Junhyung…

The moment I said Aya in my head, memories has starts playing in my head, from really blur until everything is getting clear. Then my mind stops at this one memory. The moment we’re in front of that church altar, both of us crying out of joy, sobbing as we said ‘I do’, saying our vows, and finally putting those rings on each other’s finger while intensely shaking. And for the first time after a very long time, I felt this “peace” and “happiness” again. And a very intense feeling that has been forgotten by my heart for a long time, the Love I felt. The overflowing love I had and having for this girl. While still under this spell of those remembered memories, everything starts to be clearer.

I met her while I’m still in college. She was this straight-forward, brave, intelligent, independent but a very God-fearing girl and I’m totally the opposite. She was one of the activists in the university. And the first time I saw her, I loved her in an instant. And when I’m about to confess to her, the country went into chaos. This country has been trying to protect itself from the other countries who want to invade us, and that’s when everything for me has been in chaos too. She declines my love though obviously she has the same feelings for me. She said she want to be involved and help in this big war since she was a leader of one of the youth militant group. And with this too much I love I have for her, I tried fitting myself with the kind of life she has. I joined the group and starting from there, I was part of this big war. I did this not only to suit myself to her but I want to protect her with all my might. Then that’s how everything went well for the both of us though we’re still surrounded by danger. That’s how our love for each other deepens. We’ve been through lots of downs - losing her parents, with me almost died while in a fight then left me to avoid me from getting harm again, and finally finding her. That’s when we promised each other that we’ll never leave each other no matter what happens. But the unfortunate thing happen, they captured me while trying to escape from them. I don’t feel bad that much since I know she is safe from any harm and alive. I didn’t know that something also happened to her. After being captured, I don’t know anymore what happened. They did something that lost my everything. My memories... with her. 

With this too much things flowing in my mind, I never noticed that I’ve been staring at her for a long time and she’s just looking at me clueless of what I have just found out. I feel so ashamed of these things, I’ve killed a lot of my own brothers. My hand has been stained with the blood of the people I once cared for. I’m not worth of her anymore.

I removed my leg from her tight grip and went outside the room. I know I left her a very confused look in her face. As I went outside, I closed the door and leaned on it. Tears flowing in my face. I regret being here, I regret killing them, I regret being alive, I regret everything I have been for the past years. And the worst thing of all of these , I almost killed my other half, the girl I truly love, my wife. I’m been such an !!!! And my tearing became weeping. I even lost my balance and end up sitting on the floor, back still leaning on the door. I should do something even it requires my life. I wouldn’t let her be harmed. I should send her away from this hell.

I went back inside the room, and I saw her lying on the floor. Is she dead? No, please!!! Don’t!!! I hurriedly went to her and checking for her pulses… Thank God, she’s just sleeping! I slowly waking her up and she whimpered a bit. As she realized she’s still in this ‘hell’, a horrified expression is written on her face. Now, she’s still clueless and really afraid of me. I am definitely a monster to her. I ignored how painful it is to have the one you love look at you with fear. I just need to get her away from here.

“Where are we going? Are we changing my place of death?” That words struck me in my heart deeply, kinda lethal. I took a deep breath and answered her.

“No, just come with me.” I carefully dragged her outside the room. I looked outside to check any guards and after confirming that there are none, I carefully assist her while walking. She looked at me, puzzled. I’m sorry, I don’t want you to remember me, I’m horrible. I just want to save you right now.

As we reached the outside of the building while being very careful, I saw her smile. That smile that makes me forget everything and everything seems bright. I want to hug you now. I want to kiss you now. Just like before.

“Why are we here?” she said with a confused tone.

“You’re free now.” I said without any emotions at all. You’re free from everything now. Continue your living. Continue living, for me.

“But…” then suddenly my radio beeped. I signaled her to be quiet and talked to guy on the other line. He wants me to report to the general now. Maybe they’ll be asking if I already accomplished my task. I guess it’ll be the end.

“I have to go back now. Please leave.” I pleaded her with a very soft tone. I don’t want to leave her or leave me just like this. My heart aches so much and it’s like tearing into pieces.

“But… No!!! I can’t leave you just like that. You saved me!” she said with hesitation in her voice. Please, don’t make this hard for me. What should I do now? You’re stopping me to be away from you!

“Okay, I’ll just report in the office. But promise me, wait for me till I return. Wait for me.” I said while my hopes starting to gets higher. Will there be a second chance for us?

“I promise!” 

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i'm almost crying again... this dream i had has been bugging me especially now that i'm letting people to read this...

let me describe what happened in my dream based on these 2 chapters...

It's started with me being prisoned and i don't know why. Then suddenly, a guy that looks scary almost killed me but end up saving me. As weird as what a dream could be, while escaping, we find our way to escape on windows so we're like rappelling(?) on the walls. i try to look on his face but just like other dreams, faces are blur. but the feeling he gave is he's someone i knew well. Then the next thing happened after escaping, he went back inside the building and told me to wait for him and i do so and next is could be seen on the last chapter. 

Yeah, i added a lot of stuff in here just to make it more of a story just like i've said...

So I hope you're enjoying reading this...

Please do say your opinions about this... I really want to hear something from you guys:)))

[EDITED: i let my friend, who's quite a bookworm, read this and ask me how did 'that Junhyung guy' lost his memory and i was like 'yeah right'... so i added a little though i'm not sure if it could be that satisfying]