{ Part 1 }

“Jongin ah...sorry...I’m so sorry...”

Funny isn’t it? How such a simple word like that could rip my heart into pieces. Sorry? Why should she say it to me? With her soft but whispering intonation, with those crystal-like tears streaming down her cheeks, with that pitiful and killing gaze she gave me through her shining eyes – she apologized to me. She broke my heart.

Damn. Why can’t I say anything in return? Why can’t I at least scold her? Why can’t I tell how stupid she is? Why can’t I say it out loud...

“You’re stupid, Seo Joohyun!”

Instead, I replied her the other way round. I could only tell her while smiling helplessly...

“It’s okay, Seohyun ah...you’ve never owe me any apology...you just need to be happy...” now, I’m the one being stupid here.

Just like 15 years ago, I was a stupid. Right up until now, I’m still a stupid. Just like 15 years ago, I was a coward. Right now, I’m still being a coward. Just like 15 years ago, I hid my feelings for her – the very first feeling I have for her. Right until this moment, I’m still hiding it from her. I buried that feeling deep in my heart.

I kept it as a secret. I kept the words stuck in my throat and now that she’s married, I realized that it’s too late for those words to be uttered out. It is way too late for a confession.

I love you, Seohyun.

Yes, that were supposed to be the simple words that I wanted to tell her since the time I decided to come back to Korea but to my surprise, my comeback was welcomed with a ceremony. A very glorious ceremony – her wedding.

She’s married and I’m alone. All that I could do is to continue standing here. To watch her from afar, to cherish her from a distance and to love her secretly within the invisible space between us.

I love you, Seohyun. How bad I wished I’m not too late for that but...this is it. I’m a loser who lost her.

“Congratulation!!!” roaring applauses thundered inside the beautifully decorated marble white church.

The king and queen of the day, Sehun and Seohyun – the stunningly smart groom and the breathtakingly pretty bride of today’s wedding were standing side by side on top of the altar.

They stood facing the whole crowd with their arms linked together, closing the gap between them as much as possible and they bowed to them with wide, blissful smile pasted on their faces.

“Thank you, everyone...thank you for coming to our wedding and give your blessing for us...we’re really thankful to all of you...” Sehun held up his glass of wine towards them and they cheered again.

“Happy marriage!” they wished for them and the newlyweds broke out laughing in happiness.

Seohyun turned to look up at her husband before Sehun simultaneously dropped his eyes sideway to her. They stared upon each other for a minute until Sehun grinned and leaned in.

“I love you...” he whispered before capturing her lips at once.

Seohyun lost her attention upon their family relatives and friends as she was back in giving full attention to those deep kisses Sehun gave her. She slowly spun her body to face him when he used his free hand to snake around her waist and pulled her closer to him.

They both had their eyes tightly closed as they enjoyed the sweetest kisses shared after officially being declared as wedded husband and wife. Sehun was heavenly blessed while Seohyun was joyfully fluttered.

She was happy to finally marry the most trusted man in her whole life but at the same time, her heart was holding an unseen uncertainty. She was nervous, waiting for the night to come where she knew that she will later fully be his.

When Sehun didn’t seem to bring their kisses coming to a stop, Seohyun giggled and pressed her palms against his chest, trying to give a rest for the passionate kisses but suddenly, a sound of a clicking camera was the one that stopped them first.

“Click!” and the newlyweds broke the wet contact their lips made. Sehun slowly searching for Seohyun’s eyes but instead of staring back at him, his wife nervously avoided his gaze.

“Em...” her lips that tasted so lovingly delicious to him parted a bit, trying to form any word but Seohyun was left to be speechless.

Sehun just started to form thin smile on his face when he enjoyed seeing the shyness drawn on her expression but again, they were interrupted by another sound of clicking camera. Seohyun finally laughed to herself.

“Please, guys...stop taking pictures...” she thought it might be their mischievous cousins that kept on snapping her photos displaying affection towards Sehun but once she tilted her head around, Seohyun froze her eyes on somebody else.

Yes, somebody that was totally out of her expectation to suddenly show up here, in her wedding.

A man, around the same age as Seohyun and her husband, was holding his high-tech camera right in front of his eyes. The lens was still pointed to her but once he noticed that Seohyun was widening her eyes in disbelief, he chuckled and dropped down the lens.

Sehun caught the shocking look shown by his wife while she stared in silent towards the man facing them. His heart had started feeling weird about it and so he decided to take a look at him as well.

Just when he saw that face, Sehun shared the same surprise look as Seohyun. He gulped down his throat, “Jo...Jongin ah...”

