A/N: Guys I’m truly deeply sorry for the delay. And for the angst that this might contain. And for everything in between too. :D

Disclaimer: Fiction is fiction. Let's just leave it at that. Although I would be flattered if they really did this in real life. Minus the bad ending LOL Also, I suggest you hear the song after you read my fic so that you can get the gist of it all. :) Thank you for reading!

Epilogue

She doesn't want me.

This is clear. The unbearable truth is stinging my eyes the same time rain starts to pour down the pavement, rooftops, the sheds of bus stations and eventually on my head. I wish it could wash even all the uncertainties down the gutter.

She doesn't want me.

It was a sight for anyone to see. The photographers and news reporters would definitely have a field day. I could see our members shell-shocked with their mouths gaping at the development. I could even see Victoria unnie covering and whispering, "hajima~" like a mother protesting a wrongdoing of her child, but all in good will. She will always think highly of us. I know that.

But the problem is, I get to be the one to see. And being the reclusive person that I am, I know I would never tell a soul. I would take the pain silently in the cavities of my heart.

I am breaking.

As I walk aimlessly on the streets, I feel like I'm becoming lost. Here, when I do work, when I sleep, especially when I stare at the same pair of eyes over and over again. I am always lost. Eventually, I will die losing my way in some form of comatose; her being the only life support I have. Doesn't she understand that I want her? I want her to be the person I live and breathe for. I want her in every possible way imaginable.

But how can I when she clearly doesn't want me? At least not anymore.

I land my feet, staggering on the empty streets of Apgeujeong like the lost traveller that I am, and make my way as far as I can from her apartment.

She doesn't want me.

Act 1 - Krystal's Truth

I knock at the door. Seconds after, I hear footsteps on the other side of it.

Our eyes meet.

She smiles crookedly. You know that smile when you thought the person you expected would be there in front of you but it turns out to be someone else? Well, that kind of crooked smile. It hurt me, as if she couldn't sink the knife deeper into my heart. She welcomes me in as I shrug my coat off.

"Hey Princess, what brings you here?"

"You," I fix the hem of my coat and hang it on the dress hanger. My back is facing her now, trying to hide my disappointed face.

"Me? You sure?"

"Yes. Just a question I wanted to ask."

She feels uneasy. I can sense it. The way she starts rummaging her hair and holding her elbows. She knows I have something on my mind that is bugging her too. The dead air is awkward, a song stopped in midway frenzy. She coughs. "Okay, as long as it doesn't involve solving your math equations. You should study like a diligent student, young lady."

I roll my eyes at her, "Not that, stupid."

"Yep, the stupid one that does the homework," she smiles and crosses her arms.

"Just... Just listen to me for a sec."

"Okay, continue." Amber studies me and I see confusion in her eyes. That sort of look that makes me double over every incongruent, unintelligible thoughts I have and puddle it with even more murky imaginings; like if she ever noticed how I find her earrings endearingly cute and y at the same time; that sometimes I find myself staring at her face when she works on a song or a composition because she's just so devastatingly beautiful. That she is still and will be the only girl who makes me feel all giddy inside. And then I say it.

"Amber, I... I want you to want me."

I stare at my feet and continue. "I want you to want me in a way that people want other people, to hold and to cuddle and to spoon. I'm not kidding, when I say I want us to spoon. I do Amber. I want you in a way that I want music, when I am lonely and cold and the only feeling I have is stuck in my throat and all I want to do is let all the words out but I don't because I have this song playing in my ears telling me it’s okay. I want you in a way that I am feeling this head rush, spinning inside my brain because I know I am saying thoughtless things but I can't help it and I need to say it because I want you to want me the same way I want you."

"I want you Amber." I end my feverish statement with this and leave it at that.

I bravely look up at her, willing for her to finally see that she should be with me. That I am here standing in front of a girl, waiting for her to--

Damn, I watch way too many movies. I smile at the thought of this.

And then she sees me. Yes, I see it, everything, in her eyes, happiness and sunshine and daisies. Everything.  But then, it gets clouded with--

"Krystal, I'm sorry. I can't. Let's just be rational about things.”

"Rational? Did I hear you right? Rational?"

She clears , like I was a nuisance she was trying to avoid. "What I meant is for us to be reasonable about things that may turn out to be less than what it ought to be."

"Less than what?"

"Less than what you have imagined."

