Word Count: 1234

Summary: this is the potential breakup song.

Notes: THIIIIS IS THEEEE POTENTIAL BREAKUP SONG.

is this my first chansoo? i think so? expect more in the future

“un-ing-believable.”

there’re multiple apps that notify him that he’s got notifications, spam from facebook, naver, texts. they’re all birthday texts, ranging from generic “happy birthday, kyungsoo-sshi!” to mom’s “have you eaten dinner yet, birthday boy?” but kyungsoo hasn’t answered a single one (except his mother’s text because mom texts are always important), pretending that he isn’t waiting for one specific person’s text. he’s even gotten a birthday text from ing kakaotalk.

kyungsoo entertains the idea of calling said person, but resists because he like to think of this as a test, a test to see if he actually even cares anymore. he used to be the one who’d bound up to him, a month before and whisper “i got you the most amazing present ever” and he delivered, always, on january 12th. he used to be the one who’d text kyungsoo “happy birthday ♥♥♥♥♥♥” at midnight sharp and kyungsoo would be typing back a text that wasn’t full of emojis when his doorbell would ring and he’d be there with a birthday cake and the best birthday present kyungsoo could ever ask for-chanyeol.

but now he’s the one who hasn’t texted kyungsoo for weeks, the last kakao conversation sent from kyungsoo, weeks ago, a “is there kimchi in the fridge?” and a “no. can u pick some up on the way home”.

he can’t call chanyeol again to remind him, to beg, to seem pitiful, because kyungsoo’s at the end of his line and he needs chanyeol to reciprocate because he can’t do this anymore.

kyungsoo hasn’t even unlocked his phone but the battery’s at 50% from the constant turning on and off to check for a message from chanyeol. it’s ridiculous.

it’s almost 10pm, kyungsoo’s at his desk, typing away at his laptop, trying to drown himself in work that he’s been too distracted for all day to actually do at work. really, he’s just trying to distract himself from breaking down into tears.

kakaotalk!

kyungsoo’s eyes zoom in onto his lit up screen, heart in his throat

--and it’s a message from minseok. another happy birthday text. the 100th one of the day.

he’s too choked on emotions to even answer minseok.

it’s 2am and kyungsoo curling his nails into his palm to move his mind off the angry sting of tears, the tightness of his throat. he’s turned off his phone and stuck it in the charger, deciding that enough’s enough.

his pillow’s damp when kyungsoo finally falls asleep.

“hello?” chanyeol answers, warm, deep voice that used to make kyungsoo melt. people always said that kyungsoo’s voice sound melodious, always easy on the ear, but chanyeol’s voice is so deep that it just resonates in kyungsoo’s chest and warms up his heart (and cheeks).

“are you at home right now?” kyungsoo asks, fingers white around the steering wheel.

kyungsoo can hear a little rustling as chanyeol shifts. “are you in the car right now? it sounds like i’m on speakerphone.”

“yeah, i am. are you home?” he repeats.

“oh yeah, yeah i am. what’s up? you want to come over?” chanyeol invites.

“mmm, yeah. is that ok?” he’s made up his mind and it’s not something that was in the moment decision or one made from whirling emotions. he’s thought about it long and hard and it’s the best choice if kyungsoo wants to learn how to love himself again, to stop the constant self-hatred, to stop all the nights of silent hurt stinging from being ignored.

chanyeol’s voice is bright and months ago it would have made kyungsoo’s heart soar. “yeah! how long until you think you’ll be here?”

“i just got off work, so i’ll be there in 10 or 15.”

“mkay. you know the passcode~” he singsongs.

“see you in a bit, yeol.”

“mmm.”

the phone call ends and kyungsoo takes a deep breath, not sure if he’s trying to calm down or console himself that this is the right thing. it is the right thing. for kyungsoo. for chanyeol. for them. for their relationship. for everything they used to be.

chanyeol uses his height advantage to plant a kiss on the top of kyungsoo’s head as he comes in, too distracted by taking off his shoes than to avoid chanyeol. it had been all those affectionate skinship that had won kyungsoo over in the beginning.

“hey babe, what did i do to deserve this surprise visit?” chanyeol hums, taking kyungsoo’s coat from him.

kyungsoo has to swallow around the lump in his throat. he prays that his voice doesn’t shake, “i need to talk to you. i think you should sit down.”

chanyeol’s eyes lose their bright twinkle. kyungsoo’s still too in love with chanyeol for that not to hurt. he’ll heal. time heals all. “ok.” chanyeol’s rarely this quiet.

they trickle into chanyeol’s living room, chanyeol’s spine stick straight as he settles onto his worn couch. kyungsoo takes the seat on the lumpy chair that usually seats the 3rd wheeling friend who wrinkles their nose in false disgust when kyungsoo used to just naturally settle by chanyeol’s side. he takes a breath before he begins the end. “i’m breaking up with you.”

kyungsoo’s blunt and gets straight to the point, a charm that chanyeol fell for but that same charm slaps chanyeol across his face as he gapes. “what?” he gasps out.

“i’m breaking up with you,” kyungsoo repeats. it doesn’t hurt any less the 2nd time but it will eventually stop hurting.

his boyfriend’s hand comes up to his face and chanyeol dips his head, hand brushing across his eyes. kyungsoo lets him have this moment to absorb it. when chanyeol manages to compose himself, the only thing betraying him are his red eyes. “you’re breaking up with me?”

“yes.” short answers are managable.

“why?”

“a lot of reasons.” he restrains himself from listing them off like some damn grocery list. his boyfriend’s head drops into his hands.

chanyeol’s quiet. he’s quiet for a long time, head cradled in his palms. “i know i’ve done a lot of things in the recent past that has disagreed with you and i-i’ll respect your decision.” his voice cracks on ‘disagreed’ and it cracks kyungsoo’s heart.

they’ve been together long enough that chanyeol knows that important decisions are things that kyungsoo makes after eons of forethought so something this momentous probably been festering at kyungsoo for months. he’s ed up real bad.

“i’ll text you later.” kyungsoo stands. there are no such things as good breakups. there’s a lot of things besides relationships that are breaking in them and this is a dreadful, awful breakup but also an emancipating, liberating.

chanyeol nods and kyungsoo takes his cue, making his way to the front door.

“kyungsoo.”

he stops in his tracks, hand on his coat laid across the kitchen counter.

“i’m so sorry. i really loved you, you know.” chanyeol doesn’t appear at the doorway, voice coming still from the living room.

now his vision wavers, blurring from the tears. it reflects in his voice when he whispers, “i know. me too. just-” he swallows, “just drop off my things at minseok’s place, will you? i’ll be out of town for the next few weeks.”

“ok.” it’s so defeated that kyungsoo pretends to not hear the first sob that breaks through when he swings the door shut.

he knows that chanyeol will change his passcode.

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