The Sweetness Of Reason

Hyuna let out an audible sigh for the nth time as she looked at the clock hanging on the white wall of their apartment or should she say his apartment (she doesn’t know anymore). It’s already past midnight and yet he hasn’t come back. “Where are you? When are you coming?”

It has been a month, a month of waiting every single night for her husband, the love of her life, Jang Hyunseung, to come back home and it has been a month too that the guy had been ignoring her or to be exact avoiding Hyuna. The constant cycle of going early to work (if he even went straight to his office) and coming back late at night or not even coming back at all, makes her wonder what had went wrong in their relationship.

“What are we now exactly?” She couldn’t define their relationship anymore. Hyuna wanted to ask her husband that one question but she couldn’t, not with their current situation. She couldn’t remember when was the last time Hyunseung paid attention to her. Hell she couldn’t even remember when was the last time they had a decent conversation.

The way Hyunseung would look at her with eyes full of love, the way Hyunseung would caress her cheeks to calm her nerve, the way he patted her head as a saying of ‘good job’ or the way he would intertwines their fingers together which perfectly fit like pieces of puzzle being put together – she misses that. She misses everything about him.

The tears that had once streamed down her cheeks had now dry, leaving tearstains on her now hollowed-cheeks. The once beautiful, cheery face had turned gloomy, full of sorrow, eyes blood-shot, visible cheekbones, but she couldn’t care less about that right now. Her messed up looks couldn’t even level to her heart that is shattered into pieces. All Hyuna needs right now is her husband, to come back to her side, giving her the warm embrace that she long for.

Hyuna tries to recall what she did wrong or perhaps what had happened a month ago that put strain to their marriage but she couldn’t put a finger on what it is. Maybe in his eyes she is not as beautiful as she used to be anymore or maybe Hyunseung just simply grows tired of her already. As much as it hurts her, she would prefer the former of the two though.

The clinking sound of keys and the turning of doorknob made Hyuna turn her head to the door instantly, a small smile playing on her lips. Finally. The moment she had been waiting for. Without sparing any more second, Hyuna stood up from the sofa and walks towards the door.

Hyunseung was just turning around after he closed the door to their apartment when Hyuna appear before him, looking helpless. “Oppa,” Hyuna started, voice dripping with pain but she managed to smile. She had to bite her lip just so her tears won’t fall. Feeling of fear that everything is going to be over between them suddenly presses down upon her back.

“Not now, I’m tired.” Hyunseung monotonously replied. He didn’t even call her name anymore. Hyunseung walked past Hyuna without giving his wife a glance. Hyuna feels like her heart had been stabbed, for the thousand times.

She finally reached her limit. She couldn’t take it any longer. This has to stop. “Why are you doing this to me, oppa?” She snapped, voice cracking at the last word but loud nevertheless. All the anger and pain released at once.

Hyunseung stops his track but didn’t say a word.

“What did I do to make you change like this? Did I do something wrong? Tell me, oppa. Tell me so I can fix it,” Hyuna pleaded with all her might.

“It’s not you,” Hyunseung simply replied. Hyuna waited for more but nothing came out after the three words.

“Is it you then? Do you not love me anymore? Huh? Have you found someone else?”

“Let’s break up,” the guy said the three most painful words after a moment of silence. Her heart feels like being stab, thrown and crumples to pieces all at once – if that is even possible.

Hyuna let out a painful laugh. The tears that she had tried to keep from falling finally escape her eyes. She wanted to scream, to yell at her husband “Please don’t leave me! I need you! I need you so much!” but instead the girl inhaled a humongous amount of air before she spoke, “I—I don’t ever want t-to see you again,” Voice trembles, hands shaky and her breath hitched.

Hyunseung’s eye twitches at his wife’s words. A lone tear trickles down his cheek but Hyuna couldn’t witness it as Hyunseung’s back is facing her. He starts walking again, mumbling ‘I’m sorry’ inaudibly and shuts the door to their bedroom.

