A/n: It's been nine days, I'm sorry! There's only going to be one more chapter after this one. It's almost over ㅠㅠ

“Why are you two even still together?”

Kyungsoo was complaining to Key about Jongin, as he often did. As usual, Key was very blatant in his opposition to Kyungsoo’s relationship, always seeming to voice the thoughts Kyungsoo didn’t want to say or agree with. More often than not lately, Kyungsoo did agree with Key.

“I’m sorry, Soo-yah,” Key said in exasperation. “But all you ever do is whine about, Jongin did this and Jongin did that and Jongin’s really pissing me off. You never have anything good to say about him. What’s the point of making yourself suffer?”

Kyungsoo sighed, frustrated, because he was starting to feel like he didn’t even know anymore. “I know he’s a and stuff, but part of me keeps wanting to believe that it’s not so bad. He’s not so bad.”

“Is that part of you your ?” Key shot. “Because it’s never healthy to just stay in a relationship for the , believe me. I’m sure when you’re alone he sweet-talks you to high heaven, but he’s such a ty boyfriend, Kyungsoo. There’s lots of people who are nice, charming, not people who you can have with if you’re in need. Jongin’s just a piece of with a nice bod.”

“It’s not just that,” Kyungsoo muttered. “When we’re alone together, he’s the same Jongin that I started liking a long time ago. He’s all caring and loving and wide-eyed innocence, making all these stupid promises and telling me how much he loves me. And I just sort of… fall for it. I always believe him.”

“Well that’s stupid.”

“Thanks, hyung.”

“Well it is!” Key protested. “Listen to yourself! If I was spewing that crap to you, you’d probably smack me upside the head. You’re being a star-struck idiot, Soo. He’s your first boyfriend, I get it. He took your ity, you guys have been through a lot I’m sure, it’s a bunch of new experiences and you don’t want to let go, yeah yeah. I’ve been there. Everyone has been there. But if you keep holding on, it just gets more and more painful. You need to just cut him off, have a few rebounds, and then move on with your life.”

“Is that how you deal with bad relationships?” Kyungsoo asked, slightly venomously.

“I’ve found it to be the best method,” Key shrugged. Then he threw an arm around Kyungsoo, squeezing him. “I’m just trying to help you out. I don’t like seeing you so miserable.”

“I’m not miserable.”

Key laughed humorlessly. “Yes, you are. You really are. You can’t even see it, but you are.”

“

The holidays approached very quickly after the Europe trip ended, and there was a lot of uneasiness all around. Everyone could feel it. Kris was bitter towards both Baekhyun and Jongdae, which made Chanyeol defensive, though Jongdae remained mostly indifferent. Tao began to see Chanyeol as a threat, and he’d never much liked Baekhyun anyway, and sparks of a rivalry started blossoming between the two. Yixing didn’t care to take sides, but then, he was around less anyway, beginning to spend more and more time with Sehun and company than with Kris and his usual friends.

Jongin was in the middle of all this extreme discomfort, and felt very edgy and on thin ice all the time. He didn’t want to seem too close to Baekhyun and Chanyeol, in case he set off Kris, but he didn’t want to separate himself much from the two either, since, though maybe he could trust Baekhyun, Chanyeol held his secret and could easily let Kris know if Jongin made a wrong move. Otherwise, sometimes Jongdae would go sit with Joonmyun during lunch, and ask if Jongin wanted to join. On one hand, he knew Jongdae was just trying to help out his situation with Kyungsoo. But on the other, he didn’t want to raise any flags, so he always said no. And then, he of course heard about it later from Kyungsoo, who was getting less and less appeasable with each passing day, no thanks to his new best friend, Kim Kibum.

But in all seriousness, Jongin knew he was losing Kyungsoo. And deep down, he knew it was his own fault.

He was holding on to the notion of It could go bad if Kris finds out, but that really wasn’t it anymore, and Jongin knew it. After Jongdae had gotten with Joonmyun – and been very bold and in-your-face about it – and then Yixing of all people had gotten with Sehun – Kyungsoo’s own best friend – Jongin knew that by this point, Kris was probably just waiting for him to come out about being with Kyungsoo. He likely wouldn’t even bother to get mad at him.

