They hadn't had a big argument in a long time.

Sure, there was the occasional row over Minho trailing dirt into the apartment with his shoes despite Jinki telling him over and over to wipe his feet on the doormat.

Jinki would yell about this being the reason that they got the mat in the first place and that he was tired of having to be the one to clean it all up.

"Minho, you get home before I do! Aren't you capable of cleaning your own mess? I just don't get it, it drives me insane! I come home after a long day and all I see is your huge ing clown footprints all over my previously beautiful floor!"

Minho still occasionally did it accidentally after a long day at work and when his boyfriend got home, Minho would sit there and silently take all of the yelling Jinki threw at him because there was no point in arguing when he knew fully well that his boyfriend was right.

Or when Minho forgot to change the toilet paper once it was finished and Jinki didn't notice until much later when he had to shout on Minho from the bathroom to get him a new roll from under the sink in the kitchen.

"Aish~ so embarrassing, Minho! Seriously, don't you think to replace something when it's finished?"

Minho would argue that Jinki should be more observant but would soon shut up after Jinki tells him that he should be more independent and use his own initiative.

Neither fights would last very long.

Maybe Jinki would ignore Minho for an hour or two, giving him the "cold shoulder", as he had once put it.

But he would later silently join Minho on the couch and place a hand on Minho's own and rub his thumb back and forth over the smooth expanse of skin. Minho would look up into Jinki's apologetic eyes and no words were necessary as the tension in the air had long ago dissipated and they would share a gentle kiss which gradually turned more heated and they would end up, an hour later, tangled up in each other's limbs as they lay in each other's arms breathing heavily.

This fight, however, gradually became more problematic than expected.

Jinki was upset. Actually, he was more than upset - he was livid. 

Minho was scheduled to film a commercial with a young, beautiful, female actress. Even though Minho mentioned that the actress was already in her own stable relationship, and that he had no reason to be jealous, Jinki's jealousy only made him worry every time he came home and Minho wasn't there, standing in the kitchen preparing dinner like he normally was by the time Jinki arrived back home.

Minho knew Jinki disliked the idea of him filming with the actress.

It wasn't even a dislike - Jinki took one look at the young woman online and it was more than obvious just how much he despised the idea of Minho filming anything with her. 

"Do you not trust me, Hyung?" Minho once asked as he roughly cleaned the stove, hunched over and refusing to turn and look over his shoulder at Jinki, who didn't quite know how to answer.

It wasn't that he didn't trust Minho, Jinki didn't trust the girl. Girls often managed to do things to make themselves the victim, and knowing Minho, if someone was in trouble he would come running.

"Minho-yah... It's not that at all," Jinki started, voice already shaking. Minho whipped around, standing up as he looked down into his boyfriend's eyes, frustration filling him top to toes as he suddenly raised his voice.

"Then what is it, Hyung? Hm? Are you scared that she'll seduce me? That I'll have with her, fall in love with her and leave you? Is that it?!"

They were silent for a minute, just staring into each other's eyes. Jinki didn't say anything as he tried to wrap his arms around Minho's tall frame as a means of calming the younger male - that always worked.

But Minho refused to acknowledge the hug. In fact, he tried to shrug out of the shorter man's embrace, wanting answers - even though he already knew he was right.

It was hard for Jinki to hide the rejection he felt as tears slowly blurred his vision and a slight sniffle escaped him.

Minho had never rejected him like this. 

Maybe it was time for Minho to move on. Minho had many opportunities, he had the chance to make it big. 

Jinki was stopping him.

He was ruining Minho's life.

He was the problem.

He was a waste of space.

As more of these thoughts flooded his mind, Jinki slowly unwrapped himself from his boyfriend, failing to stifle another sniffle as he stared at the floor.

"It doesn't matter anyway, Hyung. It wasn't even my decision - my manager set it up and I'm just to attend. It's just a job" Minho continued nonchalantly as he turned around and rinsed his hands in the sink.

