I can still remember what happened last Christmas Eve; he gave me such a wonderful gift, the reason why I marked December 25th in my calendar and journal. My heart always trembles remembering that date.

 

 

‘Will you marry me? ‘I sighed as I heard his voice in my head again... Why is it so hard to move on and just forget about him? It's not that I dont feel anything for him, In fact, I do love him... but things get complicated, Im complicated... My heart's been through many complications... I-I'm dying

 

 

Im dying and I don't want him to be a part of my life now; I just can't bear seeing him suffer because of me, what will become of him if I die? I just can't... I love him this much; I love Kai this much that I can even sacrifice my happiness for him not to suffer in the end...

 

 

 

“Krystal..." I heard someone's voice then placed his hands to my shoulder, I turned back to see who that person is... It's Kai

 

 

 

“what are you doing here Jongin? I didn't even invite you here... It's my party and you just can't come in crashing it" I said as I phased to the horizon once again, I heard his heavy sigh as he sat beside me. He took my cold hands and slid it into his pocket...

 

 

 

“You’re cold... lets get back inside" He said to me as he pulled me up from the bench.

 

 

 

"What do you think you're doing Jongin? We’re over and done with so I can't see any reasons why youre doing this, just leave" I said... You dont know how much it hurts telling the person you love the most to just leave you but its the right thing... and I coudn't hurt him... never.

 

 

 

“It’s been a year since that Christmas eve proposal aye? " he said as he sat back

 

 

 

"So?" I said nonchalantly...

 

 

 

"It's been a year since I did that proposal best friend." The term best friend made my condition worst, I held the edge of the chair and bit my lip to ease the pain that I'm feeling right now.

 

 

 

" You really don't like me dont you? I mean... its been a year when you acted being cold to me... If you didn't want my proposal then you could have just say no, I'll be fine with it... but what did you do? you didn't replied anything, not a single nod or yeah... why? " he said as he took my hand out of his pocket and kissed them repeatedly... I closed my eyes hard, and tears started to flow down... if only I had the guts to tell you my condition... to tell you that this is the last Christmas eve that I'll ever experience with you, to tell you how much i'd wanted to marry you cause I love you, but I just cant... I cant hurt you even more...

 

 

"J-just leave me Kim Jongin... Im better off without you, I survived a year without you and Im sure ill be fine on my own now" I said as my grip went tighter... he isn't letting go of my hand... Jongin, if you do love me, just do me a favor... just be happy and move on without me, Im sure you'll be fine, I know you... we've been bestfriends since day one...

 

 

 

" You survived but I didn't... You dont know how miserable I was without you Krystal... look, I swear I wont ask you about the proposal or you liking me, just please... let me be a part of your life again... I just can't live without you" He said as he hugged me... I can hear the loud pounding of my heart, its beginning to slow down...

 

 

 

"You're strong Jongin, you can do it... besides D.O. oppa's still there" I said

 

 

 

" I love you krystal..." he whisphered to me... my h-heart is... it hurts

 

 

 

 

" Just leave me Jongin... we're better off without each others... and besides... You already have Sulli, And you're cheating on her right now" I said acting as normal as I can...

 

 

 

He let go of the hug and walked away... I thought he was going to live me for good but he stopped and said

 

 

 

" Sulli? tsk... why are you being like this Krystal? is it that easy for you to push me to others? " He said to me, I can hear his voice tremble... Oh god no... Please, I dont want him to cry, It's a rare thing for Kai to cry... but right now, I know he's terribly hurt... I can't blame him, even me... im stucked in this situation...

 

 

and it hurts like hell... it hurts so darn much...

 

 

 

"J-jongin..." I said, I went up to my feet... I used all my will power to walk to him but my legs began to weaken that made me fall down, he remained standing while his back facing me...

 

 

 

"Krystal... Last Christmas I gave you my heart but then the very next day, you just gave it away..." he said, I saw drops of his tears in the ground that fell... I reached for him but I just can't im to vulnerable right now... and now... Im starting to catch my breath...

 

 

 

 

"j-jong... Jongin, K-kim jongin..." I said as my breaths halted for every letter of his name, but still... he doesnt want to turn back

 

 

 

 

"Merry Christmas Krystal, I- I need to go" no please, wait you need to hear something...

 

 

 

 

"J-jomgin wait!!" I said... With that I caught his attention, but my voice began to fade... I felt that my whole world was spinning, My heart is beating so loud that made me felt like it was the only thing i can hear right now. He ran towards me to pick me up... My eyes began to close, slowly by each time... I read his mouth saying my name, I held his face and smiled for one last time...

 

 

 

"krystal what's happening?! no!! krystal no!" he said, I took his other hand and placed it in my chest to let him feel my heart, shouting his name, saying how much i love him

 

 

 

"krystal... please, dont play with me" he said as tears from his face fell to mines...

 

 

 

"S-saranghea jongin... Merry Christmas... thanks for the gift, but I just cant take it... I love you, always have.. and always w-wi-ll" I closed my eyes and I heard him shout my voice once again, I felt my heart... slowly... slowly... stopping and theres only one thing I knew... Im slowly drifting away... Saranghea Jongin... sarang...

 

 

 

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Misstearhues©

An official Entry for santa’s box, a Christmas event

Under the mistletoe: Round 1 drabble