Back to the present

Wedding reception

The ceremony ended and now it was time for the wedding reception.

After the events of last night, Haylee was still a little bit shaken up. She put on her best smile to mask away the pain that was throbbing inside her heart.

While she was walking away from the ceremony, she caught onto Seungho’s gaze and she felt the sudden strong beat inside her chest, begging her to run back to him.

Right now, she was sitting at a table looking at the guests either dancing or holding up lively conversations. She let go of her date allowing him to have some fun and apologized for not properly playing the part to which he forgave her, understanding that her heart wasn’t into it.

“Haylee?”

She turned around and saw Seungho taking a seat next to her. Without being able to speak out, he took this chance to take her hand in between his and looked up straight in the eyes, showing her that he was hurt by the way she ended the night they had.

She pulled her hand out of his grip and got up, wanting to leave. She was going to breakdown and she couldn’t allow it to happen, especially not in front of him.

“Haylee! Wait!”

They were outside and out of sight from everybody.

She stopped in her steps and wiped her tears away before turning around to face him.

“What do you want?”

“Why did you leave?”

“Because I had to. It was a mistake what we did Seungho.”

“Why is it a mistake?”

She couldn’t answer him because she didn’t have a response to his question. He walked closer to her but she backed away, her feelings starting to overwhelm her. “Stay away from me. I can’t deal with this anymore.”

“Not until you explain to me why you think it’s a mistake because I don’t see the problem. I don’t regret what we did. It never felt so right to be with you and I know you feel the same way. I felt it last night, so stop denying it.”

“Because I’m still angry at you! And it still hurts! I’m still hurt Seungho. It doesn’t want to go away and it’s tearing me apart!”

Letting out her emotions, her voice cracked.

Even after all that time, the night of their break up was still fresh in her mind and she was getting tired of it. She wanted to push it back but the more she did, the more it came back to haunt her.

“It’s over Seungho. Just leave it at that.”

“Why are you being so stubborn?!” He was starting to get angry. He couldn’t understand why she was being like this when clearly something happened last night. “You don’t think I’m hurt too?”

“Then why did you do it?!! Why the hell did you leave?! We could’ve talked this through but instead you left and slept with another woman behind my back while I was feeling guilty!”

With every word, the anger was building up inside of her. She looked at him with the same hateful look she had five months ago. “I’m sorry Haylee. I still hate myself for what I did-“

“And I still hate you for it… Just leave, okay? I can’t go through this again.” She turned around but wasn’t fast enough as she felt him grab her wrist, stopping her from leaving. “And I can’t stand watching you leave again. Don’t walk away from me when we could be fixing this.”

“Fix this?!” She pulls herself away from his grip and looks at him while pushing him away with all the energy she had in her arms. “There is nothing to fix Seungho! You’ve ruined everything!”

“You’re the one that ended this! Remember?!”

“Because I was mad at you! Not because I stopped loving you!” It was too late to take back what she just said. The slip of the tongue made them both shut up as she quickly placed her hands over while looking at him with her eyes wide open while he gave her the same look, frozen in his spot. “Y-you love me?”

“That’s why it hurts so bad, because the person I love the most in this whole world walked out on me and betrayed me. You broke my heart and even today it’s killing me…” She took a moment to deeply breathe, holding in the early tears.

“… I miss you so much but I still can’t get over the fact that you hurt me, someone who wanted a future with me. Someone who claimed of wanting kids with me, and getting married. Maybe for you they were just words but for me they were promises; promises to spend the rest of our lives together because I want that. I want that damn future with you. I want everything you want us to be but you threw it all away the moment you walked out of our home.”

“Haylee-“

“Wait. I’m not done.” He didn’t move, letting her pour out the rest of her emotions. “Even though I want to be the only one for you, I feel like it’s not the case; but I’m also scared. I’m afraid that if we ever get back together that we’re just going to end and that losing you will just kill me. I don’t want to go through it again. It was hard enough the first time and I can’t imagine what could happen next… The worst part is… I know you’ll have to leave. For two years you’ll be gone and I can’t have that.”

