Shocked
I don't believe in love
Narrator:
The day passed by just like that.. You assured Joon that everything was alright so he went back.. Mir, was worried about you but soon got assured by your cute text and fell asleep...
You, on the other hand, started thinking about whether you love Mir..
It has been 2 weeks since your mother found out about her tumour and there are a few days left till the day of your descision... You were feeling pretty stressed and trapped..
Your pov-
Mir... Well, i like him but do i love him? I'm really happy when he's here with me and a little upset when he's not.. And i feel safe with him.. He showed me various sides of him.. He can be cool, cute, funny, serious, mushy, crazy or wacky... He gets jealous when Joon comes and all but for some reason, i feel happy that he's jealous.. Maybe its because it gives me the reassurance that there is someone out there who loves me...
I don't believe in love but like my mother said, its unpredictable.. Will i really fall in love with him? Without knowing, i fell into a deep slumber...
———the next morning———
The rays of the sun shone brightly on my face.. I had no choice but to wake up..
I groggily got up and did my morning preparations before heading out to the hospital...
"Oh, _____, you're here!" My mother greeted me..
My heart ached when i saw her plump arms getting a little thinner.. She looked a bit tired too..
"Neh! Want to go for a morning walk?" I asked..
She smiled and slowly got up..
I then helped her down and took a really slow stroll down the park..
"_____, there's something i want to give you.." She said..
"Alright, lets sit down first.." I said..
We sat down on a nearby bench as she took out a beautiful necklace from her pocket..
"I actually bought this a few days before i found out about my illness.. I wanted to gift it to you as a christmas present but it seems like i won't be able to make it till then." She said, placing the necklace on the palm of my hand..
"_____-ah, you know i love you right? Pursue your happiness and don't let that opportunity slip away alright? Mir can't wait forever.. Have you made your descision yet?" She asked..
"I'm unsure of my feelings.. I need more time to think about it.. Truthfully, i'm afraid.. I'm afraid that once i fall in love, i might get heartbroken again because its like a bird cage which doesn't let you go out.. "
"_____, its ok to be afraid. Its ok to be heartbroken if you can get back up on your feet.. Like i did.. You're right, love is like a birdcage... It traps you in when you're in love but the gate will open when one decides to leave. But it all depends on you.. Some people choose to lock themselves in the cage forever and continue feeling the hurt and pain while some free themselves and continue their life like it was just without that certain someone.." She replied..
"Time doesn't wait for anyone and life finds a way.. You can stall time to think about it but like i said, Mir can't wait for you forever.. You might be too late if you don't make your descision.. Its now or never..." She said..
"Yes, i do like him but i'm not sure if i love him.. Love isn't a joke or a toy to play with.. I can't say i love someone without meaning it.. If everyone says things with no meaning to it, then what are words for? Thats why i still need to think about it.." I explained..
She nodded and smiled,"Its ok.. There's still time.. But _____, umma will always love you no matter what and there's no doubt about it!"
I smiled back and hugged her.. She then put on the necklace for me..
We then spent the day together happily cherishing each other while we still could..
Narrator-
You had spent the night at the hospital that night... When the next day came, your mother had a huge headache.. Her head was pounding and her vision was not clear anymore.. She pressed her temples but not only did the pain stay, it became worse!
Umma's pov-
{7.15am}
I felt like throwing up... I pressed the button and soon, the nurse came in to assist me.. I didn't want ____ to worry so i didn't wake her up..
I then threw up in the padtic bag the nurse had passed to me.. The headache was not gone.. I became a bit dizzy too...
Is my time coming to an end?
I lay back on the bed trying to relax myself but i just couldn't. The pain didn't go away even after i ate the painkillers.. Is this how i will end?
After a while, my heavy eyelids started closing and the pain went away.. I heard faint and distant voices but i didn't wake up and continued sleeping.. I felt peace..
Your pov-
Suddenly, i heard noises and woke up.. I saw a doctor with two nurses surrounding the bed..
What happened!? I immediately looked at the heart rate beeper but ...
It had a straight line with it beeping at me ..
