The first time they met was in a park near the hospital. He was driving his car when he noticed her sitting alone in one of the benches in the park. It wasn’t love at first sight. He was just curious. He noticed the small smile she was wearing but the sadness in her eyes appealed more to him. Without thinking, he parked the car, went towards her and sat beside her.

She was surprised when the man, who was sitting beside her, suddenly spoke. He asked her if she was okay. She looked at the man and she can’t help but noticed the concern in his eyes. She doesn’t know him but there was something in him―his eyes, probably, or his calming voice―that made her feel comfortable around him. Being an honest person that she is, she told him the truth―that she wasn’t okay and will never be okay.

That’s when they learned each other’s name.

Seo Juhyun.

Lu Han.

That’s when they learned they were both sick.

Heart Disease.

Lung Cancer.

That’s when they learned they were both dying.

***

The next time they met was in the hospital. They came from different offices and bumped to each other in the hallway. She was surprised to see him again. Part of her was embarrassed because of her outburst the last time they met. He smiled at her and he probably knew her dilemma so he joked around―Fate. Maybe we’re fated to meet each other―with that cheeky grin on his face. She smiled back at him and decided to play along. Yes, fate.

He invited her to come with him in a restaurant to eat. She declined at first but he insisted so they ended up eating on a luxurious restaurant, where she felt so small. She had never been on a restaurant like that.

They talked about stuff, mostly about themselves. He asked her questions which she politely answered. He learned that she’s not much of a talker so he decided to just tell her something about him. He doesn’t know why he’s being like that―why he’s trying to befriend her. Or maybe he knows―because they’re both miserable and dying.

He learned that she’s an only child and she had that sickness since she was born. Her family was not like his. They weren’t rich and could only afford the basic necessities in life. Her parents couldn’t even afford taking their daughter in a good hospital and have her treated. It’s a miracle I lived this long, she says. Lu Han, just like the first time he saw her, noticed the sadness behind Juhyun’s eyes. She wants to live, that he can tell.

He told her he’s also an only child but unlike her, he came from a well-off family. His family can afford those expensive treatments but he doesn’t want that. He doesn’t want to be healed. She asked him why.

“Easy.” He smirked. “Because I want to die.”

“Then why are you at the hospital earlier?”

“I asked them how long.”

***

Weird as it may seem, the two started being friends. They got to know each other better. He found out she’s working on a convenience store near the hospital and after her shift, she’d go straight to the hospital to volunteer. Lu Han had asked her why she volunteers when she, herself, was sick too.

“I want to do something meaningful, at least, before I die.”

For the first time since they met, Lu Han saw a genuine smile on her face. Unlike those smiles she flashed at him before, that smile actually reached her eyes. He was stunned. He can’t believe that her eyes were capable of shining like that. She’s supposed to be miserable like me, he thought.

She asked him if he also wanted to do something nice before he dies. He just shrugged and left the question hanging. She didn’t ask him about it the next time they met. She figured he doesn’t really want to let her know about it.

Juhyun found out that he likes soccer. Since he was a child, he dreamed of being a soccer player. When he was still in school, he was voted as the team captain of his school’s soccer team. He led them to a back to back championship when he was on his last two years in high school. Juhyun complimented him and told him how proud his parents must have been for him.

“They’re not.” He blurted out. Juhyun can’t help but to look at him and notice the fire in his eyes. He’s mad, that’s for sure and as much as she wanted to ask him why, she can’t because she doesn’t have the right to do so.

***

The first time she saw him smoke was when she saw him waiting for her at the park near the hospital. They agreed to meet after she did some work to catch up since it’s been two weeks since they last saw each other. Lu Han had to go overseas because his parents asked him to. It was apparently to help them expand their family business.

Juhyun doesn’t know why she got mad and quickly got the cigarette on his right hand and threw it away. She began reprimanding him about his sickness and that he shouldn’t smoke anymore because it’ll be worse. Lu Han just laughed at her.

“I want to die, remember? I just want it to happen sooner.”

“No! You can’t die like this.” She shouted. She doesn’t know why she’s so pressed about him and his health. It’s not like he’s important to her. After all, they just knew each other for a few months.