To Jinki, that didn't make sense at all. "But you always told me your manager confirmed any arrangements with you beforehand, Minho" he retorted, gently pushing Minho away from the sink so he could wash their dishes. "So did you say 'yes' without telling me?".

"Hyung, stop with the assumptions. I thought I told you, recently the company wants my name to be known, so I have to take what I'm given".

Minho sighed deeply in frustration, almost as if he was tired of Jinki.

Jinki understood immediately.

He was tired of himself, as well.

"Okay, well, I'll be going to bed then" he stated, not even bothering to place a kiss on his lover's cheek like he normally would have. He felt stiff at the doorway from not completing the nightly ritual, wanting badly to turn back, but he forced himself to keep walking. 

Feeling like a robot, Jinki brushed his teeth, circular mechanical movements along the front, along the back, linear on the top of the teeth. He didn't acknowledge Minho lumbering into their bathroom as he washed his face thoroughly. 

The taller murmured a barely audible apology. Jinki didn't reply, instead he exited the bathroom and into their shared bedroom, curling into a small ball on their bed as close to the edge of his side as possible.

Minho followed soon after, staring at his blonde lover with remorse. He didn't want this to happen, but Minho truthfully had no choice - his manager would never let him back out of this commercial just because his boyfriend was jealous. He switched off the lights and slipped into their bed, whispering another murmur of an apology and, "It wasn't my choice" to his lover, who he fully knew was still awake.

Minho shuffled along the mattress, moving himself closer to his boyfriend, this time holding Jinki by the waist with his arm and noticing the smaller body tensing at the small touch. He couldn't deny that he felt his heart break slightly at the reaction.

The tall man dared to pull Jinki's body closer to his own and lean over him to press chaste kisses to Jinki's nose, his cheeks, his eyelids, his forehead and, hesitantly, to his lips. He realised then that Jinki wasn't responding like he usually would as he lay staring at the ceiling, unmoving, and the wounds on Minho's heart deepened. 

That night, both men had immense difficulty sleeping. They were sleeping on either sides of the bed, practically hanging off of the edge, backs facing each other. The blonde one confused, hurt and overthinking each possible scenario that could occur between his boyfriend and the female actress. The brown haired man was also confused, torn and unsure of how to tackle the next morning.

----

To say the next morning was depressing would be an massive understatement.

Jinki almost cried again when he realised that Minho had left him a lot earlier that morning.

There was no Minho cuddling him to his warm chest in bed while he pretended to sleep. No fingers running through his hair gently, lovingly. Just soggy French toast laid out on a plate and an ice cold mug of coffee on the kitchen table. Minho had also left him a sorry note on the table apologising for his behaviour and another apology for leaving earlier - he had been called in to film an early morning scene.

Jinki felt horrible, and he didn't really know why.

He knew Minho was being irrational yesterday, and so he was forgiven on that part; but he couldn't help but feel a growing disappointment in the lack of communication on what exactly he was doing.

Jinki microwaved the French toast to heat it up again and spilled his cold coffee down the sink to make a new cup. Once he'd finished eating, he decided to go have a shower because it was his day off and he had nothing else to do.

"Lee Jinki, you're so clingy. Minho doesn't have time to update you constantly on his whereabouts." Jinki muttered to himself whilst he the shower, undressed and stepped into the warm water.

He stopped for a moment, hands stilling on his head and he nodded, slowly, as he concluded that yes, Minho would be better off without him. He was only keeping Minho back from a life which would obviously be much less stressful without him in it - a much happier existence. Isn't that what everybody wants..?

After all, he was the shackles around Minho's ankles keeping him from reaching his full potential.

Jinki was stopping him.

He was ruining Minho's life.

He was the problem.

He was a waste of space...

Jinki felt tears stinging his eyes and rolling down his pale cheeks as his vision blurred and thoughts ran through his mind like a mantra, tormenting him and he gripped the sides of his hair tightly as sobs wracked his pale body.

