Unveiling Family Secrets

*

            Chansung sat up instantly. Something felt off. He had always been very in tune with his siblings, and whenever they were not sleeping well or having a rough time, somehow he always knew it. Sitting up, Wooyoung was still deeply asleep to his left. Leaning down, he kissed his temple. Rising from the bed and adjusting the blankets around Wooyoung, he looked over him happily before turning to the door.

            Muffled sniffles made his ears twitch and he came to the stairs. Cho Hee sat at the bottom, cheeks already tear-stained and more falling every second. Chansung slowly came to sit beside her and rested his hand on her back. “What’s wrong, Cho Hee?” He asked gently.

            She rubbed at her eyes furiously and sniffled terribly. “Bad dream...”

            Chansung rubbed his hand up and down her back and looked over her carefully. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

            Cho Hee looked up at him and her eyes watered heavily. “M-Mama...” She managed and then curled up into a ball.

            Chansung leaned her against him and held her close. He waited until she was calmer before taking her into his arms and holding her even tighter. “Mama can’t hurt you.”

            “But s-she already d-did!” Cho Hee cried angrily. “She...s-she made you leave us.”

            Chansung’s throat tightened. “Mama didn’t-”

            “Stop lying to me!” Cho Hee yelled.

            “Shh, shh...” He soothed and attempted to brush back her hair but she bat his hand away. “Are you mad at me..?”

            She nodded. “Only a little…”

            “I was gone too long...wasn’t I?”

            “Yes...”

            Chansung sighed and tilted her head up. “How did mama hurt you?”

            “I’m all wrong!" Cho Hee clawed at her arms and her cheeks and didn’t stop until Chansung hugged her close. "Mama said I was wrong!”

            It took everything in him not to get wholly upset. Cho Hee had been suffering so much, and just like Wooyoung she had been wearing a brave face. “You are not wrong. Nothing about you is wrong.”

            “Then why doesn’t mama love me?”

            That, was not a question Chansung could handle. “Mama was wrong for saying that about you, Cho Hee. She’s very hurt inside.” He tilted her head up. “She hurt me too for the very same reasons - although I’m sure there are different ones, too. She told me I was stupid for trying to find a fox.”

            Cho Hee clenched her teeth and gripped his shirt.

            “But you know...she was really mad because the fox was Wooyoung, because he was a boy.” Chansung explained. “I’m so sorry, Cho Hee.” He said gently. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you.” He found the words becoming harder. “There is nothing wrong about you or me.”

            “She really hurt us." Cho Hee whimpered. "Mama...mama said I would have to leave the house if I stayed friends with my filly...” Cho Hee sobbed. Then she sat up, “She said, ‘If you don’t stop being friends mama will scold you. You’ll have to find a new family’...”

            “Dad would’ve never let that happen, Cho Hee.”

            “Daddy never listened!” Cho Hee raged. “He ran away to his office, he doesn’t answer my questions. Only you listen, I want to stay with you. Does he hate us because we’re mama’s?”

            Chansung cupped her face. “No he doesn’t. I can’t speak for dad, but I know he loves us more than anything else in the world. Remember all the work he was doing to make sure we were all safe?”

            Cho Hee nodded.

            “He did that for us, me and you, so we could love whoever we wanted, even if that means letting go of mama.”

            She sniffled and curled her fingers into his hair.

            “Dad wasn’t allowed to love who he wanted, Cho Hee. He’s been hurt too-”

            “But...why have us?” Cho Hee asked tiredly.

            “Don’t think like that, Cho Hee.” He said firmly. “What dad and mama feel about each other, that isn’t about us, do you understand?”

            “I don’t...”

            Chansung nodded, “that’s fair. Sometimes people have children together but not for the right reasons. Sometimes it’s to keep themselves safe. It doesn’t mean dad loves us any less. We are dad’s kittens. Mama...thinks differently now, and you know...sometimes, people have to let their parents go. It is going to hurt. It’s going to hurt us all, but we all have each other, okay?”

