「There’s a strange lack of oxygen surrounding just me
」

 

“Kim Sunggyu, you’re a failure.”

Never once in my live I ever thought that my father would be saying something like that.

(Never once in my life I even thought myself as a failure)

“You are from our family, you know that? You should be doing business and such, not some useless major like this. What would you be someday in the future?”

I froze, my head still hung down, I’m holding my tears.

(I can’t cry, somehow.)

“Go back on the business major, and I might reconsider of taking you as a son.” My father said harshly.

 

 

「 Suffocating, I feel confined and am going crazy 」

 

 

I bit my lips. I love what am I doing now. Music. The place where I met him.

That person I love.

Who unintentionally becomes the topic of the night too.

“And you should stop dating that person. He’s a bad influence to you! What would the people say? Kim Sunggyu, the heir of Kim Corporation is gay and dating some brats?” My father said again.

“I can’t stop….” I said. My voice is trembling.

(I just can’t.)

My father’s shocked.

“I can’t go back to the business major… I don’t like it…. And why I can’t attend music major?”

My father stayed still.

“And about him… I can’t stop loving him too.”

My father’s face hardened.

(Maybe I made the wrong choice.)

“You’re as useless as a garbage, Sunggyu.”

I didn’t hold my tears.

That night, I left the house I’ve been living in for almost 20 years.

(Or maybe I’ve done something right.)

 

 


「My feet are above the clouds and beneath them heaven disintegrates
, as my tears get blown away」

 

 

I’m trying to talk to my friends, but none of them answers my call.

Oh.

Sungyeol did.

「”Yeobosaeyo?”」

“It’s me. Sunggyu.”

「”Oh. You. What do you want?”」

Sungyeol never been this harsh before.

(He always nice to me, especially when he had something he wants.)

“I… My father throw me out of the house… can I crash at your—“

「”The Kim Sunggyu has been thrown out of the house? This is going to be the juiciest gossip of the month.”」

“W-What do you mean?”

I’ve always been nice to Sungyeol…. What happened?

(Things happened, I was so naïve back then.)

「”Listen here, Kim Sunggyu. I’m only friends with you because you’re rich. What else? And I’m pretty sure that the other friends you have are also like that. Good luck on finding new friends, then. Excuse me, I have a party to attend.”」

Sungyeol hang up.

I cried harder than before.

(In fact I cried harder than I have in my entire life.)

 

 

「Don’t leave me, okay? 」

 

 

(But they all left.)

 

I tried to call other friends of mine.

But I think Sungyeol is right.

No one answered.

But then a certain person came into my mind.

Nam Woohyun.

My boyfriend. The reason I give up on everything, even my family.

“You can always crash into my apartment, baby. Well it’s not as good as yours, though.”

I remember him saying that, so I’ll probably crash into his place.

(I started regretting this.)

 

 

「It’s kind of hard being me」

 

 

Woohyun didn’t answer my call either.

I chose to go straight to his place.

I didn’t knock, when I enter, I froze.

Woohyun is there…

With a girl.

He looked up and saw me, but he didn’t seem the slightest guilty.

(I should have known.)

“Kim Sunggyu is here? The one who have been thrown out of the house? The one who lost his fortune?”

I froze.

“For only you to know, I only date you because you have money. But now, you seem to didn’t have any money, so get lost.”

He continued kissing the girl. My heart broke. I cried hard, and ran away from there.

(My heart literally broke, and it felt really numb.)

 

 

「I’m broken, I realize this」


 

 

(I’d rather break myself to piece, so that I don’t need to live again.)

 

 

「But it’d be wonderful if you still wanted me」

 

 

(To think of it, I am already broken into pieces)

 

I sat on the empty bench on a park.

I can’t cry. It’s like all of my tears had dried.

 

 

「If only I could be patched up
」

 

 

(But who will patch me up?)

 

 

「I’d be rather beautiful
」

 

 

(I’ve lost that the time you left me.)

 

 

「So don’t give up on me, I beg of you」

 

 

(They are already giving up.)

 

“I didn’t give up on you.”

I looked up.

And I saw my grandfather’s face.

 

 

「The shadow of loss seems to only be close to me」

 

 

I was brought to Japan by my grandfather.

They all accept me, and they put me in to a decent university.

Music major.

I was very happy, and a month later. My mom found out and called me.

She said, whether I chose music or business, whether I’m gay or not, whether I fail or succeed…

I will always be her son.

I cried, this time, happily.

And my sister visited me not so long after that.

I was happy, but there are so many things I couldn’t forget.

Like, my friends who walked away when they I found out I have no money left and—

Nam Woohyun.

Especially Nam Woohyun.

 

 


「Spreading densely and somberly like poison」

 

 

The memory of Nam Woohyun is like a poison.

(His touch)

Everytime I remember his touch I felt my skin burns.

(His lips)

Everytime I remember about his kiss I felt my lips gone numb— I can’t say a thing.

(His words)

Everytime I remember his words, my head hurts. Thinking about which oart that he lied and which part he doesn’t. (But I still can’t figure it out.)

(His everything)

Everytime I remember him, his touch, his lips, his words, his—

My heart aches.

 

 

「When the dangling faith plummets, you’d still make off with
」

 

 

I’ve worked hard for everything I have now.

