#01 – Comfort

It’s comforting for Junhyung to know that even after their demise, stars don’t completely disappear. They’re there— unseen, but definitely could still be felt; because if not, he thinks he just might decide to follow you to wherever you are.

#29 – Melody

He sets some sunflowers on the ground and sits down beside it, softly singing a melody you distinctly think you’ve heard before. You think you hear the words ‘lost’, ‘sorry’, ‘love’ and ‘forever’ somewhere between the second verse and the bridge, but you can’t be too sure. “It’s that song I composed while you were sleeping. It’s nice right? Kikwang says he doesn’t think he can bear to sing it, b-but… I made it especially for you.”

#25 – Devotion

“Hyunseung… I l-love you,” his voice cracks and the view of his anguished face makes you close your eyes so you can’t see him anymore from where you’re standing, “I mean it now… I really mean it now.” You open your lids and see the crystalline tears running down his face; you’re sure you have the same tears falling from your eyes too.

#02 – Kiss

The end begins with your first and last kiss, which you say is rather bittersweet, had after weeks of dancing around each other in an atmosphere filled with palpable tension. He pulls you in gently and cups your jaw, draws your lower lip between his first before he seeks permission and enters, coaxing your tongue to make love with his.

#03 – Soft

“If I didn’t already have Yoseob… I would be with you…” Junhyung utters without much though after the mind-blowing exchange.“No you wouldn’t,” your red swollen lips say with cutting honesty, stilling the hands threading through your soft hair. “You would’ve just found another person and still have strung me along,” you continue as you look up to him with eyes that spell both sadness and acceptance.

#04 – Pain

Things like that aren’t painful anymore; they’re almost like everyday truths (like your multiplication table and the alphabet). So when you see what is doodled on Yoseob’s forearm: Junhyung loves Yoseob forever♥, you glance up at the younger boy with eyes crinkling and lips forming a tight smile, calmly reminding him to erase the message before he leaves for his schedule.

#05 – Potatoes

“He drags you around like a sack of potatoes, and why am I not surprised that you let him?” Kikwang knowingly asks while you walk back into the kitchen to finish the task of washing the dishes (delegated to Junhyung originally, but tonight he and Yoseob have a date). You raise a brow and ask a question of your own, “I happen to like potatoes, don’t you?”

#07 – Chocolate

He tosses a pack of chocolates your way on Valentine’s, and you’re so surprised you have the audacity to ask why. He snorts,“Yoseob says he’s on a diet.” You suddenly understand that with Junhyung, nothing is ever going to be about just you.

#08 – Happiness

“What’s happiness for you?” you ask Junhyung and he shrugs, “I don’t know… you?” You’ve to admit it makes you smile even if it was nothing but a lie because at least, you can say that no matter how half-assed and flippant it sounds… at least he tries.

#10 – Ears

He finds that sensitive place behind your ears and nuzzles it openly. “Yoseob can see us,” you tell him to stop and he growls, “That idiot can look at us all he wants.” You close your eyes in frustration— all of this was just because they’re in another fight.

#24 – Taste

You can hear yourself calling for Yoseob to take Junhyung back and you almost taste the flavor of regret. But you know that if you let Junhyung sleep in your bed with you again, tonight, and you wake up in the morning all alone you’d find that taste stronger than anything else in your life.

#12 – Sensual

The next day you accidentally walk in on Junhyung and Yoseob making out against the wall of your dorm room, and you can’t seem to take your eyes off of them. So they’ve made up… you conclude as Junhyung slips his long digits into Yoseob’s boxer shorts, making Yoseob moan out his name. It reminds you of how you did the same in your dream.

#14 –

You’ve never had in your life, having had dedicated your entire life to singing and dance. And you are pretty much resigned to the fact that you never will. It doesn’t matter though, you sigh at your pathetic existence, I never had a chance with Junhyung anyway. 

#22 - Jealousy

You can never really understand why you don’t get jealous of Yoseob for having Junhyung’s heart, even if you became the rightful friend first. Even if you probably fell in love with him first. Maybe you’re just that nice… or maybe with such a short life in your hands you don’t really have much time to bother with matters more fleeting and inconsequential.

#30 – Star

Your mom tells you you’re a star once, when you were still little, and you believe her. She tells you that you get to shine for the ones you love someday and protect them from way up in the sky. You delight at the prospect of playing someone’s guardian angel.

#27 – Blood

Dongwoonie whimpers out loud when he sees all the small clumps of scarlet dotting across your skin, prickling you, but you don’t even try to ask him to tone it down because you feel so dizzy and your head hurts. You’re so tired… so ing tired of being. So you just sink back into your fluffy bed and let sleep take you to a place where you think you’ll be a lot happier than where you are right now.