            She nodded.

            “I love you so much, Cho Hee. I love you, Snow, Seren, Ae Cha and Kai so much. It hurt me that I couldn’t be here with you.” He said and held her tightly. “You are not wrong, nothing about you is wrong.”

            “Big brother...” Cho Hee started and peered up at him sadly. “I’m..scared to love daddy...because I don’t want him to abandon me too...”

            Chansung scooped her up as she began to cry once more. “Dad is never going to abandon you ever, my kitten.”

            Standing up and rocking her back and forth as she cried into his shoulder, he didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t bear to see his siblings so hurt. Feeling her grow heavy in his arms, he looked over her and sighed deeply. This was not something that could wait. Bringing her back to his room, to the comforting scents of his love, she seemed to relax even more. Laying her down where he once was, he gripped Wooyoung’s shoulder tenderly.

            “Chansung?”

            “I...I’ll be speaking with my father for a little bit. Cho Hee isn’t okay.”

            Wooyoung’s eyes widened and he looked over Cho Hee. “I noticed that a little last night when we were cleaning up.”

            “Did she say anything?”

            “No, not really.” Wooyoung said softly. “They need stability, especially Serenity, Snow and Cho Hee. If Aurora really and truly abandons them...they’re going to try and fill the void like you did. And, I'm worried about your dad, he's going to need a lot of support and care too, to heal.”

            Chansung nodded and brushed his hands over Cho Hee’s hair. “She...” It became difficult to speak and Chansung closed his eyes as Wooyoung’s warm hand rested against his cheek. “I’ll...explain later.”

            Wooyoung smiled. “Take your time, and say what you need to, about him, your mother and Yong-Sun. You have every right. I'll watch over Cho Hee.”

            “I will, and thanks,” he said and kissed him softly. He rose again and paused. Rummaging through their things he found the letter and then left the room. He read over the contents again; so much of it bothered him, but something else was wracking his mind. He stopped at the stairs and sighed. Gathering his wits, he looked up and began his descent. Coming to the top, he found his father seated in the hallway.

            Chansung slowly came to stand before him. He was angry, but he was also ready for him to come clean. “You heard all that..?”

            His father gave one slow nod. Slowly, he looked up, blood running from his nose.

            “Dad!" Chansung touched his forehead and looked him over. "What happened, dad? When I left...she was never like that to them.”

            “It isn’t a recent thing...” He answered weakly.

            "Come on," Chansung helped him up and to his room. He sat him on his bed and fetched a wet cloth. Slowly wiping the blood from his father's face, Chansung sighed as he watched tears fall from his eyes. "Fei wasn't the only one who got hurt, was she..?"

            "I'm sorry, Chansung. I feel...very weak."

            “Then how could you let it go on?” Chansung snapped. “It happened with me too, how much longer were you going to let us be hurt? To let yourself be hurt..?”

            “To be honest, I didn't feel like I had a choice. Me being hurt didn't matter, I couldn't lose you or your siblings. I had to keep us all together somehow, and for me this was the only way. I had to...let go of a part of me and reject it.” He said honestly, swaying back and forth. “Others told me my fear of coming out as a hybrid with double statuses and identified as biual was irrational, but I know it in my heart I would never have been able to get those bills to pass if I did. I gave up so much...because to me it was more worthwhile to fight for hybrid rights for all so no one experienced what I, Yong-Sun, Min-Jun, Taecyeon or you and your siblings did.”

            “Did you ever go to see Yong-Sun?” Chansung had to know.

            His father closed his eyes and let his head fall back. More blood escaped his nose. “No, he broke our bond. It took years to even try and regain a semblance of composure, of life. It's why I was so distant with you after he left. I didn't want you to feel like it was your fault, but I didn't want you to see how in pain I was.”

