'Grasping the firm of your words, relishing them into my mind; realizing that you are mine now.'

27052008.

ChanYeol could have sworn that LuHan turned pale as soon as the latter’s eyes landed on his and both of his lips quivered as if his face was smudged with fear. It was indeed was smudged with fear.

His tousled hair was not doing him any good too, it was so obvious that he had not expected for ChanYeol to drag him to have private talk or such because LuHan seriously looked like he was not ready for this, absolutely not ready at all.

LuHan’s body was static and his shoulders were not moving at all and ChanYeol felt mad and guilty at the same time for not giving any sign that he wanted to have a word with him or anything. Without any like ‘Hey LuHan can I borrow you for awhile’ but he was so sure that if he did that LuHan might have fled away without even thinking twice.

ChanYeol worried his canine tooth to his lower lip with his eyes rolling again try to form the right words, right sentences so his message will at least reach to LuHan at least he won’t look that dumb in front of him or anything (it is not like this is his first time to look dumb in front of LuHan, he always look dumb—everyone says that)

“Look.” Unison voice came together and both of them immediately blinked their eyes.

“You go first,” Again an unison voice, not so subtle frown formed on their forehead as both of them heaved out a sigh—both unison again. If they were not in this kind of situation both of them would have laughed it out but this time, things were just—they need to settle this as soon as they can.

“Seriously,” LuHan groaned with his eyes rolling to the side before he darted them to the concrete floor then back at the giant.

“Me or you?” ChanYeol asked instead. Truth to be told, he never left his eyes off from LuHan ever since he dragged both of them to this very rooftop. The school’s rooftop that they always made a plan to have their recess here, together.

“You.” LuHan used his index finger to point at ChanYeol with his eyes closed as if he was preparing to get a blow, the biggest blow in his life. He did not even dare to look at ChanYeol in the eyes. Afraid that he will get lost in the boy’s eyes prior to the expected heartbreak.

“Are you with JongIn or something?” ChanYeol asked in somewhat impute tone which cause LuHan to frown and almost scowled at the latter’s question.

“Excuse me? Why do you make me sound like I am wrong if I were to be with JongIn?” LuHan countered back with his emotions feeling slightly piqued.

“Aren’t you the one who is dating someone?”

“Excuse you? Since when I am with someone?” It was the giant’s turned to bash back LuHan’s words even he started to feel irritated with the flow of this conversation or better to say argument. All he wanted was a normal conversation with his LuHan, simply just wanted to know the truth for everything that he had seen and heard.

“Aren’t you dating with this Nana girl? The girl in your class that you are so free to play her hair with.”  The Chinese boy squinted his eyes.

Holy , Lu Han sounded like a jealous girlfriend and ChanYeol zipped his mouth shut. Not knowing what to do or anything because all the things that he wanted ask slipped away like the waves’ ebbs and been replaced by the thought of Lu Han was actually jealous.

LuHan was jealous—why would he be---

“Luhan, why do you sound so jealous again? Aren’t dating that Jon--”

“ no! I am not dating anyone, not Jongin himself! But you know how much I felt left out and not needed?”

LuHan burst-- LuHan burst—ChanYeol’s worst nightmare of all time.

“You were getting all that friendly and flirting with that girl in that of yours—do you even know how I ing felt? Forget how I feel but! I am your bestfriend ChanYeol! I expect you to come and share stuffs with me like how I wanted to tell you— But you just brushed me off like! I don't know anymore….” The smaller boy raised his hand and letting his delicate fingers rubbed his temple.

“Do you know how much you made me doubted myself?” LuHan asked softly with his eyes meeting the floor again.

“I thought you were the one who is brushing me off.” ChanYeol muttered his breath but it was loud enough for LuHan to hear and again, he scoffed loudly.

“ChanYeol, ChanYeol. Just think of one reason just one best reason on why I should brush you off when you were the one who had stood by my side after all these years? After you have seen the not so manly side of me?”

“Because you have JongIn? JongIn looked like so much better than I am you know? Everyone was liked shocked when they found out that I grew up with you whenever I asked where you were and they were like “You know LuHan?”—they said to me they thought JongIn was your bestfriend for life or something instead of me.”

“Why is that?” His fingers stopped for a moment to let his finger tip felt his own frown.