#06 – Rain

You decide you like it when it rains, because in a time when you’re thoroughly soaked in it and you finally have the courage to tell Junhyung that this (whatever this emotional maelstrom was) needs to stop, no one is even able to differentiate the drops of rain water from the streaks of your salty tears.

#16 – Weakness

It may be just your bad luck that as soon as you spoke of the words, “Let’s not do this anymore,” you feel your knees going weak and you tip forward. And it probably would’ve been a really bad crash if Junhyung had not been there to break your fall. It was most definitely a first.

#28 – Sickness

Yes, you know that you’re sick and yes, you know that you’re most probably going to die. That’s what makes the medication more difficult to take. You’re all going to wither away at some point anyway, does it matter so much if you’re just going to wither away a lot earlier than the rest of them?

#31 – Home

You tell them you’re quite fine, homesick at the most and suddenly you find yourself going home for a month courtesy of Doojoon. Although instead of getting on Bus 412 to your parents’ house you get on a bus heading to Busan.

#45 – Hell

The little stay-in clinic feels like hell and treatment’s torture, with all those needles and medication. They almost make you wish Junhyung’s there by your side, because even if that means he’ll see you like this, the consolation is you get to hold his hand and pretend everything’s all right.

#09 – Telephone

You’re desperate to stave off the hunger and longing, but you still pick up the phone and dial Junhyung’s number. One ring, two rings, three rings… “Hello? Junhyungah… it’s Hyunseung. Do you miss me?” you ask, biting your lip. “No, not really,” he answers, “…but when are you coming back?” Liar. 

#42 – Clouds

You’ve been calling each other for weeks now, every single day; you talk about everything under the sun except for him and Yoseob and the reason why you left in the first place, “Jun, look up towards the clouds; tell me what you see.” He goes silent for a moment before replying, “I think I see a lion or a cat, it depends… you?” You smile into the receiver, secretly hoping he can grasp all this love you’ve been hiding for years, “I see you…”

#34 - Lightning/Thunder

It’s raining tonight and you can’t sleep, sometimes the medication does that to you and the incessant thunders aren’t helping even a bit. You childishly ask for him to sing to you until you fall asleep and he does (of course only after complaining about why the rapper has to sing). However, what surprises you when you wake up the next morning is that you can hear him still humming along to an unknown tune.

#36 – Market

You ask him if he’s been up all night and he grunts a yes in reply, “What’s that song?” a follow-up referring to the humming. Even if Junhyung’s miles away you can hear him grinning, “It’s a new song. I got hit hard by inspiration last night listening to you sleep and I couldn’t put it down… I feel it’s going to sell lots someday.”

#38 – Gift

“When are you coming back?” Junhyung asks again, seriously this time, “I saw this leopard-print muffler earlier and I thought it’d look nice on you so I bought it… I’m wondering when I can give it to you. You know, like a gift.” Your lips curl into a half smirk, not expecting this from him at all, “I don’t know… I reckon you’ll get to see me with my family soon. I don’t have much time left here anyway.”

#33 – Fear

“I’m not afraid of dying,” you whisper as he tells you all about what you’re missing in Seoul. He isn’t listening, but you wish that Junhyung somehow hears you anyway, “I’m quite possibly more afraid that in a few years’ time I would simply start fading away from your memories.”

#26 – Forever

You don’t plan on ruining his life by calling one last time, but you want him to know how you really feel before it’s too late. He picks up the phone with his standard greeting and you stop breathing. You can just listen to this voice forever and you would never get tired,you let a small whimper out and all of a sudden you’re crying.

#11 – Name

The autumn wind howls brashly and freezes Junhyung to his spot, his thumb just about to press the ‘End Call’ button when he realizes it was you on the other line, “Hyunseungah…”

#20 – Freedom

“I-I try so hard to let you go,” you sob into the receiver, “but I love you too much…” Your heart audibly shatters, is heard even above the onslaught of rain ambushing the window pane and the static from the weather-harried connection.

#13 – Death

“Wait! WAIT! HYUNSEUNG WHERE ARE YOU?” Junhyung feels this unknown dread when you hang up and he’s forced to listen to the monotone of the plunger, as if someone’s heart has just stopped beating.

#35 – Bonds

And the bonds, the connection between him and you he’s been so desperately trying to ignore are telling him you’ve been lying to him. And that no, you’re definitely not fine because something’s gone awry and everything’s gone wrong.

#18 – Speed

Junhyung dashes out of his room and crashes into Doojoon; he frantically asks him what part of the country is being hit by a storm. Your leader looks at him in confusion, “In Busan…” As the words slip out of his lips he figures out why Junhyung even bothers to ask. 