I was shocked.. I looked at my mother.. The doctor then used a torchlight to check my mother's eyes..
His expression fell and right then, i knew she was gone..
"I'm terribly sorry..." He said in a low voice and bowed..
I shook my mother, trying to wake her up..
"Umma, wake up.. We haven't eaten breakfast yet.." I spoke to her motionless body...
"Umma.. Wake up.. I still have many things to tell you and do with you.. Wake up.. Don't sleep anymore.. Wake up!" I said..
I knew she wasn't going to wake up but i still shook her body..
"Umma! I said wake up! You can't leave me like this! You said you love me so wake up now! Please, i beg you..." I pleaded with watery eyes..
"Umma! Please... Just wake up.. I want to see you smile at me again.. I want to see you laugh with me again.. I just want to see you one last time.. We didn't even say goodbye.... I haven't told you how much i love you.. Wake up! " i shook her again..
I grasped her cold hands and tried to warm them up in hope of her waking up but to no avail..
The doctor then placed a sheet over her..
"No! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? She's not dead yet! She just hasn't woken up yet!! We still have many things to do together!" I yelled at him..
The nurses held me back while i threw a few kicks in the air..
"I'm very sorry miss.." He said..
When i finally came back to reality and calmed down, the nurses released me and walked away with the doctor after telling me the procedures for the funeral..
Hot tears streamed down my cheeks.. Why did it happen so fast? We were just chatting happily yesterday..
Maybe thats why she gave me the necklace.. I didn't know that was our last goodbye... I haven't told her how much i love her! I haven't told her how much i care for her!
I weeped in sorrow.. Why did she have to go? I would gladly take her place if i could.. Why?
I admired her face for the last time before goingto the counter to fill in the information form..
I was still crying.. My hand was trembling when i was writing..
At that point, i couldn't think anout anything else other than Mir... After an hour, the tears finally cane to a stop.. My eyes were swollen and puffed up.. I even had the hiccups..
I walked towards Mir's house.. He was the only one who could comfort me at this moment..
{8.45am}
I reached his front door.. I took out the spare key he gave me and went inside.. I went into his bedroom only to be shocked by Nana sitting at the edge of his bed..
"So you finally came huh.." She said to me once we went out and shut the bedroom door..
I couldn't even speak.. I then noticed that she was half-.. She wasn't even wearing a bra as her s were showing..
"What are you looking at? Yes, you're right.. I spent the night here.. I slept in Mir's room and things went a bit hot last night.."
"Why?" i asked..
That was the only word which i had enough energy to say..
"Why? Well, why do you care? I already told you.. Mir doesn't love you.. He's just toying with you.. I'm the one he loves so back off!" She pushed me..
I fell to the ground due to my lack of energy and balance..
I couldn't believe it.. Mir and Nana had... That?
"Sorry.." I said..
So i was just the laughing stock in the end? So i was just a puppet? What Mir said was fake then? He didn't love me after all.. He's just toying me like the rest are right?
I gathered my strength and went out of the house.. I placed the spare key in its original place and went out. I wouldn't need the key anymore since i'm not going back there again..
My heart hurts so bad.. Its like i was being stabbed multiple times..
I walked on the streets getting hit on the shoulder by people because i wasn't watching where i was going.. I don't know where i was going..
I kept walking and walking like my feet were leading me to somewhere.. I then stopped in my tracks..
Right infront of me was the sign:
LaLa Bunny's Kaka time
I walked in and got greeted by Chunji..
"Oh! Noona, you're here! I missed you! Where's Joon hyung? " he asked..
I couldn't take it anymore.. The tears flowed down on its own and i hugged him tightly..
"Noona, what happened?" He asked, shocked by my sudden action..
But he accepted the hug and patted my back to calm me down..
After a while, he let go of me and brought me to the special karaoke room..
"Noona, i don't know what happened that made you cry but it hurts me to see you like this so just sing it out.. No one can judge you in the karaoke room so just sing to your hearts content and there's some drinks in the fridge so help yourself to it.." He said and left the room..
