Falling out of love

I sighed and sat down on my bed in my and Minho hyung’s shared room. I hugged the banana pillow he got me on our first date. I still remembered that day clearly, he took me to an amusement park, bought and won me a few items – like the banana plushy- and confessed his feelings on the Ferris wheel. I was so happy that he felt the same way. I mean, he’s perfect and I’m just a banana milk loving kid, who wouldn’t be happy when your crush likes you back? We started going out officially and were inseparable ever since.

That was 6 years ago. Now we’re in college, I’m taking dance major and he’s taking contemporary music. Our schedules were almost the same so we had some time to himself but lately.. He’s been using his spare time to ‘run some errands’, usually we’d use our spare time to chat, get some ice cream or just cuddle together and watch a movie.

But that was all in the past.

I lay down on my bed and getting up instantly. I just couldn’t take my afternoon nap (yes, I do still take naps. Got a problem with that?).  Minho would usually sing me a lullaby – even though he’s not that good of a singer – or either hums me to sleep. His big warm arms wrap around my petite waist, hugging me protectively – as if begging me not to leave him.

A tear escaped my right eye as I walk towards his bed, opposite of mine. I lay down on his bed, still hugging the plushy, and breathed in deeply. Minho’s bed smelled just like him. I snuggled deeper into his pillow – trying to bury myself from this world. I want to forget everything, just for a little while.

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My nap was disturbed when I felt a sudden weight on the left side of the bed – wait, left side? As far as I’m concerned, my left is the wall. That must mean…

“Minho! You’re home!” I exclaimed and hugged him tight. “I was worried you wouldn’t come home.” I croaked  out. My voice was a little raspy, probably from the nap I had just awakened from. “Yeah. I had to check on something but tonight, I’m all yours.” He said with a rare smile on his face.

I pulled him into a passionate kiss but something felt weird. Was he using strawberry flavoured lip balm?

“H-hyung.” I said, slightly panting after we parted. “Why do your lips taste like strawberry? I thought you don’t wear lip balm?”

Minho seemed stunned for a while but soon regained his position and said “I thought I might try and mix it up a little.”

“Ahh..” I mumbled. “C-can I sleep with you tonight?” I looked up with my puppy dog eyes. “You know I can’t win whenever you put those eyes on! Alright, alright. Come here!” He exclaimed as he tackled me onto his bed with a bone-crushing hug.

I giggled and hugged him close, trying to bury my head in his chest. His scent, it infatuates me. I feel like I’m going crazy.

But is this really love? Do I love him?

I looked up and saw his smiling face. Something’s wrong. I know it, I feel it. I used to feel butterflies in my stomach at the mere sight of him smiling but now. I don’t know. Is everything moving too fast? Why can’t I feel the special feeling every time I’m with him?

“Minnie, are you okay?” He must’ve felt me squirm under him. I don’t get it. That deep voice of his usually soothes me. Why do I feel like a total stranger is talking to me?

“H-hyung..” I mumbled, getting up to a sitting position. “W-why can’t I feel anything anymore?” Tears started to free fall from my eyes. I felt the bed shift a little, then a warm hand caressing my cheeks – trying to wipe the tears that won’t stop falling.

“I-it’s over isn’t it?” I choked out in between sobs. He just hugged me, saying that he’s sorry. For what?

I knew I’ve known the answer to my own question. This feeling. We were just caught up in the heat of the moment.

“I’ve been meeting Sulli lately. I’m sorry Minnie. I didn’t mean to. I just couldn’t.. feel anything anymore.” I felt my shirt getting damp – he must be crying right now.

“I-it’s okay.” I sniffed. “I mean, we could still be best friends and roommates right?” I tried to sound optimistic.

“Y-yeah. So I guess.. We’re done?”

“Yeah.” I mumbled. I guess it’s one of those rare mutual break ups. “Isn’t it weird though? After 6 years our feelings just disappear into thin air, just like that?” I snapped my fingers. He pulled away from me and laughed a bit.

“Mmm. I guess this is what falling out of love feels like. Don’t get me wrong, I still love you Minnie. Just not in the way I used to.” I pressed our foreheads together.

“I know. I feel the same way.”  I sighed before I continued “But I can still sleep with you right?”

He arched one of his eyebrows. “Not in that way you erted hyung!” He just laughed. “I know, I know. I was just teasing. And yeah, I don’t see what the problem is.”

We both lay down on his bed, my arms automatically circling around his waist, his arms hugging me back. I let out a frustrated sigh but he didn’t seem to notice.

I’ll miss us.

A single tear escaped my eye.

Goodbye Minho hyung.

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Little did Minho know, Taemin still has feelings for him. He loved the older so much, it hurts him to still be the one holding on when Minho has already let go. He knew about Minho’s cheating, he knew that Minho no longer loves him. So he decided to be the mature one and let him go. Like the old saying goes “If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, then it’s yours.”

But Minho never came back.