confessed to Kai running away in tears.

"I know," he let out a frustrated sigh.

"I don't get it. I thought you liked her." Baekhyun picked up the last letter. They both stood up and dust their pants.

"I do," Kai stared at the letters.

"Then?"

"After reading all these letters, I realized she likes me more than I like her.”

"So?" Baekhyun asked, not understanding Kai’s point at all. Kai sighed as he opened one of the letters.

 

It’s been cold lately, take care of yourself well.

Finals are coming too, don’t study all night.

I saw that you been sleeping in class more often.

Mrs. Kim is not happy with that, I want to wake you up.

But I’m not even your friend, I wish we are friends.

Just take care of yourself and stop sleeping in class.

I wonder what you are doing right now…probably sleeping again

                                                      XOXO

 

 

"It’s because her feeling toward me is very strong and right now I can’t promise to return the same feeling. I know that I like her, but I don’t think that is good enough. I want to be sure and then I can develop my feeling so that I can be right for her. I want to have strong feeling toward her so that I can treat her better. I don't want to be the one that break her heart. Just give me some time and when the time comes I will be the one to confess, I promise," Kai carefully placed the letter back into the white envelop.

"I don't get your logic," Baekhyun rolled his eyes.

"You will never get love," Kai joked. However, he actually felt very sad. He made her cry, and it makes Kai’s heart ache. However, he wants to be the one who watch her from afar. She has been taking care of Kai so now he want to be the one who watch over her to take care of her and then he can officially ask her out so that they are even. He wants to feels the same as how she felt toward him so that they like each other evenly, no one like the other more or less. The day will come when they both will be together and like each other evenly, it will be soon.