I'm sorry that I had to delete the previous entry.

 

I want this to be a one-shot nonetheless, so I patched the previous entry with the new one.

 

Sorry for your inconvenience should you need to scroll down to find the last part you read before.

Btw, this is going to be a one hellish long oneshot :) So, if you're working or studying, please do first, you can always come back to read later :) This story will be here for you, waiting :)

 

Lastly, don't forget to leave comments or critics.
I need that as a feedback on how to improve my writing, though :)
(If you find any grammatical mistakes you want me to correct then tell me, alright. TBH, I don't have time to personally proofread. I use proofread function on Wordpress and I'm sure it's not perfect)

 

Cheers~

 

***

Sunny went home from her ob-gyn feeling incredibly happy. Right after she received the happy news from the doctor, she felt like jumping like a little kid who won a bunny plush doll in balloon pop stand. She had to restrain herself though. Just like right now, when she walked with conscious care down the car park to find her white sport car.

 

Oppa must be super thrilled to learn this information, she talked to herself, again, refraining herself from skipping down the con-blocked ground.

 

Sunny rummaged her tote bag when she saw her charming white 4S Cabriolet. She pressed the vehicle's remote to unlock the doors, and got in.

 

Should I visit him in the office or should I wait for him at home? She wondered as she pushed the ignition button. The smile never left her lips.

 

She glanced at the dashboard digital clock as she drove her way out of the hospital. Deciding to go home as it was just an hour away before the office hour ended, she made a mental note to take away a la carte food from their favorite restaurant. Should the time allow, she might be able to pick up her favorite coral peonies from her regular florist for a sweet embellishment on their dining table.

 

It was a special day, so she intended to make everything special for herself, and for both of them especially.

 

An hour and half later, she was arrived in their apartment, carrying a plastic bag contained with warm food in special boxes on one hand and a bouquet of small fragrant peonies on the other one - which she held close to her chest.

 

Placing plastic bag and the flowers on the kitchen counter, she started to move around to prepare for their surprised special dinner. She took out plates from the cupboard above - tip-toeing because she couldn't get them if she didn't - summoning a turquoise saucer from nowhere - a square turquoise saucer with a carved design on one of its corner. She then fished out her smart phone from inside her tote bag after she set all the conjured items on the counter. She punched the virtual keyboard on the screen, and waited for some waiting tone before the person across the line picked up.

 

"Oppa?" She addressed her beloved.

 

"Hey, Bunny. What's up?" The guy across the line answered warmly.

 

"Nothing. I'm just wondering if you come home on time or not."

 

"I'm on my way back actually. The last meeting was cancelled. I'll be at home in 20 minutes. Where are you?" asked him.

 

"Good." She smiled through the microphone. "I'm in our apartment."

 

"Good. What did the doctor say?"

 

Sunny smiled even broader. "Just come home first, Oppa. I'm waiting."

 

Sungmin was frowning, but the cheeriness in her voice made him smile unintentionally, "Why are you being secretive? And why do you sound so happy?"

 

She chuckled, "Just come home, Oppa. Drive safely. I love you."

 

With the call ended, she put back her smart phone inside her bag, and dashed into the kitchen counter. She unboxed all the food on two different plates and a big bowl, and served them on the dining table. The tiny woman then cut three peony blooms with kitchen scissors set them facing up in a the middle of the square saucer before bringing that arranged adornment and two small candles in a glass candle holders, and she set them too on the table.

 

Just when she was about to turn around to get dinnerware and cutlery, she felt a pair of strong arms circled around her waist, holding her from behind. Jolting in his hold due to the shock, she tried to spun around to face him, yet he kept her locked in his arm.

 

"Oppa! You scare me again!" She whined, her lips pursed, her cheek puffed.

 

Her husband chuckled, sending the ticklish vibration to Sunny's back.

 

"How's your day?" asked Sungmin as he peppered her neck and jaw with little kisses, making her body shivered and the hairs on her arms raised in goosebumps due to the tingling sensation.

 

"It's great. Now, Oppa, if you'll excuse me." She answered, trying to break free of his embrace.

 

"No. I won't let you." He held her tighter.

 

"Oppa," she whined again. "I want to tell you something very important."

 

"Just say it then." He mumbled through her milky white skin, still busy with her jaw line.

 

"No. Let's eat first. Come on," she was pleading now.

 

Sungmin chuckled once more. He let go of her waist and turned her head to capture it into a quick kiss.

 

"Do you want to take a bath first or what?" Sunny asked. She took an electric gas lighter and the candle.

 

"No, actually I'm starving. I skipped lunch." He took his seat, carefully observing the romantic feel on the dining table.

 

"Alright," Sunny switched lights in the dining room off, letting the orange fire from the candles dancing, dimly illuminating the room. She then went to the stereo not far from the dining area to play the romantic pop song which hum in low volume.

 

All that while Sungmin was eying her curiously. When she finally took her seat in front of him did he ask, "Do I happen to forget important days? What's this all about?"

 

Sunny smiled warmly, "No. For now, let's enjoy our dinner first. I'll tell you later." She spooned the food onto his plate, and they started to eat, casually chatting over daily trivia issues.

 

When they had finished eating and had cleared away the table, Sungmin offered her a glass of champagne, but she refused with a smile. It was rather odd for Sungmin. His wife had never refused any alcoholic beverages before.

 

When he raised his eyebrow in question, she went to where she left her patent leather tote bag. Sunny took out a brown envelope and brought it to the dining room where Sungmin was waiting with a glass of champagne for himself.

 

"It's because of this, Oppa." she said as she handed a photo of something like under a spotlight, only everything was in blurred black and white spots.

 

"This is. . ." He starred at the black hole in the middle of the picture with an oval something inside.