After Hyunseung’s figure disappears from her view, Hyuna finally let her guard down, body collapsed to the floor, knees landed first with a thud. Salty liquids streaming down like waterfalls. Her heart aches so much that she suddenly has hard time breathing.

A creaking sound could be heard before Hyunseung appear; now in more comfortable clothing – black V-neck long-sleeved t-shirt and dark gray sweat pants -- black Adidas gym bag’s strip slings over his broad shoulder. “Go sleep in the room. I’m gonna sleep in a motel.” Without waiting for his wife’s reply, the guy walked to the door and disappears as he shut the door.

This is really the end; she couldn’t bring herself to say the words out loud. She had lost her voice (temporarily, that is) anyway, from all the crying and sobbing. Hands shakily reaching for her phone from her pant’s pocket, clicking the call button when she found the number she was looking for. “S-sohyun ah,” she managed to say with so much force.

“Unnie?” This isn’t the first time the older had called her friend late at night but somehow this time the younger could sense something is wrong, this time the problem is much more than Hyunseung not coming home. “What’s wrong, unnie?” Sohyun asked, voice tinted with concern.

“I— I n-need y-y-you,” Hyuna said in between sobs.

“I’ll be right there!” rustling sound could be heard from the other line and not a second after the sound of door being open and close could be heard. “Don’t do anything, unnie!” the younger reminded before she hung up.

After the line went dead, the phone slips out of Hyuna’s grasp, landing on the cold tile producing a thud sound.

A good fifteen minutes passed before a frantic knocks on the door could be heard, making Hyuna look up. She, with all the energy that she could muster, stood up, walks to the door and opened it.

Sohyun instinctively hugs the fragile-looking girl, rubbing soothing circles at the back of Hyuna’s delicate body and whispering comforting words to calm the sobbing mess. “It’s okay, unnie. Everything is going to be fine.”

Hyuna finally calms down and Sohyun slowly walks Hyuna to her bedroom carefully, afraid that the former might breaks down and shatters like a broken glass again. She helps Hyuna lie down on the bed and covers the girl with a warm blanket.

“Don’t le-leave m-me alone, S-Sohyun ah,” Hyuna finally spoke.

“I’m not leaving, unnie. I’m here,” Sohyun flashes a smile as she gave her friend’s hand a light squeeze. “I’m just gonna get some water,” the girl said before she disappeared to the kitchen. When Sohyun enters the room again, Hyuna had fallen asleep. The pain is still evident on her face even when she is asleep.

Sohyun let out a sigh. You are going to pay for all of this, the girl mentally declared, eyes fuming with so much hatred. She hates to see her best friend looking like this, looking so helpless, so lifeless. She hates herself for letting Hyuna married to the guy just to let her heart broken after only two years of marriage but above all, she hates Hyunseung the most.

“Why don’t you just tell her the truth?” Junhyung, one of Hyunseung’s best of friends, asked slowly. They are in a bar (the first bar that come to the latter’s vision) after Hyunseung gave his friend a call. It’s already late but the married man couldn’t care less and Junhyung doesn’t mind too.

“I don’t wanna hurt her…” Hyunseung’s voice trailed off as his mind speaks you already hurt her, Hyunseung.

“You treating her like this already put her in so much pain,” the other stated ever so softly even though he wanted to shout, to knock some senses to his friend but he remained calm, downing another glass of whiskey after that.

“I couldn’t bear to see her hurt when I leave her side… for good,” the last two words came out barely above a whisper. Another glass of whiskey burns his throat, head throbbing in pain.

Junhyung quickly took the glass from Hyunseung, preventing him from drinking some more, “You know that you can’t drink.” He then stood up and tugs the other guy’s arm, “I shouldn’t have brought you here. Let’s go.”

Hyunseung just let the other guy dragged him out of the bar. He slipped in the passenger seat of Junhyung’s car after the latter told him not to drive on his own. “You’ll be sleeping in my apartment,” Junhyung stated.