            Chansung helped him to sit back. He couldn't stand to see his father like this, he could only imagine the pain he was feeling - had been experiencing all these years. Looking around the room at all the family photos, he sighed. “All these years...all these memories, all the lies, will you tell me the truth?” He asked as he looked over at him. His father watched him silently for a long time. “Please dad, this can’t go on anymore. You can’t keep me in the dark. I want to support you, help you. I can't lose you, too. Please don't let me lose you like this..."

            “You’re not going to like it.” He said quietly, weakly.

            Swallowing hard, Chansung looked down at his hands and tried to steel himself. “There are a lot of things I haven’t liked in my life, dad.” He said finally and looked back up. “I...I had to live with her telling me if I was gay I would never experience real love. She told me to my face that if I couldn’t provide her with grandchildren she would disown me. To know that you've had to suffer all these years...carrying who knows what, trying to keep her from hurting people, it has to stop. You've been protecting someone who doesn't deserve it, dad - she's done things that cannot be forgiven.” He held up the letter. "And this is proof of just some of those horrible things."

            Watching as his father accepted the letter slowly, Chansung tried to quell his emotions. He waited patiently as his father opened it and read the contents. While Chansung did expect his father to at least be a little shocked, he was worried when he saw nothing but defeat. He looked even more pale.

            “Something changed after I was born, right..?” Chansung asked. “Not immediately, but something happened, and it has led us down this very dark path. It culminated with what happened in Fortune 20 years ago, right?”

            “At that time, it seemed like things were changing for the better. I just wanted some time with you and Yong-Sun, the three of us, that was the bargain and then I wouldn't push anymore. Yong-Sun was going to come to the Capital once a month. I thought...it was going to work out. I...I was so happy when you were born, when I got to hold you for the first time, to know that you are my son and my pride and glory, that was all I could have asked for. But...she didn't accept Yong-Sun, ever. When you were born things changed for her then because you attached to three of us, bonded with each of us. She told me unless I left Yong-Sun she was going to file for divorce and fight me for full custody of you. It happened so suddenly, like she had been planning this for ages. I had been cut off from friends, from my supports, and it kept getting worse.” His father admitted and gripped his hand. “After...what happened in Fortune, I knew I had to work harder to get the bills passed. Did you know this was the fourth voting session this year?”

            Chansung shook his head and sighed, “no...”

            “There have been so many over the years, and each time it felt like a part of me was being chipped away. I felt like all the progress was for nothing. The first time they held a vote...they didn’t want to pass it because Taecyeon was a red eye. ‘Too brazen’ they said. He had to prove himself to them, and I think we both know now how he managed to prove himself.”

            Chansung closed his eyes, “yes...unfortunately.”

            “That was before you were born. For 35 years, I have been fighting for these rights. I have watched friends lose their families, have lost them to Catchers, and become desperate for a shining light, just one. When I look back on our lives, yours, mine, your mother’s, Yong-Sun's, and your sibling’s, all our friends...I get so...chaotic. I never wanted this for any of you. I guess...after the triplets, I sort of gave up on paying attention to my true feelings. I just wanted to ensure you would all be safe. In doing so...I did cause myself and all of you immense harm. I really and truly recognise that, Chansung.”

            Gripping his hand tighter, Chansung leaned against him. “I...I am really mad at you, but more because it just doesn’t make sense how you could...let her do all those things to the people you love, to us.”

            “I will never expect forgiveness for that. I wouldn’t be surprised if Cho Hee rejects me. I can already feel it from you.” His father said quietly. “I don’t have the heart...to keep you from what you really want. I never want any of you to go through what I did. I never want you to feel powerless and weak like I did. Please understand, Chansung, I only wanted to do what was best for all of you, it was the only thing that kept me going – no matter if Aurora is your mother and we are no longer together-”

            “She says nearly the same, you know? ‘I did this to protect you.’ You...you have to do better, dad. You’re going to have to do a lot of work to regain trust from some of us.”

            “Yes, I know. Do I ever know...”