“Seo Juhyun-ssi.” He eyed her as a smirk appeared on his face. “Do you like me?”

Juhyun paused for awhile. No, she doesn’t like him. Not at all. Tears started flowing down her chubby cheeks.

“It’s just so unfair. You have the money―the capability―to make yourself better and yet, you want to die. I want to live, Lu Han-ssi.” She sobbed. “But I can’t.”

She ran away.

The next day, a bouquet of red roses was delivered to her apartment with a small card saying how sorry he was.

***

The next time they met, Lu Han made a surprise visit in the convenience store. It was around three o’clock in the afternoon and not much people were there. In fact, he was the only one there. When he opened the glass door, she immediately saw him. She was about to greet him like what she usually does when a customer came in but stopped when she realized who the customer was. Lu Han just smiled at her and went to the other direction after waving his hands as if signaling that he was going to buy something.

A few minutes passed, Juhyun saw him walking towards the counter. She eyed the can of beer he was holding. He even reached for a pack of cigarette while walking. Once he dropped the said stuff in the counter, Juhyun quickly got the pack of cigarette, stood up and put it back to its place. She was also about to pick up the can of beer when he told her it wasn’t for him. Lu Han just looked at her with a smirk on his face.

“Why did you do that?” He asked while she was busy with the cash register.

“I told you to stop smoking.” She said firmly. “The beer’s ten thousand won.”

Lu Han handed her the money. Juhyun quickly put the can in a plastic and handed it to him. He didn’t leave the place yet. He went on the other corner of the store where a few seats and a table were available. He didn’t do anything with the beer. Instead, he just watched her. But because there weren’t many customers around, they ended up watching each other.

“Juhyun-ssi. Have you ever been drunk?” He asked after awhile.

She shook her head and answered a no. He didn’t ask her why because he felt like he already knew the reason why. They just knew each other but Juhyun’s so transparent that Lu Han was able to know what she was like already.

“It’s a nice feeling.” Lu Han said before he stood up, grabbed the can of beer and walked towards her. He opened the can and offered it to her. “Try it.”

“I don’t want to.” She glared at him. “Besides, I’m at work. There are CCTV cameras around. I don’t really want to lose this job.”

“Come on. Just a sip. It wouldn’t hurt you. And don’t worry about your job. I can always give you one.”

A few more persuasions from him and Juhyun finally gave in. She took a sip. As he had expected, she doesn’t like it. He laughed out loud when she began asking him why humans can take the taste of beers because it tastes awful.

He didn’t leave the place yet. Instead, he waited for her shift to be over. He asked her to come with him and just like what happened earlier, Juhyun gave in after more persuasions from him. She can’t stand how he can look so adorable as if he’s a child wanting a candy or a toy as he persuaded her to do something. She knew he’s just trouble but somehow, she can feel a connection between them. It must be because we’re both dying. She thought.

He brought her to his apartment. Juhyun was surprised to see how clean it was. She had expected it to be full of mess when he told her they were going there. But she was proven wrong. The walls were painted white, which she really liked. She asked him why he brought her in his apartment. He didn’t answer. Instead, he gently pushed her towards the living room and asked her to wait for him. When he came back, he had three can of beers in his hands. As he had expected, Juhyun glared at those poor cans.

“If were actually friends, I’d end up inspecting your apartment and get rid of those.” She sighed. He just laughed at her.

“Feel free to do that because after this, I’m sure we’ll get closer.” He smirked. He sat on the floor and motioned her to sit beside him. “Don’t worry. I’m not going to drink. You are.”

“What do you mean?” Juhyun looked at him incredulously.

“You’ve never been drunk before, right? I want you to experience everything―well, before you die.”

She didn’t know why she agreed on doing it. It’s probably because he had a point but Juhyun knew herself. She doesn’t just do anything that other people told her to do so. It’s probably his eyes that were so convincing. Juhyun preferred to believe the first option.

She ended up being so drunk that she can’t even walk properly. She felt like her head was being ripped apart every time she tried to take a step and she ended up clutching Lu Han’s shirt, who was supporting her. In the end, he just carried her towards the spare room in his apartment. She fell asleep in his arms as she snuggled on his chest. He chuckled as he heard her mumbled something about how comfortable her bed is. She had mistaken him as her bed. He gently laid her down to the bed and put the blanket on her. He didn’t know what urge him to do it, but he gave her a light kiss in the forehead.

