---

In bed, my eyes felt uncomfortably dry after so many days of crying as I held him to my chest, golden light warmly filling the room. I felt every breath he took and kept the movement close to heart, trying to stay awake and burn his image into my memory. I will keep this moment forever, I decided.

---

Forever. It sounded like such a nice thought back then. It never even occurred to me that Kai wouldn't want forever.

This image of my beautiful alien was plaguing me so much so that I could barely process what I was being told as Luhan woke me up, panicking. “Tao, come on. I need your help!”

I groaned and dragged myself off the bed (or should I say sleeping chamber, because it certainly wasn't a bed).

He tugged on my arm impatiently. “Hurry, I can't hold it forever!”

Can't hold what?

Luhan was dragging me towards the bathroom? “Does Xiaolu need help ing his pants?" I asked with as much annoyance as I could muster in my sleepy state. I think it all came out as a mumble...  "I thought you were a big boy already.”

“Can it, Panda. Just- tell me what you think I should do here.”

“Isn't it obvious?” I groaned before taking in what he meant. This wasn't like any Earth bathroom. The entire room only held one large, cylindrical device that I assumed was a walk-in shower, until I found that there weren't any buttons, knobs, or even any holes for water to flow through. “Well, this is a problem.”

“See?” whined Luhan, bouncing up and down in frustration.

“Tell me when you figure it out.” I sighed, heading back to get more sleep. Luhan blocked my way and pushed me back into the small room. “What?" I grumbled. "You're the engineer. If anyone could figure it out, you could.”

“Fine.” he said, lips pulling up in a mischievous grin that I knew meant trouble. “But you're my test subject.”

“Test subject? What's there to test?”

“I don't know. Let's find out!” Luhan laughed, pushing me back into the- thing. What do I even call it? He pressed a palm to the side and Korean characters came up. This wasn't good. Luhan had spent a couple years in South Korea as part of an exchange program in high school. He had actually studied the language, whereas I'd only picked some stuff up. He could easily use this to his advantage...

Luhan pressed a button and suddenly hot air was blowing at me from all sides. “Ooh! I think I found a blow dryer function!”

“Good for you.” I shouted over the roar of wind. “Please change it.” It wasn't very comfortable standing in the middle of a hot wind storm.

“Alright, alright.” A fiddling of buttons ended up with the floor sinking and me being thigh-deep in water.

“This is bath water, right-” I gasped as thick purple ooze suddenly dripped down from above and onto my head. “You better ing know what this is, Lu!”

“I might know, I might not-”

Reaching out, I grabbed him and yanked him towards the pool of water and goop, laughing loudly when I succeeded. “What is this stuff? Tell me or you get a mouthful!”

“Soap! It's soap!” he sputtered, splashing water everywhere as he fought to maintain his balance. “Damn it,” Luhan hooked an arm over my neck and dragged me down to forcefully rub the soap into my scalp.

“You don't put soap in hair!” I yelped.

“It's like a soap-shampoo-conditioner-thing. I don't know the translation's a little funny-”

“The translation's a little funny?” He put alien goo in my hair! In revenge, I tried to do the same thing to him and only ended up slipping and dragging us both fully into the water. I stood up, coughing and was knocked into the wall as Luhan fell over trying to right himself. My hand caught the wall when I lost balance and I must have pressed a button, because water started pouring down from above like rain.

It reminded me of that one shower I shared with Kai so many years ago.

This wasn't fun anymore. I didn't respond to Luhan's splash attacks or playful punches. When he asked what was wrong, I couldn't answer him.

No, I could answer.

“Hormones...” I muttered, not caring about the wet hair dripping over my face. It was as good an excuse to cry  as any, and I knew it wouldn't be long until I needed it.

Luhan drew me into a hug and said, “You're really a mess, aren't you? I'm glad I'm older than that. I don't think Xiumin would appreciate me acting like a pregnant woman.” He pat my back slowly. “You aren't laughing.” he observed.

“No,” I agreed, holding onto his soaked shirt when I felt the first sob choke it's way up. “I'm not.”

I didn't notice when the water stopped raining over our heads or when the floor rose up and the pool disappeared, but I noticed when Luhan tensed up around me. He relaxed as I felt a second pair of arms bringing a towel from our luggage about my shoulders, pausing to rub my arm soothingly.

“Minnie, I think Tao needs to get checked out.”

“He is the youngest to be changed like this.” came Xiumin's quiet voice. “Tao, would you want Kyungsoo to take a look at your brain and see if anything can be done about this? It was pretty low-key at first with him, but I guess since you're younger, it's hitting you harder. It might actually get worse than this too." He paused, sighing. "I'm sorry, you have it really rough.”

