She had just about enough.

It was hard enough that her family was a three hour drive away, but she had to worry about long distance charges as well. She didn’t want to trouble her parents with the charges, but she severely missed their voices. Their loving questions about her health, their laughter, her parents’ concerned tones and the joking, light voices of her siblings. It was especially after her long days of dance practice and vocal training where she really felt the hole that was gaping in her heart. She could feel her body and her mind growing weaker, and it was hard enough to find the courage to find solace in her parents. But she couldn’t, she wouldn’t disturb them.

She had gotten closer to her members, but as the leader, she had to be absolutely strong. She had to be a steel, solid wall of strength and support. She heard their cries at night and supported them when they wanted to return home for a day or two. She found sympathy in Tiffany, whose father was all the way in the States, but that could only go so far. Taeyeon forbid herself from becoming too vulnerable. She let Tiffany cry into her shoulder, but she never let herself cry into hers.

It’s been a month since their debut performance and Taeyeon was feeling lonely again. It was 1AM but she could barely feel any sleep creeping in her body. But she was tired, her bones were aching and her muscles throbbed in protest as she paced around the living room in their dorm. She felt restless, yet she knew that she more than needed her sleep. She just called her parents a week ago, so it was much too soon to find comfort in their words. And her members were all asleep, she was sure of. She had left her shared room with Yoona and Sooyoung a while ago, telling the slightly awake Sooyoung that she had to use the washroom. But she was out of the room for about an hour now, creating a circle in the living room floor with her pacing.

She could feel a burst of negative emotion swelling up within her and she wondered how she managed to restrain herself from screaming. Her heart felt so low and her mind was blurring with bad thoughts. She hated feeling like she needed to depend on others. She wanted to be the leader everyone wanted, even though she knew from the beginning that she wasn’t exactly right for the job. But she didn’t want to disappoint anyone, so she pushed herself harder than anyone could truly see.

However, the stress piled on and her willingness to supress the feelings just made her condition worse and worse.

She had to get away. She nodded to herself and stopped her pacing.

Taeyeon walked over to the window and noticed that it was incredibly dark out and that it was raining. Her mind was telling her to pick up an umbrella before running off, but her heart was growing impatient. She needed to get out of there, to get out of the dorm and maybe away from the idol life for a while.

She needed a breath of fresh air and that was exactly what she was getting as she rushed out of the door and out of their building. She didn’t even shiver when her bare arms made contact with the gust of wind and falling rain. It was refreshing actually, and the hotness of her stress was cooled down by the freezing liquid. She exhaled and raised her arms as the rain embraced her figure.

She could never openly ask for a hug, but she needed some type of contact to remind herself that she wasn’t alone and that everything was going to be okay. Taeyeon then began to chuckle at herself, wondering how she ended up outside and asking nature to give her the company and comfort that she was too scared to ask for.

Taeyeon decided to walk around, her body becoming numb as she started to shiver from the weather. She didn’t know where she was going, and she very much didn’t care where she was going. She wanted to get lost and she wanted to be forgotten. This way, she wouldn’t have to face the pressures of being a leader, she wouldn’t have to disappoint her members, her fans and she wouldn’t have to worry her family. She smiled to herself and it was at this point where her mind became a foggy mess. And it was at this point where she began to feel hot liquid spill down her face in contrast with the freezing rain.

But that was also the point where the falling rain stopped.

Taeyeon turned around to find the reason why she was suddenly a bit dryer than she was minutes before. And the reason for her dryness was taller than her, causing her to look up.

“Sooyoung?” she asked, her eyes squinting to make the sense of the figure before her. She was so out of it, her mind hazy and her eyes burning with tears, but she was certain that the girl before her was Sooyoung.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” was her first response. She was pissed off, her voice thickly dripping with anger. Her eyes were red like Taeyeon’s, and the leader couldn’t understand why.

“What?” was all Taeyeon could respond, her fingers wiping her swollen eyes so she could take a better look at the girl before her.