            Chansung sighed and smacked himself. "Sorry."

            "Don't hurt yourself-."

            "You're not like her, I would never want you to think that. It isn't trust either, it's presence. Perhaps being around us hurts you - let me finish." Chansung held his hand as his father tried to speak. "People have called me selfless, I have never believed it. But, if I have even an inkling of selflessness, I know I get it from you. We are going to say a lot of things in anger and frustration because we don't know what you've been through, dad. I don't know if we will ever truly know everything...but," he sighed and sat closer to his father. "Don't give up on us, and if you do need time away from us, that's okay. You need to be able to heal, too." He assured and brushed at his father's tears. “I'm sure that's why auntie Mei is here, asides from hopefully finally supporting you too.”

            “Chansung, I...” He sobbed painfully. “Cho Hee...My little Cho Hee...I didn’t even know about some of the things your mother did. I regret spending so much time away from them. I wouldn’t blame them if they hate me.” His father covered his mouth. “I feel the results of my decisions and my inaction constantly, Chansung.”

            “Dad...you can't carry it, okay? From what I've learned and experienced these past few years, and what you've told me, you did the best that you could. But, you have to tell me about her.” Chansung said sternly. “That letter she gave Wooyoung only leads me to believe she has done many terrible things. What happened during that fight? What have you been hiding about Aurora?”

            “First, you must promise me you never tell your siblings what I am about to tell you.” He said firmly, fearfully even.

            “I promise-"

            “Chansung, you must swear to me you will never tell them.” His father spoke with utter desperation and a hard gaze.

            Shaken by the tone of his voice and his expression, Chansung nodded, “I swear dad...”

            “G-Get-Get me a brandy...” He said painfully.

            Chansung hesitated but fetched him a small glass. He was worried about his father losing more blood. More fell. Once he was seated again by his father, he watched him lift it to his lips. After a shaky breath, he shot it back all in one go. Chansung took the glass and set it on the nightstand.

            “Mei told me if I didn’t tell you...she would cease all contact with me. Like you, she is tired of everything. It's why she has seldom connected with us, especially these past recent years.”

            “This sounds serious then...”

            His father looked out the window, eyes hollow, his face gaunt. “You asked me once...why there was such a large between you and your siblings.” He started, never turning to face him.

            “Yes...”

            “Life was so different back when you were young. Having both my Significants, when the possibility of having two is already so impossible, it was bliss. So, there was a time I genuinely loved your mother. I can say with confidence that we were happy. For 5 years we lived in Cherrybrook. It was quiet and we could be who we wanted, together. However, as I said and what I originally believed was that once I began working again and you started going to school your mother began to change. When I finally and really understood that she had never been happy with our arrangements, it shook me. All those years, she had been biding time, and then I guess she finally had a cub so that was her rationale for what we had no longer being compatible, acceptable. So, Yong-Sun decided to step back. It was so selfless. It worked...for a while. But you always wanted to see him, for us all to be together. After a long time it began to take a toll on me. We weren't making any progress with the bills at the time and I wanted a break. So, when you were 9...going on 10, your mother was okay with us going on a trip."

            "Only a limited number of people knew, and it was the first time in a very long time that you, Yong-Sun and I were going to see Min-Jun. I asked your mother if she had wanted to come with us, but she refused, she didn't want to be seen with us. When...Salvatore and his group attacked us the first time, it shook me, right down to my core. That is when things really began to change. Your mother threatened to fight me for custody, claiming that it was my fault the attack happened. She told me that unless I left Yong-Sun, I would never see you again. It was very painful. I met with him only once after the incident. He told me to stay with you and Aurora, because he didn't want you to be without one of us."