"Where the hell have you been all this time Amber? Don't you feel anything more with what we have? It was getting to the point where I enjoyed being with you than being with everyone else. There were plenty of guys asking me out and I tried. I really really tried. But I couldn't brush off the fact that it was you I was thinking about when I was with them. It was you that I imagined kissing me. It was you that I fell in love with the moment the director asked me to play as if I was in love with my partner. You. You. You. I just needed to get this out of my system. Because I feel like I'm losing you. I'm losing you over someone else, Amber. And I don't want that."

I cry. My hands covering my eyes. I crouch down, feeling more pathetic than I looked.

She stoop to my height and hold my chin affectionately.

"I'm sorry you feel that way. I really do. It's just that I don't feel the need to be with you like the way you want it. I did but it turned out to be just some passing fancy. And I got used to it. And you can get used to it too. We have so much in store for us, Soojung. So much. And I don't want to ruin everything for you and for other people."

"How can you say that? How can you say that everything will turn out okay if you stop liking me? What made you think that if other people think it's bad, then we can't be together?"

"It's not other people that are in between us now, Krystal. I just don't want you anymore."

"Why didn't you just say something Amber?" I stand up and push her. Hard. I wish it could be harder though. I wish I could've put a bullet hole in her heart. "Why didn't you just say that you wanted to be with me before? You're just a filthy coward! If you didn’t want me in the first place, then you should’ve stopped being so nice and affectionate. You should’ve just stopped.”

She looks away and I sigh exasperatedly. 

I feel like I am talking to a brick. A spiteful, self-centered brick. I feel like I spent most of my time thinking about things that will never happen and showing up for someone who's never going to care anymore.

"Soojung, this thing between us. This push-and-pull feeling. It's nothing more than what we played it out to be.  It's just something that we got accustomed to. And maybe sometimes we have to be mature and think about it less than it really is. A petty squabble between two friends."

I wipe my eyes dry and smile at her faintly. "Friends," I let out. Wow, saying it now makes it more definite. As if it was turning my feelings into a sinkhole of hopelessness. Friends. Even if her excuse sounded lame and disgusting, saying it with my mouth makes it harder to accept that we will ever be more than that. More.

Yes, sometimes, instead of assuming more than you hope for, we got to face the facts and hope less. Less than we expected. Because that's the adult thing to do. To think less of things. And of people. The way I hoped Amber was more than a person she could be with me. The way I hoped she was a far greater person than she is now.

I smile again, crookedly. At her. At her face which I thought told a thousand meaningful expressions to make me beam, laugh or even care. Now it told the exact opposite.

But I still smile. Like I half-expected the person I knew Amber was, is still there.

Suddenly, I hear a knock on her door. "Hey Amber! Where are you?"

She stares at me and at the door. "I'm sorry, I--"

"I better go, Amber." I nod at her imploringly. As if she doesn't have a choice in this. 

I get my coat which I just hanged awhile ago and leave the door ajar. Ellin looks at me as I wave her off with a, “Good luck with whatever you guys are doing.” Suddenly, I feel sorry for myself.

She doesn’t want me.

Act 2 - Amber's Truth

She looked at me with loathing. I know how I hurt her. She got it all wrong, anyway.

Because I never did believe it was just some passing fancy. I just wanted her to stop falling in love with me. And that's all there is to it.

When we were younger, she was always the girl everybody longed for. And I was one of them. Although it took her the longest time to want to be with me, it took also that length of time for me to be able to say I can't.

I told myself that one day, she would be the one pining for me, winning my heart. But then, when it actually came, I felt nothing. Maybe I was too numb to take it. From all her experiments with other boys, with other girls, with other things, with other unnecessary sentiments and whatnots. It got me into thinking that I had enough.

I knew that I should've just told her before when I had the chance and take that sea monkey in the face with courage and heart. But how could I when all she wanted to do was perform and be loved by others, full of friends and family that will love her for who she is?

What if they found out that she was having a relationship with me? It would kill me knowing that they all turned their backs at her. I cared for her that much.

And now, I know I'm being selfish with Ellin and all, making her be the Krystal-replacement, but at least it made her hate me. It made her feel something.

This story of ours would never end the way she thought it ended. The truth of it all is that I painstakingly ended it the day I realized she was too perfect, too beautiful, and too precious to be with some girl who happened to be able to get a chance in this industry with her.

Friends. I smile crookedly. As if I half-expected the girl who I fell in love with, the girl who taught me how to use chopsticks, how to speak and act Korean, how not to take unwise drinking habits from others, how to have fun and ridicule each other because it's just so cute when she acts she's better than me in everything-- as if I half-expected her to be that way all the time.

Because it's not always rainbows and sunshine, there's always going to be the bigger picture.

And if it ruins everything for her, then I don't want her anymore.

~~~