One by one the tears were staining her cheeks. There wasn’t any anger anymore but just sadness. He slowly walked to her and cupped her cheeks, wiping away the tears with his thumbs. He leaned closer and placed a soft kiss on her lips and pulls away, having his turn to pour his heart out.

“Let me fix this, let me take your pain away… I’m still in love with you and I still want that future for us. I’ve never felt so empty in my life while being away from you last year, but knowing that you were still mine gave me some kind of strength, but that night… When I saw you walking away from me, I’ve never felt so weak. I know you won’t forgive me so easily but at least, let me make it up to you; let me show you that you’re the only one that I want, the only one that I need. I regret letting you walk out once and I’ll make sure that it won’t happen ever again because I don’t think I can handle losing you anymore. It hurts so much, I need you to make it stop. I need you to comeback to me Haylee. Say that you’ll comeback to me and that we can have our future together because that’s all I want. I need you close to me. I want you close to me so I can have my arms around you and love you the way I was meant too.”

She shakes her head and slowly backs away from him, letting his arms fall back by his body. “I c-can’t.”

Before letting him react, she ran away, leaving him standing alone with the cool breeze hitting his face.

She ran as far as she could until she found herself back to the crowd of people that were still in celebrating. She quickly made her way to the restroom, avoiding everybody and once she was alone, she silently broke down.

She could see the hurt in his eyes and it hit her hard as she felt her heart tightly squeeze. Looking up at the mirror in front of her, her eyes caught onto the marking on her chest. The dates were a reminder that he was part of her past and all that was left was her future and nothing more. She needed to move on even though it was going to be painful. She wiped away her tears and fixed herself before taking a beep breath and walking out back to join the rest of the party.

While she was slowly making her way back to her table, she felt a gentle tap on her shoulder making her turn around. Seungho was standing behind her and slowly pulled out his hand, inviting her for a dance.

“Seungho, please~ for the love of –“

“Just one dance. That’s all I’m asking. Please?”

She sighs and places her hand in his palm. Leading her to the dance floor, the sudden acoustic of a guitar started to play, signaling a heartfelt ballad. One hand was encircling her waist with the other was still holding onto her other hand while she had her free hand on his shoulder. They let their bodies softly swing to the music while letting the silence reign over them.

We were as one babe

For a moment in time

And it seemed everlasting

That you would always be mine

Listening to the lyrics, she recognized the song that was playing. She tightly closed her eyes and rested her cheek on his collarbone, holding in her tears once again. She felt his grip around her get stronger as he brought her closer to him and placed a soft kiss on her forehead.

Now you want to be free

So I'm letting you fly

Cause I know in my heart babe

Our love will never die, no

He didn’t want to let her go but a part of him agreed to her words. There was nothing that was left to be fixed. Those broken pieces were there to stay and he couldn’t do anything to gain back what he lost and it was killing him.

You'll always be a part of me

I'm a part of you indefinitely

Girl don't you know you can't escape me

Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby

 

And we'll linger on

Time can't erase a feeling this strong

No way you're never going to shake me

Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby

Word by word, this song was becoming theirs. As each second passed, someone else was saying the hard words that couldn’t be spoken through their voices, somehow easing the pain that was permanently stuck in their hearts. She tightly held on his hand, trying to get a feel of his warmth for the last time before they had to part ways and officially give up and get on with their lives.

I ain't going to cry no

And I won't beg you to stay

If you're determined to leave girl

I will not stand in your way

But inevitably you'll be back again

Cause you know in your heart babe

Our love will never end, no

She wanted to leave and he had to let her go. Nobody said how hard it was going to be or if he’ll ever get back from this but if that’s what she wanted, he had to accept it.

I know that you'll be back girl

When your days and your nights get a little bit colder

I know that, you'll be right back, babe

Baby believe me it's only a matter of time

He’s willing to let her go one last time because he knows that she’ll be back. She admitted to still loving him and his feelings for her haven’t changed at all. He knew that it wasn’t enough but it was still something for him and he was willing to wait for her.

