You piece of dirt! I don't know why I ever married you! You are nothing but a burden! A stupid !"

"I ruined my whole life marrying you, you filthy pig! I hate you!"

Mum and dad are fighting again. Sigh..

Every single day, they make this home a living hell with their screaming and cursing, whipping sounds when dad hits mum, and yet, they just won't divorce.

Home, was never home for me. I always wished I had a proper home, somewhere I can go to escape the hell I live in. Somewhere I can go to relax and be happy.

I found it one day. 

It wasn't exactly a 'home'. But it was heavenly. Under a big shady tree, where you could hear the birds chirping sweetly. A little bench, just nice for two, stood there, shaded from the sunlight. I discovered peace and serenity every time I sat there. It was lovely. 

The bench quickly became my regular spot, where I would read a book or listen silently to my Walkman. The breeze would blow gently on my face, making me smile. I always believed that I was alone, until I realized that, actually... I wasn't.

It was on a Sunday, when I first noticed him. He, who would always stand and watch me from afar. He didn't look bad, didn't feel bad. He just stood there everyday while reading a book, and glance at me every once in a while. I just tried to ignore him, which was hard since, I had to admit, he was cute.

It was also on a Sunday, a different Sunday, when he first spoke to me.

I was crying. Crying so much because of all the hurt and pain in me. I couldn't hold it anymore. I saw dad hit mum with his belt, and mum was screaming in pain with red scars all across her limbs. I couldn't do anything. So I ran, and ran, and ran. Until I reached my spot under the tree. My tears poured out uncontrollably and my inhales were sharp. I never knew I could cry so much.

"Miss, are you alright?"

I looked up to see a concerned face looking down at me. I quickly wiped my face and nodded, even though my eyes were obviously red. I just kept looking down, partially because I was surprised. After a moment, he moved to sit beside me. I didn't say a word. 

"Did something happen?" He asked again. I remained silent. "Sorry. I just.. I saw you a moment ago. I thought I could try to comfort you.."

A tear fell out my eye again. I couldn't remember the last time someone comforted me. But that's what I needed. Comfort. 

I covered my mouth to prevent myself from breaking down again, but my tears started to pour. He gently patted my back while pulling out his handkerchief to offer.

It took me about 15 minutes until I was completely calmed down. He patiently sat by and soothed me. 

"Sorry about your handkerchief.." I said apologetically while looking at the drenched piece of cloth. He smiled and shook his head. "Nah, it's okay." 

"And thanks." I said gently while looking down.

"For what?"

"For comforting me."

"Not a problem. I would feel bad if I didn't." He looked at me and smiled again. "How about we meet here again tomorrow?" I nodded.

He was such a nice person. As I walked back home, I caught myself smiling as I thought of him. The first person who was actually nice to me. 

At home, I quickly walked into my room without looking for my parents. I didn't want to see them. All I wanted to do, was to sit on my bed and hug my pillow tightly, while thinking of him.

The next day, I walked to my little haven, this time with excitement. Just as promised, he was there. My heart started racing as I got closer and I thought I got a heart attack when he turned to look at me. I sat beside him and we started talking. He was friendly and talkative, always starting the conversation whenever there was an awkward silence.

Time and days passed. We never failed to meet everyday at the same time, in the same spot. We became closer, and I felt happier. 

He said his name was Lee Jinki, and he lived just across the street with his mother and sister. I told him about myself too, telling him how I was the only child in the family and also about how mum and dad don't get along. Sometimes I tell him my problems. He always knew how to make me feel better. He just finds the right words to keep me calm.

"Jinki." I said one day, while sitting on the bench with him.

"Yeah?"

"How come you always seem so positive and happy? Don't you ever have any problems?" 

He looked at me for a moment, surprised by my weird question. I looked back and raised my eyebrows at him. 

"Well," he hesitated. "I do..have problems. I mean, I'm human too." He chuckled. 

After a short silence, he suddenly pointed a huge tree. "You see that tree there?" You nodded. "It's a really big and strong tree. No matter what hits it, it stands firm on its ground and refuses to move." 

Then he slowly moved his hand and pointed at a flower that grew from the ground. "Now you see this flower?" You nodded again. "It's really small and weak. Fragile at the slightest touch." He said. You looked at him and frowned. "So?"

"Lets say there comes a huge storm, a hurricane. The winds blow really fast and hard. The big and strong tree, it fights against the wind. Standing firm, never moving a slightest bit. But after some time, the tree eventually will crack, and it will fall down.

The flower on the other hand, doesn't fight back the wind. It simply sways. Bending according to the direction of the wind and lets the air flow through it. In the end, it survives."

"What's the point of all this?" I confusingly asked him.

"You see." He explained. "Any event in your life can scar you. But at the end of the day, you are the one who decides weather to be the flower or the tree."

A small grin came across my face, then a chuckle. "Wow Jinki. You're pretty poetic." I commented jokingly. He just grinned back. "I guess I am. Basically, what I'm trying to say is, you've got to accept the problems you have if you want to be happy. Don't keep thinking about it and waste your life on it. Just let it go."

I thought for a moment before nodding, though a small question kept bugging me in my mind. What problems could Jinki possibly have? But I decided not to ask.

Silence..

"Well, I'll have to be home soon. My mum might be waiting for me." He finally said after glancing at his watch. He got up and waved me goodbye. I sat there and watch him as disappeared behind the passing cars. Once he was out of sights, only then I got up and walked home, thinking about what he said earlier.

A few more days passed normally, and Jinki seemed more poetic. Always saying things about accepting life. It's not that I didn't like his emotional side, I was quite impressed. But at the same time, it made me wonder, why is he suddenly like this? 

It was on another Sunday again, when my dad left our house. I cried.