Chunji is a good boy.. He understands me..
I grabbed the mic and chose the songs.. I sang all of them while drinking the beer..
I wasn't a good drinker which caused my cheeks to turn red really quick and soon, everything was spinning...
Mir pov-
When i woke up, i walked out of my bedroom and saw Nana sitting there.. Why is she here!?
"Nana, why are you here?!" I yelled..
"Oppa~ aren't you glad? I chased that scrawny girl away so now we can have our own romantic time without any disturbances!" She cheerfully said..
"YOU DID WHAT!!!?? "
"I put on an act for her.. I made it seem like we had a hot night last night and she apologised and ran away.. Aren't you glad that i did that? Now you can see that the person you really love is me!" She explained..
I slapped her on her cheek.. I couldn't believe what she just did!
"Oppa! Why did you hit me?"
"This is for invading my privacy.. "
I then slapped her really hard for this one..
"And this is for _____... You ruined my relationship with her and made me hate you! Let me make this clear once and for all! THE ONE I TRULY LOVE IS _____ AND NO ONE ELSE!!! Get out of my sight and never come back to find me before i do something worse to you... I hate you, Nana!" I shouted at her at the top of my lungs..
She cried and ran out of my house.. I immediately called _____ up.. After a few calls, she didn't return any of it once..
Wait a minute! Just then, i remembered what she said to me before...
*Flashback*
"He's a really close friend of mine during high school.. He is Lee Joon.. We went to karaoke like we did in the past.." She said with ease..
*end of flashback*
KARAOKE! Thats it! Thats where she went when i was with Nana!
But i don't know where it is!
Ah! I'll call Joon!
"Yeobeosaeyo?"
"Joon, i'm Mir.. Which karaoke did you go to with _____ the other time?" I asked..
"LaLa Bunny Kaka Time.. Wae? What happened?" He answered.
I then hung up on him and dashed to my car.. I have a lot to explain..
I worked my GPS and went to LaLa Bunny's Kaka Time..
{10am}
"Anyeonghasaeyo!" I was greeted by a young boy..
"By any chance, is _____ here?" I asked..
He looked at me and raised an eyebrow..
"Yes, she's in here.." He directed me to the room..
It was like i won jackpot! She was really in there, singing and she was even drunk.. I have never seen her like this before..
"Noona gets a bit crazy when she's drunk so if she gets out of control, please inform me.." The boy said and went back to the counter..
"You!" She pointed at me and threw a pillow at me..
"Why are you here?" She asked.. Her voice tone kept changing and it was a little funny..
"Let me explain.." I said..
"There is nothing to be explained! You had.. That.. With Nana.. You weren't even there for me when my mother passed away! You imbecile!! " she yelled in different tones..
I widened my eyes in shock... Eommeonim passed away this morning!?
A sudden wave of guilt swept over me..
I felt so guilty.. She had all the right to be angry with me.. But i can't let her be in this state she is in right now..
"Lets go back home.." I said..
Unexpectedly, she turned off the karaoke system and took her bag along with her.. I guess she was really tired..
{10.30am}
She was walking in zig zag lines.
The younger boy just looked at ____ and laughed..
"I'm sorry if you think i'm being rude but who are you to _____?" He asked me..
"I'm... I'm her boyfriend.." I said..
"Oh jjinja!? Ahh.. I see.. Please tale care of noona well.. You're really lucky.. She's a great person.. She hasn't been in this state ever since
her father had left them years ago.. It worries me a lot but you'll take care of her right?" He asked..
"Neh.. Of course i will.. She's having problems lately so she's really stressed out.." I explained..
"But she cried just now.." He said..
"Well, her.. Mother passed away this morning.." I said..
He made a big 'O' with his mouth..
"Alright, i'm going with her now.. Thanks for taking care of her too just now.." I said and left with _____....
"Get on.." I said while squatting down..
"I can!"
"Walk.. On my own!!!"
She said..
She then walked in many directions...
I then cArried her and brought her back to her house.. She's drunk in broad daylight... Everyone looked at us weirdly..
