My alarm blared on my bedside table and I rolled onto my other side, slowly opening my eyes. It was still dark outside and I squinted at the time, wondering why I had set the alarm so early.  As my mind cleared, I began to remember and slowly rose. I rubbed my eyes sleepily and sighed. For a moment, I considered going back to bed and forgetting about the whole thing, but I knew that would be wrong. I quietly brushed my teeth and washed my face, then tiptoed down to the kitchen.

                It was the first time I had ever woken up early to cook something for someone other than myself and I felt strangely out of place flipping Korean pancakes alone when the sun wasn’t even out. 

                By the time light had filtered into the kitchen, I’d finished making the food and started assembling some in a plastic lunch box. I left a portion for my parents despite how upset I currently was with my mother. 

                After placing the last bit of food in the container, I stepped back and admired my work. I realized I was smiling like an idiot to myself and quickly tried to suppress it. I cleaned up my mess and went back upstairs to finish preparing for school.

                “Why do you have two lunches?  You rarely eat one, but two? Is there something you’re not telling me?” Soojin interrogated as we met up at the school gates. 

                I smirked. “Maybe I’m just hungry today.”

                She raised an eyebrow and gave me a look.

                I sighed, giving in. “One is for Seungcheol.”

                Her eyes widened and her jaw dropped.

                “What’s with the reaction?” I asked, startled. 

                “You made lunch for him?!”

                “As a thank you.  My mom was giving me a hard time yesterday about my rank and I encountered him when I was trying to clear my mind.”

                “Wait, your mom was giving you a hard time because of your rank? Why?”

                I looked down at my feet. “She says it’s not good enough. But it’s fine. I’m over it.”

                Soojin pouted. “You should have called me. I would’ve bought you ice cream and done your hair.”  A smile danced on her lips and she elbowed me playfully. “But instead you have to go emotionally cheat on me with Cheol.”

                I laughed. “What do you mean, ‘emotionally cheat’?”

                “You cry to him about your problems instead of your best friend?”

                “It was just a coincidence. My thoughts were so muddled; I didn’t know what I was doing. I’ll call you next time for sure, Soojin.” 

                “I’ll keep that in mind. Now look alive. Here he comes. I’ll be in class,” she said with a wink.

                No sooner had she left my side did Seungcheol appear next to me.

                “Morning, Mimi,” he said with a two- salute.

                My muscles hummed with warmth at his presence and I couldn’t shake the jittery feeling. I held out the lunch I prepared for him.

                “This is for you.”

                He looked from the lunchbox to me and back again with wide eyes. He took it hesitantly, as if I was going to snatch it away any second and tell him it was a joke.

                “You’re always eating convenience store food. It’s not good for your health,” I began. I took a deep breath.  “Thank you for yesterday. If you say my cooking tastes bad, I’ll kill you. I’m going to class now, see you later,” I finished in a rush of words. I ran off before he said anything. I could only breathe normally once I was safely inside the building. 

                It had been awhile since I last sat in the cafeteria and had lunch with Soojin and our other classmates, but I could already feel a clear disconnect between me and them within a few minutes.  They talked about events I had no idea had happened and problems they encountered that I shared no empathy for.  Soojin tried to keep me involved, but I mostly ate quietly.

                All conversation stopped when Seungcheol came to the table. Soojin watched him with an amused smirk while the others stared at him like he was an extraterrestial being.

                “I ate well,” he told me with a grin, handing me the lunch box. Our fingertips brushed slightly. “Thanks.”

                “Um, you’re welcome,” I replied awkwardly. 

                He paused, as if he wanted to do something else, but instead, he squeezed my shoulder briefly and walked away. I turned my attention back to the table and found all eyes on me. 

                “Are you and Choi Seungcheol going out?” one girl asked, emphasizing his name.

                “No. We’re friends,” I replied.

                “I didn’t know Kim Mikyung associated with people like that,” another girl said nonchalantly, taking a sip of her drink. I felt Soojin tense beside me, sensing a conflict.

                “People like what?”

                “The lower ranks. Choi Seungcheol came in 100^th on the last exams. He made it in by the skin of his teeth. A few months ago you wouldn’t give those people the time of day. You were always studying. You even ignored the people who were worthy of your attention by academic standards. What happened?”

                The words were a slap to the face. Had I really been like that? And was this what my “friends” really thought of me?

                “I’m sorry. I didn’t—”

                “Its fine,” the girl said with a bitter laugh. “Whatever gets you to the top, right? It’s just that I don’t understand how Choi Seungcheol fits into the equation.” 

                The strange thing was that I didn’t either.

                Soojin and I walked back to class together from the cafeteria. Curious, I opened the lid of the lunch I gave Seungcheol and found it completely empty, not a single speck of food left. 

                “I’m sorry about what they were saying back there,” Soojin said. “They’re just not used to having you back, I guess.”

                I shook my head.  “It’s fine. They’re right, in a way. I was like that without even noticing.” I shook my head.  “I’m a horrible person.”

                “They don’t see how good Seungcheol is for you. I mean, you’re already eating more and coming to lunch because of him, right?”

                “I guess.  It’s confusing.”

                “Do you like him?”

                The question scared me. “I don’t know.”

                Soojin took my arm. “Mikyung, you don’t have to hide. You try to bottle up your emotions like those stars you have. You can’t possibly enjoy life like that.”

                I nodded. “Okay.”

                She smiled reassuringly.  “Just think about it.”

-x-

                On Saturday, I was about to leave the house for cram school when my mother stopped me.

                “Mikyung, don’t leave,” she called from the kitchen.

                “Why?”

                “You don’t have to go to cram school on the weekends anymore.”

                “I don’t?” I couldn’t help but get a bit hopeful.

                “No.  Your father and I hired a tutor for you instead to keep you on track.”

                All trace of hope disappeared immediately.  “A tutor?  I don’t need a tutor. Who did you even call?”

                The doorbell rang. I looked desperately at my mother, who motioned me to answer it while she washed her hands. I tried to suppress my disbelief and anger as I turned the doorknob and revealed the person standing on the other side. I froze.

                My mother emerged from the kitchen, wiping her hands dry on her apron.

                “Mikyung, this is Jang Doyoon. He was ranked first at his school in Busan, but he goes to your school now.  Maybe you’ve met him?”

                I felt paralyzed, no words escaping my lips.  Doyoon smiled.

                “Let’s get along, shall we?”