So no, it wasn’t Kris holding him back. It was just that Jongin didn’t want to come out about it. He liked keeping it a secret. He liked his untainted image of being in the elite, being flawless, being ideal and idolized by others. Being the centre of attention, not the centre of the gossip mill. He didn’t want to stir things up even more; people were already talking enough about his friends, and Jongin didn’t need to add to it. He was the good kid. Everyone liked him, and he was continuing to get away with everything, and it made him feel really good. Yes, it sort of upset Kyungsoo, but he always seemed to get over it. And Jongin knew Kyungsoo cared too much to let him go – he’d already tried before. So Jongin was in a good way; he had a boyfriend he loved and friends who loved him, and everything was going smoothly. And once Kris was gone for good, and the rest of Jongin’s friends graduated, then it would just be him and Kyungsoo, and he’d come out about it, because by then he’d truly be on top and no one would dare to question him. Jongin was going to inherit the throne and name his queen and all would be well. He could bear the rest for another few months. And so could Kyungsoo, right?

Of course he could. He loved Jongin, and he would appreciate everything Jongin was doing for him eventually. Once they were the kings of the jungle. It would all be worth it.

“

Joonmyun was just throwing his lunch in his backpack when he heard the telltale knocking on his front door. He tried to zip his bag shut quickly, but it fought with him, so he gave up and just rushed to the door.

“Morning,” Jongdae said as Joonmyun got the door open.

“Hi,” Joonmyun returned, temporarily forgetting about his stupid backpack.

“You seem flustered,” Jongdae noted, letting himself in. Joonmyun shut the door behind him. “Then again, you seem flustered a lot. Why is that?”

Joonmyun huffed, beginning to feel embarrassed. He was pretty sure Jongdae challenged himself to try and embarrass Joonmyun as fast as he could, as he always said things that would make him blush. This morning, he was doing extremely well. It had hardly been ten seconds.

“Well,” Joonmyun said, half-returning his focus to his bag now. “It might have something to do with you showing up at my door every morning.”

“Do I have bad timing? Should I come later? Or maybe not at all?” Jongdae asked jokingly.

“No, it’s not that. You’re just all… perfect and cheerful and sociable and teasing, and I’m just an awkward mess. Especially in the morning.” Joonmyun sighed as his zipper continued to refuse to cooperate, wanting to give up on it. He was sort of making a fool of himself here, as always. Somehow, Jongdae didn’t seem to mind.

“Perfect, huh? You set your expectations pretty high for me, you know. It makes it easy for me to disappoint you.” He was teasing again. Joonmyun wished he was good at playful banter. He took things too seriously all the time. Jongdae told him so.

“You never disappoint me,” he muttered. Jongdae laughed, and then took Joonmyun’s backpack from him, fixing it in a moment and returning it to its owner. “Why are you so good at everything?”

“You’re just impatient,” Jongdae pointed out. Joonmyun raised an eyebrow. As if Jongdae was one to talk. “I am too, but I at least understand that inanimate objects really have no control over themselves. You can’t get frustrated with them.”

Joonmyun sighed, throwing his bag over his shoulder now that it was finally closed and preparing to leave. “Alright, Dr. Phil, that’s enough for one morning.”

Jongdae chuckled, reaching up to curl his fingers around the base of Joonmyun’s neck. “Hold on a second, what are you in such a rush for? You can’t just go without this.” He pulled Joonmyun forward to kiss him quickly, and Joonmyun whined at the suddenness. He found himself cursing Jongdae’s lips as the boy held him there, unable to pull away because it was freaking perfect Kim Jongdae.

“Boys!”

That was enough to make him pull back, ducking his head in mortification at the sound of his mother.

“Sorry, umma.”

Jongdae, however, laughed. “Umma-nim, you have such bad timing.”

“It’s not my timing that’s bad,” she chastised. “It is never a good time to be kissing my son in my entrance hall.”

“Yes, umma-nim.” He bowed, but Joonmyun could still see his grin. Joonmyun’s mom rolled her eyes.

“Go to school, you two. And behave.” She shooed them out the door, and once it closed, Jongdae grabbed Joonmyun’s hand and started laughing again.

“Your mom is great,” he chuckled. Joonmyun frowned.

“I swear you two are related.”

“I hope not. That would mean we’re related.”

“No, I’m adopted. You’re her real son.”

“Maybe our parents switched us at birth,” Jongdae said conspiratorially. “That actually seems likely. You really are like my parents. So, does that make us some sort of weird brothers, or just destined to be together?”