Upon hearing his name was called out, then only that man started curving his infamous sweet smile for them. He waved up a hand while the other was still holding his camera.

“Annyeong! It’s been a long time, isn’t it? Nice to see both of you again...and congratulations on your wedding!!!” Jongin greeted them with such energetic pitched voice and clear cheerfulness in it.

One second later, and there was still no response he received back from both Sehun and Seohyun. Instead, his two old friends stay rooted on their feet and their eyes were piercing on him.

At last, Jongin chuckled again and he took a step forward approaching the couple. “Come on, guys...didn’t both of you miss me at all? It had been 15 years, okay? I’ve been missing both of you a lot and I didn’t expect that...”

His words stuck there as his mind couldn’t really process any impulses to command his mouth in talking about it. Jongin fell silent for a minute, avoiding the disbelief stare both Sehun and Seohyun were giving him but then he quickly cleared his throat.

“Yeah...I didn’t expect that you both will be married today...I mean...I’m kinda...”

“You should be surprised...” Seohyun finally decided to let out her voice. Jongin shifted his eyes towards her but her shock expression just now had turned into a colder one.

“Yea...yeah....” he couldn’t decide whether to be amused by her statement or taking it as a serious thought. Jongin could only briefly nodded to her and displayed to Seohyun his unforgettable smirking face. “I am surprised...very much, honestly...”

Yes, he smiled. He smirked. He teased. Just like how they used to be. Just like how she remembered him. Just like 15 years ago...

Seohyun chewed her lower lip and felt her hand involuntarily crumpled into a tight fist. She didn’t know how to react more. She didn’t know what to say more. Her brain was blocked away from thinking for any possible word she could have said to him and her heart tightened, cramping with sudden pain that silently suffocating her now.

Truth to be told, Seohyun was resisting herself. The only command that her mind directed her body to do now was to walk straight towards him, towards that Kim Jongin and grab him. Her heavy thoughts and her longing heart were telling her to lock him tight and never to let him go again. Ever.

I missed him. I missed him. I missed you, Jongin ah. I missed you so much that it hurts. I missed you so much till I died. Technically, my soul was dying inside this living figure...

Her mind kept on whispering into her ears, ringing so loud and clear until she no longer could bear it and a tear escaped helplessly from her eyes. It cascaded slowly down her cheek and Jongin widened his eyes at an instant.

Emotions and memories were running wild inside her.

“Seo...Seohyun ah...” upon seeing the way Jongin was tenderly calling to his wife, Sehun quickly changed his eyes back to her and he also furrowed while watching her wept.

“Seohyun ah, look...I’m...I’m so sorry, okay...I don’t want you to cry...I...” Jongin had started explaining to her, advancing a step closer to her as he panicked when he saw her cried but Seohyun was faster and she reacted on her impulses.

“But you’ve make me cried!!! I cried a lot, Kim Jongin!” she yelled out of a sudden and approached him forward to land punches against his chest.

Jongin let her too as he continued staring with hidden regrets in his eyes.

“You have no idea how many time I had been crying for you! Since the day you were gone! You left me! You simply left me and Sehun without any words! You didn’t even leave us any letter and you didn’t reply to any of my letters when you’re in LA!!!” his eyes narrowed a bit as he listened to her complaints throughout her tears.

“You’re such a cruel jerk, Kim Jongin! I hate you! I hate you so much!!! How can you do this to me?! To Sehun?! I thought we’re close friends!!!” she finally had enough of the anger burned so long in her heart.

Seohyun stopped punching him and she just ended up clutching onto his shirt and hid her face down to her feet. Everyone – including her family, Sehun’s family, the whole guests and her own husband could only be the strangers around who watched their sudden drama.

Seeing that Seohyun was weakening on her feet, Jongin gently reached up for her hands and he wrapped his palms around hers. Spreading away her fingers from crumpling his shirt, Jongin curved a bitter smile before pulling her into his embrace.

The sight of them holding on to each other, the fact of the two old friends was reuniting again was causing her lonely husband, Sehun, to stand stiff from where he was watching them.

Something strange, something cold, something familiar was sneaking inside him. Yet, he did nothing.

Sehun let it as Jongin continued hugging his wife and he was now patting Seohyun against her back as she sobbed on his shoulder.

“Don’t cry, Seohyun ah...please...you’re not supposed to cry today...it’s your wedding...” Jongin consoled her even though she just scolded him.

Seohyun gave in too and she slowly circled her arms around his waist, pulling his body closer to her as she needed as much assurance to remind herself that he did, coming back in front of her again.