I extricated myself from Luhan's shirt with some difficulty. My fingers stubbornly clung to the folds of wet cloth.

“Ah- Minnie, there's something I wanted to ask you.” said Luhan, dropping the arms around me to accept the towel handed to him. “Did Kai... become close to anyone over the last twelve years? Like, really close?”

Xiumin just blinked. It was still strange to see him so different, especially since Luhan looked so young next to him. It was like the pair of them had switched ages in my head. Luhan should be the old one and Xiumin should be the young one. “Luhan, what's with that tone? What are you implying?”

“You know...” Luhan trailed off, still trying to push across the meaning without outright saying it.

“No,” said Xiumin seriously. “I don't know.”

“Minnie, you really need to learn more about the art of dodging a touchy subject, honestly. It's like when you tried to tell me Kai smells weird too. What did that even mean?”

“Is Kai seeing someone?” I blurted. I needed to know. It hurt worse the longer it remained a mystery, and having them talk about all this like it was nothing wasn't helping. “Did he cheat on me?”

Was it even considered cheating after twelve years of being apart?

I had no idea.

I didn't like the expression on Xiumin's face. It was like he finally had all the pieces of a puzzle set in front of him. “This is just a theory,” he began at last, chewing nervously on a fingernail until Luhan smacked his hand out of his mouth. “But if he had been with anyone else, I think it would be Kyungsoo.”

Kyungsoo.

The image of this man with heart-shaped lips and wide owlish eyes filled my brain and I didn't know what to do with it. To me, he was one big unknown with access to too many sharp tools. He scared me a little, but if I thought back to how he was with Chen...

They looked cute together. I didn't understand how Kyungsoo would cheat on him when he seemed to be crazy about him. They fought over a lot of little things, but it looked more to me like they did this for fun more than anything else.

Was this really the man Kai had been seeing?

“They've been really close and I can't even count the number of times I've seen Kai go into his room and vice versa.”

“Can't even count...” I mused with a nod, slowly dragging myself out of this bathroom and somewhere less crowded to, I don't know, cry until my lungs gave out, try to find a way to rip open my chest and throw away my useless heart, or maybe to just sit and sit until I'd become a part of the floor. That last idea sounded pretty good. It didn't require effort or even any thinking. I could sweep out my every thought and just sit silently.

“Tao, even if he had been like that with Kyungsoo, I'm fairly certain it's not still like that.” said Xiumin, following me on my slow adventure to the darkest corner of the bedroom behind our luggage. “He never shuts up about you, you know. Kai's been sulky just like the rest of us.”

He's been sulky. Us four humans have been trudging about like zombies. Some days we hadn't even bothered to greet each other, just heading straight down to the lab with blank expressions.

Maybe I should just cry until my lungs gave out.

“And I hate to say this,” Xiumin continued, purposefully looking anywhere but at me. “but you need to see Kyungsoo about your hormone issues. Suho would do it, but he's... He's having his own problems right now.”

Luhan sat on the floor by his boyfriend. “What wrong with him?” he asked.

“Apparently, Kris and Lay have been close.”

As Luhan praised Xiumin for finally dodging a subject correctly, my mind wandered to all the times my human friends have been split in twos like this. I've been stuck alone with Luhan a lot over the years because the other two had always been out drinking and hanging out without us. I thought it was because me and Luhan never let ourselves binge drink and they thought that we were downers because of this. I didn't ever think they could be friends with benefits. I worked next to Lay for so long and he never seemed like the type to cheat.

But maybe there isn't a cheating type. After all, I kissed Luhan. I wasn't even sure myself how it started or how it stopped. It just happened and even if I wanted to, I couldn't fix it.

I swear I could understand and forgive Kai, I really could.

Why did this hurt so much?

“They were arguing about it a few hours ago," Xiumin went on. "and now Suho's locked himself in his room.”

“What about Sehun?” asked Luhan as if struck by a sudden realization. “How is that kid handling it?”

Kid? He's older than you are now.

“He doesn't care.” Xiumin said with a shrug. “Him and Lay picked up right where they left off.”

“Wow." Luhan was genuinely impressed. "I didn't expect that brat to be so forgiving.”

I wanted to be like that. I wanted to be the mature one who let the past stay in the past and just love my alien friend no matter what. Why wouldn't my body let me? Teenage hormones .

“I want to see Kyungsoo.” I decided, getting up from the corner to find dry clothes to wear. I needed to deal with this new body so I could make a proper decision.

***

“Your hormonal levels are fluctuating at a fascinating pace, Zitao.”