The next morning, Juhyun woke up feeling like she’s dying because her head hurts so much. She found it funny because she’s really dying. She sat up, ignoring the pain in her head, and looked around the unfamiliar room. She tried remembering what happened the night before and a blush appeared on her face. That’s when Lu Han went in the room with a tray full of foods. He walked towards her and sat on the side of the bed.

“Eat.” He ordered. “And you have to drink this medicine. It’ll help with headache.”

“I’m never going to drink again.” She pouted. He just laughed at her.

“Did I do anything I wouldn’t usually do?” She asked him. Curiosity filled her brain as she knew most people do something embarrassing whenever they’re drunk and it scared her a bit. For some strange reasons, she doesn’t want to embarrass herself in front of Lu Han.

“Nothing, really. You were just saying all your frustrations. You can’t remember anything?” He asked her playfully. She shook her head. “Too bad, I remember everything.” He leaned in and whispered something to her, which made her blush more.

“You told me you might actually like me.”

“I didn’t!” She protested.

“No, you didn’t. I was just joking around.” He laughed.

***

The first time she saw him so weak was a month after she got drunk in his apartment. He didn’t visited her in the store nor sent her a text every once in a while for a week already and she was worried. She asked for a leave in her work and decided to visit him in his apartment. She thought he wasn’t there because it took him a long time before he finally opened the door for her. He looked so tired and he’s obviously losing so much weight since she met him. She felt her heart tightened inside her chest upon seeing him like that and she was pretty sure it’s not her own sickness that caused her to feel like that. He asked her to just go away but she was stubborn and let herself in despite his protests.

“You should really go to the doctor, Lu Han. I don’t like seeing you like this.” She told him as he assisted her towards the couch.

“Like what? Like a dying person? But I’m really dying, Juhyun.” He laughed. She didn’t find anything funny with that.

“I don’t understand you. Why do you want to die?” She tried not to scream at him.

“Because I have nothing to live for.” He looked away. “No one cares about me anyway.”

“I care, Lu Han! I do.” She blurted out.

“You’re dying too, Juhyun.” He calmly said. “What if I decided to finally undergo medications, then you died? Then no one will care anymore. In the end, I’d still want to die.”

He started coughing and Juhyun almost had a heart attack upon seeing him coughing with blood. She calmed herself first before she called the hospital and asked for their assistance.

***

Juhyun can’t understand herself anymore. Why does she cared so much for him? They were just, still, mere acquaintances, who just probably knew a little bit about each other. Why does she wasted so much of her time making sure he’s safe when in fact, she should be worrying about herself? She had been experiencing frequent pains in her chest and she knew her time was coming soon. She should be doing more important stuff than being with him all the time.

But then she realized she can’t really leave him alone.

She realized that she might actually like him―love him, even.

***

Juhyun ignored Lu Han since she realized she might actually be in love with him. She had dreamed of falling in love before. She dreamed of having a family. But all those dreams were shattered when she first knew that she’s dying. She made sure to keep her heart intact and even promised herself not to fall in love because it’ll make it harder for her to accept the fact that she isn’t going to live long.

When she met Lu Han, she didn’t hesitate to be friends with him because they’re both dying anyway. She found comfort with the fact that they both feel the same way. Miserable. At first, she thought it’ll be okay. She never thought she’d fall in love. It wasn’t supposed to happen but it did and now, she was having a hard time stopping herself.

What Juhyun didn’t know was that Lu Han had been worried sick about her. He hadn’t been feeling well and he blamed that stupid lung cancer for getting in the way every time he wanted to see her. He felt more miserable than before. He doesn’t exactly know why but for some reasons, he felt at ease whenever she’s near. And he’s pretty sure that it isn’t because they’re both in the same situation. It’s deeper than that. So he called her.

Four rings and she still wasn’t picking up.

He’s desperate so he forced his body to rise up from his bed. He, then, grabbed his keys and went to look for her.

He found her in the convenience store. She was surprised to see him but she was more surprised to see how he’s like. He was so pale, so thin. He looked so weak. And it pained her seeing him like that.