She needed to feel him. She just needed so bad to feel his warmth again. “I missed you, Jongin ah...”

Jongin spontaneously smirked again once he heard her whispering voice and he her smooth hair, inhaling her sweet bridal scent.

“I missed you too, Seo ah...you look beautiful today...”

They stayed in silent for a while before Seohyun pulled away from him and they continued staring upon each other. She had stopped crying but her crystalline tears were still clouding her sight. Jongin smiled and cleared those tears away from her pretty face.

Then he scanned her up and down. “Yes...the prettiest bride I’ve ever seen...I should have taken your wedding pictures more today...you’re gorgeous in your wedding dress...”

With those compliments he told her, Jongin let go of her hands and he continued holding up his camera. Seohyun stood awkwardly in front of his lens but the second Jongin wanted to snap on his camera, the sight of someone forgotten, someone that used to be part of their group suddenly appeared inside his lens.

He stood right next to Seohyun, hand was snaking around her waist and he looked up to Jongin. He was Sehun, his former bestie too.

Jongin swallowed the raw lump and dropped down his camera again. Sehun was staring sternly upon him.

“You don’t even say hi to me...” he commented coldly to him.

Jongin chuckled in response. “Yah, what are you? Do you have to be so sulky like a girl?”

“...or are you forgot the fact that I’m your friend too when we were young?” instead of answering his question, Sehun asked him one more time and he decided to play along the sarcastic game with him.

Seohyun exchanged her anxious look between the two boys. Her eyes kept on flickering to Jongin before coming back to her husband, Sehun and back again to Jongin. But most of the time, it was Jongin that gained her attention the most – and Sehun could bitterly felt it.

He gripped tighter to her waist and Seohyun decided to push away any jealousy thoughts that might started infecting her husband. She tilted her head to him and spread her arm across his chest, clinging to him so that she could gain his attention back.

Successfully she did, and Sehun dropped his glance to her instead. She smiled apologetically.

“Forgive me...I’m not supposed to make you worried by making such a scene just now...I’m just...too surprised that Jongin has back and I feel...” she stole a quick glimpse towards Jongin that was still eyeing the newlyweds with his pupils narrowed.

“...really glad that the three of us can stay together again...don’t you feel happy as me, Sehun ah?” she questioned her husband, tender and loving – and her charmed defeated him easily.

Sehun replied her sweet smile with his broad grin and nodded. “Sure...as long as you’re happy, so am I...”

He leaned down to kiss Seohyun on her cheek while his wife giggled in his arms. Watching such romantic scene in front of his very eyes, Jongin supposed to share the same pleasure as his two best friends but unfortunately, his heart was too wounded to shed any slice of happiness.

He decided to avoid hurting his feelings even more by quickly changing his eyes away from them. Jongin briefly cleared his throat. “Em...guys, I think I’ll take a leave now...”

Sehun and Seohyun immediately threw their sight back on him as the husband let go of his wife to pace over to Jongin. Sehun stopped beside him and patted Jongin on his shoulder.

“Oh c’mon, Jongin ah...we just got you back here...why don’t you stay a little bit longer and join the feast after this? We’ll be having party till late night...” Sehun kindly dropped the matter just now and smiled like an old friend, they used to be to each other but Jongin shook his head with his heart-warming smile – the one that always be Seohyun’s top favorite.

“No, I really mean it...I need to go...I still need to catch up with a photo shoot this night...” as he told them, Seohyun narrowed her eyes.

“A photo shoots? What are you doing actually?”

“Oh yeah...speaking about that, I forgot to tell you guys beforehand...” he nodded his head without even glancing at her and Seohyun pouted silently, hating it when Jongin didn’t bother to look at her.

Still, she moved closer to Sehun and slipped her hand under his arm. The two watched their friend as Jongin busily zipped off his bag and took out something to shove it towards the couple.

“What is this? A magazine?” Sehun received that thing from him and started flipping it using his hand. Seohyun chuckled upon it. “Don’t tell me that you’re a model now...”

“Well...if I be the model, then I won’t be the one holding the camera, missy...of course I’m the photographer...pay attention on the name down there, please...” Jongin laughed back on her comment and he pointed a finger down the corner of the front page.

Both Sehun and Seohyun blinked their eyes with confusion upon reading the printed name on the front page. “Kai? Who’s that?”

“Aish! It’s me, of course...I’m a professional photographer now...as a public figure I am, I need an official name...there goes by ‘Kai’...” his explanation sounded proud and confident but it was Seohyun and Sehun’s turn to laugh even louder at him.