{11.20am}
"Oppa!" She suddenly called out while i was walking..
"Do YoU know? " she said in a high pitched voice..
Her cheeks were all red...
"Umma said that she loves me.. But she still left me alone!"
[for all the drunk parts, imagine you're drunk and talking like a crazy person.. :) ]
"Thats why... Love is fake.. Mir oppa said he loves me too.. But he slept with Nana unnie... Oppa, do you know? I fell in love with you but i hate you now.. I hate you i hate you i really hate you!!!" She screamed and smacked my chest numerous times..
I felt really guilty.. Its my fault for not noticing Nana's rebellion and let her have her way and i wasn't even there for her this morning..
I looked at her and found that she had already dozed off.. Thas right, she's already exhausted having to manage her job, and its mentally depressing to see her own mother go through all that and she even has to keep thinking about our relationship..
Its mentally depressing which could easily make anyone be in ____'s state right now.. Drunk..
She's a strong girl.. But watching your loved ones go is always painful...
Suddenly, her head shot up and she immediately stood up.. She ran behind a tree nearby and vomitted.. I rushed to her and helped her by holding her hair backwards..
"Leave me alone.." She managed to cough out..
But i stood rooted to my spot.. I can't leave her at a time like this! I will never do that!
After she felt a little better and stopped throwing up, she smacked my hand away..
She didn't even look at me.. But i know i deserved this..
She then took out her water bottle and drank some water.. She spat out the water onto grass to cleanse ..
She then made her way back home alone.. I walked behind her until she stopped and turned around..
"Stop following me! " she shouted..
"_____, let me explain.. It isn't what you think it is!"
"No, i don't want to hear your explanation! I thought i could trust you but i ended up getting heartbroken again.. " she said with a hurt expression..
"If i don't care about you, if i don't love you then why do you think i still want to explain!?" I yelled back before she continued walking..
She stopped her steps.. I took that as a signal to explain..
"Nana said she wanted me for herself and this was all part of her plan to make you leave me.. I didn't sleep with her! I don't know how she did it but she somehow got into my house while i was sleeping.. It already happened a few times... _____, i love you and nothing can change that.. I'm sorry i wasn't there with you..." I explained..
But she didn't turn back and instead, she ran back home...
I wanted to follow her but my feet wouldn't move.. My heart told me to let her have some peace and quiet to think...
But why is there a feeling of premonition?
Your pov-
I ran back home.. I didn't want to face reality anymore.. I lost love.. Life didn't feel like it had any meaning anymore..
At that moment, i don't know whether what Mir said was true or not.. But my mother.. She was the only one who had truly loved me but now, there is no love... I shouldn't have given in so easily to love like this..
She said she loves me but she still left.. Without any warning or goodbye...
I took a quick shower and rinsed my mouth clean but i didn't feel refreshed...
There's a stinging pain on my heart that is unbearable.. I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling... Tomorrow is the day...
I feel so trapped that i can't even breathe..
Just then, i received a text from Mir:
"Are you alright?"
No, i'm not alright! There was already a splitting headache.. It was so supposed to be painful but why do i only feel the pain that is coming from my heart?
Its so painful, i could die..
The hot tears flowed down my cheeks without even knowing... I clutched my chest.. Why does it hurt so bad?
I tossed and turned in bed while crying. There's no relief... Except...
Mir pov-
It has been an hour and _____ hasn't replied me.. I got more worried and worried and paced myself around the house going back and forth... Thats it, i'm going to her house..
I grabbed the spare keys and raced to her house.. I drove at the highest speed without any regard for the traffic lights..
I quickly unlocked the door and went in..
"_____!!!!" I shouted out...
But there was no response.. I headed to her room.. Her bathroom door was open... There she was, trying to kill herself..
I immediately dashed to her and swiftly snatched the knife she was about to cut her wrist with..
"Give it back!!" She shouted..
While we were fighting for the knife, she accidentally grazed me with the knife..
"______! STOP IT! Don't do this!"
"It hurts so much... Just please let me... Its unbearable.." She begged..
She was crying like crazy...
