She looked at him again and sighed. She had been his fan for a long time now. She had been looking at him since he debuted.

But she hated loving him; she was supposed to be just a regular fan, just a regular girl, it was supposed to be a regular thing for her. She had no idea what had happened?

As the time went by, she began to see herself loving him more and more, not as an artist as a individual personality. Then as more time passed by she saw him as a perfect human being.

But the thing she hated was she wasn’t where he was. He was in Korea, in South Korea. She was somewhere else in the world. She hated the fact that she didn’t live there as well.

She used to go to the net café, she used to read his news all the time, see his pics, watch his performances, and she began to fall in love with him. She got confused.

She didn’t mind if he was dating, she didn’t mind with fan girls hovering over him, she didn’t mind making post cards, writing long letter to him, but she used to tear the letter up … she knew she was not meant to be with him.

She was tired of her feelings, she was tired of waiting for the day she will be able to go and see him.

In short to sum it all up… she was fed up of herself feeling this way.

“HYUNG! LOOK AINT THIS BEAR CUTE??” Seungri showed TaeYang his bear that the fan had sent him

They were all going through the gifts their fans had sent them. It was like almost every day.

They got many gifts not only from K-VIPS but also I-VIPS. As they were going through the cards and letters, TOP smiled as he handed JiYong his card, with blue envelope.

“JI … you got that card again.” TOP handed him the card.

JiYong took the card and saw on it the same hand writing he had been looking at for the past 5 years. She was his really biggest fan, she was one of his I-VIPS . The same thing was written in this one too.

He smiled as he read it and again no name except for an initial letter of her name maybe? …

“Hyung is it her?” Daesung asked.

JiYong smiled and nodded as he put the card back in its envelope and went into his room.  He put it on his wall next to many of the post cards she had sent over these many years. These were the cards that his one true fan had made it by her hands.

He smiled to himself as he watched all the cards on his walls, “I wish I can meet her.”

“Mom please I need to go once… just once in my life.” She begged her mom.

Her mom didn’t reply and just looked at her as if she had gone crazy.

“Are you crazy? How can I let you go to a place where they don’t even speak English.” Her mother tried to make her understand.

“I DON’T CARE I NEED TO GO ONCE ONLY.” She stomped her feet and went to her room.

She was about to close her door when he mom came in, she was angry.

“I KNOW WHY YOU ARE BEHAVING LIKE THIS!” her mom looked around her room.

Her mom went to the nearest wall, “this stupid singer is making your head fill up with air that is why you are misbehaving with your mother, with an elder.” With that her mother tore off the poster of her beloved singer G-Dragon.

“NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!” She screamed. She felt as if she could not breathe. She fell on the floor, and watched as her mother tore of that poster into bits before throwing them up in the air out of her window.

Her mother left the room saying “this is only the beginning you miss behaved again, I will trash all your cds and DVDs and posters of this stupid band!”

She cried herself that night, she trashed her room, making a mess everywhere, and she took out his picture.

She was on her bed looking at it. She kissed it, shaking as she closed her eyes and after being like that for a few seconds she got up took a pen and a paper and wrote another letter to JiYong.

After she was done with the letter, she was about to tear it up when she stopped herself. She read it again, and then without thinking concealed it with the card and the next day sent it to Korea.

“There you go hyung again her.” Daesung was going their mails and handed his hyung the card.

“ABOUT TIME!” JiYong smiled as he took the card and opened it. It had been longer than usual to get her card. But then he gasped looking at the letter inside it.

“OH MY GOD!” JiYong exclaimed making everyone look at him. “SHE WROTE A LETTER AN ACTUAL LETTER AFTER 5 YEARS!”  They all laughed at him. He ignored them and ran to his room to read the letter in peace.

“Dear Kwon Leader,

I really don’t know what to write right now. I don’t want to write the typical OMG-JIYONG-OPP- I’M-YOUR-BIGGEST-FAN thing.

I have been sending you cards a lot, and I have a feeling you are tired of them now? ~kekeke…

Okay okay I won’t judge that.

But seriously Kwon Leader, the thing is that I have been listening to you since 2006, and I have been really shy as to what to write you. I wrote a letter to you every single day encouraging you, telling you where you are wrong, telling what I do in life and such, but they all seemed so weird that I just put them all away.  this is like my first letter to you.

Maybe that is why I am really nervous while writing this but even my nervousness is nothing compared to the feeling I am going through right now.

You see my mom tore up the poster of you that was in my room, not only she tore it off but she also ripped it into bits and threw it out of the window, because I wanted to come to Korea to see you guys in concert.

Kwon Leader is that a lot to ask? Me going to your concert? I didn’t even say I want to marry you or meet you guys because I know you guys are always busy and I don’t want to waste your time meeting me.

JiYong I felt as if I couldn’t breathe when she tore off my poster. I felt like the world has come tumbling down. I know … I know you are thinking WTF? Is this girl stupid?

But you see JiYong, you have inspired me a lot, but what you don’t know is that no matter what I dream, no matter what I do, I still can’t do anything about my dreams. Because my dreams are something that my parents don’t want for me for my future.

But the only wish right now is that I can meet you guys without asking my mom for money to get the visa or the place ticket. Just once in my life… I won’t ask for anything more ever in my life from any one.

You guys keep rocking, keep having fun and we VIPS and me ofcourse .. will be supporting you guys until whenever.

FIGHTING!!!!  Say hi to all the other Big Bang members for me

Sincerely …

D ….

Dina.

JiYong went through the whole letter again and then sighed. She had written her phone number in case he needed and the address.

TOP came in at the same time and saw him sighing.

“Are you okay?” TOP asked.

JiYong just nodded and went out saying “I need to talk to YG”

JiYong went to YG and asked if he could arrange for this girl to come to Korea, he told YG the whole history of this VIP.

YG thought for a moment and nodded saying that he will do something about it. JiYong smiled as he tried out the number that was in that letter to call her and tell her the good news.

She got tired of waiting. Today was their performance airing, when she saw them, her eyes were on him only. And suddenly she got up and went into the bathroom and splashed her face with water.

Still she had troubled thoughts. She went up the roof to calm herself.  She closed her eyes as she stood on her favorite spot whenever she came to the roof.

She closed her eyes cooling her mind, and letting that feeling go.

Her phone rang but she couldn’t answer it. She had moved on, she had let go of that feeling she had. She knew it was the same as the other dreams she had. The dreams that never got true, the belief in her dreams had let her down, and the faith in her own self was broken.

She had moved on so that she won’t have to feel those things any more. She had tears in her eyes when she was letting go of these feelings.

“Mianhae JiYong, Mianhae Umma.”

JiYong was confused why wasn’t there any answer from her. But then he though of contacting her again properly after the two day promotion performances.

But after the two days when they got into the dorm there was a parcel waiting for him. He opened it and saw a lot of letters. He opened them one by one and his eyes widened at the last letter.

After opening 100 letters he wished he hadn’t opened up the last one.

The last one was from the girl’s mother,

JiYong,

I don’t even know you, but it seemed my daughter knew you all too well, I just wanted to inform you that Dina has moved on. She has left all she felt about you and her dreams somewhere even I can’t find it. I tried bringing them back, but now all I have is the ashes of her dreams and wishes.

AS a mother I request you to pray for her lost self. Pray she is happy now.

And good luck for you future, her only wish for you guys is to produce awesome music, and have fun and stay strong.

I know she is watching over you.

Dina’s mom.

JiYong just sat there in the living room, with everyone looking at him, as a tear fell down his cheek. He just hugged the letters to his chest and felt strange as if someone is hugging him back.

“Mianhae I was late Dina.”