 

"Yes. That's our baby." Sunny finished his sentence with a contented tone in her voice.

 

Sungmin stared at the picture for a while longer. It seemed as if some wires that was supposed to be connected to the language system in his brain was detached. Sunny was enjoying Sungmin's expression which was changing slowly from dumbstruck daze to the moment when his eyes was flickered with dawn realization as he stood on his seat then dashed to pull her off her seat and hugged her tightly.

 

"Are you serious? Are you being serious?! Are you like one hundred percent serious?!!" He asked in disbelief as he pulled off and cupped his wife's cheeks with both hands. A clownish grin appeared on his face.

 

Sunny's smile turned to laughter as she saw her lovely husband's reaction. "It's from the doctor this afternoon, Oppa. He said that the baby is now 7 weeks. Why would I joke about that anyway."

 

"I-I'm going to be a dad. . . I'm going to be a dad. I'm going to be a dad! Assa!!!" He hugged his wife again, but this time he took his chance to lift her off her feet and spin around together in pure bliss.

 

The petite woman chuckled even harder. She managed to breath, "Oppa, put me down. Dizzy," in between the giggles.

 

Sungmin heard her. He quickly stopped his movement and put her down, all the while keeping his grip on her shoulder in case she got really dizzy and fell down. No, he wouldn't want that to happen. He'll never let that to happen.

 

"Let's sit then," he ushered her to their springy leather sofa of light brown color. He sat her on his lap, while kept hugging her and stealing kisses from her. "Gosh, a dad, huh? Thanks, Bunny."

 

Sunny chuckled for the umpteenth time. The happiness was overwhelming that should she couldn't control herself, she would be this laughing maniac.

 

"Let see," he said, thinking as their hands were locking each other, fingers were threading each other. "I want you to go home earlier starting from tomorrow. I don't want you to get tired."

 

Sunny giggled. It was funny to see her husband this caring. Well, he was always caring, but this time, it was doubled. "As much as I want to oblige, but I can't. It's high festivity season now, and we got many massive orders. I need to be there to control the baking and the packaging."

 

Sunny owned a cupcake store in Gangnam, her longtime passion for culinary business. Two years ago, the shop started shaky at first, but when her delicious recipe got into a celebrity taste buds, wham! The shop was immediately popular. Sungmin who ran an estate agency network which building was a block away came over almost every day to get his favorite breakfast menu. The daily meeting sparked interest, and they got closer and closer until they decided to tie the knot just last year.

 

"Just leave that to your assistant," he tried to bargain.

 

"I cannot. I want to be there, Oppa," she leaned over to kiss his lips. "Trust me. I'll be very careful and not to tire myself out."

 

Her husband pouted. He sighed before continuing, "Alright, but starting from tomorrow, I want you to leave your white baby at home. I'm gonna drive you around."

 

Sunny chuckled at the display of affection mixed with childish behavior, "Oppa, be rational. I have a more flexible schedule while you, Oppa, have to be a model for your employees, so you should come on time. You driving me around will trouble us both."

 

"Then your Cabriolet has to take leave for the next 8 months."

 

"What?! You're joking. Thanks but no, Oppa." She jerked her body up from his embrace.

 

"Hey, I know your liking for speed. Please, Bunny, don't argue about this. Just use the city car," Sungmin said, almost pleading. He circled his arms loosely around her waist.

 

"No. Don't be ridiculous, Oppa. You know that she and I are inseparable."

 

"Bunny. . ." He puckered her lips, hoping that his cute act would melt her. But it couldn't.

 

"Not a chance." She said it with a stern finality. "Oh, trust me, Oppa. I will be very careful, okay. I want this baby as much as you do, so I won't let anything happen to our baby."

 

She tried to coax him with small kisses along his jaw, trying to make him feel somewhat better after all those turn downs. Her soft lips went up to the corner of his mouth, which he quickly trapped between his rather rough lips. He tilted his head, trying to find a better position as he her lips playfully. She opened a little, giving him the access he demanded in between his tugs and nips.  When his rough tongue reached her hot cavern, he couldn't control his hand as it slipped under Sunny's blouse and unclasped her bra. His hand went to the front to fondle her right mound when she whimpered, not in pleasure but in pain. Sungmin abruptly stopped and pulled off.

 

"Did, did I hurt you?" His eyes was filled with concern.

 

"I-I don't know," answered Sunny. Her breath was still jagged from their activity, her head was not in its place so her answer came out incoherently. Sungmin pulled her in again, but this time, he leaned her head on his broad chest, letting her to calm down before she answered, "My s, I think it gets sensitive. It feels sore when you touch it. But it's kinda relieving that we stop." She added.

 

"Why?" he asked, felt offended at first.

 

"Because I haven't confirm to the doctor if we could still do it while I am pregnant or not."

 

"Ah, you're right." he said, but his face looked like as if he was thinking about something serious.

 

"What's wrong, Oppa?" Sunny asked. She straightened his knotted eyebrows with her tiny forefinger.

 

"That means, we should stop having for the rest of your pregnancy period?" His lips pouted.

 

Sunny chuckled as she teased, "I guess so." She chuckled even louder when his lips got even puckered at the prospect. "Naw, Oppa. Hyo said that it's okay, and we can trust her since she her two little dancing monsters are as healty and as active as prancing horses. But I still want to make sure about the dos and don'ts. And I don't think I want to do it when the baby is big. You know, he might get confused. He might wonder inside, 'Why daddy keep hitting on my head?'"

 

Sungmin blinked at his wife's joke before his laughter rang loudly. He flicked her nose while saying, "You dork! It feels like our baby will hate me even before he sees me."

 

Sunny grinned sheepishly.