            "The only way I could ease the pain was by sealing off my feelings for Yong-Sun, and he revoked whatever was left of our bond. I would never, ever wish that pain upon anyone. I had to let Yong-Sun go completely. Immediately after the Fortune incident, the guilt over nearly losing you drove him into deep depression, and Aurora’s abuse only worsened. He left us, but it didn't matter, Aurora and I remained distant for years. After a while, things were looking up, and we began making progress with the bills. And, your sweet triple threat siblings were born." They shared a chuckle. "But, I really noticed a difference in Aurora then...she refused to let you or me see them for...a month. You came home from school all excited and I had to tell you they were in a delicate state, remember?"

            Chansung nodded slowly, "I remember."

            “For many years, I wondered if the fight to gain hybrid rights was worth it. At some point I realised I had nothing else to lose, I already felt trapped. I had to finish this game. So, I put on a mask. I played the part of a happy husband, and attempted to create the image of familiarity between hybrid families and human ones. It worked. Of course, when you started talking about foxes and exhibiting homoual tendencies, your mother...became worse. She didn’t want her children to be the same as me. Even if I was her Significant, it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered but our family lineage and the purebred blood I could provide to you and your siblings. Nothing but the power and prestige of both our family's ancestries and lineages.”

            Chansung deflated in his chair and covered his eyes. “Suddenly, just being gay or biual, or whatever, feels like a small nuisance...”

            “Doesn't it? I never wanted what happened to me to be passed onto you. I thought that with time everything would be better. I really and truly believed that once the bills passed, things would change.”

            "I think they have already. But you can only hold so many things inside, hold back the hurt and the darkness for so long before it overcomes you. Then, it explodes."

            His father nodded, “yes...”

            "I'm hurt, dad. I'm really hurt, so I can only imagine how you feel, how Yong-Sun must feel." He said weakly. "I just don't understand though...why so many children?"

            Chung-Hee gasped as he sat up and held Chansung's arms tightly. “I-I truly love every single one of you. You and your siblings brighten my life on the worst of days, and reminded me of what I was fighting for. I...I know your relentless ambition to find Wooyoung, your little silver fox, was truly what pushed me to overcome so many of the things that happened in our lives. Despite the accident, despite what happened to you and what you experienced after the Fox Realm, despite your memories being taken, you still persevered, Chansung. You don’t remember what happened that day, but I do, and so does Taecyeon, Min-Jun, and Yong-Sun. If Taecyeon hadn’t saved your life, you wouldn’t be here right now, and I know things would have gone much differently.”

            “As much as I want to hear about that day...you keep saying ‘your siblings’ instead of ‘my children’. I’m...I’m not stupid, dad. Why do you keep saying it like that?”

            “Because...you are all not my children by blood.”

            A heaviness came over him. Chansung wanted to ask for clarification, but he heard his father very clearly. Staring at him silently, Chansung watched him rise up and stagger over to pour himself another shot. He took a long drink from his glass, finishing off the amber liquid and pouring himself another. “But...the triplets, they were - and Ae Cha and Kai - we all look like you and her...”

            “Yes...I know. I was fooled too...”

            Chansung rose up but his legs gave out on him. His father knelt before him instantly, holding his arms. “But I’m...you’re my dad – you’re our father!” He said desperately. “You-”

           His cupped his face tenderly. “You are my son, regardless of who the father is, you're all my children.”

            Beginning to shake horribly. “No...you-”

            His father hugged him close. “There’s no gentle way I can say this, but it is true. Some of your siblings...are not my children by blood, but they are by bond.”

            There had been much that his father had said which already wounded him deeply. But right now, now he felt dirty. Feeling his body growing hot with both immense betrayal and anger, he gripped his father’s shirt tightly. “But you raised us, you were there with us all, loving us as if we all were yours! We’re yours!”

            “And you will all always be mine.” His father assured. “I love each and every one of you regardless.”

            “I...I want to know and I don’t want to know who...” Chansung murmured and then he was hit with despair. “How could one person cause so much pain? She hurt you so much, dad...”