“Why are you avoiding me, Juhyun?” He asked her as he tried so hard not to collapse in front of her.

“I―I am not avoiding you.” She stuttered as she looked away.

“You are.” He smiled bitterly. “You can’t even look at me. Tell me, what did I do wrong?”

Juhyun bit her lip, preventing herself from crying right then and there.

“I―” He coughed. “I came all the way here,” Another one. “So please, tell me.”

He coughed again.

Juhyun quickly left the counter and walked towards him. She assisted him towards the empty seats.

“You’re not supposed to be here, Lu Han.” She whispered.

“I know. If you’re going to ask me why I’m here, I don’t know myself either.” Lu Han said. “I just need you to answer me and if I can, stop you from avoiding me.”

Juhyun started crying by then. She can’t lie to him and she doesn’t want to avoid him anymore because her heart longs for him. She missed him so much and just seeing him there makes her heart beat a lot faster than usual. But seeing him so weak pained her more.

“I’m afraid I’m in love with you.” She sobbed.

“Then let’s be together.” He proposed. “I think I feel the same way.”

“And what? Wait until the day one of us die first? I don’t want that, Lu Han.” She shook her head.

“No.” He whispered. “We’re going to fight this, Juhyun.”

“What do you mean?”

“I―I want to live longer. I want to be with you.”

***

He decided to seek the doctor’s help and got treatments. Everything. He doesn’t care how much it will cost him. He wanted to live for her. He also started looking for possible heart donors for her. The both of them started having a positive outlook in their lives. They dreamed of the future with the two of them together and possibly, two kids―a girl and a boy.

They are happy.

“Your hair is starting to fall off, Lu Han.” She .

“I believe I’d still be handsome even if I go bald.” He grinned at her. She chuckled beside him and gave him a kiss on the forehead.

“You’re supposed to be kissing me on the lips, Juhyun.” He puckered his lips and made kissing sounds which made her chuckle even more. She loved how he’s still the playful Lu Han despite all the pains he’s been going through. With that in mind, Juhyun leaned in and gave him the kiss he wanted.

But what’s supposed to be an innocent kiss escalated into something more passionate as he started deepening the kiss by moving his lips against hers. They kissed a lot of times before but they were all just simple pecks so Juhyun doesn’t have any idea what to do at first. She shyly tried to respond to him by copying his moves. Soon enough, she got rid of that initial shyness and boldly kisses him in the same intensity he had been doing. He bit her lip, making her gasped, and successfully entered his tongue in , exploring the sweetness inside. He wrapped his arms around her waist as he shifted his body, without breaking the kiss, so he was now on top of her. Her hands instinctively s around his neck pulling him closer to her.

When they broke the kiss, both were panting. They looked at each other’s eyes and saw nothing but love, passion and lust. It’s as if they forgot all the problems they were going through just by staring at each other.

“I want you.” He whispered as his lips slightly brushed against hers. All she did was nod because she wanted him too. For the first time in her life, she wanted a guy to touch her badly. But she knows she’s not going to regret it because it’s him―the man she loves the most.

No matter how physically tired they were, that night, they made love. And that’s what matters the most for them.

***

They were on his apartment after his session with the doctor that day. He was resting on his bed as she prepared something for him in the kitchen. They’re basically like husband and wife, just that they weren’t officially married yet. She was already staying on his apartment, acting like his wife. He likes it anyway―being near her all the time. Her health was improving since she’s undergoing some medications just like him and the possibility of her getting a heart donor is high. She was the one taking care of the both of them, of him especially.

When she was finished preparing the table so they can eat, she quickly went to his room to call him. But what she saw surprised her. He was sitting on his bed with a paper in his hands and what appeared to be a paper plane. She never saw him doing something like that. She also noticed the sadness in his eyes while looking at the said paper. He must have really missed a lot since he was young, she thought.

Lu Han told her almost everything about himself―his past and just, every little thing about him. He had told him before how his parents don’t really care about him, that he practically grew up alone. He never really had real friends before. He thought of ending his life then so he began smoking and drinking, which causes him to have his sickness. He was happy when he first knew he was sick but when he met her, everything changes. He wanted to live for her.

