Junho woke up the earliest that day. 

He had trouble sleeping lately. The bed felt too big, the sheets too heavy, his body too alone. His feet padded the floor of the dorm, moving quietly as not to wake the others. That would just cause him more headaches listening to the others whine at how early it was. He thought to himself, as he did a lot these days. Thoughts of how things were in the beginning, the earlier days when his mind was a lot more innocent toward his feelings. 

He missed it. The way he used to look at his hyung and feel this exciting surge of love, what at the time he thought was a brotherly love. Nowadays, that love burdened him. Touches, hugs, playfully holding hands. Things like that were too risky these days, Junho's heart couldn't take it and his face would give it away. There was only so many times he could blame his pink cheeks on the heat in the room.

The sky outside was blue, a pleasant change from the rain. But still cold, Junho thought as he gazed out the window in the sitting room where he sat on the window sill, his legs hugged against his boyish frame. He sighed softly, his thoughts falling as they always do to his hyung. Minjun hyung, how did it end up like this? Junho couldn't tell. He wished it away, he wished for things to be normal again. The boy chewed on his bottom lip, a nervous habit. 

In truth, he was scared. He had already come too close to getting caught by Jun. K. The others knowing made it worse, he was just waiting for the day one of them would spill it all and he would have to leave because why would Minjun want to be in a group with a stupid little boy who has a crush on him? Junho buried his head against his knees and exhaled deeply. The was too much at risk, if he had to, he would push this love deep inside him, hide it until he could look at his hyung as a brother again, no more and no less. 

Minjun was the second to wake up that day. A rare occurance, but an occurance no less. 

He couldn't sleep, no matter how hard he tried or how much he needed it. Something was troubling him, or should he say, somone was troubling him. Things hadn't felt right between Junho and him in a long time. The way he acted a few days ago were enough to confirm his suspicions that the reason for Junho's distancing was him. There was something he couldn't work out though, why had it changed between them? What had happened to make Junho turn away from him? He sighed a bit to himself as he walked down the hall in his worn down socks, wandering aimlessly into the sittingroom. His steps paused as he spotted the younger boy on the windowsill, lost in his own thoughts.

His eyes lingered on the smaller boy's frame. Minjun had always loved this side to Junho, those glimpses of the shy boy inside the cold chic exterior he portrayed most of the time for fear people would think him weak. He smiled gently, his head tilting to the side as he watched Junho curiously. Something was bothering him and had been bothering him for weeks now. 

Quietly, Minjun stepped toward Junho, startling the boy who looked sharply to inspect the intruder to his space. Junho's eyes locked on Minjun's, staring quietly at him, his eyes saying all the words he must leave unspoken. Needless to say, his heart raced. The two of them alone in the quiet dorm at approximately 6:22am, a slight cold breeze from the window and scattered clouds above. Junho looked away, he couldn't do this. Minjun smiled at first, a gentle curl of his lips before letting it fade as the younger looked away. It wasn't like he was oblivious to the way Junho looked at him. It was a look he knew too well from other lovers, other heartaches, other disappointments. 

It's hard to say when exactly he came to the realisation that Junho at the very least had a crush on him, but it was young enough when he caught it. Perhaps he should've said it then, ended Junho's love then, but something stopped him. The question 'what if..?'. It lingered in his mind and at times like these, with the two of them together, alone. With Junho shy and vulnerable and weak like this, he couldn't help think 'why not?' . He sat down on the windowsill next to Junho's feet, smiling faintly as Junho never remembered to wear socks. His fingertips brushed over the boy's cold toes as he murmured,

"How many times do I have to tell you to wear socks? You'll get sick walking around here with cold feet..."

He glanced at Junho with a faint smile, his hands resting over the younger's feet to warm them slightly. Junho couldn't help but blush, looking out toward the sky. His mind told him to excuse himself, leave, but what was the use? Just one moment together like this, it couldn't hurt... could it? 

"Just one more time, hyung..~"

Junho replied softly and peeked back at his elder, his eyes slowly studying the features he had watched age over the years. He had fallen in love with Minjun's eyes, his lips, every crease and crinkle in his face when he smiled, the way his eyebrows furrowed when he concentrated. Every little bit of Minjun entranced him and he hated him for it. Minjun laughed gently at Junho's reply, reaching out to ruffle his already messy bedhair,

"You brat. How come you're awake so early?"

Junho grinned faintly at the name, his devilish side enjoying the recognition before shrugging faintly and offering his excuse,

"Couldn't sleep... You?"

"Mmh, me neither..." Minjun trailed off, hesitating before speaking more, "Remember those times... when you used to come to me when you couldn't sleep? I dunno why, but I woke up thinking about that... You don't do that anymore..."

Then the words were out, causing Junho to freeze slightly and his cheeks heat up with embarrassment. Why would he think of that? Why does he even remember it? 

Minjun watched closely, pulling Junho's feet to rest in his lap gently. He watched this boy, so full of love and unable to show it and he felt guilty. What did he have to offer Junho? He reached out and Junho's hair gently, leaning his head back against the window as he watched his younger brother as he spoke of fond memories of holding him close in bed, but always waking up alone. How long had Junho hidden his love from him..? 

Junho's heart pumped hard, desperately trying to keep him alive so that he wouldn't think this was all a dream. He couldn't help it, his head tilting toward his hyung's touch until he found his cheek resting against his hyung's palm. It was then Junho understood. Minjun knew, perhaps he had always known and there was nothing Junho could do to change it. Gently, Minjun's thumb Junho's rosy cheeks. Both of them saying nothing but their look to each other saying everything. 

What is it to love? Minjun didn't know, after all these years he still didn't know, after writing all those songs about the biggest mystery of love, he didn't know. But what he did know was that part of him loved Junho, truely, deeply. And part of him wanted this, had always wanted this.

In the still of the morning at approximately 6:47am it happened.

Junho looked at Minjun. Minjun looked at Junho.

Minjun leaned in, his eyes falling shut as their lips touched. It was a sweet kiss, but it meant everything. After a few seconds of what felt like forever, Junho responded. His eyelashes fluttering in disbelief before closing gently and his lips pressing against his hyung's with more confidence. 

The end and beginning of everything, started with a kiss and two hearts wanting to love.

ah TT I dunno if my heart is gunna be able to take writing all this...

probably not as long as you guys would've hoped, but I pray you enjoyed it~

my style keeps changing i think... oops 

pls tell me what you think~ comment below nn