Sooyoung was crying.

“I’ve been looking all over for you!” she cried out, her hand pushing Taeyeon roughly, but not enough to knock her out of range of the umbrella. She sniffled and wiped her eyes, an ugly expression constricting her face as more tears fell mercilessly. “Y-You can’t just leave like that! Taengoo idiot!”

Taeyeon was confused and slightly stunned by what she was witnessing. tried to make sounds and her brain tried its best to make sense of the entire situation.

“I’m sorry?” she muttered in response. It wasn’t the first time she ran off, and she knew that. She didn’t think any of the girls would catch her in the act, and no matter how bad she felt, she knew that she would always come back before day break. But with Sooyoung in front of her, crying her eyes out, her face laced with worry and anger, Taeyeon wondered if she had always wanted to be caught.

It wasn’t until Sooyoung pulled her into a tight embrace when Taeyeon realized how much she needed her. How much she needed a friend to find out her secret of running recklessly into the streets in the middle of the night, how much she needed a hug, human contact and a sense of security without having to ask for it, without having to reach out first.

“You’re an idiot,” Sooyoung spat, her body warming up Taeyeon’s shivering one. She didn’t even care that she was getting soaked from the contact; all that mattered was that she wanted Taeyeon to get home.

And that’s what started the tradition of Taeyeon running off and Sooyoung chasing after her.

After that encounter, Sooyoung thought that she had grown closer to Taeyeon, but it turned out that their leader was one of the most stubborn people she’d ever have the pleasure of meeting. The taller girl hoped that Taeyeon would now open up to her, she hoped that she would come to her with her problems and let her help her sort them out because that’s what friends and fellow members did. But no, Taeyeon remained the closed book that she was.

It was after the black ocean when she had to chase after the girl again.

Sooyoung was relieved to find that Taeyeon hadn’t decided to run off again for a long time. She made sure she always knew when Taeyeon was out of bed by gripping onto her like a koala while they slept. Taeyeon never rejected her embrace so she kept doing it every night. She felt a sense of comfort and security from the spooning despite doing it for Taeyeon and not herself. And when the girl went to the washroom in the middle of the night, Sooyoung made sure that she stayed awake until the girl came back.

But after the devastation of the Black Ocean, a time where Taeyeon was once again the only one who didn’t cry, a time where Taeyeon cooked them all dinner and hugged all of them until they fell asleep, was also the time when Taeyeon slipped out of her grip again for much too long.

It was raining that night as well.

Sooyoung groaned as she opened her umbrella. What was with the melodrama of the rain and the range of emotions that raged within Taeyeon’s mind? She was so certain that it always rained when the leader’s mood was the worst. She wondered if perhaps she controlled the weather, or if maybe God was so upset with how His world treated such an angel with such cruelty and negative emotion that He made it rain whenever she was in the deepest of holes.

It was months since the last escape and Sooyoung wondered if she went down the same path. Her feet were burning from the search and she felt her socks getting soaked from the amount of rain water on the ground. But she refused to give up, she refused to take a break until she found the shorty which she became so fond of in the short amount of time they had gotten to know each other.

Sooyoung felt her heart drop when she caught Taeyeon sitting on the edge of a bridge. She wondered how she managed to run so fast when she was the worst runner to ever exist on the planet. Her awkward steps and long limbs managed to find the leader in time, and her even longer arms and weak grip managed to pull Taeyeon off of the ledge and into her arms.

The umbrella was long gone by now and Sooyoung could care less as she became soaked in a substance besides her overflowing tears.

“What were you thinking?!” she screamed into the night, her arms gripping Taeyeon so tight that the smaller girl could barely breathe. “What made you think you could do that? You’re a huge idiot, Kim Taeyeon!”

Taeyeon didn’t respond and simply responded to the tight embrace. She couldn’t find words and honestly her heart was so constricted with the memory of the previous concert that she could barely make sense of the world around her. She wasn’t even sure of who was holding her at the moment, and she’s not entirely sure of why the girl who was holding her in a death grip was so angry.