My father died a long time ago, with his last words to me.

“I’m sorry.”

(I forgive you.)

“I’m a bad father.”

(I know you are, but you’re not the worst)

“Kim Sunggyu, you are my son.”

(Thanks for accepting me, father)

I’m a successful writer, musician, plus the heir of Kim Corporation.

I really did inherit the company without taking business major.

(I told you there’s nothing wrong on doing things I like)

If that were not my father’s last wish, I’d rather not do that.

(“Sunggyu, I trust the company to you.)

I’m already succeeded and such, and I have new loyal friends.

(“Your friends back then really did that to you gyu? I can’t believe it!” Dongwoo said)

They’re mostly working on my company; we met even before I inherit the company.

(“We will never do that.” Myungsoo said)

I believe them, anyway.

I have new friends.

But that never drives off my thought of a certain person.

(“Who is that Nam Woohyun bastard?” Howon asked”)

Nam Woohyun.

(“He’s no one, only a part of my past.”)

A part of my past that I really loved.

(“You could tell us everything, Sunggyu.”)

I ended up telling them everything.

 

 

「The final breath we’d struggled to make 」

 

 

“Sunggyu! We made it! We got the deal!” Dongwoo shrieked.

The others are happy too, well I’m happy as well.

I chuckled seeing them all like this.

“Well boss, smiling on your own is creepy, you know that?” Sungjong, my assistant said.

I wish this happy moment last.

Like, forever.

I wish that they wouldn’t ever leave me.

(“We won’t leave you, Sunggyu. Even if you’re broke and homeless we will still bug you until the end of time, wouldn’t you want that?” Dongwoo said. I laughed)

 

 

「Don’t leave me」

 

 

(They will never leave you.)


 

 

「Okay?」

 

 

(But I wish I didn’t need to meet him)

“Sunggyu, there are this small company—“

“Myungsoo! Don’t say something like that!” Dongwoo knocked Myungsoo head.

“Ouch, okay okay. So this company, want to work with us, you could read the proposal by yourself.” Myungsoo gave me the proposal.

I read it, it’s kind of interesting, the deal that the company offers. I was about to accept that, when I saw the CEO’s name.

(Signed by CEO, Nam Woohyun.)

I froze, and Myungsoo looked worried. He snatched the proposal out of my hand and read it. He froze too.

“Forget it, we won’t accept this.” Myungsoo said coldly before he about to throw the proposal to the trash bin. I trembled.

“But their offer will benefit us.” I said, my voice shaking.

“But that’s the bastard who have been hurting you, hyung! I can’t let you work with someone like that!” Myungsoo roared. He rarely furious like this.

“I have a plan.” I said.

 

 

「It’s kind of hard being me
」

 

 

“Thank you, for accepting our deal, really! It’s a big thing for us.” Woohyun said.

He doesn’t remember who I am.

(Yet.)

“Yes, you are very welcome.” I smiled.

“May I know what’s your name?” Woohyun said.

“Kim Sunggyu.” I said sternly.

He froze.

(He finally realizes who I am.)

 

 

「I’m broken, I realize this」


 

 

(I’ll break you.)

 

 

「But it’d be wonderful if you still wanted me
」

 

 

“You’ve changed.” Woohyun stated after we finished working.

“Hm yeah.” I didn’t really catch what are he saying.

“I missed you.” He said. I only nod.

But then he pinned me on his couch, and started kissing my neck

“I want you.”

(My plan succeeds.)

 

 

「If only I could be patched up」

 

 

Woohyun is asleep, after we had . He keeps saying that he loved me, but I’m not dumb to believe that.

(You should probably believe that after all.)

I his computer. I hacked it, and I went to saw the accounting data.

It’s true.

He had been using our company money for his own company thing.

(Little did I know that it’s not him.)

 

 


「I’d be rather beautiful」

 

 

“You’re using me, right Nam Woohyun?” I said coldly. He looked dumbfounded.

“What? I’d never do such thing.” He answered.

“You have used me once, why should I believe you?” I said, holding my tears.

“It was the past, Sunggyu. You know what? I’ve been looking for you since you left that day; I always love you, my stupidity just come right through me.” He answered.

I froze. I never expect such confession.

I didn’t believe him.

(But my heart believes that.)

 

 

「So don’t give up on me, I beg of you」

 

 

(Please.)

“The X Company had been caught using Kim Corporation money while they are working together. The CEO had been brought to police.”

CEO. Nam Woohyun.

(I missed you.)

I sighed while walking in the park, when I felt a familiar pair of arms wrapped around my waist.

“Sunggyu.”

Woohyun.

“You know what? I’m not using you.  I didn’t know if they were using your company’s money because….”

Woohyun’s voice trailed off. I turned my body to face him.

“I’m not the CEO. I just beg to the CEO to pretend that I am, but then he used me for this. I’m fired now.” He said with a chuckle.

“Why did you pretend?” I asked him.

He moves his face closer to mine.

“Because I want to see you.”

I closed my eyes, and then he kissed me.

“I love you.” He said after that.

“Don’t leave me.” He said.

(I love you too.)

 

 

(Don’t leave me)

 

 

(I won’t)

 

Don’t leave me

(I’ll always be by your side.)

 

---

I don't know anymore=_=