He felt useless, worthless. The voices in his head doing nothing to help.

The second that Jinki started to doubt himself, all of his insecurities he had ever had and not dealt with came flooding back to him, washing over him like a tidal wave as he thought about every little detail that he hated about himself and yet somehow Minho had made him blind to them.

But now they were back.

He looked down at his body, eyes immediately landing on his legs. God, how he hated his thighs. He was so fat. He'd been made fun of as a teenager for them and everyone had called him "obese"... maybe he was. A mass group of his peers couldn't be wrong. Why did Minho ever say he loved his thighs? 

He wrapped his arms around himself wanting nothing more than a hug... but he was all alone. Minho wasn't there to take him into his strong arms and comfort him like he normally would whenever Jinki had doubts about himself.

Now that he thought of it, his stomach wasn't chiseled either. He didn't have abs. Jinki poked at his stomach hopelessly, tears falling harder from his eyes. God, he was revolting. How could Minho have ever loved a body like this?! Minho's body was so toned and perfect. And Jinki's was chubby and squishy. Minho deserved better than that. 

He looked to his right at the slightly steamed-up mirror hanging on the wall as he stared hard at his miserable reflection. He looked at his ugly rabbit teeth, his chubby cheeks, his tiny eyes. He hated them all. Yet, Minho always said that he loved his smile. Jinki wiped furiously at the tears cascading down his cheeks and tried desperately to smile and maybe convince himself that he wasn't all bad... but he couldn't do it. He couldn't bring himself to smile. What was the point anymore? There wasn't any, especially now that Minho was so angry with him.

He thought back to when he and Minho first met. Oh, god, he was just so bad with people and then Minho just had to try and speak to him. Jinki didn't know how to react to things, he was always alone. Jinki was still really awkward - always quick to apologise at work; always quick to escape company dinners. Jinki could never hold a conversation long enough to make the person feel at ease with him. 

Then when the new person made a joke, they always seemed to be freaked out by Jinki's enthusiastic response. Was he over-doing everything? Or did people just get weirded out by his laugh? Jinki wouldn't be surprised, he hated his laugh. He hated how he couldn't make it sound musical, like Taemin's.  He couldn't make it sound boisterous like Key's. He couldn't make it sound interestingly nice, like Jonghyun's, nor could he make it sound hearty like Minho's. What was wrong with him?

After a few minutes, Jinki couldn't tell if what was running down his face was the shower water or his own tears.

A while later, Jinki's red eyes finally opened and instantly fell on the razor sitting in front of him on the counter... Almost as if it was beckoning him...

'You won't do it.' he thought to himself.

Jinki snapped.

Slowly, he picked it up, thoughts whirling around his head, daring him to do it once. Other thoughts were more daunting, mocking him, telling him he was too delicate to dare do something of the sort.

"I can do it. I can and I will. I will. I ing will." he whispered to himself, eyes clenching shut as he dragged the razor across his skin swiftly. 

The gasp of pain that left his lips was involuntary, but he was proud of what he had done. He had proven himself wrong. Jinki could do something. The pain was overcome with this strange relief that he wouldn't mind having more of.

--

It wasn't his last attempt.

Hello hello hello! We're finally back and I deeply apologise for Gingey's procrastination. She's so annoying like that (just kidding, Yeobo, saranghae). 

Well, I hope you liked this sad sad chapter, and brace yourself for the next one. xD 

I'm surprised at the subs this fic gained, btw like wow. No offence, Yeobo, but like thanks guys, this means a lot to the both of us! 

And, if you liked this chapter, please please comment and upvote if you haven't already ;) To any new readers I hope you like this so far and if you did, please do not hesitate to subscribe! 

Cheeseypuffes xxx 

Hey, it's 2Kim2Min~ ^^ I just wanted to apologise for the massive wait for this chapter – I was busy with exams and studying (and also a lot of procrastinating) but I promise that the next chapter won't take as long! Anyway, I hope we made you feel da feels in this chapter.

 xxxx