 

***

 

The next day they told their families and friends about the news. Every body was ecstatic to hear that. The small happiness that was solely theirs the night before has spread around their circles.

 

As the time went by, Sungmin proved how responsible he was as a dad-to-be. Never once he missed to accompany Sunny for her regular check ups. Last month, when her pregnancy reached 22 weeks, they learnt that they were going to have a baby boy. How happy they were. Although the couple swore that it wouldn't matter should the baby was boy or girl, they couldn't hide their excitement for a baby boy, especially Sungmin. He felt so proud of it. He had even imagined how he would play chase with his son when he started to totter.

 

The couple started to collect names for their son. Often, they looked it up on the internet. They also asked their family and friends for some alternatives. On the weekend, they spend their time on the baby shops. Although the due date was still three months away, they started to buy baby clothes, baby pajamas. They also started to stock up on diapers and other instruments, useful or not, related to having a baby.

 

They called a construction worker to cover the bedroom next to them with wallpaper. Half bottom was off green and half upper was soft pink, their favorite color. They also decorated the wall where the two colors met with a decorated list of colorful counting blocks, rocking horse and maracas, so the transition between colors was smooth. They purchased a white wooden crib with veil which they placed on one side of the room and a two-in-one table topper with dresser, also in white color. A comfortable swivel rocker of off-green color was placed beside the crib, ready to be used when Sunny was feeding or when she put their son to sleep.

 

Everything was ready. Everything was set when the pregnancy reached 6 months. They had even contacted a party organizer two months prior so they could discuss the concept and the details of the party thoroughly. They wanted to make sure that everything went perfect.

 

"Hey, Bunny. Ready to go?" Sungmin kissed her crown as she lounged on the sofa with a pint of yogurt in her hands, her expression rather taut.

 

She looked up to see her husband all smiling. He was always acted that way on her check up days. She smiled back at him, "You don't want to lazy around for a while, change your clothes or grab something to eat first? We basically have two more hours before the appointment."

 

"Awww... Two hours is too long," he whined as he pushed his wife a bit to the left so he could snuggle in on the sofa.

 

Sunny grinned. "At least change your clothes, Oppa. Wear something more comfortable than your business suit. Or you need me to help you change?"

 

"Hmm... I like the prospect," he started as he circled his arms over Sunny's shoulder, a gesture that made her snuggled to him in search of more comfortable position, "but we don't want to be late for the doctor, do we?"

 

"What are you talking abo- Hey! Yah! I don't have a erted mind like you do!" exclaimed Sunny as she hit her man showing her his toothy grin, square on his chest.

 

"Can't help it, Bunny. Your blooming body is way too y, I can't control myself," said Sungmin, stealing a light kiss on her lips.

 

"Oh my gosh! No, we're not having that discussion right now. Go change your clothes, and I'll prepare your meal." the tiny lady with blooming body got off of the sofa and made her way to the kitchen.

 

One and half an hour later they were arrived at the hospital. The couple went to see the baby center as they were waiting for their numbers to be called. As they were happy to see the babies sleeping in their boxes, there was a gnawing feeling down in Sunny's stomach. Something was not quite right.

 

"What's wrong, Bunny?" Sungmin asked when he saw how nervous his wife was. It might be invisible to other people, but their closeness during the nearly two years of marriage taught him to be aware of the slight fidgeting movement of her neck.

 

"I don't know. Something doesn't feel quite right," she said.

 

Sungmin stepped closer to her and pulled her into side hug. He placed a kiss on her crown, a gesture that they both found comforting. "What is it?"

 

"I don't know. I can't tell."

 

Just after she said it, a nurse in her white uniform came and told them that it was their number already. They followed her into the consultation room, where her appointed ob-gyn was waiting.

 

"Good afternoon, Mr. Lee, Mrs. Lee. How are you feeling?" He greeted them friendly.

 

"So far so good," Sunny answered in a quiet manner.

 

"What's wrong Mrs. Lee?" the doctor noticed the change of behavior of the usually cheery lady who often exchanged jokes.

 

"Umm... Is it strange not to feel any kicks?" she asked tentatively.

 

The doctor paused to gauge her expression before giving a question as an answer, "Why? When was the last time you feel any?"

 

"Last night," she answered.

 

"What's going on here? Is that a bad sign?" Sungmin asked. He seemed lost.

 

The doctor stood up from his seat and gestured Sunny to move to the examination table. "I will need to check before giving you the answer."

 

"Had your water broken?" The doctor asked as he and the nurse were preparing the NST belts. NST or Nonstress Test was performed to measure fetal heart race and contractions.

 

"No," Sunny answered as she sat down on the examination bed. The nurse wrapped one belt over her bulging belly which measured the baby's kick counts, and the other one slightly lower to measure the baby's heart race.

 

"Could you please lay down on your side?" the nurse asked her and helped her to lower her body on the bed.

 

They the machine, yet nothing came out. The nurse tried to buzz Sunny's belly a couple of times, but there were no reaction whatsoever.

 

"What's going on, doc?" She asked. The weird gnawing feeling was back. It frightened her.

 

"We can't seem to detect your baby's heart beat." The doctor said quietly. "We'll have to check it with an ultrasound for a better diagnosis."

 

"What does that mean?" Sungmin asked. He stood by his wife on the other side of the bed which wasn't occupied by the doctor or the nurse. He held her hand in his, squeezing it for support.

 

After detaching the NST belts, the nurse oozed out a lump of cool gel on her belly. It caused her to flinch a little by the temperature difference. The doctor then spread the gel with the transducers probe, all the while looking for the image of the womb to appear on the monitor.

 

"Doctor? Can we not continue with the test? My baby is fine. He's fine," Sunny looked at the doctor, her eyes were hopeful. Without further test she could confirm already the doctor's prognosis. That was why she wanted to stop with all these ing examination.