“The latter sounds nice,” Joonmyun said, and Jongdae’s grin widened. “I wouldn’t mind that.”

“But can you imagine?” Jongdae’s eyes were shining and distant. Uh-oh. Joonmyun was familiar with that look by now; it always meant crazy ideas were nearby. It’s way too early for this. “What if I’d been raised in your family? Oh gosh, I probably would be all smart and quiet and awkward like you.”

Joonmyun smacked him. “I doubt it. Your personality was not grown. You were born crazy.”

“Yeah, and my family really has no hope for me,” Jongdae laughed. “I think they think I’m not even gonna graduate. I’ve likely awed them by making it as far as I have. If I was in your family, I’d be such a disappointment.”

“Oh, no,” Joonmyun argued. “You would be a wonderful change from all my quiet, bookwormishness. They would love you, and then I’d really be the least favourite.”

“Well, you guys should adopt me then,” Jongdae said. “I don’t think my parents would mind at all. I’m pretty much just a little to them anyway. They’re just waiting until I hit the streets, start meddling in the underground scene and stuff. Drugs and . I’m already halfway there. Or maybe I’ll become a star.”

“Like in the sky?” Joonmyun joked.

“Listen here you-” And Joonmyun jumped back before Jongdae could hit him, but their hands were still attached, so he just ended up pulling the younger along with him. Jongdae used that momentum to tackle Joonmyun, jumping on him and sending him flying down onto the snowy ground. Joonmyun yelped at the immediate cold seeping through his coat, and Jongdae laughed, picking up a handful of snow threateningly.

“Mercy! Mercy!” Joonmyun cringed, shutting his eyes in anticipation of cold misery that was snow, but instead received a peck on the lips, before he felt Jongdae’s weight pull off of him.

“I’ll let you off this time,” Jongdae’s voice came from above him, and Joonmyun peeked through his lashes to see him dropping the snow. “Because you’re cute.” He held out his hand to help Joonmyun up, and the older took it, feeling relieved. “Also because you’re a grandpa and I don’t want to trigger a heart attack.”

“Oh, for goodness sake, I’m not-”

“You are more vitamin than man, Kim Joonmyun! You like spinach, and you don’t even take cream in your coffee. I’m sorry to break it to you, but you are actually ninety years old.”

“I hate you,” Joonmyun grumbled.

“Good. It’s probably better that way. You shouldn’t be going after teenagers, you need to choose someone from the retirement home – hey! Put that down!”

Joonmyun had scooped down to grab some snow of his own. “Quit bullying me,” he warned. “You should respect your elders.”

“So you are an elder!” Jongdae said, smirking. But the smirk was wiped off his face when Joonmyun tossed the ball of snow at him, and Joonmyun’s unintentionally skillful aim sent it right down the front of Jongdae’s coat. “Yah!”

Jongdae let go of his hand to get the snow from his coat, and Joonmyun used that opportunity to run, because otherwise there was a good chance Jongdae was going to kill him. He could see the school in the distance, and hear Jongdae yelling behind him, and he couldn’t help laughing. Even as Jongdae caught up to him, and got him on the ground again, Joonmyun couldn’t stop.

“Why are you laughing?” Jongdae cried. “Do you see this snow in my hand? Do you see the sad state that is the front of my shirt? I am cold and angry, and my wrath will be murderous – stop it! Stop laughing!”

Joonmyun covered his hand with his mouth, but his amusement continued. But Jongdae pulled his hand back, and Joonmyun anticipated getting a face full of snow, but instead Jongdae leaned in for the third time that morning to kiss Joonmyun almost desperately. It felt like his passion might melt the snow away. When he finally pulled away, Joonmyun felt very, very hot, despite the fact that he was lying in snow, and he could tell that Jongdae’s hormones were racing just as much as his own were.

“Damn,” Jongdae breathed pressing his forehead to the older’s. “I think I’m in love with you.” Joonmyun’s eyes widened. “How have you gone from being a close friend of my ex to the OCD boy at work to the guy I fall in love with?” Jongdae shook his head. “You really are something else. I guess the best relationships always start with a jar of pickles, don’t they?”

Pickles? What? “You’ve lost me,” Joonmyun mumbled. “You’re doing that thing again, where you stop making sense.”

