~Chapter 33~

You Are Not Him

Taemin's POV~

            I swing around my spear as I wonder around at night. I am taking a breather as the villagers made me drink quite a good amount. After last night’s party, the nearby villages also celebrated since they no longer need to close off their homes at night in fear of the poisoned village invading their homes. I hiss as I accidentally use my injured hand to catch my spear. I swear, sometimes I’m an idiot. I laugh my myself and take a seat. I look up to the sky and notice that the moon was nearly covered by large clouds. There seems to be less stars in the sky than usual and the wind is picking up. I guess the alcohol is making it harder for me to notice how cold the nigh actually is.

            I get up and return to the party— “Where’d the party go?” I ask Jimin in awe.

            “After you left, the villagers thought it would be a good idea to let us have some rest before we travel back to the palace and wrapped up.” I huff and my cheeks inflate, moving my mask up slightly.

            “Man, I wanted to hang out with everyone some more,” I sigh.

            “They promised to send us off, if that makes you feel better,” Jimin says as he helps clean up. “The villagers that were sober helped the drunk people back to their houses. They told us not to worry about the mess, but I felt bad.” I lay my spear down and start helping him clean up as well. “Don’t help!” He pulls a cup away from my hand. I look at his in surprise and blink a few times. His cheeks flush as he got slightly embarrassed for his overreaction. “Your hand is hurt so…don’t help,” he carefully says and looks away. I smile and wave my uninjured hand.

            “I fought in worse conditions; I’m sure picking up a few dishes is fine,” I say. “Where did everyone go?”

            “Kai left a bit after you. Taehyung left with Baekhyun hyung since he was drunk himself. Minho hyung is back in his room too.”

            “That’s weird…was Minho hyung drunk?”

            “Yeah, he drank quite a lot. Something must have been on his mind.” I think back to how the Peacekeeper is using my “soul” against Minho hyung. He must be struggling with figuring out where his loyalty should lie…

            “You seem to pay a lot of attention to Minho hyung,” I say.

            “Actually, I pay attention to anyone near the crown prince. It is my job to protect him. How would I do that if I can’t even notice those around him.”

            “I see,” I nod and grab the last of the dishes. “I think we’re all set.”

            “Thank you for the help.” Jimin bows slightly and smiles. “You also have a lot on your mind.” Is he trying to test me? He can’t honestly know anything about me…

            “That’s right. Any person with a lot of responsibility will have a lot on his mind. I’m sure at this moment, you aren’t just thinking about having a casual conversation.”

            “You got me,” he smiles. “I was thinking about the best route for us to take to return back to the palace. At this point, everyone in the palace must know that His Majesty is beyond the walls. This may include our enemies.”

            “Save your energy and get a nice sleep. Don’t worry about them. Us heroes are here to protect the crown prince as well. The enemy would have to get past us before they even get to you. I know for a fact that even if you were to die, you would protect your friend.”

            “I guess that’s what makes us so similar.” Jimin pats my shoulder. “You are one loyal friend. I respect that.”

            “Thank you,” I also pat his shoulder. “Let’s head to bed. It takes at least a day’s trip to get back to the capital.” Jimin nods and we both head to the inn.

            Jimin waves goodnight as he closes his door, which is the same as Taehyung’s. I keep walking a few more step toward my room, but stop. I look at Minho hyung’s closed doors and knock on them before I enter. I see Minho hyung laying on top a table with a bottle of alcohol in his hand. I chuckle and walk take the bottle out his hand. I carefully help him off the table and lead him to his bed. He ungracefully falls on his bed and bangs his head. I wince for him and mutter a “sorry, hyung.” I roll him over and put a blanket on him. I was about to blow out the room candle, but stop at the sound of my name.

            “Taemin-ah…” I freeze, contemplation on whether or not I should react. “I’m sorry…” At this, I turn around and notice him still fast asleep. Is he talking in his sleep? I shake my head, realizing how careful I was acting around him.

            “Silly hyung…” I whisper. “Don’t be sorry…” I’m not sure if I should be touched by this or upset. I’m happy that I am still in Minho hyung’s mind, but part of me wants him to move on. Only God knows how much time I have left in this time period. Originally, we thought we came back to help Joon hyung, but we quickly got tied into the clans and monster slaying. The purpose for time traveling is so muddled and at this point, I don’t even know if we will survive long enough to make a change. This is the lifetime where they will either turn into angels or demons. Me? I’m going to either die here or return to my time as a human, since that is my progress in the cycle. If Minho hyung keeps remembering me, what will happen when we have to leave?

            “I miss…you…much…” I draw the candle near his face and notice that he had tears rolling to the side of his face. My heart pangs. I hesitantly reach out and wipe off his tear with my finger.

            “I’m here,” I say. “Hyung…” Minho hyung grabs my hand roughly and jerks up.