 

The doctor stared back at her sympathetically. Just then the monitor blip on the image, showing a little baby in her womb. He curled up in a fetal position, immobile. The heartbeat was untraceable.

 

"I don't want this test to continue, please," Sunny's voice trailed off. She could feel the side of her face wet as the tears fell down. Sungmin in the other hand stood still on his ground. His eyes were glued to the screen.

 

The doctor clicked a button to take a picture of the baby image before pulling off the transducer off her bump. The nurse helped her to wipe out the gel on her bulging belly and lowered down her blouse to cover her skin. Sunny felt as if there were no energy left in her. Sungmin had to help her to sit on the bed, on which she turned so her feet could hang down the side of the bed. He stared at his wife who was crying without any sound, just her tears kept rolling down her white soft cheek. Without saying anything, he helped her to sit on the consultation chairs.

 

"Mr. Lee, Mrs. Lee, I am very sorry to break this news to you, but your baby is stillborn. We couldn't trace heart beats from his heart. And if you see the ultrasound image here, the cause seemed to be these two knots on his umbilical cord, and it was wrapped four times around his neck."

 

"So... His kicking last night was not a regular kick but actually his struggling for life?" Sunny voiced choked. Her voice went a higher note due to her restraining her sobs.

 

"That could be the case but that could not also be the case," the doctor said sympathetically.

 

Sunny's body was shaking immensely that Sungmin's hold on her could not diminish the tremble. She held her belly, it gently, yet her expression was heartbroken.

 

"Is there no way to help him? W-what should we do then?" Sungmin asked wistfully.

 

The doctor shook his head, "Unfortunately, Mr. Lee, nothing could be done. We could not help him. However, I'm sorry that I have to say this, but Mrs. Lee has to deliver the baby still. We can wait until the natural labor to start, but it will usually appear on the next two weeks, meanwhile such condition might be dangerous to the mother should there is infection or poisoning. So, I advice to give birth as soon as possible. We could induce to start the labor off."

 

Sungmin looked at his wife who was still sobbing morosely. "I- Could you please give us a little of time, doc? I think we need to discuss about all this."

 

"Of course. Nurse Song, could you them to an empty meeting room or private waiting room?" The doctor asked the nurse.

 

The nurse nodded as she helped Sungmin to carry the lifeless Sunny to the empty room. They sat her on one of the chair, and the nurse excused herself out to let the couple talk.

 

"Bunny," he called her after some moment of silence, almost pleading. He squatted in front of her. "Please talk to me."

 

He saw her gaze, the look which bore deeply into his heart, which he could not erase even until years later. Her gaze was hollow and soulless, as if the person sitting in front of him was nothing but an empty shell.

 

"Bunny, please don't do this. Talk to me," he begged. His voice was shaking and his eyes were hot for his own tears threatened to fall down anytime.

 

The glisten in his watery eyes seemed to bring Sunny back to her sense. She brought up her one hand unconsciously to his cheek, wiping his tears in a gentle motion. Sungmin could not hold himself anymore. He plunged forward and enveloped Sunny in his embrace. That action seemed to switch on her grief. She was no longer feel numb, the pain of loss started to prick her heart.

 

"Oppa... Our baby... our baby... Why?" The choppy words was all that she could mutter. She wailed onto his chest, hands were clutching his shirt tightly. They both held each other, pouring out every ounces of shock and grief they felt at that moment. Never once they thought that they wouldn't go home with their baby in their hands.

 

"Why didn't I realize that he, our baby was kicking because he was suffocating? I'm the worst mother. I let my baby dies," her wailing got louder.

 

Sungmin hugged her even tighter. "It's not your fault, Sunny. If there's somebody to be blamed, it's me. I listened to your belly last night, why didn't I feel anything?"

 

"It's my fault, Oppa. My fault."

 

They kept blaming themselves and weeping until they were tired of crying. Until there was no more tears to shed. Sungmin was back on his squatting position, he wiped his tears with his back of hand and he raised it to wipe the tears off his wife.

 

"Now, what's would you want to do? You hear the doctor. He was afraid of serious implication if you don't give birth soon."

 

"Give birth. . . He wasn't even a-," she choked, unable to finish her sentence. Tears were b on her eyes once again.

 

"Sunny. . ." He circled his arms around her waist. His eyes were fixed on her glistening one. "Let's go home first. We can decide about it tomorrow. You stay here, alright? I'll inform the doctor, get your bag and we get you home."

 

The tiny lady was barely nodding when her husband went out of the room. Not so long after Sungmin came back with her bag. He helped Sunny to stand on her feet, walked her to where they parked their car and drive home.

 

After he put Sunny to bed, he began to send texts, informing what had happened. Although it drained him mentally, he still did it for he thought their families and close friends needed to know. Incoming replies and calls were coming in, but he couldn't care to read or picked up. His heart was so sore to the point that it felt numb. He went over to the wine rack, filled it with two ice cubes and poured himself a glassful of white wine, intended to drink away the pain of loss. Meanwhile from their room, the sobbing grew louder. Each sob accompanied with a choked breathing.

 

He wanted to came over, to hold her and soothe her. However, he thought he also could break down anytime, and it wasn't wise to show it to her. It would depress her more. So, he chose to stay where he sat rather than running to her and console her.

 

That night proved to be a long nightmarish night for both of them. Neither of them could fall asleep. As for Sunny, every time she closed her eyes, the image of their baby son choking and suffocating inside her belly appeared,  jerking her to wake up. She couldn't stop her silent crying right after as she laid on her side, facing the wall up front. Her body was shaking that Sungmin felt it, for he couldn't shut his eyes closed.