"No! I won't let you do this to yourself! I love you ____! More than anything.." I shouted..
She hugged me tightly and sobbed onto my shirt.. I placed the knife in the sink in a safe position and hugged her back..
"Everything's alright.. Oppa will be here for you.. I'll protect you and be the ray of light that will shine brightly on your path.. Its ok, cry all you want because i'm here for you, you don't have to worry.. I'll be your shield.. If we're together, we can do it.. Don't be sad, my hand is always there for you to hold. Its ok, you can stand up again.. It pains me to see you like this... I love you ______, i mean it... I really do love you.. " i oatted her back..
Her grasp on me got tighter and her head was leaning against my chest... My heart hurts too to see her in this state..
When she had finally stopped crying, i carried her gently so as to not wake her up..
I retrieved the knife in the sink and placed it back in the kitchen.. I also cooked some herbal soup with rice to perk up _____ so that she would feel more relaxed..
After 2 hours of boiling, the soup was finally done.. I set up the dining table neatly and placed the food over it..
Its ready!
I went to _____'s room but before i could even wake her up, she suddenly shouted out,"UMMA!"
She sprung up and panted heavily.. Beads of perspiration trickled down her forehead.. She was sweating cold sweat..
I hurriedly went over to her and sat on the edge of her bed..
"Don't worry.. You have me here right beside you..Its gonna be alright.. i promise.." I cooed her..
After a few minutes, she finally calme down..
"Come on, i cooked for you.. After eating, you can take a shower to make yourself feel refreshed.." I said..
She nodded and i held her hand.. I walked her to the dining table and we both ate... She ate her food slowly and dejectedly.. That wasn't likely of her.. Where's my _____ who always chums down her food no matter how bad it tastes?
"Is it that bad?" I asked.
"No, your soup tastes really good but... I have no appetite.." She said emotionlessly..
What!? Thats impossible.. The _____ i know always has an appetite even when she's sick!
I guess this incident really left a great impact on her..
Suddenly, an idea struck me.. I took my phone and played _____'s favourite song... She's always happy when she hears it..
K.Will's My Heart Is Beating..
She weakly smiled and said,"Oppa, gomawo.. I really appreciate that.."
She seemed to have relaxed a little.. I went behind her and gave her my special massage..
"Oppa, don't worry.. I won't do silly things anymore.. I'll eat.." She said..
She looked determined to finish the soup and rice..
"Thats my girl!!" I shouted..
She smiled and continued eating.. She's really strong.. If my umma passed away, i'd be worse than her..
When we finally finished eating, i cleaned up the place so that ____ could rest..
Just when i was done with the dishes, _____ called out to me..
"Yes?" I asked..
"Oppa... My thoughts are scrambled everywhere.. I'm not even sure what my reply would be tomorrow.."
"Its alright.. I understand.. I'll be waiting for you even if it takes forever so don't worry.. I will never leave you.. Cross my heart." I said..
"Thank you.. Oppa, i just want to tell you that i really appreciate your company and kind attention but with things going on lately, i just need a day off to think about it.."
"Alright, i'll let you have your space then.. " i smiled..
"Oppa, thank you so much for understanding.." She said..
"Alright, don't stay up too late.. Tell me when you have the answer and i'll come sprinting towards you." I winked..
She smiled and we both waved and i went on my way..
I guess a day off would be the best for her to clear her thoughts and be able to decide.. No matter what her descision is, i'll be waiting..
--------------------------------------------------------
Dear readers,
Hello! So, i've decided to update because i have exams tomorrow and the day after.. On Wednesday, my exams would be over !!!!! I can't wait! I know on the previous poll my readers wanted me to have 9-10 chapters for this fanfic but there's one more chapter to go which makes it 11 chapters..
On this poll below, help me decide whether i should make this fanfic a sad one or a happy one.. Thank you for reading my fanfic and i appreciate my readers so much!!
Here's the poll:
Alright, i have to get some sleep to focus on my paper tomorrow! Love you all so much!!
Yours sincerely,
Author Hyunmin^^
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