“I’m sorry,” she muttered again, clueless and numb.

“Let’s just go home.”

And home they went. It wasn’t until she was undressed and in bed when Taeyeon realized who the girl who saved her was. Her face was flushed red as an equally Sooyoung dried her with a towel. Her eyes remained on the sleeping Yoona who was holding onto Sooyoung’s bare waist. She somehow felt a sort of jealousy in her heart, but the feeling was too overwhelmed with her embarrassment of being so vulnerable in front of Sooyoung.

And that’s when she made sense of the whole situation. The memory of her trembling self looking down from the bridge, the memory of her mind and heart being content with the possible end, and the memory of a screaming Sooyoung charging towards her filled up her mind.

And that was the first time Sooyoung saw Taeyeon sobbing uncontrollably.

She tossed the towel she was using to the side and delicately let go of Yoona’s grip on her waist. Once she was sure that the girl was rolled over and safe on the other side of the bed, she grabbed the Taeyeon and pulled her against her, sharing her warmth and doing her best to calm the girl down.

“It’s okay, Taengoo,” she whispered, her hand trying to form relaxing circles on Taeyeon’s back.

Her wiping them down was practically useless now as Taeyeon’s sobbing became contagious. Both girls covered each other in their own tears and both girls shuddered against each other as many waves of emotion washed over them.

It wasn’t until an hour later when Taeyeon managed to stop, her limp and tired body lying still against Sooyoung’s. It wasn’t until all could be heard was her snoring when Sooyoung realized that they were lying against each other . She blushed and thanked the heavens that the other girl was asleep. She placed the smaller girl down and went to change her clothes before putting a shirt and shorts on their leader. She kissed the girl on the forehead and hoped that her mind was clearer now and that she was feeling better.

It was after that second time where Sooyoung noticed that Taeyeon was becoming more open. It wasn’t anything close to the way some of the other girls shared their woes, but it was much better than before. She felt that they became closer as they finished promotions and used their nine month hiatus to work on Gee.

It made her feel good when Taeyeon became the one who initiated their spooning when their bed time hit. And it made her feel good when Taeyeon hugged her more often, albeit when the girls were away and they were alone, but that only made the sensation more special.

Unfortunately and fortunately, with the success of Gee and the skyrocket in their fame, their stress only increased along with the increase in their fans and love they received. Taeyeon’s behaviour began to change again and once again, she increased the armor of her leader façade and Sooyoung grumbled when she once again tried to pretend that everything was okay.

She couldn’t read Taeyeon as easily as she read her closer friends like Jessica or Hyoyeon, but she wished so badly that she could. Taeyeon was so difficult to read and the girl was so talented at hiding her pain. Sooyoung always had to watch from afar as the girl continued to pretend that everything was okay and defend their group and do her best job as a leader.

The girl hadn’t run off, yet, but she began to shake more in her sleep and her sleep talking became more frequent. Sooyoung was thankful that it didn’t seem like she was having nightmares, but her thought was way too premature.

It was after Genie and the girls had more shows, CF’s and radio shows to deal with when Taeyeon’s problem began to escalate. She had discussed the issue with Tiffany, Jessica, and Sunny once upon a time but they were all stumped when it came to getting Taeyeon to talk about it more. The girl always insisted that she was fine, but Sooyoung just couldn’t believe it when she could feel Taeyeon sweat through her clothes as her tossing and turning at night became worse as the days went by.

And then it was Oh! And their preparations for their first concert that continued putting the leader on edge. Sooyoung could feel her heart tremble and clench whenever she caught Taeyeon wincing in pain or struggling to keep a happy face on. When the camera wasn’t on her, the small leader had trouble hiding her negative emotions. However, whenever anyone asked her if she was okay, she would lie and say yes.

