“I think we need a break.”

“Why?” Kyungsoo ask Jongin on the other line.

Somehow, she already knew this was going to happen but she was still hoping that she was lucky enough to not hear those words come out of her boyfriend’s lips. When Kyungsoo had suggested that they should hang out more with their friends than just being together all the time, she didn’t know it was going to end this way. She thought that their relationship was strong enough not to let little things like this get in between her and Jongin but somehow it did.
She gets that they’ve been together for years and that things might just seem like a routine rather than acting on your own feelings. Things might seem to get a little boring. What she doesn’t get it is how can someone that you know from inside out can change just within few months. Like they’re a whole new person when you see them. That’s what Jongin had become.

“I just think that it’s better for both of us to have fun since we’re still young. You know see what life has to offer” Kyungsoo doesn’t really have anything to say but just to accept it. She’s not agreeing to this because she thinks the same way. She’s agreeing with this because how can you keep the person you love knowing they don’t feel the same about you anymore. She would rather let go now instead of her hurting herself along the way. She just wish that Jongin was smart enough to realize that.

“Okay then. We might as well break up” She was trying soo hard to keep her voice even. She can’t cry over something likes this.

“I didn’t mean it that way. I-I just thought that we needed this”

“No Jongin. You need this I don’t. If you want to go have fun with your new friends and live the single life then by all means go ahead. Seriously, I don’t mind. I’ll rather get straight to the  point than keep hurting myself knowing you don’t feel the same way I do.” He heard Jongin released a long sigh. Almost as if she was annoying him.

“Look! all I wanted was a damn break from you. Just a bit. But yet you can’t even give that to me. I just wish sometimes you would understand me.” You wish I was Baekhyun.

Baekhyun was Jongin’s middle school bestfriend but they drifted apart when they both attented different high schools. Not until few months ago that they started talking again when Jongin found her on facebook. Kyungsoo still remembers how happy Jongin was being able to find his old bestfriend. At that time Kyungsoo didn’t expect anything. In fact, she even told her boyfriend that he should get together with Baekhyun and hang out like the old times. She understand what is it like having a bestfriend besides your boyfriend/girlfriend. Someone you can rant about anything. Like she does to Chanyeol. Poor Chanyeol.

After the first meeting it then became frequent to the point that all Jongin talked about was Baekhyun this and Baekhyun that. But Kyungsoo wouldn’t admit that she was jealous. She had no reason to be jealous of. She trust Jongin enough to know hat he won’t do anything to hurt her. But now it seems like Baekhyun was more of a girlfriend to Jongin than she is. At the same time, Kyungsoo can feel Jongin drifting away. Blending into a crowd that she isn’t very fond of.

Kyungsoo knew something was wrong when all Jongin did was be on his phone the whole time they were together. And it pissed the hell out of her. She would ask him kindly to at least pay attention to her and not his phone. He would obey afterwards but back at it again. Now, Kyungsoo is not that kind of girlfriend that would snoop around their boyfriend's phone but comes to worst a girl must have answers and that what she did.

She wishes she didn’t

‘Babe’

that is not Kyungsoo’s phone number. Nor did her nickname change from ‘K’ to ‘Baekkie’. Nope

So its just right to let him go right? Especially when the feelings aren’t mutual anymore.

“okay then if that's what you want.” Tears are falling down on her cheek now but her voice is still as steady as ever. She feels her heart hurting. It feels like someone just grab her heart and squeeze it hard. Kyungsoo doesn’t want to make Jongin think this will hurt her. She wants to leave Jongin as strong as her heart will let her be.

“let me just ask you one more time…” they know where this is going. They’ve had this conversation multiples times now and she knows what his answer will be but maybe asking him one more time will make this all go away. Will make the pain she’s having now go away. Will put a clear end to this.

“are you or did you cheat on me with Baekhyun? I know I ask you this before. But just please…please just tell me. Knowing what you did rather than killing myself wondering what is happening is better. J, I rather have you tell me than keep hurting me like this. It hurts Jongin. It ing hurts bad when you don’t look at me the same anymore. When you barely say I love you anymore. It hurts feeling unwanted. Making love with each other is just for you now. Its killing me, why can’t you see that?” she doesn’t care anymore. curling up like a ball on her bed while clutching the phone to her chest because she doesn’t want Jongin to hear her. She’s at the lowest she can ever be and Kyungsoo knows Jongin won’t be there to catch her. When her breathing was steady, she put her phone back against her ear. Joing hasn't said anything.

“I didn’t” was all Jongin said then the line went dead.

Life without Jongin is…a new experience. Nobody asked her what happen between her and Jongin. Nobody ask when she was suddenly hanging out with Chanyeol and Jongin was with his new friends. Nobody question them. Because like the beginning their relationship was never meant to be open it would be just between the two of them. Chanyeol is the only one that knows what really happened. She doesn’t know if Jongin told anyone but from the looks of it he’s enjoying his single life soo far. Kyungsoo couldn’t careless or atleast thats what she tells herself. Their families ask them what happen and all they got was a shrug. Her mom, as any mom, somehow knew what had happen but she didn’t question Kyungsoo or anything. She just let her cry until Kyungsoo fell asleep but she remembers her mom saying something

“giving all your love to someone is okay but leave some for yourself. So you’ll atleast have something to hold onto”

The day before their graduation Kyungsoo left a note on Jongin’s locker it simply says

'I was your best friend first before your girlfriend. And I’ll always be. Don’t forget that'

She knows its stupid to write that but somehow she wishes in the future they would talk again and get things all things cleared up.

The last she heard of Jongin was he was going out with baekhyun.

Kyungsoo buried her nose into nursing books. Ignoring that hard feeling on her chest again.

It still hurts.

---

I'm so sorry. its finals. i just didn't want to break my promise soo this is a poop update otl.