Usually Hyunseung would instantly reject the idea but he wasn’t in the mood to do that, well, he wasn’t in the mood to do anything in his current situation so he just let his eyelids drop as dream took over him. Dream is after all better than reality.

For months, Hyuna feels like she is dead. For months she feels like her world had crumples, her world that was once painted with different bright colours had turned black with nothingness. Her heart resembles puzzles that need to be put together but couldn’t because one of the pieces is missing.

First few months after the three words had been said were hard for the girl. Two years aren’t short. There are so much memories to erase. It will take her whole life to destroy every single of their shared memory.

Sohyun had to constantly pay a visit to her friend; occasionally sleeping at Hyuna’s apartment just so the said girl will not do anything stupid. Eventually the younger asked Hyuna to live with her at her house. The apartment after all has memories that Hyuna should forget so she could move on with her life. No one in their right mind would want their friend to suffer after all.

Hyunseung on the other hand never show up after that night, not even once. Maybe he had forgotten about me Hyuna thought in one of the nights, love letters from their high school days crumples in her hands, words smeared from the tears. Baby pink roses that stands on their beside table, that she adores so much, had lost its beauty, petals withered and colours faded. Pictures of her and Hyunseung smiling brightly had lost their meanings.

I will protect you, comfort you, I will never leave your side, I will make you smile often like a child, I will love you endlessly. I will love you…endlessly…

Promises, Hyuna’s mind said, are meant to be broken.

“Do you know what you’re doing right now?” Hyunseung turned to the voice and Junhyung looks at him with face that screams angry and sympathy. Hyunseung stays quiet. “You’re making things hard. Why can’t you just confront her? Tell her the truth. Tell her that you love her and that you don’t have much time left. Tell her everything, Hyunseung.”

“It’s not easy, Junhyung.”

“What’s not easy? Can’t you see? You’re both hurting. She’s your wife, don’t you think she deserves to know? And don’t tell me that you’re doing this for her happiness because she’s obviously not happy right now and you know that too.”

No response.

“And what, looking at her from here is enough for you?” Junhyung let out a mocking laugh before he continues, “That’s bull.” They’re in Hyunseung’s car, parked across Sohyun’s apartment building. Hyuna gradually turns to her former self, smile slowly turns brighter but the pain in her heart is still there but she hides it. Hyunseung is more than happy to see his wife looking brighter – brighter than the morning sun, more beautiful than the moon at night.

Silence.

Hyunseung had learnt that his wife (he can still calls her that right?) goes out every one in the afternoon and went back home around five so it had become part of his every day routine to park his car across Sohyun’s home and waits for Hyuna to come out of the apartment building and went back.

It’s a miracle that he had live longer than what the doctor had told him few months ago although the throbbing in his head doesn’t lessen, it’s getting more painful and painful each day instead that he wished for God to just take his life away.

Like any other night, Hyunseung goes to the same bar he goes to almost everyday, drinking whisky although he clearly know it’s not good for his health. Looking at his phone’s screen – a picture of him and Hyuna smiling brightly at the camera. He had no idea how his finger scrolled down his contact list and how his finger just stop its movement as the all too familiar name came to vision. Hyunseung, in his drunken state, clicked the call button and it starts ringing.

Hyuna was having her dinner when her phone started to ring and when she looked at the caller’s name, her world stops revolving.

“Unnie? What’s wrong?” Sohyun asked from across the table, face suddenly painted with worry look. But Hyuna couldn’t hear her friend’s voice. Sounds had turned to echoes and they slowly fades.

“Hyunseung…” Hyuna mumbled. The same emotions from months ago washed over her.

“Unnie! Unnie!”

Although her mind told her not to answer, to ignore it, Hyuna shakily pressed the answer button and brought the phone to her ear. She waited for the guy to say something but nothing came out aside from the sound of ice moving in what seems to be a glass. “Op— pa…”

At the sound of her voice, Hyunseung jolted up and he comes back to his senses (not entirely) after he realized what he had done. “A— A— Hyun-Hyuna ah.”