            “Taemin!” He shouts. His eyes finally meet mine and they quickly changed from hope and desperation to disappointment. “You’re not him…” I hear him sigh to himself. Minho hyung lets go of my hand and shoves his face into his hands, wiping his tears.

            “Sorry,” I say. I’m not sure what I’m saying sorry for. Sorry for lying to you? Sorry for dying and then coming back to life? I’m sorry that I can’t reciprocate the love you have for me? Sorry for acting like Taemin when I know I can’t live up to that name anymore? Sorry…for everything…

            I turn around and try to walk away, but Minho hyung stops me by pulling the hem of my clothes. “Are you okay?” he asks.

            “Yeah, I’m going to head to bed now,” I say.

            “No, I mean…you seem disorientated. Uh, did you want to talk to me about something?”

            “N-no,” I shake my head. “You’re the disorientated one.” I say half-heartedly.

            “What do you mean?”

            “Don’t act innocent,” I huff. “Don’t act like I’m deaf! ‘You’re not him,’” I mimic him while squinting my eyes, pretending to be in deep sorrow. “Clearly you were thinking about something else.”

            “Leave me alone~” he whines. “I’m clearly not sober.” I can tell that he is trying to keep his tone light to avoid falling into a deeper and more depressing conversation about the late Taemin.

            “Sober enough to argue though,” I grunt, going along with him.

            “Hold up, what’s that?”

            “Don’t try to change the subject!” I tsk.

            “No, I’m serious!” He says. I follow his eyes and look down at my now bleeding hand. The injury must have reopened when he grabbed it earlier. I try to hide my hand behind my side, but he quickly gets up and grabs it. “I thought you weren’t sober. How’d you get up so fast?”

            “I sobered up,” he says and unwraps the bloody bandage off my hand. “I knew something was up.”

            “Hmm?”

            “You didn’t seem like you transferred energy and it didn’t take too much time for you to cure the villagers so I knew you did something else this time.”

            “It’s just a bit of blood.”

            “Are you kidding me?” Minho hyung briefly looks up at my face and I can see the concern in his eyes. He sits me down and dresses my hand. I wince slightly and he immediately halts, looking at me again. He continues dressing my injury, but keeps looking back and forth between my masked face and my hand. I guess he is trying to make sure he doesn’t hurt me again. That’s very sweet of him. “So…why did you need to give them your blood?” he asks as he carefully ties a knot.

            “I actually didn’t know this myself, but turns out my blood can cure poisons.”

            “How did you find out?” I pause for a bit, not sure if I should tell him about the crown prince being poisoned by the Peacekeepers. Minho hyung is already struggling enough over the Peacekeepers and the royal family…but then again, if I don’t give him more reasons how the Peacekeepers are doing wrong, he might have a more difficult time picking. He believes that they have my soul after all. Wouldn’t it be easier for me to just tell him that I am Taemin? I mean I lied to them for so long and my face still isn’t healed. I just don’t know what is best. No, Minho hyung can live without Taemin. He needs to move on. If not, if I ever die in this was or if I return to my time period, he will have to suffer losing Taemin once again. I can’t do that to him. I thought he learned how to live without me, but even now, he is struggling over my death. Will continuing to lie to him be more beneficial?

            “The Peacekeepers poisoned the crown prince and tried to make him into a beast. He bit me and it helped him. Eventually I reached out to Thunder hyung and he concluded that I was immune to poison.”

            “They did that to him?” Minho hyung sighs. “Thank you for helping him. Oh, that also explains why your arm was never haling. How often did he bite you? I just thought you kept using your arm so it kept reopening.”

            “I didn’t take count, but we stopped after we found the source of the poison.” I explain. “Hyung, why did you look so sad when I told you the Peacekeepers poisoned him. You shouldn’t be surprised as they were the reason why you are in this state.”

            “I….” Minho hyung looks down, searching for the right words to say. “I just hope that they changed.”

            “Well, they aren’t going to and they’re going to keep using you.”

            “What do you mean?” Minho hyung looks up at me, concerned. Darn, I forgot that Gun Tae told me about this, but no one is supposed to actually know that they threatened Minho hyung with my fake soul fragment.

            “I just feel like they’re out to get you. They ruined your family and ruined your life.”

            “But thanks to them, I was able to meet Taemin.” I didn’t know how I should respond. The night is still and our lack of talking dropped the volume to complete silence…so quiet that even a pin dropping would be heard.

            “But if it wasn’t for them, Taemin wouldn’t be dead. They might have given you back your happiness, but they easily took it away from you. This will not change and don’t you even dare for a second think that they will treat you any different.”

            “I’m getting tired. I’m going to sleep if you don’t mind.” Minho hyung turns away and lays on his bed with his back facing me.

            “Even if he were to come back to life, he’ll never be the same,” I say and exit the room. I stand in front of his room for a bit longer before I finally head to my bed.

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