Wiping my tears on the small bench under the big tree, I told Jinki, who was sitting beside me, what happened. He listened patiently and calmed me down. Soothing me with assurance. It didn't take take him long to make me smile again. Like always.

"I guess it's a good thing he left." I said. "At least there won't be anymore fighting and screaming."

"And no more tears from you either." He added with a smile.

That was true. Home was going to be more peaceful without dad. I smiled to myself and nodded.

It started to get late. "Aren't you going to go home now?" I asked him while glancing at his watch. He would usually leave at 6pm, but it was already almost 7. "Ah yes!" He said, a little surprised at the time. Quickly, he got up and brushed his coat and watched as I got up and brushed mine. We faced each other before waving goodbye, then I watched as he turned around to walk away. Like everyday, he would disappear from my sights before I start walking home. But today...

He stopped. 

And turned around.

I starred at him as he walked towards me unexpectedly. A small smile formed on his lips as he got nearer. He didn't stop when I thought he was near enough. Instead, he came closer. Then I felt his warm fingers on my cheek as he gazed into my eyes. Is it just me, or were his eyes slightly wet and red? Suddenly, he moved closer and pecked my cheek. My heart stopped.

I stood there like a statue, unsure weather he wanted a response or not. I think he noticed how surprised I was and chuckled. I just smiled weakly. Then, without a single word, he turned around and walked away, disappearing as he crossed the road. I felt my heart beat fast and loud when I put my hands on my chest. My head was only filled with the pictures of him so close to me. My mind could only hear his sweet and soft chuckle. I was going crazy. Smiling like an idiot, I walked home.

It was a new day. I walked to my little spot with excitement and joy. I couldn't wait to meet him. Yes. I was going to tell him what I really felt. I wanted to tell him how I never stopped thinking about him. How I loved having him by my side. How I loved him. 

I sat down on the bench and waited for him to come, thinking of ways to start my sentence to confess my love for him. 

4.30pm..

5.00pm..

'He's pretty late today.'

5.30pm..

6.00pm..

I felt my heart sink, and tears were at the brink of falling. Damn. 

6.30pm..

7.00pm..

I got up and walked back home. My nose and eyes were red, so I kept looking down the whole way. 

My mind kept asking so many questions. Why didn't he come? Where is he? Is he okay? Maybe he was sick. Maybe he couldn't come because he had to go somewhere. Maybe I'm just over reacting. He's probably going to be there tomorrow again. I hoped.

But he wasn't.

Neither was he there the next day. Or the day after that. He disappeared. He never came back.

A week passed, and it was on the next Sunday, when I decided to go and find him. I knew that he lived across the streets, so I walked there. 'Maybe he went on a vacation?' I thought to myself.

I walked passed a few houses and then noticed a one that had yellow flowers around the gates. I remembered him telling me that his favorite color was yellow. I went closer to the gates and pressed the doorbell.

A young girl opened the main door and peeked outside. Upon seeing me, she walked out with a smile and greeted me. I bowed. "Annyeonghaseyo. Is this Lee Jinki's house?" 

Her lips formed a small weak smile. She looked just like him. "Ne. You are a friend I suppose?" I nodded. "Ne. I'm Kang Seomin. I just wanted to check on him. I haven't seen him for a while now."

The girl's eyes widened a little when she heard my name. Then she gestured me to come in. I refused, telling her that I just wanted to see Jinki. She hesitantly nodded and went back in. To call Jinki I suppose?

After a moment, she came out again. But she was still alone. Then, she moved her hand to me, showing me a piece of paper that she was holding. I took it.

"My brother had told me a lot about you Seomin-ssi." She said with another weak smile. "He also had told me to give you this if you ever come here to visit him"

I slowly opened the letter and read it carefully.

 

Kang Seomin,

If you're reading this now, it probably means that you came to see me. Thanks for caring so much.

Well, I also have to apologize to you. I mean, I might have kept you waiting, huh? Sorry about that.

Seomin-ah, remember when you asked me the other day about my problems? Well, the thing is, my problem is bigger than you think it is. It's not avoidable, but I didn't tell you about it because I was afraid. 

Yes, I was afraid Seomin. Afraid of your reaction. Afraid to see you cry. I know, I'm a coward. I couldn't bring up the courage to tell you the truth.

Seomin-ah, I've been diagnosed with cancer for 3 years now.

I never took any treatment because I didn't want to suffer the effects and I decided to live the last moments of my life in a peaceful way.

Then I found you.

Honestly, I always cherished the moments with you. Every single one of them were meaningful. You were special to me. But, no matter how much I wanted to stay with you for long, I knew that it wouldn't be possible. I just wish I could tell you the few words thatI long to say so badly.

Don't worry about me. I'll be in a safer place. A place that will remind me of your little haven. No worries, no sadness. But at the same time, I will miss you so much too. It's okay. At least I will be able to watch and protect you from up there.

On the last day we met, I gave you a kiss remember? Please don't ever forget that memory. It's the most precious memory I will ever have. But only you can keep it for me, so please, don't forget it. Don't forget me.

And there's one more thing. Don't cry anymore. Love life. Be happy always and take life in the most positive way possible. There's always a rainbow after a storm. And I'll always be in your heart, just like how you are always in mine.

I love you.

Lee Jinki.

 

By the time I finished reading, the paper was filled with wet spots from my tears. I still stared at the paper, repeatedly reading the last sentence. Then collapsed on the road while holding the paper on my chest. My cries were loud, but I didn't care. Jinki's sister came up to me quickly and patted my back, telling me its alright. I kept crying and cursing him. Why did he have to leave? Why didn't he tell me earlier? Why?!

After a while, I went in the house. His picture hung on the wall with offering and incense sticks under it. I met his mother and gave her a tight hug as we both burst out crying again. 

Lee Jinki.

I will never forget you.

I love you.