None of the girls believed her and of course, they all in their own way tried to cheer her up. Sooyoung, Yuri and Hyoyeon became more energetic in concerts and the rest of the girls followed. Seeing her girls so happy and full of life was something that always filled Taeyeon with a sense of happiness and fullness. Sooyoung felt satisfied with the results and was glad to find that Taeyeon hadn’t run away again.

But things became increasingly difficult as the roommate arrangements changed and more and more their schedules became separated. As much as Sooyoung loved being with Jessica again, she couldn’t sleep completely well without the text from Sunny that Taeyeon was sleeping and not getting up from bed. Occasionally she would leave the room to peek inside, and her heart would beat irregularly until she saw the mess and lump of blankets that Taeyeon hid under.

Soon enough she found herself trusting in Taeyeon and trusting that she wouldn’t find the need to run away again. She found as the days went by that she began to develop a very close bond with Sunny, a bond that she was never able to perfect despite their long period as roommates. She wondered if maybe it was because of their height similarities, or maybe it was the cool way Sunny was able to relate to everyone. Maybe Taeyeon just liked her better, but Sooyoung tried to think that Taeyeon loved them all equally, if not her so a little bit more for the secret they shared together of her running away and her bringing her back.

She began to sleep a little more peacefully, especially with Jessica yelling at her to stop checking her phone to see her texts from Sunny. Things also became easier when Sunny began to for being so worried, but Sooyoung couldn’t help it.

It wasn’t until the Dream Concert where they had light sticks thrown at them when Sooyoung felt an unsettling air in her stomach. She refused to eat dessert that evening and she insisted to Sunny that they needed to switch rooms for the night. Sunny and Jessica immediately understood, but Taeyeon was a little angered with the offer.

“I’m not a baby,” she protested, refusing to look at Sooyoung when they were alone in the room.

“And I’m not going to risk losing you,” Sooyoung retaliated, her voice thick with concern and sadness, “I don’t ever want to see you against that bridge again, Taeng.”

Taeyeon didn’t respond that time and simply shut her eyes, trying to fight the nagging feeling in her stomach to start running again. She had to wait at least, for the taller girl to fall asleep.

And Sooyoung cursed herself for being so tired that night. The sun was up and it was 5AM this time when she found Taeyeon’s bed empty. She growled and looked out the window again. It was raining.

She didn’t even bother checking the other rooms or the washroom and she didn’t bother looking for an umbrella to take with her. After locking the door behind her, she prayed to God that Taeyeon was alright and ran as fast as she could.

It took longer than usual to find Taeyeon this time. Five minutes hadn’t even passed when she felt her eyes stained with tears. She hated how emotional she was and she hated how desperate Taeyeon made her. She could barely see through her waves of tears, but she refused to give up, to stand down.

This time she found Taeyeon sitting on the bank of the river. The girl was hugging her knees and staring intently at the water. She was shivering and soaked like usual and Sooyoung sighed in relief to see that she hadn’t decided to drown herself or anything.

But something was off.

Her heart practically broke when she noticed the blood trickling down Taeyeon’s side and the knife that lay next to her. She ran up to Taeyeon this time and tugged her shorts down violently, ignoring her protests. When she saw the slits on the side on her waist, her tears increased a hundred fold and she wiped the bleeding cuts with her shirt.

She looked up at Taeyeon and noticed that she wasn’t even wincing in pain. She bit her lip and pulled the numb girl towards her again and sobbed until her voice went hoarse.

“I’m sorry,” Taeyeon said again, her arms wrapping around Sooyoung. She tugged on her shirt and rubbed her face into her shoulder, “I keep doing this to you. I’m so sorry.”

Sooyoung pounded her fist into Taeyeon’s chest as she screamed again and again, “You idiot! You idiot! I hate you! Stop running off! Stop doing this to yourself! Stop…Stop it…”

Taeyeon couldn’t feel the pain from the throbbing cuts on her thighs but she could feel the bruises developing from Sooyoung’s relentless hits. The younger girl’s cries were the ignition to her own tears and she could barely breathe as she let the emotions run her dry.