            “I’ve accepted it already. I can’t change it. The deed has already been done, Chansung. I truly, truly do not feel any different-”

            “Don’t lie to me.” Chansung gasped as tears fell from his face and he pressed his face into his father’s shoulder. “Who was it?”

            “Chansung-”

            “Who is it?!”

            “Chansung, I don’t want to say.”

            “Who is the other male?” Chansung demanded and was looking up and into his eyes again. “Please tell me - don’t hold it over me.”

            His father hugged him tightly and rubbed his back. “You have to promise never to tell them.”

            “I promise – I won’t – I swear I won’t say!”

            Hearing a resigned sigh, his father brought their foreheads together. “It was your uncle, Myung-Soo...”

            Beginning to breathe hard; memories of his uncle teasing and joking around with him and his siblings flashed through his mind.

            “My own brother...”

            Chansung wrapped his arms about his father tightly.

            “I’m...not going to tell you what she did, she’s thrown it in my face enough.” He said shakily.

            “I don’t want to know which ones. I don’t care.” Chansung said brokenly. “She’s rejecting all of us.”

            “I know.”

            Chansung suddenly felt very weak. Of all the things he thought were the causes behind his parent’s tumultuous marriage, this was not one of them. "I'm tired, but I have a couple more questions, because something has been bothering me about the incident 20 years ago."

            His father brushed back his hair and smiled. "Even if I want to tell you to sleep, I bet you won't."

            Chansung shook his head.

            "Come then, I need to lie down."

            Chansung helped him rise up. Sitting beside his father once again, Chansung kept a hold on his hand.

            "Ask me."

            "Are you sure? I can wait. Maybe we should go to the hospital-"

            "This cannot be cured by medicine." His father said quietly, a sad smile gracing his lips. "Just ask me."

            "Do you know any female hybrids with red eyes?"

            His father looked surprised about the question. "I have met some, yes, of course."

            "Were any of them a part of the fox research project?"

            "I would have to return to my notes on the cases, I know there were a few."

            Chansung looked over the note slowly. "I shall take matters into my own hands, once again..." He read. "Chansung doesn't remember you and he never will. Your Realm made sure of that." He slowly looked up. "I only found out Wooyoung was a fox a short while ago, how long have you known?"

            At this Chung-Hee smiled, "believe it or not, I didn't know he was a fox until Taecyeon told me he needed to take extended leave, and that he was going back to the country. I asked him what was important enough to leave his position. He told me it was a little boy who nearly froze in a tree. If you are suspicious of me, I swear, Chansung, the only person I told was auntie Mei."

            "Have you ever seen Aurora's second hybrid?" He asked suddenly.

            To this, his father shook his head, "I've had suspicions, but no. She has been adamant that she is only a carrier of the gene."

            "If you only told auntie, and Aurora wasn't in Fortune until after the incident, why did she write in the letter to Wooyoung that I would never remember and that 'your Realm that made sure of that'? She had to know he was a fox...how could she have found out? How did she know he was the one I was talking about? How did she know he was with Min-Jun? Why did she want me to hand over my research notes on foxes over to the Porta project?"

            With each word, each question, his father's face became more grim.

            "Dad, there is no one else, no one I can think of, that is more connected to everything. It all points to her. With everything you've told me, I can't think of anyone else." He was looking down at the letter in his hands, his vision blurring each second.

            "Look at me, my son."

            Slowly, Chansung raised his eyes, tears spilling down his cheeks. Absolute sadness adorned his father's face. "How could you ever forgive me, for not seeing, not knowing, if this is all true?" He asked, utterly devastated. "I should have seen-"

            "No, no, no," Chansung rose up and gripped his hands. "You are not allowed to take this on. This is between us, like how Myung-Soo is, and until we're ready, until I have the proof I need, it has to stay that way."

            "Chansung, I..." His father gripped his hands hard. "Not alone, not anymore, alright?"

            "I don't trust many people to help."

            "It doesn't matter, we need help; now more than ever."

*

Next Chapter...Little Lions