 

However, Sunny had built up an invisible wall and she didn't let even his husband to break through despite his attempt to scoot closer and hug her from behind, letting his hand to lay on her belly to let her know that he was there for her and they were getting through this together. It was around dawn when the couple finally drifted off to sleep, due to severe exhaustion.

 

Just about several short hours later, Sunny woke up with a jolt. Sungmin who was still hugging her stirred up. He rolled over to lay on his back and lifted up his hand from Sunny's body. He ran it through his hair gingerly, his eyes were fighting to keep shut.

 

"Nightmare?" he asked her, his voice hoarse.

 

When Sunny didn't answer, he rolled over to his side to find his wife was crying again. He sighed.

 

"Sunny, shusss...," he hugged her shoulder as he tried to console her. Sunny's still bulging belly hindered him to hug her fully. They stayed in that position until she calmed down.

 

After her cry subsided, he pulled back a bit so he could see her face. His eyes were searching for hers. When at last they locked eyes, he said with a renewed determination, "Let's deliver this baby. Let's meet him. How's that?"

 

Sunny's tears started to fall once more, but she nodded her head. As much as he was broken hearted too, he put his grief aside, knowing that Sunny had it harder than him.

 

She is carrying our baby around for seven months. He pulled her into his embrace once more and kissed her crown. An act which was more consoling to him than to her at that time.

 

***

 

A couple of hours later, they were back at the hospital. Sungmin was picking up a huge duffel bag from the back seat of their SUV, filled up with their clothes and toiletries they needed for their stay in the hospital. He turned around then, to help Sunny got off the car. She was holding her blooming belly all the time, sometimes it absentmindedly.

 

When they entered the maternity ward, their parents, sisters and brothers were already waiting, also some of their closest friends. Sungmin managed to inform them about their decision of their baby delivery. Hugs were exchanged, back was patted, head was , tears was again flowing out, sobs cracked out. Nobody dared to say anything, afraid that they would rub salt on the couple's open wounds. Only light consolations were passed on.

 

As the schedule was getting closer, the nurse called Sunny in for her induction gel. She followed her inside a prepared room, not bothering to excuse herself of the little crowd.

 

"Go with her, man. She needed you the most now," said Kyuhyun, tapping on Sungmin's shoulder twice.

 

Sungmin merely nodded in response and inside he went. The crowed left could only shook their heads. They couldn't imagine should they be in their shoes. They knew pain and grief were so unbearable. As the induction process might go on for hours, some of the visitors stayed, but most of them went home.

 

It was not lesser than 18 hours later that Sunny started to feel regular painful contractions every three minutes, indicating that the birth was near as she often yelped in agony as the pain started to be too much for her to handle. The doctor came in after Sungmin called him.

 

"It's good. The opening is 7 cm already but we'll have to wait for three more centimeters. I'd like to wait for some moments for the water to break naturally, but should the water hasn't break by then, we have to do the artificial rupture to-," the doctor stopped mid-sentence when a pop sound was heard from Sunny's lower body. The wet stain on the bed sheet started to spread wider as the amniotic sac was broken.

 

The doctor was standing on the foot of her bed immediately, checking the progress. "Nine centimeters. It's going on more quickly than I have expected." He nodded to his medical assistants to prepare the birth.

 

"Could I stay here and accompany her through the delivering process?" Sungmin asked quickly. He knew she needed him, especially after the little body was out of her later.

 

The doctor was contemplating. The fathers were usually not allowed to be inside the birthing room, but he understood how different this case was. So, he nodded understandingly, knowing that the support from her husband could mean a lot for her to go on with the torturous futile process.

 

Sungmin ran to Sunny when he heard his wife groaned in pain. He held her hand in one hand and her head with the other. "You can do this, Bunny. I'm here."

 

"Okay, the dilation is complete. Now I want you to ta a deep breath and give it a push. Alright Mrs. Lee?" the doctor instructed.

 

Sunny groaned loudly as she felt another forceful contraction. She pushed hard, grunting loudly in result. The hand that held her husband's squeezed it tightly, it hurt Sungmin. But he knew better to endure for he realized the pain his wife was experiencing was far greater than a strong squeeze on his hand.

 

"Alright, steady your breath and pushed again." The doctor instructed again. "I can see his head already."

 

"Arrggh!" she again, yelped in pain as she tried to push.

 

Panting, groaning, grunting, she pushed for the umpteenth time already. Her face contorted, her sweat wet her face and dampen her hairline. Sungmin wiped it with his hands every time the sweat formed as he whispered words of consolations in her ear. It hurt Sungmin to see her in torture like that. He wanted to take away all the pain if he could.

 

"I-I don't think - I can do this - anymore, Oppa. It hurts - so much. It hurts," Sunny said choppily as her breathing jagged. Tears rolled down the side of her face. The tears which he knew wasn't originated from the tormenting pain itself, but from her deeper inner feeling. The ironic feeling of futile process because she knew, they knew, they would come home without the baby, no matter how great her effort of bringing him to the world.

 

He felt like crying with her at that time, but he held himself. He needed to be her pillar of support, "A little more, Bunny. Be strong. I love you. A little more." He kissed her dampened crown.

 

"The head is out. Now I want you to push harder so we could get his shoulders out, okay. On the count of three. One, two, three."

 

Sunny gave it a push all her might, grunting as loud as she allowed herself to. She could feel the tiny body slipping out her own in one swift motion although she already felt numb around her lower area.

 

"Good. The baby has come out," the doctor announced, he was being mindful to use the word baby instead of body.