“No matter how long it will take you… I’ll always be waiting for you to comeback to me. We belong together, Haylee.” His whispered words made her look up at him. Straight in his eyes, she could see them shimmer from the tears that were ready to fall which made her react the same way.

Always be my baby

The last note of the song over, she gently pulled herself away from his grip and wiped her tears away. She didn’t have the energy of facing him so she ran, once again, away from the party, leaving him to be standing alone on the dance floor.

“Seungho?”

He turned around and saw the rest of the boys walking towards him. From the look their friend had, it seemed as if it wasn’t going to work out after all. “I-it’s over…”

He didn’t give them time to react as he took his turn to leave, finding his way out of the party, as he was looking around for someone.

The world kept spinning while he was left stuck inside his own bubble, wishing that those five months were just a bad dream, except that the pain felt to real to simply be something from his subconscious.

Further away, he found his boss talking to some people. Walking up towards him, he asked for a moment of his time and they both went for a more private part of the site.

“What did you want to talk about that seemed important?”

“Your proposal… is it still up?”

♥

“Haylee! Hurry up! Myung Hee is about to throw the bouquet!”

She got dragged by one of the bridesmaid into the crowd of countless single ladies all excited.

That’s when it hit her. She was single after all, right?

Taking a last look around her, she was taking her steps backwards and left the crowd until someone yelled out her name in a hurry making her quickly turn around only to be startled by something that caught her eyes and out of reflex pulled out her hands in front of her to catch whatever was falling.

Once she felt the item in her palms, she looked down and saw that she had just caught the bouquet. Looking back up, endless pairs of eyes were on her while she blankly looked back at them. Her gaze went up to Myung Hee who was looking at her with a sad expression. Haylee waved up the bouquet in her hand with a bitter smile on her face and walked away.

She went back to her table, picked up her purse and left the party, not having the energy of doing anything else but to climb back in her bed and stay there.

Once she was outside, she called looked up for a taxi and once she found one, she climbed inside and gave the drivers direction to her place, ready to end her day there.

♥

The sun was long gone and Haylee was on her sofa, eating a big bowl of chocolate ice cream while watching some TV show she hasn’t seen in ages, hoping to get her mind off of the events of the last twenty-four hours.

Just then, she hears a knocking on her door and reluctantly gets up from her seat.

Opening it, she sees Seungho standing in front of her still wearing his suit except for his tie who seemed to have disappeared. “For the love of God! I told you to leave Seungho!”

“Before I do… I need to tell you something.”

“What’s wrong?” Something about the way he was looking at her alarmed her. She lets him in and closes her door behind, making her way back to her couch where Seungho sat next to her. She turned off her TV and turned to him, waiting to see what he wanted to say.

“I’m leaving.”

“Leaving? Like on a tour or something?”

“No. For the army.”

“W-what?” She felt her heart drop right there. She knew that it was just a matter of time but now that she was actually facing the reality of it, it was suddenly becoming too much, all at once. “W-why now? I thought you still had time-”

“I do, but I think it’s better for the both of us if I just go now.”

She shouldn’t be caring about this since they aren’t together anymore but all she could feel right now was sorrow.

“When are you leaving?”

“In two weeks…”

He came closer to her and gently cupped her cheek to wipe the tear that fell. It was breaking his heart seeing her like this but he knew that it had to be done. It will give them both some proper time apart and once he’ll comeback they could be starting over.

“When I come back, we could finally have that future. We could start over; forget everything and just start a new chapter-“

“N-no.”

“What?”

“I said no. Time won’t make things better. Starting over won’t change things. I c-can’t trust you anymore-“

He cuts her off by pulling her towards him and crashes his lips against hers, taking her breath away. She kisses him back with a sudden passion blowing out but soon pulls him away as she caught her breath while softly asking him to leave.

“Goodbye Seungho.”

He gets up from the couch and walked up to the door.

He gave her one last look  of sorrow and closed the door behind, letting the silence greet her.

“I love you Seungho… I’ll always love you.”