“No, no, don’t turn this around on me, gramps. Forget your Alzheimer’s for a minute. The first time I talked to you, remember? You were organizing all those cans and then I put a jar of pickles amongst them, just to piss you off. That’s how this all started. And look at us now.”

Joonmyun remembered now. It seemed like so long ago, that they’d been just playing cat and mouse at work, and now they were sort of… together. “That’s not how it started for me, though,” he said. “I’ve been waiting for years.”

“Right. You had all those crazy feelings for me all along. I guess we both lucked out then.”

Joonmyun was about to agree when, several blocks away, the school’s warning bell rang. “Crap! We’re gonna be late for class.” He started to get up, and Jongdae rolled his eyes in amusement.

“I have an excuse,” Jongdae shrugged. “I was having an epiphany on the way to school.”

“No, you were attacking a grandfather on your way to school.”

“Same thing.” Joonmyun scowled, and earned another smirk. “Come on, then, gramps. I’ll help you across the street, so then I really will have a good excuse.”

“

Over the Christmas holidays, Jongin’s family decided to go on a trip together, and though they offered to let Kyungsoo come, he declined, reasoning that he could use the time to take a bit of a break from Jongin, and gather his thoughts about the whole situation. He didn’t tell Jongin this, but the boy didn’t seem to mind too much anyway.

Kyungsoo spent a lot of time thinking, and realized that he was tired. He was so tired of waiting, of being lied to, of trusting and having that trust broken. Psychologically, it was wearing him down, whittling him away to his core, and he was starting to feel weak. It was as though his mental immune system had been overflowed with sickness, and was breaking him down from the inside out. And he really couldn’t understand why Jongin was doing this.

Maybe it’s me. But no, Kyungsoo had given him lots of chances, had tried to stay open-minded, had sacrificed a lot, so very much, for Jongin. He wasn’t being selfish. Amazingly, Jongin had wiped his selfishness away, when that had been the centre of his existence before Kyungsoo had known the boy. Kyungsoo was giving and giving and giving, and he was reaching the point where he had nothing left for him. For either of them. He felt like a shell. There was no Kyungsoo left.

It hardly even affected him upon realizing it. Maybe because he was so empty, that it just couldn’t affect him. Maybe because he’d known it was coming for a long time now. Maybe because he held on to all of Key’s words, because he knew they were true, and now he was just accepting it. Or maybe it was because there was no other option anymore. Kyungsoo was hurting. He was sick of feeling sick, and angry, and disappointed. Because Jongin had put him all together and now was just taking him apart again. And before Kyungsoo was completely shattered, he needed to stop. Stop Jongin. Stop them.

Stop himself.

He began to rebuild himself on the base Jongin had left, trying to go back to his old ways. He spent time with Sehun, so he could try to feel normal again. The way he’d been before Jongin ever happened. When it was just him and Sehun and Joonmyun.

Except now there were others. There was Yixing, and Jongdae. And Key. It was easy to accept Yixing, of course – he was truly a sweetheart, and was nothing but nice to Kyungsoo always, which couldn’t go unappreciated – but it was harder to accommodate for Sehun’s loss of interest in him. Sure, Sehun had had Luhan before, but at that time his friendship with Kyungsoo had kind of flopped, and Kyungsoo had Jongin then. Now, Kyungsoo wanted Sehun’s attention again, and couldn’t get enough. At least he had Key this time, even though he and Sehun stayed friends. Key was always one hundred percent willing to devote all of his attention to Kyungsoo, since he still had yet to find his own significant other. And Jongdae… Well, he was a bit intrusive in their group, but he tended to ignore Kyungsoo for the most part, so it was bearable. Kyungsoo could focus a bit on Sehun, and a lot of Key, and pull through. He might not ever go back to pre-Jongin days, because having Key for a best friend really brought something out of Kyungsoo (“Life,” Sehun would say), but he could be okay again.

The idea of breaking up with Jongin occurred later. It was closer to the end of the holidays when Kyungsoo figured out that he still had to face Jongin. He couldn’t just start moving on when Jongin was still under the impression that they were together. But Kyungsoo wasn’t sure what to say, how to say it, or when or anything. He’d tried breaking up with Jongin once before, but honestly, that had been in a flurry of emotions and he’d not been too coherent because of it, and it really hadn’t been effective at all. And worse, when Jongin came back and asked to spend the night on New Years’, Kyungsoo couldn’t say no. And in the early hours of the year, long after his parents had gone to bed and Jongin was making promises to give Kyungsoo the best year of his life, Kyungsoo believed him.

