Thinking back on that day, I was given a gift and a curse. For the first time in what seemed to be forever, I found myself something I thought I would die without. The most dreaded thing I thought I could ever have became my happiness and my reason to live. I found myself someone to talk to: Someone to lean on when times got tough. I found myself a friend. A person who cared about me more than I ever did. He gave me value, he made me realise my own worth and that I did have it. He made my very exsistence meaningful. Too bad I only realized it too late.

I was actually genuinely happy. The sensation of it was quite odd, but I liked it. Forgetting the consequence of allowing myself to feel things was quite fulfilling. Still though, I did what I told myself not to all these years and I felt a bit guilty for it. It was bittersweet.

I laid on my hospital bed half asleep reflecting on my actions. Just when my eyes were about to give in, a knock on the door shot them right up. I squinted my eyes as the light from outside beamed in. A figure of a woman slowly creeped in, making no sound. I was not expecting visitors, so I immediately hid under the sheets pretending to be in dreamland.

Not knowing who it was made me feel uneasy. Under the thick layer, I could feel the sweat trickling down my face. When I heard the bathroom door open I instantly sat upright, forgetting I had my dextrose on. It was painful. The sudden burst of pain filled my hand. While having my moment, the bathroom door unlocked, and the mysterious person revealed himself- or herself.

It was just my mom.

"Sofia! What's happening?" She came closer.

I didn't really feel much pain after. The initial shock of it just caught me off guard. Still, forgetting I had a needle attached to my hand just showed how I was still adapting to my hospital life. Even after reading a hundred books about it making me believe it would be so easy, I was beginning to think maybe my stay here would be much different than I expected. It wouldn't be that simple. I gathered myself, wiped away my tears using my soft cotton sleeve, and laughed it off. My mom on the other hand, didn't find it funny. She looked at me as if I were a mad man, thinking how her daughter was slowly deteriorating and going insane. She could not bear the thought of watching the only thing she had left on this earth wither and die.

"Mom? I was just- I'm fine." I spoke with a not-so-sad tone. She stood there, frozen in time. Her hand moved forward to cup my face.

"I came to visit." were the words she told me, smiling like nothing happen. It wasn't unusual for her to hide her feelings like that. My mother was a strong woman and she will never allow her child to see her cry. Not even when it's most painful.

"I know I said I was going to visit tomorrow but something came up at work."

"It's fine." My response was cold as ice.

She lay on the couch beside my bed, slowly shutting her eyes. In an instant, she entered dreamland. Again, somewhat alone, I couldn't stop but think about the incident, about what happened, about him. All I could do was lie there in my uncomfortable position and stay silent. I couldn't stand it. The clock read 11: 34. I needed to get out. I needed a place to think. No, not my hospital room. The thought of too many unfortunate events that'll soon happen there plagued my mind. I just had to get out, get some air. Carefully I got up, not having any sudden movements and left. Wandering the halls, I started to feel weary. I decided to take a rest. I found a nearby bench but unfortunately it was occupied. The occupant, was another patient. His identity unknown. I could only see his shiny black hair and hunched back. He was breathing heavily, just like how I was. I could somewhat make out his features, and there was a bit of familiarity in them. 

 Sungjae. I knew it right there and then. I sat beside him without a word. He spared me a glanced and smiled. My heart fluttered.

"Can't sleep?" I asked.

"Nope."

"Why not?" My curiosity was always my weakness.

"Because I don't." 

Silence.

"Everyone sleeps. Even the strongest do."

His voiced raised, "You wanna know why? It's quite simple actually. A bit foolish to be honest. I don't sleep because I 'm afraid if I close my eyes -" his voice lowered, then became unsteady "if I close my eyes, I may not get to open them once again."

My eyes fell into a steady beat of close-open-close-open, then I was out.

Little did I know, later that night, Sungjae would have told me something he had never told anyone before.