Listlessly Dara dragged herself back into her car after 2NE1's bazaar and stared blankly at her steering wheel.  Her face, usually so full of emotive beauty held only tiredness and lonliness.  Dara was lonely and extremely tired.  Seunghyun wasn't home.  She and Bom had squabbled before the bazaar and ChaeRin had only laughed and told them both to get a life.  Dara was too tired to force sadness onto her face but she was worried about ChaeRin. Sweet, desperate ChaeRin who has started coming home from parties more and more often, drunk. Beautiful, loving-natured ChaeRin who was beginning to take after JiYong in becoming a brightly shining diamond locked into the dark glass case of fame and fortune.  it was easier to worry about ChaeRin than face Dara's own quietly breaking heart.  silently Dara let her head drop onto the steering wheel she had just been staring at and wondered why it hurt so much to feel like you were falling apart.  Rain began to hit the metal of her car and something inside Dara was grateful that when she couldn't cry, the sky cried for her.  For some reason she felt particularly unhinged. standing there, watchign everyone buy the clothes that she and 2NE1 had lived in and with - some for many years - had been hard for Dara who could become attached to anything if it symbolised 2NE1, people she loved or memories she loved. 

driving home Dara saw again the crowds of people she had taken photos with, heard the people discussing her and her sisters like they were the ones for sale and felt tears of hurt bite her eyes. the drive home was unbearbaly long.  finally she was walking into her own apartment, lonely, exhausted, cold and slightly damp. The lights flickered on but to Dara they simply showed the harsh, white, emptiness of her life.  dropping her bag on the lounge Dara listened to the slight echo even that small movement produced through the clean, stark rooms she lived in and suddenly hated them.  Running across her lounge room Dara pushed through the glass doors and out onto the balcony.  falling onto the false turf and taking a savage satisfaction in the sharp bite of synthetic grass against her knees Dara pressed her face into her hands and let herself cry.  Everything that had been bottling up inside her came out in the heart rending, body shaking sobs pressing from .  All her weary lonesomness that no one ever thought of, the stress of constantly having to care for three other girls and the never-ending ache for Seunghyun.  for a long time Dara knelt there, letting all the years of pent up feeling wash from her in cleansing tears that warmed her face while her body chilled in the rain pattering around her.  when she was too exhausted to sob anymore, Dara simply sat, and let the rain fall over her, concetrated solely on the soothing rythm on water droplets gently hitting her skin.  turning her face up to the sky, Dara once again felt body shaking longing pass through her.  If only she could be perfect for 2NE1's sake and if only Seunghyun would come home; to her.  once more Dara pulled her lips into a smile.  the same smile that people called the smile of an angel, the perfect smile, the sunshine smile.  Dara's smile fell with her face as she once again buried it in her hands.  bitterly upbraiding herself for she didn't know what. 

"But it's ok."  Her whisper was trembling, trying to convince herself.  "I'll keep going.  I'll keep trying.  Because I truly do love them.  And I know... they love me too.  in their different ways.  I can live... without Seunghyun.  maybe.  I can try anyway."

With a deep uneven breath, Dara stood up, her old sweet strength showing once more on that vivid face of hers.  Stepping quickly back into her apartment she flicked the jug on to boil then moved towards her bedroom.  Crying over herself was unlike Dara and she was determined not to do it again.  For a moment owever she stopped, her breath caught in a sob of tired want and Dara's lip quivered uncontrollably.  In that moment her doorbell rang and Dara was too shocked to even pull her face under control before answering it.  Standing on the doorstep, in the rain, looking extraordinarily sheepish; was Seunghyun.   Speechless Dara stared at him, not aware of the tears glowing in her eyes or the pitiful sadness in her face that even such total astonishment could blank out.  "I missed you"  stated T.O.P simply, clasping one hand over the back of his neck shyly.  "Sooo..."  he broke off, not knowing how to explain his presence then changed the subject.  "What's wrong Dara-ya?" 

His question, gentle and honestly concerned broke the barriers Dara had been trying to build around her emotional trainwreck.  The relief of having Seunghyun home combined the knowledge that he had missed her and the reminder that there was something very wrong with her completely unnerved her and without realising she had moved, Dara fell against Seunghyun sobbing.  shifting his arms over her back Seunghyun clasped his hands around her and gradually drew her against him as he listened to her sob out jerkily, "everything's wrong, I don't know why.  I'm tired and even blackjacks are making me sad and they shouldn't and I'm worried about ChaeRin and everything else and I'm lonely and tired and I don't know everything is just disgruntling me and I need to cry on someone and... Imissedyousomuch." 

for a moment Seunghyun pushed her away from him, holding her shoulders.  Dara glanced at him then stiffened, furious that she had allowed herself to break down against Seunghyun of all people.  Then she froze as Seunghyun once again pulled her agsint him, wrapping his arms around her and rocking her slightly, one hand cupping her head and holding it so his own heartbeat rang rythmic comfort into her. 

"I'm sorry Jagiya.  I'm so sorry but please, don't ever be tired and lonely under the rain like that anymore.  Please don't feel you're alone anymore.  Please... come to me. Let me come to you.  Please let me keep you from ever being lonely again."  And Dara, with those comforting arms of loving strength around her, let one last sob slip from her then slowly felt Seunghyun's goodness and security seeping through her and Dara knew she would never again have reason to cry tired and lonely under the rain again.