The bathtub
The bathtub
He was in the bathtub. The lapping of the water was bumping against his body. He didn't even notice a huge amount of water had wet the bathroom carpet when he entered the tub. he sat and that was it. His face was as white as sheet. It was frozen by shock, fear and sadness. His lower lips was quivering uncontrollably. His back, leaning on the bathtub edge was trembling too. Both of his arms were dangling on it.
He stared at the white wall in front of him but his gaze was blank. they had lost their emotions, their light and joy. Tears were running down his cheek. But he didn't notice it.
He couldn't see anything, he couldn't feel anything, he couldn't hear anything. Clearly, today, his world was torn appart. it was as if destiny or fate were both against him or were playing with his life and feeling in a cruel game.
He still couldn't believe it. All the things he holded dear, all the things he thought was in the palm of his hand, slipped and went away from him. It was gone. All of it disappeared without a trace. He shook his head slightly. it wasn't possible. He didn't want to believe it. He didn't want to acknowledge it. Because if he did, everything would be true. Everything will fall appart.
It wouldn't be the same anymore.
It was painful. It was breaking his heart. It was sad.
It wasn't possible. It was just a bad dream. It was just a nightmare.
Because it couldn't be true. This couldn't happen to him. Not HIM.
"Why him ?" He thought, tears running down on his face once again.
He closed his eyes and stared to cry.
"Why, why, why...?" He silently muttered.
Why did he had to leave ?Why did it have to be him ? Why did he had to left him.
He was shocked. He was terrified.
He was lonely. He was sad.
He was desesperate. He was dead inside.
His other half. That part of him he needed like air, wasn't here anymore.
Everything inside of him died. He died the minute he knew.
"Died…" He softly said.
He didn’t want to say it out loud because it will take shape. It will become an hard true and it will hit him even harder.
" I want to die…" He said desesparatly, tears falling in the water of his bath. His skin started to wrinckle because of his stay in it but he didn’t pay it any attention.
All he was thinking off was dying.
He wanted to die. He didn’t want to live anymore.
It would be to painful to live when he’s not here anymore.
"How could I live without you ?"
He thought of him. He thought of those sweet memories they shared.
He thought of his face. The way he always reached his hand to his hair, His gaze full of innocence, his shy smile, his attention towards him. That hand of him always extended to grab his…
All those moments will be lost forever.
"How could i live without them ?"
So, now, dying was the only solution left for him. He didn’t have the will to live.
He straightened himself up for a short while to put both of his dangling arms on his toned chest. He took a breath. A short and last one. He closed his eyes. He was serene. At a slow pace, he let himself slide in the bathtub. He dived himself in the bottom of it, not even letting a strand of his hair in the open air.
He was in the bottom of his bathtub. His lungs were already streaming for oxygen. His heart beat faster, also in need of oxygen. Water was entering in his nose, slowly replacing the air. His head was pounding. His limbs were twitching, pressuder by the water above them. Suddendly, His lips opened up by themself and immediatly after, water flooded inside his mouth. It went in his throat, slip into his lugs, chasing the last bit of air in them. Then he started to choke. Instinctively, both of his arms grabbed the bathtub edge and pulled him out of the water. He spat out water, hang on thightly on the edge and took multiple deep breathing.
His heart was pounding. His lungs and throat were hurting him and a headache was stabbing the back of his head.
After a while his heartbeat came back to normal as well as his breathing. He stared at the ceiling, unfazed, still clinging on the edge of his bathtub. He recalled the pain his body faced in the water. The fear that took control of it and made him move without his consent to avoid death.
A smile stretched his blue wrincked lips.
He wanted to die but his body wanted him to live.
Then, he laughed and cried at the same time.
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