“I’m sorry,” she repeated, unsure of what else to say.

After that night, both Sooyoung and Sunny slept with Taeyeon for a week. The other girls didn’t question it, and Sooyoung remained the only one who knew about the cuts. Taeyeon once again tried her best to open up a bit more to her members and Sooyoung insisted, no, forced Taeyeon to call her family more often.

Things began to look up and Sooyoung was relieved when Taeyeon began to run to her room when she was distressed at night. She was relieved when Taeyeon would crawl into her bed and cling onto her, the way she used to after she first chased after the girl. And she didn’t even mind how she soaked her sleeping shirt, as long as she didn’t step out, as long as she explained herself in one way or another.

Soon enough Sooyoung began to crave Taeyeon’s embrace when she slept at night, but that required her leader to be in some sort of distress and she could never wish that upon her. She would come to her at least three times a week, but it began to decrease as her heart opened up more to Sunny, Jessica, Tiffany and even Yoona. She missed being the only person Taeyeon had in her darkest moments, and she felt ashamed of it. But the feeling wouldn’t go away.

She expressed her feelings to Jessica and soon it made its way to Sunny, Tiffany and Yoona. All of the girls laughed at her, and Tiffany for being in love. Sooyoung couldn’t blush any harder and she shook her head, claiming that she only craved Taeyeon’s company.

“But you’re jealous when she sleeps with us,” Sunny retorted, a smirk on her face.

Sooyoung grumbled, embarrassed as the other girls continued to prod her about her feelings.

“She’d be suspicious and hurt if we suddenly started to refuse her,” Tiffany said with a shrug, “You’re going to have to tell her how you feel if you want her to stop going to us.”

“Good luck,” the four girls chorused, winking in unison and causing Sooyoung to feel uneasy. How could she do such a thing?

But Sooyoung waited too long. They promoted in Japan, released new albums and new singles with things going the way they were. She ignored Sunny’s texts calling her a coward and gave Yoona the silent treatment whenever she . She endured Jessica’s pillow hits as she lectured her about taking a dive and soon enough, Tiffany threatened her.

“I love her too,” Tiffany had told her one day as they drove back to their dorm. Taeyeon was sleeping between them at the time, her head on Tiffany’s shoulder and Sooyoung began to writhe in jealousy upon finding out Tiffany’s feelings.

“But since you loved her first, I’ll make you a deal.”

Sooyoung could only nod, her stomach twisting with a variety of emotions at once.

“I’ll give you until a week from now to say something. If nothing changes, I’m making my move.”

It wasn’t until then when Sooyoung found Tiffany terrifying. The American girl was always so easy to tease, to make into a victim of her many pranks. But now, she was a real threat. Sooyoung hoped that, even with her ability to decrease her sense of jealously when Taeyeon found comfort in the other girls, she would always have Taeyeon’s heart in the end when she was ready to make a proper move. But now with Tiffany in the way, she had to do something.

“A week, Sooyoung.”

Two nights later, it was raining again.

Sooyoung wondered if it was a sign and she sighed to herself as she sat outside of Taeyeon and Sunny’s room. Today wasn’t out of the ordinary. They had a few schedules and a concert at night. Taeyeon seemed to be in a good mood that night, but Sooyoung had an inkling that the rain was talking to her.

And when the door opened, Sooyoung stood up instantly and looked down to see a smiling Taeyeon.

“Let’s go for a walk, Sooyoungie,” Taeyeon mumbled with a light yawn. It was as if she was expecting her to be outside of her door.

“You seem tired, just go back to sleep,” Sooyoung insisted, a little worried. She noticed that Taeyeon had been losing weight with the current concert and wondered if she was getting enough sleep.

Taeyeon shook her head, “I’m fine. Let’s go, I want to talk to you.”

When the leader took her hand into her own, Sooyoung easily admitted defeat and followed Taeyeon out of their dorm, holding the umbrella for the both of them.