I was in Kyungsoo's room. I'm not quite sure how, but all those squishy benches from his lab had been moved here, as if they had traveled through the walls that had swallowed them up. I was sitting on one, with some weird thing strapped to my wrist that buzzed and lit up on occasion. Kyungsoo was reading results that were fed directly into the wall screen from this device, humming in thought and typing out various chunks of information until he was satisfied with what he had.

Everything on this planet felt weird and smooth like plastic but gave way when pressed as if it were made of the same gel as the cooling pack on my arm. Even the walls and screens (if there was any difference – it seemed like every wall functioned like a computer) were flexible like this. Nothing here had any rough edges or texture and it was starting to make me nervous. I'd gotten the habit of rubbing the insides of my sleeves, the grating feel of cotton a soothing reminder of home. I wasn't looking forward to having to wear those strange suits they gave us again, and I was certain we weren't done with them yet.

So I sat on this squishy bench, rubbing the hem of my shirt (my sleeves were pushed up), afraid to voice any questions because I didn't know if I wanted to be friendly to someone who could have taken Kai from me. Before trying anything, I just wanted to feel somewhat normal and in control of my emotions instead of on the verge of tears and tantrums.

I felt small and childish.

And this alien in front of me was grown up, a grown man if aliens could be considered men and women.

“I can give you a shot to relieve some of the tension you're feeling.” concluded Kyungsoo, not looking up from the Korean characters scrolling away onscreen. “It might balance you out temporarily.”

“Might?”

“I've never tried this before." he admitted. "My mood swings weren't as strong as yours when I first changed; I just rode them out without anything to help. If it'll make you feel better, I can take the shot too.”

That was... a really nice offer.

“If anything goes wrong, at least we can force Suho out of his room with this.”

And that was a nice way look at this situation. He cared about Suho? He can be friendly and caring?

I'd been waiting for something to make me hate him, but all I had on him was the creepiness that all Earth doctors seemed to have, except Earth doctors looked professional and sanitary, whereas Kyungsoo just looked like he was in his own world, making up the rules as he went.

“Why does everyone call him Suho around here?” I asked before I could stop myself. I'd gotten more comfortable around him by accident. “I thought that was just a nickname we gave him at school.”

Kyungsoo nodded, reaching into a bench for something I couldn't see. “Joonmyun likes the nickname. He said it makes him feel like he mattered.”

“He did matter. He helped a lot of kids out there.”

“He still matters. Suho never stops trying to help us. Even if it's a stupid, worthless problem, he always tries to guide us through it. It doesn't always work, but he tries.”

Yep, I can't hate Kyungsoo.

This isn't fair. What am I supposed to hate?

A strange sort of calm acceptance was washing over me that I was an inferior being next to these incredible aliens who loved and learned much easier than I ever could. I was looking to hate something? I couldn't find it in myself to forgive Kai for something he might not have even done? I was a horrible person. Kai would be happier with someone of his own kind, though I felt really bad for Chen.

It still didn't make sense to me. Why would Kyungsoo cheat on Chen? Are relationships here different from Earth relationships? to them could be a simple release of stress instead of an intimate moment between lovers.

But then what did that make Suho? Ah, he read maybe half of the Earth's romance novels, huh? Love was his favorite theme and had basically guaranteed a passing grade if you could work it into your writing. It was one of the things that made his class really enjoyable; not having to worry about grades made it easier to write without any strain for more points.

“Tao?”

“Hmm?”

“Yes or no to the shot?” asked Kyungsoo, a long, long needle in hand.

“Y-yes.” I needed this. I did.

God, that needle is huge.

I watched in horror as he stuck it straight into his own arm like it was nothing and smiled up at me with huge grin after he was done.

This man was terrifying, holy crap.

I looked away when he administered the shot deep into my flesh and didn't get the pleasure of saying it was like nothing because it was not nothing. How the hell had he smiled? This was worse than that time I'd fractured my leg, holy hell! Holy-

And then the pain just stopped.

And I felt woozy.

Very woozy.

Had Kyungsoo been this woozy when he gave the shot?

The door to his room opened with a whoosh and I fought a maniacal giggle down at the thought of the word “whoosh”. Whooosh!

“Kyungsoo, we've been attacked.” said a serious voice that wasn't making it though to my head at all. “The shipment is loose in the wild and several of our own have been hurt. We need you out in the main room, immediately!”

Hadn't Kai said something about a shipment and... yeah...

I didn't think Kyungsoo was going to make it to the main room, because at this moment, he fell to the floor with a surprisingly loud thud. Hah, thud. That's also a fun word.

Oh, hey... How did I get on the floor?

Everything's spinning...