 

The room was still. No sound, no baby's cry, not even the slapping sound on the fragile baby skin, for every one in that room knew it was useless. The atmosphere was solemn, no body dared to make comment about the baby. Sungmin was feeling curious, he wanted to go to where the nurse laid their baby, but Sunny's grip on his hand prevented him to. He turned his head to see Sunny's tears rolled down her cheek even more. She felt terribly exhausted. Her energy was completely drained, more to the mental struggling though. Her eyelids felt heavy and she wanted to just drifted into sleep but she could feel the continuous contractions on her belly, it irked her.

 

After some more minutes then she heard the doctor spoke again, "Mrs. Lee, stay with me. I want you to give one last push. We need you to push out the cord."

 

Sunny groaned out of frustration. She wanted it to stop. She wanted everything to end just then. However she heard her husband kept whispering in her ear. "One last more, Bunny. Let's do it. I know you can. I love you, and I'm sorry."

 

The guilt and desperation in his voice startled her. She felt glad silently that she wasn't alone after all, and that he shared the same frustration she had. Sunny then collected any remaining strength she had and gave it one last push, sending out the placenta off her body. Tears continued to pour as the doctor proceeded with stitching up her perineum.

 

"Sorry, Mr. Lee, Mrs. Lee, do you want to see the baby now or later?" the doctor asked after a while.

 

Sungmin stared at Sunny. Her face showed how exhausted she was.

 

"Can we see him later?" he asked unsure.

 

"Yes. Sure. We will clean the body, and you can inform the nurse station if you are ready to see him later," said the doctor. "Now we will move Mrs. Lee to her room."

 

Once they were on their VIP room, the nurses wanted to help Sunny to change the sweat-drenched hospital robe Sunny used to give birth with the new one. However, Sungmin stopped them. He wanted to do it himself. It was the least thing he could do to take care of her at that time. The nurse let him have his way, knowing that it might be better to leave the mourning couple themselves.

 

"Bunny, let's get you cleaned first, alright?" Sungmin asked, yet there was no answer from the petite woman. Aside from experiencing an intense fatigue, Sunny had crawled back to her shell. Leaving Sungmin to handle everything alone.

 

He hoisted her up from the bed and carried her to the bathroom. He decided to not give her shower considering how fragile she seemed at that time. He grabbed a sponge instead and rubbed her body with warm-water-dipped-sponge.

 

It was when he rubbed her front, that he couldn't contain himself anymore. The sight of her still considerately huge belly was too much for him since it was no longer firm with baby inside like before but now saggy. So much for the painful reminder of their loss. He dropped the sponge and reached to her, pulling her listless body in his hold. Unable to hold his emotion inside anymore, he sobbed uncontrollably. As his sobs vibrated through their clasped body, silent tears were trickling down Sunny's cheeks.

 

***

 

Two hours later after whatever rest they could force on themselves, they decided to finally meet their son. Sungmin pressed the buzzer for the nurse to bring them a wheelchair. Silence enveloped them all those time. The nurse escorted them to a small room just beside the neonatal unit.

 

After waiting for like ten minutes, a nurse came in with a small body in her hand, covered with green blanket with pink polka dots. The blanket that they had prepared before, and which Sungmin didn't forget to stash into their duffel bag before they went for the hospital.

 

"Mrs. Lee, Mr. Lee, here is your son," said the nurse carefully and sympathetically. "Do you want to hold him?"

 

Sunny didn't answer verbally, yet she sat forward, her hands were reaching for her baby. The nurse came closer and she handed the baby.

 

He was still too small for he was 1.5 months earlier than his supposed birth date, but when she held him, he seemed to just fit in her arm. She stared at her baby's face. It bore similarities of her and Sungmin altogether, a perfect mix of their traits. He has her lips and his eyebrows.

 

While holding him in her one arm, she raised the other one to his cute little cheek. His face was slightly dark due to asphyxiation, but tinge of pink managed to remain visible still, especially on his cheeks. It was when Sunny's fingers finally met her baby's cold skin that the surreal event hit her hard. She wailed loudly, her whole body was shaking. All emotions were let loose without inhibition, as tears came pouring down freely and tremendously.

 

Sungmin knelt down and enveloped his wife and the still baby which he had come to love for a little more than these seven months in his big hug. The couple stayed in that position for nearly an hour. They were crying their hearts out, wailing and sobbing. No words could describe their bereavement at that time.

 

Sunny kept muttering, "Why? Why should he leave us? Why?" all the time.

 

He couldn't answer her question. He was too wondering why such unfortunate event happened to them. Just when they were about to take a step into a new stage as a happy small family, the happiness, the excitement was taken brutally away from them. Only harsh reality in front of them, in their arms was left. Their stillborn baby. Their baby who would never learned directly how much his mom and dad loved him.

 

"We should name him," Sungmin spoke after a while. His voice came out muffled. "I want him to have his birth certificate so everybody will remember his existence, even only for a short short time."

 

Sunny nodded weakly. She wanted it too.

 

"Which name you'd prefer to call him now?" Sunny asked timidly. Just after they had learnt that she was pregnant, they had been searching for baby names already, so they have some line ups.

 

"How do you like Jae Sun? Lee Jae Sun? It is homophone with Jason, which means healer."

 

"Healer?" Sunny asked, confused of the relation between their current situation and the meaning behind that name.

 

"We might be mourning now, but I hope by remembering this child, we will always remember how handsome he was, how much of a joy he was to us once, and that positive thought of him will heal us one day."

 

"Jae Sun? Lee Jae Sun?" muttered Sunny. "Jae Sun-ah, umma loves you. Appa also loves you. I'm sorry I'm not strong enough to keep you alive. I'm sorry we cannot take you home with us. I'm sorry. Umma is sorry."

 

Sungmin her hair then shoulder. "It's not your fault, Bunny. You did your best. It's not your fault."

 

Sunny cried again. She pushed open Jae Sun's little palm and placed her forefinger there for him to hold.