School began again on the third of January. Kyungsoo started out cautiously optimistic, but that wore off soon enough. Because this year wasn’t any different than last year. Friends who were happy and in love, a boyfriend whose friends were Kyungsoo’s enemies and who ignored him like he couldn’t care less about him either. Promises quickly broken, and any idea of hope drowning away. He wasn’t sure why he’d expected different.

A week before the twelfth, Jongin slept over and asked what Kyungsoo wanted for his birthday. Kyungsoo hadn’t really talked to him much that night, feeling worse than ever, and Jongin was continuing to act entirely normal. What did Kyungsoo want?

“You,” Kyungsoo answered, voice soft and fragile. “Just for one day, I want you.”

Jongin smiled lightly, his hair. “You always have me, silly.”

Kyungsoo didn’t say anything more. No, I don’t. I really, really don’t.

By his birthday, Kyungsoo was beginning to feel indifferent again, and ready to end it with Jongin. At lunch, Key came in carrying a cake for him, and Kyungsoo couldn’t help being happy at the sight of it. Yixing came over, but for once Sehun gave Kyungsoo all his attention – which was only fair; it was his birthday, and he hadn’t celebrated with him last year, so he had to make up for it now. Jongdae also hurried over at the mention of cake, and even offered Kyungsoo a well-mannered ‘happy birthday’, before calling to Chanyeol to come over. Kyungsoo looked over at Chanyeol, who was eyeing the table amusingly, no doubt longing for a piece of cake, whether it was Kyungsoo’s birthday or not. As Kyungsoo watched, Baekhyun peered around Chanyeol, looking right to Kyungsoo and raising an eyebrow.  Can we? it seemed to ask. Kyungsoo nodded, and Baekhyun jumped up, dragging Chanyeol over. Baekhyun gave Kyungsoo best wishes, and Chanyeol muttered something about cake, and then they returned to their table when they received their slices. Even from a distance, Kris’ scowl was clear. But really, who could resist cake?

Jongin could, apparently. Kyungsoo waited for him to come over. He didn’t even care what Jongin’s excuse was, he just wanted the boy to come over and Kyungsoo would kiss him, no matter who was watching. But Jongin didn’t, and Kyungsoo got tired of being stood up on his own birthday, so he took matters into his own hands. When he stood up, Key touched his hand questioningly, but Kyungsoo shook his head once and Key let him go. He understood. Kyungsoo needed to do this. He got up and marched over to Jongin, not even caring what anyone was thinking. Jongin saw him, and quickly looked away, but Kyungsoo continued onwards until he was standing beside Jongin, looking down at him and waiting.

He received no acknowledgement whatsoever.

“Jongin.” Nothing. “Jongin.”

“Do you think because it’s your birthday, you’re suddenly significant to us?” Tao sneered.

Kyungsoo didn’t even bother retorting. “Jongin, you asked me what I wanted for my birthday. Can I have it? What I asked for?”

Jongin stared at the table, biting his lip. Kyungsoo felt the urge to hit him. After a moment, he spoke up.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he mumbled.

Kyungsoo’s jaw clenched so tightly that he had to speak through his teeth. This was how it was going to be, then, was it? Today, of all days.

“Fine,” Kyungsoo hissed. “I don’t want it anymore, then. Ever again. Keep it, I’m done.”

And he didn’t bother to wait for Jongin’s reaction, to see if he even understood. He walked away, and he felt like something had been lifted, left behind. Whether he’d been half-empty or half-full before didn’t matter. Everything about him had been poured out now, and there was no guilt, sadness, or suffering.

There was nothing.

A/n: The end is near. It's been fun, everyone, and now it's almost the end. ㅠㅠ I am ready to say goodbye, but I'm also sad about it. I've enjoyed everything about this, and all of you and your comments and 43000 views and hundreds of votes and... Wow. I hope I'll still see some of you in my upcoming fics, and the ones (x, x) I'm already writing. Anyways. Next chapter is the last one. <3

+ I might not update until next week sometime, just because this week is my birthday week and I'm kinda busy (my b'day is Sunday). But maybe next Wednesday or Thursday will see an update. We'll see. 

++ /blog/view/809059 I made a blog post about relationships. If you don't read my blog posts, I recommend it b/c they're all info about this fic.