“As much as we are the same in the inside we are both different on the outside LuHan. People thought I am such an introvert and you on the other hand extrovert—just out of the match.” He wanted to tell LuHan how that made him felt insecure despite he was a man. Hey, he is a human being too.

“Forget about that really—I saw you and Jongin at the field the other day. What else are you hiding from me LuHan? Isn’t that clearly you are not the only one who is suffering from this.”

“Do you even have feelings for JongIn?” The boy who was wearing the black spectacles inquired Lu Han with such soft voice that LuHan felt he was being selfish by accusing the tall handsome boy when he was the only who damaged the situation even worse.

“I told you I doubted myself right? I got so confused because JongIn was just like you in a way. I could not explain how but he was just so like you. But I never loved him. I don't know how I dragged him in it is because maybe I learned to lean on him when you were off busy with the basketball and that gir--”

“I had nothing with the girl.” ChanYeol cut him off with a grunt, his two big palms cupped his face and heaved another loud sigh.

“Whatever about that but I felt so insecure with my ownself ChanYeol, I let my hopes fly high so high that it hurts when I found that my wings broke down and I hit the ground so bad—You never love me, don’t you ChanYeol?”

The boy that had dyed his hair auburn-brown dropped his hands to unravel his widened his eyes at the last words of LuHan’s question then his eyes started to move from left to right unable to stare at LuHan’s orbs despite they were darted into his own big eyes without even moving around.  His serious face never faltered down, he was looking for answers and ChanYeol felt that he needed to give it right away or LuHan will just walk away even worse, run away again.

“If you thinking love as in fr--”

“I loved you so bad LuHan, do you know how I felt when you were so close with JongIn? You made me wanted to punch JongIn so bad in the face and claim that you are mine and only mine like no one could have you and do you know how you made me feel with you kissed JongIn’s cheek?”

LuHan’s shoulder slumped, aware of his mistake.

“Not special anymore.”

“Do you know how I felt when he pecked you on the lips?”

LuHan kept on silent, ChanYeol took this a sign to move on with his words.

“ 'Ah, LuHan would forget me and live on with this dude. I guess I am nothing to him at all now.' You know LuHan, at least just at least I don't lead someone else to this picture of our problem but you did. Never mind about that now because I now knew you had any intention to do so. But it made my heart swelled up so bad.” ChanYeol heaved out a heavy sigh, feeling his throat and voice getting whilst he accentuated out the words he wanted to say with his hand reaching out to caress LuHan’s face lightly like how he often did. LuHan leaned to the touch which was enough to make his heart went wild again.

“But I never stopped loving you, is that enough for you to know?”

“Quiet enough but I am scared now.”

“I know why you are scared, I know you well enough but, have a talk with JongIn, hmm? I am sure he will understand.” ChanYeol leaned in to place brush his lips on LuHan’s. He let out a chuckle on the older boy’s lips when he noticed that Lu Han’s body jolted to his actions.

“I never stopped loving you since the day you stood up for me from Jongdae and all.” LuHan leaned to place his lips on ChanYeol instead this time to his own dismay, he had to tip toe slightly to reach the giant’s height.

“You know, we actually confused ourselves with each other’s actions and all—it is funny and hurtful at the same time.” Both laughs chorused at the same time.

“Ehem.” The couple turned their head to the east to only find JongIn standing across them with chocolate milk carton on his hand, eyebrows raised as if he was expecting an answer.

“You heard ‘em all…?”

“All.” JongIn chuckled and crossed his arms then bending his body slightly.

“You were bad LuHan, dragging me into thinking you might be liking me but I knew it is way far too good but still I think ChanYeol doesn’t mind any competition right? Barbara’s Cafe, after school. Celebration for the new sweethearts?” JongIn winked.

“Oh if you think I am gonna be third wheel, I wont, I shall ask SeHun to back me up or something or maybe Minseok. ChanYeol can drag someone too. Okay, bye.” The tanned-skin boy quickly picked up his place to leave the rooftop, leaving the sweethearts dumbfounded.

“That escalated quickly then… I thought?" LuHan whispered dropping his hands to his hide from where they rested on ChanYeol's blazer.
 

"Better to be quick rather like us, delaying all emotions and feelings as a result we became too attached with so many fears of losing each other."

"Isnt that good?"

"In a way.. 50 to 50." He grinned then pecked LuHan's cheek.