 

"Come on. Let's wipe our tears and take a picture with Jae Sun. Don't want to look sad when he's around, do we?" Sungmin encouraged his heartbroken wife.

 

They groomed themselves a little and made them look decent enough to take a family picture with their stillborn baby, although their bloodshot eyes and puffy nose couldn't cover their sadness. Then they took a picture of Jae Sun from every different angle as tokens. Sungmin pulled out a set of clothes that they planned to put on him when they brought him back home later should he was delivered alive. They dressed him up, although it was clearly visible that the clothes were slightly bigger on him. He also placed a tiny teddy bear, his supposedly first teddy bear ever to accompany him. Then the time was up, and Jae Sun needed to be brought inside to be chilled and embalmed for the viewing.

 

The same nurse who brought him in, came in to take him in.

 

"I'm very sorry, Mrs. Lee, Mr. Lee, but I have to bring the baby in," she said apologetically while walking closer to the couple.

 

Sunny, feeling threatened that Jae Sun would be taken away from her again pulled the tiny baby closer to her chest. She sat on her wheelchair in guarding position, like a tiger mum who was protecting its cubs.

 

"Sorry, Mrs. Lee, but your baby needs to be taken in for embalming process. We want him to look perfect when people came for viewing, right?" The nurse tried to persuade.

 

"Perfect? What do you mean?! He's perfect as he is! And his name is Jae Sun!!" Sunny suddenly screeched, the anger came out of nowhere.

 

"Mrs. Lee," the nurse addressed Sunny weakly, yet her eyes went to the husband, asking for some help.

 

"Baby Bunny, listen," Sungmin squatted once more in front of his wife. His hand reached out to Jae Sun's tiny head and the went up to Sunny's cheek, "the nurse need to prepare Jae Sun for the viewing. She will make him look even more handsome. So please?"

 

"I can do it by myself!" Sunny decided to be stubborn unconsciously.

 

"You can't, Bunny. None of us know the embalming process. He would d-decay soon enough if we don't let the nurses do their jobs." Tiredness was clearly shown on his face as he was talking sense into his wife.

 

"How dare you to say Jae Sun will decay! He will not!! I don't want to part with him!" Sunny continued to rage.

 

"Bunny, I don't want to part with him yet too, but it is needed for now. Besides, we will meet him again after the process is done," he tried to persuade her.

 

"No! I don't want!" Sunny cried. "I want to go home with Jae Sun!"

 

She tried to stood up from her wheelchair. Sungmin could feel that his patience started to leave him. He was sad, he was tired.

 

"Bunny. . ." he tried to hold her down on her wheelchair but she kept struggling, with their stillborn Jae Sun in her arms.

 

"No, Oppa!! I'm taking him home!!"

 

"SUNNY!" He shouted, half was him being impatient, half was him hating to see his wife in that state. "You will hurt him if you continue your foolish act!!"

 

Surprised to hear her husband yelled at her, she unconsciously lessen her hold over the baby. The nurse quickly took him from her hands and excused herself out.

 

After a few seconds, Sunny realized what had happened. With teary eyes, she started to wail softly at first, yet her voice got louder and louder, "No. No. Nonono. No. Noooo!!! Give me back my baby!!!! NOOOO!!!"

 

Sungmin quickly locked his arm tightly around her shoulder and waist as she tried to get off the wheelchair. Yet she resisted, she desperately struggled with him so that she could follow the nurse and get Jae Sun back. She could care less about her own body. She forgot that she just labored and her body was all sore and she was as tired as hell. She didn't care if the baby was dead or breathing. All she wanted was her baby in her arms.

 

"Let go off me! Let go! Let go off me!!"

 

"Calm down, Sunny! Calm down!"

 

"Let go off me!!!!!"

 

Arms pushing off, legs kicking, punches flying. Sungmin tried so hard to keep himself calm, reminding himself what his wife had went through. However as grief deepened its root in his heart, his patience got lower and lower. Without his own accord, he held Sunny by her shoulder in one hand, while the other hand was raised and landed with a crispy sound on her cheek.

 

Sunny was in the state of shock. During their married life, never once that Sungmin laid his hand on her. Never once. Her cheek was stung, but her heart stung even more. It hurt her, yet it brought her back to her sense.

 

"Sunny. . . I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Sorry sorry sorry. I didn't mean to. I'm sorry." He stuttered as he tried to hug her, to show her his remorse.

 

Sunny pushed him away quietly but he insisted to hug her. In the end, she let him have his way, but she didn't hug him back. As her body was pulled forward, her arms hung loosely on her sides.

 

Sungmin felt her unresponsiveness, but he brushed off. He kissed her crown, got up from his squatting position and turned to stand behind her. "Let's get you to your room." He said as he wheeled her out of the room.

 

***

 

Two week had passed since they cremated Jae Sun. Extended families and friends were still coming over to say their condolences, saying unnecessary things like, "You can always try again after this" or "You're still young. You could have a bunch after this" which annoyed Sunny the most.

 

Do they think Jae Sun is a disposable thing which existence is nothing valuable, nothing worth remembering?! Jae Sun is priceless. Even if I have another child, but they could not replace Jae Sun! She yelled in her mind every time the visitors said similar words of encouragement.

 

She knew the word was meant well, but it sounded wrong to her. They never experience stillborn, so they wouldn't understand how devastating it was to gave birth to stillness. However, she tried to brush them off as much as she could by ignoring them or simply walking away from them. She didn't want them to know her struggling which would cause them to pity her more. She hated being pitied by them. That was why she started to build an even higher wall which separated her from the people around them, and the wall didn't seem to be able to differentiate and classify people, for Sungmin was also blocked out.