The rain was rather heavy, so Taeyeon was holding onto Sooyoung tight so that neither girl would get too wet. With the humidity of the rain and the close proximity of the smaller girl, Sooyoung wondered if she was visibly sweating.

What could Taeyeon possibly want to talk about? Just the other day they had discussed matters of the tour, so it couldn’t be anything official. They were walking for ten minutes in silence and Sooyoung continued to feel uneasy.

So she broke the ice.

“It always seems to be raining when we go out,” Sooyoung commented nonchalantly, her eyes darting back and forth between the horizon and the short girl next to her who seemed to be in a daze.

“You noticed too, huh?” Taeyeon replied with a somber smile, “Sometimes I wonder if I’m meant to have an episode every time it rains like this.”

Sooyoung frowned, “Were you thinking of running off again today?” she asked, her eyes searching for Taeyeon’s. She didn’t realize how small her voice seemed until Taeyeon asked her to repeat herself.

“Oh,” was Taeyeon’s simple response and she simply chuckled that silly, awkward laugh of hers. “That’s why you were outside my door, right?”

The taller girl nodded, “It was as if my Taeng senses were going off when I noticed the rain.”

“It rains a lot, especially at this time of year.”

“Still, there is something particular about this rainy night,” Sooyoung retorted, her eyes still searching for the smaller girl’s. But she didn’t look at any other direction except for forward.

There was silence again and Sooyoung finally turned to face forward, thinking it was rather dangerous to not be paying close attention to their surroundings. As the silence pressed on and the haze cleared up, she noticed that the area was rather familiar. It was that river.

Sooyoung shuddered as memories of that early morning flooded her memory. Having slept with Taeyeon so often, she knew that the girl hadn’t hurt herself again. At least, not in places where she could see or touch. When they slept together, Sooyoung found herself taking advantage of the smaller girl and curiously caressed her waist and thighs when she had the chance. Of course, Taeyeon never had a problem with it nor any suspicions. Sooyoung, Taeyeon and Sunny were always the most touchy in the group, so it mattered not. But Sooyoung always touched the same places to feel the grooves of the scars and make sure none were new.

“This is my favourite place to run away to,” Taeyeon mumbled, an unreadable expression on her face. “Don’t feel bad, but I have run off without you knowing.”

Sooyoung sighed inwardly and clutched her chest, how did it go unnoticed?

“I need alone time too, you know? But you always managed to find me when I didn’t need to be alone, when I needed someone there.”

The moment Sooyoung had been waiting for all night had arrived. Taeyeon was finally looking at Sooyoung and she could tell that she was crying, but Taeyeon wasn’t. How could the girl be so strong?

“I have demons, a lot of them,” Taeyeon continued, her eyes staring deep into Sooyoung’s, “But you helped fend them off for me, and I guess I wanted to say thank you.”

Somehow, Sooyoung hoped for more than that. But when Taeyeon moved forward and embraced her tightly, she realized that that really was it. A walk in the rain and a thank you.

“How many times have you gone here this past month?” Sooyoung asked, her free arm constricting Taeyeon of any movement.

Taeyeon took a moment to think, “I lost count, but a lot of times?”

She couldn’t believe how often she let it go unnoticed.

“You were asleep and you were tired, don’t let this stress you out,” Taeyeon mumbled when Sooyoung didn’t respond.

“What if you…again?” Sooyoung was beginning to choke on her slowly emerging tears and Taeyeon held onto her tighter, trying her best to calm her down. “I can’t lose you Taeng, I’ve been trying so hard to watch over you, I’ve…”

Taeyeon placed a finger on Sooyoung’s lips and smiled at her. It was small and solemn, and it asked for the taller girl’s attention.

“I trust that you’ll save me again.”

The girls hugged for a little longer, no words being exchanged as Sooyoung wanted so desperately to cherish the moment and maybe, perhaps find the courage to speak the words she’s always wanted to say to Taeyeon.

The rain didn’t let down one bit as the two began to walk back. It was silent again, something Taeyeon wasn’t entirely used to with Sooyoung if none of them were having some sort of emotional breakdown.