#37 – Technology

“Is that where he is?” Junhyung’s hands clench into fists and he tries to stay strong. “Jun, I’m not in the position—” the leader starts, but the younger one cries out with such a pained expression the eldest’s resolve is failing him,“Doojoonah, I haven’t even had a chance to tell him that I’m sorry!” Doojoon holds the cell phone in his hand tightly, “Go… I’ll text you the address along the way.” 

#19 – Wind

It takes him almost half a day of traffic, wind, and storm before he finally reaches the city where you are; there were even times when their vehicle almost flipped over the slippery roads. But like you, he isn’t afraid of losing his life; it’s the thought not being able to see you again that terrifies Junhyung.

#39 – Smile

“Hey, Joker…” Despite the surprise of seeing him here, you try to offer him your smile, exactly like how you’ve always done for him. But you start to fail him when you realize those 15 muscles don’t even have enough strength to do what they’re supposed to do anymore.

#15 – Touch

He gives you a look you don’t understand (you think it’s pity; you look really pitiful) and he moves to make contact. You shy away from him lest you want to sacrifice your sanity; because you know that one touch, one touch from him is all that it would ever take to crumble your defenses.

#17 – Tears

Junhyung senses your wariness but gives you no room to reconsider. Instead he grabs you and holds on like he’s holding on to dear life. It’s like someone punched you in the gut when you feel the tremors racking his body and the moisture on your cheek, because Oh God,he’s crying for you.

#40 – Innocence

“, you’re too young to die,” he cries into your shoulder, “Of all the people, Hyunseung why does it have to be you?” and you don’t know how to react. Why now? You stare at him as if he’s grown a second head, “Why do you have to care now?”

#32 – Confusion

You’re so lost, because this isn’t the Junhyung you know. The Junhyung you know doesn’t give a flying , he doesn’t cry, and most absolutely doesn’t cradle your face and kiss your closed eyelids while murmuring things like, “Baby, why didn’t you tell me you were having a hard time?”

#41 - Completion

When Junhyung calms down and gathers his wits together, he slowly makes an effort of lacing his fingers around yours. He realizes for the first time that your hands fit together like a jigsaw puzzle, and nothing before has ever felt this right.

#21 – Life

You think that a person’s loneliest moment in life is when he’s just about to die, but there is no one there to grieve for him, no one there to bury him, no one there who’ll miss him, and no one there who’ll ever remember. You’re quite the lucky one then, because as far as you know Junhyung’s right here and you wouldn’t have to face that moment so alone.

#43 - Sky

The sky clears up as the storm passes; you ask Junhyung to take you out. He doesn’t want to, but you beg and plead and pout at him until he almost, almost kisses you. He suddenly remembers who he is, who you are and ends up tucking you in his arms and carrying you out into the open.

#23 – Hands

You don’t let go of his hand, nor does he let go of yours. And sitting down on the still-damp dock with you in his lap you feel awfully content. You shiver lightly and he automatically raises the entwined hands, expelling warm breath onto the surface and kissing your fingers one-by-one.

#44 – Heaven

“Will I see you tomorrow?” his question makes him tremble and you sense it through his arms that are enveloping you. You can’t help but give him some hope (no matter how false and stupid) just to get him to lighten up, “Probably… if they have those visiting hours in heaven.”

#46 – Sun

While looking at the sun set you grow to hate it, because it would get to see Junhyung again tomorrow when it rises up onto the horizon… and you, well you’re not too sure.

#47 – Moon

The moon provides enough light for you to see each other’s eyes in the darkness of the night; he opens his mouth first, “Hyunseung, I think I’ve fallen in lo—” You shake your head no, “Don’t Jun… don’t say it unless you really mean it. It’s making it hard for me to go…” The both of you settle instead for listening to each other breathe. 

#48 – Waves

“I’ve always wanted to live near the ocean,” the salty air tickles your nose and you hear the waves crash into the shore, “Maybe I can just stay here… then you wouldn’t have to worry about the visiting hours in heaven; just the bus fee to Busan.”

#49 – Hair

And he runs his hands through your hair once more making you want to fall into a deep sleep, remembering that instance when the two of you shared your one and only kiss. You decide that this was a much better memory to keep in your heart.

#50 – Supernova

“This… this is a supernova,” you whisper as you look up at him, thankful for the warmth of his arms (and his heart) if even for the very last time. “W-what?” Junhyung asks, confused while you reach out to touch his face, “The death of a star.”

A/N: In case you're wondering, yes he did die. The story starts with #02- Kiss (4th one) and after #50- Supernova (last) it goes back to the top. Sorry for those who hate character deaths, I didn't want to spoil the fic. :(
I tried beta-ing but I think I've read this too many times within the last 2 days that my mind goes on auto-pilot and I can't see errors (besides those that are intended... I think)

Thank you for reading my first B2ST fic ♥