Hello, here's your goody bag for joining my TMaF semi-contest! Thank you!

Plot: I think it's fine. Not groundbreaking awesome, but compared to your other entries, I think this is (so far) your most creative one. Perhaps because you add that little element of surprise at the end, making it more than a mere angst heartbroken story. There will be caveat in that, but we'll get to that later.

An issue that I think you can fix, is the plot's flow. I don't mind plot twist, definitely. But I think some parts of your story are a bit... jumpy. While I do understand at some points you made reference to flashback and all, but there are times when I just feel like I'm lost in your story. This might be a personal preference, so I won't dwell deep in that part. What I also would like to comment is how people just... fall in love way too fast in your fanfiction. I can understand Hongki's love more –because it's more like he's been watching her for quite some time. I still have problem on how he confessed that fast, though. Perhaps, it's more in stylistic approach. I certainly have seen fic where the character confessed to the other equally as quick, but the dialogues and everything in that fic was kind of natural and realistic, so I did not exactly have issues on the quick-confession. Mina, however, I think still falls in love too fast. Even when it is stated that it's a love at first sight or something, there still has to be more elaboration and rationales to make everything a bit more believable.

Secondly, while I'm glad that there is an element of surprise at the end of the story, again, I still feel like there are not sufficient rationales and motives behind that. It's like... the kind of plot twist that certainly wakes a reader up, but does not leave the reader to completely understand. My guess would be that there is not enough angst to actually drive one to commit suicide. I understand that their love has obstacles, but it's not to the extent that it would justify them to commit suicide. Both your characters also seem sane enough, and do not exactly seem like one that would commit suicide. I think the element of believability is what kind of disrupt the plot in general.

Characters: First of all, I salute you for writing a character that is not exactly most-loved –and no, this is not an insult. Character's flaw is actually something that I always look in a story's character, so I am actually glad that you characterize Mina the way she is characterized here. There's something more than just the goody-girl, something sinister –and despite the poor fate that she made Hongki felt. There is a difference though –in terms of Mina's characterization's maturity. Similar to the plot section, I think you do not give enough background on how she could just act that way. Sure, what she did might be done by any other women in this world, but there is this...inconsistency about her. In the end, it drives me to believe that she does not exactly love Hongki –but if that's the case, why did she commit suicide? There are these confusions about her character.

I don't have a lot of comment about Hongki –because aside from him being a very patient and well, love-blinded guy, he's quite bland as himself. There's only dynamic in his character when Mina is involved. Well, on one hand, at least you're making a character dynamic, but on the other hand, there should be more to his growth as a character aside from how Mina influenced him.

Style: Well, the good news is, I think so far, among your entries, your writing style here is quite an improvement. There are sufficient description, and some of the words are composed in an engaging manner –making a quirk of your own writing style. I do have issues (don't mind me, I always have issues, hehehe) with the dialogues –because some are not drafted in a mature sense. It's as if they're not the adults they should have been. Another issue that I detect from this fic is that you replace their names with pronouns too much –most times, I think it confuses reader as to the who is the 'he' that you're actually talking about. Refer them as "Mina" and "Hongki" more often –but not that much to the point that it would get redundant. I also think that the love lines could have been drafted more...romantically? Like there are blatant "I love you" in the fic, but the romantic sense it should have caused do not exactly get crossed to the readers.

Suggestion:
• Be careful on the choppy plot. Always, always, have reasoning behind your plot –even when your plot has an element of surprise.
• Especially in this kind of 'real-life' fic, where element of exaggeration is not exactly that required, and on the contrary, the element of believability is a definite must, always ask yourself the question whether this scene would be likely, whether this character would actually do things like this, etc. In short, maintain the 'real'-ness of the story.
• Practice on the dialogue-composing. While metaphors and all the flowery words may come out in the narrative text, dialogue, again, should stay as close as they could be to the way that people normally converse. This is especially in this kind of fanfiction.

Favorite Parts:
• I love your foreword saying "from the heartbreaker Hong Mina." There is something inviting about it –it also tells quite something about Mina –which is good. Maintain this kind of approach (when appropriate), it effectively not only intrigues readers, but also gives a sense of who Mina as a character is.
• "You told me to play you, didn't you? I've played you all along." I love this. Mina is acknowledging her own character's flaw, yet at the same time there's something rather sad about her statement too. So, I like it.
• Overall, I think you have improvements in comparison to your previous entries. So, that's a good job! ^^

Chapter 1: Awwnn... *sob sob* This is so sad and romantic! :')

hongmina fanfic !! update soon authornim !!