“Lu Han.” She called his name softly. He looked up and gave her a tired smile. She walked towards him and sat beside him on his bed. She, then, got the paper plane in his hands.

“Do you usually do this?” She asked.

“Yes. Ever since I was a child, I like folding papers and turn them into planes. That’s the most fun thing I had ever done.” He confessed with a smile on his face.

“Do you collect them or you just throw everything away?”

“I usually just throw them away but ever since I met you, I started collecting them for some reasons which I don’t want to tell you yet.” He grinned at her. “Now, is the food already done? I’m starving.”

She started doing the same that night after they made love―after she saw him sleeping quietly beside her. She rose up from the bed quietly, trying not to make big movements so as to not wake him up. She went to his study and got a light blue colored paper. She started writing something in it before she began folding it so it will turn into a paper plane.

She kept everything she had made since that night. It can be a beautiful gift for him once they get married. She smiled at that thought. If she were to marry someone in this life, she wants him to be her other half.

***

Months passed and Joohyun finally got really good news. She found a heart donor and through Lu Han’s support, they were able to set an operation schedule for her in a week’s time.

They’re happy because they’re finally going to live for a longer time. She already has a heart donor. He’s taking medications and therapies.

They were happy.

***

It was a successful operation but he wasn’t there when she first woke up. Her mom told her, he had an appointment with his doctor. She just nodded at her mother. With a smile on her face, she promised to wait for him until his appointment is over.

She talked to her mother about random stuff. Most of it was about him―how glad she is that she met him, how she loves him so much and how she’s planning to marry him once he gets better.

She didn’t notice the sadness in her mother’s eyes.

***

The next time she woke up, he’s still not there. No one was there with her and she felt alone. She wanted to call him but realized her phone isn’t there.

She missed him so much.

She still waited.

***

The third time she woke up and he’s still not there, she began throwing tantrums. She won’t eat, won’t take her medicines, and won’t even cooperate when the doctors asked her some questions.

She wanted to see him.

The doctors had no other choice but to call her parents, who both came after thirty minutes.

Joohyun told them how frustrated she is because of her boyfriend, who until that very moment is not visiting her. She told them to call him before she covers herself with the blanket.

Again, she didn’t notice the sadness in her parent’s eyes.

***

He didn’t show up and it’s been a month. She was finally released from the hospital. She goes straight to his apartment to see him because she missed him so much. Her greediness took over her. She didn’t even think that maybe, just maybe, he’s really tired to visit her in the hospital. She didn’t even think that maybe, he was also suffering in his apartment. All she thinks of is how she’s going to confront him when she finally sees him.

But none of it happened.

Because she find the apartment empty.

He’s nowhere to be seen.

Joohyun was on the verge of crying.

He left her.

She lay down on his bed and cried herself to sleep.

***

When she woke up, she noticed a paper plane on his bedside table. She sat up and got it before she unfolded it. She was sure there’s something written on it and she was right.

She cried.

Juhyun,

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry I wasn’t able to be there when you woke up. But I’m glad. I’m glad you’re going to live. Please, be happy. Be happy even without me.

I’m dying when we first met and unlike you, I’m still dying. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough. I just can’t really bear the thought of seeing you watching me die slowly so I left. I’m sorry, Joohyun.

I love you. I love you so much that I want you to move on and forget about me. Find a good guy that will love you as much as I do or even more than I did. But please remember that I love you. I will always love you, even after death. I love you, Juhyun.

Lu Han

Juhyun’s heart ache and this time, it’s not because of her sickness. This time, it’s because the man she loves the most left her. And it hurts so much more.

She cried harder.

***

To say that she already moved on was a lie. She still loves Lu Han, even after a year since he left, but she’s trying. After all, that’s what he wants.

She doesn’t have an idea if he’s still alive or not. She wished that he’s doing well wherever he is now, though.

With a smile on her face, she took a paper, wrote something in it and folded it.

She created a paper plane and she let it fly towards the sky, hoping that one day, it will reach him.

Like that paper plane, she lets him go―along with the possibility that it will take a turn and come back to her.

Fin.

I am not very satisfied with this one but I'm still hoping you will all like it.

The ending is vague. He might still be alive. But he might already be dead. I don't know. It's up to you and your imaginations. :)