“You okay, Sooyoungie?” Taeyeon asked, squeezing the taller girl’s arm, “You’re way too quiet to be yourself.”

Sooyoung laughed lightly, closing her eyes and thoroughly enjoying the affectionate gesture from Taeyeon.

“Excuse me, Fany is the loud one, not me.”

Taeyeon rolled her eyes, “Just keep telling yourself that.”

And the two laughed.

It branched out into something more within a few seconds, Sooyoung trying to release some tension and Taeyeon finding her odd laughter amusing and contagious. Soon enough the two became a mess of maniacal laughing girls standing in the middle of the streets on a messy, rainy night but neither cared. They needed that.

When the two arrived home, neither girl wanted to wake up their roommates so they decided to stay in the living room. Sooyoung sat on the couch and opened her arms wide. Taeyeon gladly accepted the offer and ran into her arms, pouncing on the girl. They had to stay quiet, so they only giggled softly to themselves as they took in each other’s scents and warmth.

It came out naturally, as if it had been on hold for much too long. She could barely breathe after the words escaped , but it felt like a giant load had fallen from her shoulders.

“I love you,” she had said breathlessly into Taeyeon’s ear which was settled right next to .

Taeyeon shivered from her hot breath and the weight of her words. She didn’t stiffen, but she didn’t look up or speak a word of response. Instead, she nuzzled her head deeper into Sooyoung’s shoulder and inhaled her essence as if her life had depended on it.

Sooyoung tried not to cry or feel disappointed from the lack of response. It wasn’t a rejection if she didn’t say anything, right? But still, she yearned for the three words to be said back with just as much passion and she wanted it to render the smaller girl breathless as well.

“I love you,” she repeated, thinking that maybe she wasn’t clear enough the first time.

Taeyeon lifted her head from Sooyoung’s shoulder and the taller girl swallowed the giant lump that was in as their eyes made contact.

The smaller girl’s eyes looked so intense. Sooyoung could only recall seeing it look like that when she sang her OSTs with an emotion and force that could only be described as heavenly or out of this world. She searched them for an answer, to see if they would respond if she couldn’t get a verbal one.

“I love you too.”

Sooyoung’s eyes burst into tears as she took the words as a form of encouragement and used her lips to engulf Taeyeon’s. Their first kiss seemed to set off fireworks and Sooyoung could barely remember the last moment she took a breath of fresh air. She didn’t care if her kiss seemed sloppy or desperate, because she needed it, she needed it so badly and it was finally happening. Taeyeon responded almost as eagerly as she initiated it, both girls satisfying a hunger that had been growing over the years.

When they finally broke it off, Taeyeon smiled at Sooyoung sweetly and wiped her round and beautiful face of the tears that hadn’t stopped even now. She even chuckled as Sooyoung’s face contorted and her sobs became more chocked and even a little gross. In an attempt to soothe her heart, Taeyeon peppered small kisses on her face and slowly, yet surely the younger girl stopped.

“I love you,” Sooyoung repeated once her breathing became regular again and she became somewhat composed. “So promise me this one thing tonight, okay?”

Taeyeon tilted her head and looked up at Sooyoung with curious eyes, “What is it?”

“If you ever feel like running again, just run into me, okay?”

It was cheesy, but the intensity of the moment called for cheesy and Taeyeon could only laugh as she buried her face into the crook of Sooyoung’s neck. She kissed the soft flesh there and took in the warmth of the girl who took care of her and saved her from her darkest moments and loved her, despite knowing the darkness of her thoughts, despite her instability and despite having to fulfil the job of loving someone whose heart was in constant disarray.

“Okay, I promise.”

Then Sooyoung kissed the girl’s forehead, then nose, then lips as if sealing the deal. And the two embraced until they both fell asleep, Taeyeon in the safety and security of Sooyoung’s hold, and Sooyoung in the reassurance that the love that she developed for the pocket sized leader was reciprocated.