 

Her family came almost every day to visit them and bring them cooked food to store, for Sunny still seemed incapable to do anything other than mourning her lost Jae Sun. Sungmin even had to spoon-feed her sometimes to make sure that she ate when she couldn't snap out of her grief, despite how hard it was too for him.

 

For Sungmin, night was the most tormenting time. Sunny was developing a postpartum depression. She had panic attack should she be left alone, yet she didn't seem to like the company if there were people around her. She was sobbing to sleep and wake up to crying. He had tried to coax her, to talk to her, or to just be there for her by hugging her all night long, but it was useless. He had a hunch that she blocked him due to the slapping incident in the hospital, but he had said sorry and had showed her too how sorry he was. Nevertheless, she seemed to be unable to process it yet, so there she was, shutting him up until he didn't know what to do or say anymore. They slowly grew apart.

 

That night as Sungmin was trying to sleep he heard sniffles again from Sunny's side, the bed shook lightly due to her shaking body. He was laying on his back, contemplating if he should give it a try again to bridge their gap or to leave her as she was since she was going to push away anyway.

 

After taking some moment to think, he finally decided to bridge the gap instead. He scooted closer until his shoulder touched Sunny's back who were laying on her side, facing the wall across her. He rolled to his side to hug her, yet she didn't respond even after a while.

 

"Sunny?" he tried to talk to her, yet she didn't answered back. Feeling frustrated, he pulled away while groaning and he stomped out of their bedroom, slamming the door shut in process.

 

Sunny laid still as she heard things were thrown off to the floor from the next room.

 

Next room? she thought, trying to process the information. Jae Sun's room?!

 

Feeling panicked should Sungming break everything anything in that precious room, she got up from the bed and dashed out of their room. When she reached Jae Sun's room, she saw Sungmin was venting out his frustration in the dark. The silhouette of him throwing bottles of baby's bathroom supplies on the floor in  one swift motion, sending everything scattered to the floor, shocked her. Then he went to the baby's crib to pull the veil forcefully as the thin material was detached from it's railing.

 

Sunny was about to walk into the room and raise her voice in fury when he saw him yanked open a drawer under the table topper. He picked up a tiny pink bodysuit with piglet hoodie, his favorite baby clothes that he personally chose for Jae Sun. He touched it gently between his broad hands, caressing it, sniffing it, kissing it. Then she heard muffled sobs as he sank down on the floor, feeling hopeless.

 

 The sight of her bulky man broke down flicked on her sensibility. It was true that after the slapping incident, she was never been able to forgive Sungmin for giving up their child that easily. She knew by heart that it wasn't like what she thought, but her mind refused to change the fact, thus resulting in her shutting him away.

 

However, seeing him curling on the floor, crying, made her realize two things. First, all his tough acts were only a pretense. Second, she wasn't grieving alone. He was as sad as she was about the loss and that made her feel guilty for ignoring him, shutting him, and even leaving him alone in that sorrowful time. They should be facing this together.

 

"Oppa," she called him, her voice clogged up in . She came near and squatted down beside him.

 

"Oppa, I'm sorry," she muttered as her tiny frame pulling him in an embrace. "Sorry, I forget that you grieve as much as I grieve. I'm too self-centered, I didn't think of you. I'm sorry I hurt you."

 

Sungmin who did not expect the turn of event was feeling relieved. He let his tears wet Sunny's clothes. He always thought of himself as a ship and she was the anchor. The unfortunate even happened to them recently made him lose his one and only anchor. He nearly couldn't stand it anymore. Losing his anchor made him want to just disappear someplace so he wouldn't remember their stillborn Jae Sun. Being in this apartment surged too many memories which he couldn't cope with at that time since every little thing in that house, especially in that room and on his wife's face reminded him a lot of their loss.

 

"Don't leave me," he sobbed, almost pleading. "I had lost Jae Sun, and I don't want to lose you. One is enough, Sunny. I don't want to feel anymore heartache, so don't push me away. Don't push me away, please."

 

Sunny cried with him as she cradled his head. This time, she kissed his crown. "I'm sorry, Oppa. I won't do it anymore."

 

"I can't face this alone. Not with you shutting me down. I just can't, Bunny."

 

"I know. I do too. I'm sorry, Oppa. Let's face this together. Let's support each other from now on."

 

Sungmin disentangled himself from her embrace. He searched for her eyes. When he found her teary ones, he cupped her face and said, "You do understand that none of this is your fault, right? Don't be too hard on yourself, Bunny. Think positively. Jae Sun wouldn't want his mother to blame herself for what had happened."

 

Hearing their baby's name mentioned bringing out a new batch of tears. She murmured as she was crying, "I know. I'll try."

 

"Know that I love you. I still love you nonetheless."

 

"I know, Oppa. I can feel it. It's me who couldn't be a good wife for you."

 

"No, Bunny. You are perfect for me. Just remember that I love  you. That's all."

 

Sunny nodded. "I love you too, Oppa."

 

Sungmin pulled her into a wet salty kiss, and he hugged her tiny frame which was getting thinner for the lack of nourishment these past two weeks.

 

They knew that the sadness wouldn't disappear in instant and that they still have to deal with some time ahead. However, fully acknowledging that there was somebody to share the pain was relieving enough. Their happy memories of Jae Sun would heal them eventually. To knew that they were a pillar of strength for each other gave them a new surge of fortitude and positivity, and they knew they would pull through.

 

***

 

How do you like it? Don't forget to leave comments, alright? :)

By the way, I'm going to pay something forward.

I felt so grateful that Sayanorie promoted my fics in her page before. I was so happy beyond words by then.

That's why I want to do the same.

I came across a SunSun fic written by IamMsSimple and I like it so much.

So, please read if you haven't :)

Last Words