That did it. Memories that she had long forgotten come back to her, flashing in her head like a filmstrip. Tears flow continuously making her cheeks drench with the salty liquid.

“I miss you.” His voice was barely above whisper.

“Hyunseung oppa…” A pang of guilt yet again stabbed the guy at the sound of her sobs.

“I’m—I’m sorry,” A lone tear finally escapes his eye as he closed them.

“I mis—“ Hyuna’s word were cut off as Sohyun snatched the phone away.

“What are you doing, unnie!” Sohyun snapped. “Why are you talking to that bastard!”

“But—But I miss him. I l-love him…”

Hyuna’s words are like knife, stabbing Hyunseung straight on the heart.

Sohyun shouted into the phone with voice full of venom, “Why are you calling her now?! After leaving her for a year for some unknown bulls! Why the hell do you appear now that she’s doing fine?! To come back to her just to hurt her again?! Huh?! Is that it?!”

“How are you, Sohyun ah?” Hyunseung smiled despite the throbbing in his heart.

“Don’t you ‘how are you’ me, you bastard!”

Hyunseung let out a weak laugh, “Can I—“ he swallowed the lump in his throat before he continues, “Can I talk to her? For the last time.”

“No.” And that was the only word Hyunseung heard before the line went dead.

The bell to Sohyun’s apartment rings and a second after the owner opens the door to her home and almost instantly one of her eyebrow raised at the sight before her. “Junhyung,” she said monotonously.

“I need to talk to Hyuna,” Junhyung said. His voice sounded urgent and worry painted all over his face.

“She’s not here so if you’ll excuse me,” Sohyun replied harshly. She was about to close the door but the guy was fast enough to block the door, swiftly putting his foot at the corner of the door.

“I need to tell her something! It’s about Hyunseung.”

Sohyun furrowed her eyebrows at the mention of Hyunseung’s name, “They are no longer together, remember?”

“Hyunseung, he’s dying.”

“What?” Her head snapped up, eyes immediately looking at Junhyung’s.

“Hyunseung’s dying, Sohyun. He doesn’t have much time anymore.” The guy heaves an exasperated sigh as he ruffled his hair in frustration. “I should have told Hyuna months ago. I should have told her the moment Hyunseung came to me about it. I can’t bear to see them like this.”

Just then the sound of something crash could be heard from the inside, instantaneously Sohyun and Junhyung turned to look just to be greeted by the sight of Hyuna’s trembling body, pieces of broken vase shattered around her.

“Unnie!” Sohyun dashed to the older, Junhyung trailing behind her.

“H-h-he’s d-d-dying?” Hyuna asked, lips quivering.

Junhyung looked at the girl apologetically. He didn’t know what to say. It hurts him to admit but then telling the painful truth is better than a white lie. “Y-yes.”

“I wanna see him!” Hyuna dashed out of the apartment. Sohyun and Junhyung ran after her almost instantly. The girl kept on running and running that she didn’t even realize a truck coming at the speed of light from the other direction.

“Unnie!”

“Hyuna!”

Her body collided with truck and landed on the hard ground, blood gushing out of her head at the contact, smearing the pavement with crimson red liquid.

A girl with long straight black hair, dresses in a white simple long dress is sitting on the beautifully designed bench and beside it is a tall tree with light pink flowers growing beautifully contrasting the black-coloured branches which Hyunseung assumed to be cherry blossom flowers. The gust of wind blowing the girl's jet-black hair revealing a little bit of her milky skin. Grass dancing around following the wind, petals of cherry blossoms fluttering down showering the unknown girl. She looks like an angel, with no wings. So beautiful.

Hyunseung approached the girl slowly from behind and stops just right before her. Hyuna looked up and her lips instantly curled into a smile. The guy too mirrors her expression.

“I’m sorry, Hyuna.” Hyunseung spoke in a soft tone. His face showing guilt.

Hyuna looked at Hyunseung in the eyes and smiled, eyes turning to a crescent shape, “I had forgive you a long time ago, oppa.”

Hyunseung immediately soften and couldn’t help but to smile too, “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”