“Haha! Kai? Isn’t that sound funny? It has nothing to do with ‘Kim Jongin’...” Seohyun mocked him, raising up her eyebrow as she smiled teasingly towards the boy. Jongin smirked in return.

“As long as it is cool to me and my fans, I’m okay with it...” he grinned broader and held up a peace sign to her. Sehun looked up to him as well.

“Yeah, whatever...we’re proud that you’ve found your stable job now...good luck with it...” he concluded and handed the magazine back to Jongin. He took it while nodding.

“Yes, me too...I’m glad to do something that I love now...”

Silent crept into their conversation once Jongin responded. Sehun tilted his head higher, scanning around while Seohyun breathed out slowly. Her hand was linked to Sehun’s, practically holding on to him but her eyes can’t seem to stop flickering to Jongin’s way.

Jongin was in the same uncertain trouble. He knew that he had been enduring the desire to stare on her – since Seohyun was entitled as somebody’s wedded wife now – but the greediness took control of his mind and his eyes spontaneously searched back for her sight.

Please, Jongin ah! She’s his wife now!

Hearing the voice in his head screamed to him, putting up a warning, Jongin pursed his lips and took a few steps forward to both of his friends.

“Alright then...I’ll see you guys next time, okay? Congratulations again for your wedding!” as he grinned broader to them, his hand stretched out towards Sehun to congratulate the newlyweds one more time but unexpectedly, even before Sehun could take it, he watched helplessly when his wife was the one who fast enough to wrap her palm with Jongin’s.

“Let’s go...we’ll send you off outside...” with that low murmur, Seohyun insisted to pull Jongin with her, walking side by side as they spun their back on Sehun and left her husband to stand alone there.

Jongin glanced around to check on him but Sehun quickly smoothed down the frowns creased on his forehead when Seohyun chose to hold that boy’s hand so openly in front of his eyes.

“Yah, walk with us!” Jongin invited him, raising his voice as he waved back for Sehun.

They already reached the church’s main entrance by the time Sehun stabled the slight irritation in his heart and he gave himself a light chuckle, shaking his head as he ran down the aisle to go after Seohyun and Jongin.

“Here’s my business card...it got my number there...just contact me whenever you guys want...” Jongin stood by the last row of the staircase by the time a cab already waiting for him down there by the main road.

He handed the small card he just took it out from his wallet towards Sehun and he received it with an assuring smile. “Sure! Be prepared with our wedding present because I’ll contact you shortly after this to demand for it...”

The three best friends broke out into laughter upon hearing Sehun’s joke. Still, Jongin was grinning positively to him and raised a thumb up as a sign that he was looking forward to it. Then his eyes shifted back to Seohyun.

The beautiful smile remained on her lips but she was being so silent since she let go of his hand just now and simply avoided his eyes when Jongin tried to have a direct eye contact with her.

He sighed, giving up as he slung his camera and bag tighter onto his shoulders before started taking his steps in reverse.

“See ya!”

Only when he already got his back on them that Seohyun dared herself to look at him. Her lips quivered. She held her breath silently as she prevented herself from crying but she failed, miserably failed once her heart was wrecked to see his shadow slowly was fading away again.

“Jo...Jongin ah!” involuntarily, she called out loud for him and stormed down the stairs. Picking up her fluffy gown in her hands and ignoring the husband that was narrowing his eyes to her, Seohyun couldn’t stop herself from running towards the other guy until she stopped when Jongin already pulled the cab’s door open.

“Seohyun ah...what is it?” she swallowed forcefully, trying to slow down the panting from her breath before Seohyun braved herself to utter the words that had been stuck on her tongue from the very beginning she decided to stop hoping for him and marrying her husband, Sehun.

“Jongin ah...sorry...I’m so sorry...” at last, she apologized but just like the guilty and hidden pain in her heart, Seohyun felt a tear escaped from her eyes at last.

She chuckled, biting her lips as she quickly wiped it away so that Jongin couldn’t tell how hopeless her soul was in despair now.

Her eyes met his again, waiting for his response but the boy before her fell silent as well. They stared deeply into each other’s pupils, trying to read the complex sea of feelings in there but in the end, Jongin saw nothing but emptiness.

He slowly curved up a thin smile while shaking his head to offer her some comforts.

“It’s okay, Seohyun ah...you’ve never owe me any apology...you just need to be happy...” he patted her on her shoulder, winking mischievously despite the wound cut through his heart and he looked around, pushing his body into car before Seohyun watched it zoomed away.